The Latest

Showing posts with label people's experiences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people's experiences. Show all posts

giletteBy Thomas Farley For Men's Life Today

In the Will Ferrell comedy Anchorman, Paul Rudd’s character proudly proclaims that his cologne -- Sex Panther -- is “illegal in nine countries.” He goes on to brag about its lady-killing qualities: “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works … every time.”

If your cologne has similar powers, you’re a lucky man. But seducing the ladies is probably not uppermost in your mind when you splash your scent on in Take Your Scent From Day to Nightthe morning -- and it shouldn’t be. You’ve got to get through the workday first. The ideal, of course, would be a one-stop cologne solution for day and night. Something that, as Mehdi Lisi -- senior fragrance development manager for International Flavours and Fragrances -- says, would make you “feel fresh and clean in morning, go through the day feeling energized, and then become a machine of seduction at night.”

Unfortunately, chemistry -- both that of our bodies and that of cologne itself -- makes the one-application goal somewhat elusive. Made up largely of alcohol, cologne begins evaporating immediately upon touching your skin. As your body temperature warms, it dissipates even faster. By the end of the workday, chances are it will be long gone. So what’s the man in search of an all-day, all-purpose cologne to do? The experts have a few suggestions.

Most importantly, do not douse yourself with vast quantities of cologne to make it last. “Your office colleagues will kill you,” says A.J. Jones, from the Nickel Spa for Men in New York. It’s far better to reapply later in the day than to go too heavy in the morning. And this should go without saying, but if you’ve hit the gym on your lunch break or after work, you’ve got to shower before reapplying cologne. Otherwise, you’re only going to exude a nasty mash-up of sweat and scent. Jones also suggests using multiple products -- such as body wash, deodorant and aftershave or cologne -- from the same label. This will deliver the same scent to different parts of the body and in different intensities.

And there are ways to give your cologne a fighting chance at making it past the 5 p.m. whistle, says Sarah Horowitz, owner and chief perfumer of custom fragrance company Sarah Horowitz Parfums. For one, if you pour a bit into your hands and clap, it will help burn off the alcohol and reduce the cologne to its signature (and longest-lasting) elements. Another stratagem Horowitz offers is to layer the scent by applying it to places that will retain it longer: “Your skin radiates heat, but hair does not. Put some cologne on your hands and then smooth it into the back of your hair or onto your beard.” You can also dab a little on a jacket or shirt -- providing you’ve rubbed it into your hands first. Whatever you do, don’t spray cologne directly onto your clothing. You might smell good, but that big stain on your shirt will likely mitigate any positive effects.

And what of the holy grail? Is there a cologne that will allow you to strike the right notes at varying times of day? Indeed, there is. Colognes that contain two contrasting scents, such as citrus and wood, can help you create different impressions, says Lisi. Citrus, which has volatile molecules, will express itself early; as your workday wears on, however, the citrus notes will wear out and allow the sexier, more masculine woodsy notes to make their presence known. Consider it a two-tier approach. There are many types of cologne out there that will give you this one-two punch. Lisi recommends Diesel’s Only the Brave, Fierce by Abercrombie & Fitch, I Am King by Sean John and The One by Dolce & Gabbana.

Regardless of the one you choose, know that a signature scent is something by which people will remember you long after you’ve left the room. Choose and apply your cologne wisely: It will serve you well throughout the day and beyond. Overdo it, however, and you might start reminding people of a out-of-date TV reporter -- one with a zero-percent chance of impressing anyone.

Photo: @iStockphoto.com/avisordesigns

As I was driving around the city tonight – it hit me … it’s not a weekend, it’s a weekday – a Tuesday in fact .. so why on earth did it feel like the entire city was out partying and creating havoc on the streets ?

crazy trafficMy girl, AM and I were discussing this … maybe it’s because we were out at a party where there were a good 150+ pax out to network; but surely they all couldn’t have left the party at the same time ?

I actually felt like I was driving on a Saturday night !! Some people have no sense of lane driving (and that would be asking for a lot out here !); and others should just be banned from driving altogether ! It’s ridiculous !

Whilst I generally don’t have too many issues with the insane traffic levels in the city (erm ok I’m being politically correct here) – it would be great if the weekend driving styles were left for the weekend (at least I can call a driver) !! I don’t need to stress on the road during the week as well !!

Have you noticed the insane number of people on the roads recently (or is this just a Bombay thing?)? Obviously the hike in petrol prices hasn’t stopped them from heading out for a spin !

There’s this guy from ASW (a social networking site) who has been texting & BB’ing me for a few weeks now.  His texts were always a ‘hey – hi’ sorta message which after a point – I just ignored.  In fact I told him that I am better at responding to people on the phone than I am via text / BB.

Especially when I don’t know the person,  I have no intention of ‘getting to know someone’ over a damned SMS / BB conversation.  Anything beyond 3-4 lines of communication warrants a phone call.  Once you are my BFF or near enough that sort of status – you can SMS / BB me.  Anyone who knows me – knows that it is my pet peeve !! (whole other blog post waiting to happen there !)

So anyway – this guy has called me twice / thrice and we have had good conversation.  He’s a surgeon – so the brain cells are definitely there.   However on 2 different occasions he has messaged me stating that he’d like to ask me out.iphone-texting

WTF ! Why would you ask out someone who you have never met over a BBM / SMS ?  Especially when the lines of phone communication have already been opened ? I never responded to those attempts – until last night.

The man sends me a message in the midst of a spa treatment (yes, metrosexual man) asking me out and my response was ‘seriously ? over a BBM message ? I don’t think so!’

Instant reaction – he picks up the phone and calls and goes on to explain to me  that the only reason he messages me is because I am the busy one ! Erm hellooooooo ! he’s the surgeon over here not me !! I throw parties for a living – everyone can call me ! But I’ll be damned if I pick up the phone and risk calling a cardiac surgeon in the middle of the day in case he’s got his hand stuck down someone’s heart !

Moving on, the guy gets a plus point for asking me out last night for next Saturday – a whole week ahead.  Minus points for suggesting going out to a very loud and crowded night club for a first meet-up !  Plus points gained however for telling me not to worry and that he would pick me up and drop me home too. 

Actually – I told  him straight out that I might have an event on Saturday night but as of last night it wasn’t confirmed.  Which is the truth.  And in the back of my mind – if that night club plan didn’t change to something more civilized like dinner & drinks – ‘my event would materialize’ !

I did hint that a night club might not be the most appropriate choice for the night but it could be played by ear.  After all – it’s just one date and he did actually pick up the phone and ask me out  … So lets see how that pans out; and I’ll keep you all posted on that.

As you know I came across a stranger that I connected with on flight; and we had parted ways saying we would both like to make plans to see each other somehow over the next 48 hours whilst he was still in the city.

For most of the taxi ride home, my mind sort of drifted to make head or tail of the way our interaction unfolded; and in the end I just thought ‘well everything happens for a reason’.  Right ? It couldn’t have been a bad thing ! In fact it was possibly the most fun thing to happen to me.  Maybe it was the universal spectrum communicating with me.

T-48 Hours

too-tiredI had a ton of things to do once I got home by 12:30 – unpack; sort out a few gift items; catch up on a few days worth of emails; get back into instant work mode.  It was such a jerk to my system and that too after being sleep deprived for close to 30 hours; not to mention the time zones my body had been through.  I’d been on 4 flights, driven over 2500 kms in 5 days and slept less than 5 hours a night .. my body was crashing on me.  By 6:30 p.m I started dozing, before which I dropped a quick note to Airport Boy, and found myself waking up by 9:30 p.m, totally disorientated.  Did I want to eat (I was starving); have another shower or just stay curled up in bed ?

I think I ate something; managed the shower; fell back into bed and woke up to find my laptop had died out on me and it was just past 1 a.m according to my crackberry.  Oh and Airport Boy had replied as well; ended up sending a few texts back & forth and as much as I wouldn’t have minded taking him up on the offer for a back massage (which he did suggest once again) – at 2 a.m there was no way I was gonna be able to get out of bed; drive to the suburbs and explain that to my father in the morning once I got back home !

The boy fell asleep messaging me.  That was a day gone to waste.  Would I get to see him the following day ?

T-24 Hours

I already knew he had a busy schedule for the first half of the day– so did I; and both of us had plans in the evening.  NC had lined us up an 8 p.m meeting and he was off to a friends’ sangeet function.  At about 5ish – a quick text hello & to have a good night; I got a call back.

From the sounds of the call – didn’t look like we were going to be able to meet up.  He did apologize for passing out on me and then said something which struck me .. “I guess we missed our chance last night" .. and it seemed that way too.  We chatted a bit more, planned to stay in touch and hung up.

I stared back at my phone thinking, ‘wait a minute – I would like to see him; he’s not meet up laterfrom the city and as a planner I’m sure I can figure a way to manage this’ .. so I called him back (and he did sound a bit surprised) and told him point blank that his words got me thinking; and if he was up for it – I would be happy to pick him up in the morning and we could go for breakfast near the airport at one of the hotels and then I could drop him off’.   This was a plan that could work – I knew it could – he liked the idea and agreed with me.

A few hours later, in the midst of my meeting I got a message from him telling me that he had to return the SIM card he was using; and he was moving location; but to message him the time and place for the following day and that he would be there and meet me directly.  I had replied to him with a fixed time & location but perhaps an hour later when I was actually done with the meeting.

T-5 hours

I woke up early with a dozen thoughts going through my mind.  Should I have called him back last night instead of the message ? Surely he would let me know if there’s a change in plans.  We had discussed on the phone an approximate time to meet ~9ish at one of the airport hotels and even though he had to give his Sim card back – he could always keep my number handy (he had my business card) and call me from someone else’s phone.

My mate Addiee told me to stop thinking so much and just get myself over to the hotel and wait for him there.  If he needed to get in touch with me – he would and since he hadn’t as yet – all was battery lowas planned.  And so I made my way from Colaba to Andheri and found myself in the lobby of the ITC Grand Maratha – keeping an eye out for a complete stranger who I might not ever see again.

With my phone on the verge of dying on me (seriously the BB needs proper battery life!); the trainee at the business center came to the rescue which meant I was without a phone for 15 minutes.  What if he called during that time ? So I did what anyone would do (at least I think they would do this) … perched myself on a seat in the lobby with a view of the front door and waited …

I found myself at the airport in Dubai almost panicking because I couldn’t see my scheduled flight. Not that I minded staying back but NCdelayed would have killed me if I didn’t get on this flight.

I had been bumped off my original flight; and then the seat I had the following day was changed to a later flight – first 3 p.m, then 11 p.m, and then 3 a.m.  At about 1 a.m I’m wandering around the airport trying to figure out when the hell my flight was. At about 2:30 a.m, I see the notice that the flight has been delayed further to about 5 a.m ! Not a good sign considering I’d been awake since 6 a.m that morning and getting fairly cranky and hungry too !

To make things worse – my Wifi wasn’t working. After checking with the information booth who claimed that it was definitely working – I walked back towards my gate and just to double check – asked the only non-creepy looking guy whether his Wifi was working. It was .. but no matter what I did – my laptop refused to connect.

I don’t know why – but I went back to the guy (lets refer to him as Airport Boy) to ask him if it was still working. Ended up sitting a seat away from him whilst he offered to figure out what seemed to be the problem with my laptop connection but to no avail.

We did end up chatting though – right until we boarded the flight. Funnily we were on the same row but on opposite sides; and he signals for me to come and join him. Which I do. We continue chatting away like old friends. And then, I realize that he’s oh-so-lightly stroking my hand – not quite sure how to react – I just went with the flow.

812072-flirtingBefore I know it – Airport Boy has leaned over, cupped the side of my face and kissed me. Now that’s one way of shutting me up !! (I’ve been told that I can talk … a lot) It wasn’t an aggressive kiss, far from that – borderline gentle but completely in control. He did mention that his plan was to get the two of us banned from the airline so we would never have to face such awful flight delays again !! (but seriously I don’t mind a flight delay if the benefits involve impromptu kisses from a cute stranger)

We continue chatting as if this is all quite the norm and are decidedly quite comfortable with one another. I like that in a man – confidence, sharp and a sense of humour. I also liked the fact that I didn’t have to do anything other than initiate the first bit of conversation. The feeling of knowing someone is showing an obvious interest and actually doing something about it … now that’s flattering. (compared to some of the crazy men I’ve met over the past 3 years – this was refreshing!)

Of course the surreal flight has to come to an end – but luckily his charm didn’t flat line once we landed and got out towards immigration.  For the first time, I was grateful for luggage delays and between a few quick hugs and some playful cheek punches – the two of us managed to find our way to the taxi stand for the inevitable goodbye.

So there we were – two strangers who found some sort of a connection on a flight – trying to figure out a way to meet again.  He had 2 days in the city before flying back out – and I had work to do – yet the two of us seemed to ‘want’ to find a way to meet again.  Numbers were exchanged; tentative plans were made – a parting hug, a quick kiss and we were both on our separate paths.

On my ride home – I thought about what had happened over the past few hours and couldn’t quite believe it.  It made me smile and I liked that.  I knew I’d like to see him again – if anything for the great company (although there could be the chance that he might just blank me out) – but its just one date (kinda) – no harm in asking / following through right ?

Has that happened to you ? Ever meet someone in the most unexpected place and just ‘click’ at some level or the other ?  It still feels quite surreal when I think about it … I mean, really – that actually happened …

It’s very difficult for me to convey my emotions … but I’m going to try as it’s been eating me up inside ..

We met just over a year & a half ago and there was an electric flash that caused some sort of instant connection.  That’s the best way to describe the feeling that overpowered me.  There was not a day (or night) that went by when we didn’t meet each other.  Some of my friends thought it was obsessive almost – but I didn’t care – I was blindly happy.

I did a fair amount of traveling between 2009 & 2010 and we always travelled together – even when I was going for work related trips.  Nothing seemed to keep us apart.  My friends and family got used to you as a permanent additional attachment to me and everyone around me just came to accept that this was a package deal for them. 

It’s true, that not everyone can be genuinely happy for someone else .. and I started to believe that when things suddenly started to change.  Some say that perhaps I took it for granted that all would be hunky dory; others say that you got tired of being judged.

It would cut me up to see you get drained out halfway through the day / night.  There were times you would just switch off to the world; and I got tired of explaining ‘why’ you were behaving this way.  I was so relieved when you went away for the pampering sessions I got for you; it filled me with hope that you would come back as your old sharp shooting self … but there was still some sort of strain weighing you down.

I’d never seen this side of you.  My friends told me, in fact even warned me, that I should just let go before its too late; before I really get hurt .. but I couldn’t just give up on what we had … You were not as wild as when we first met, there was a sudden cautiousness about you .. I found myself looking out for you when you were in the company of strangers lest they saw your mood swings … Somewhere deep down in my heart – I knew that you were sick – that you were just trying to keep up a brave facade .. but you never told me yourself …

We tried to take a break … go our own separate ways for the night just to give each other some space … but as the old saying goes ‘out of sight out of mind’ … I found myself meeting other creative souls – each with a different insight; who I later discovered would watch my every move with the same intensity that you ‘used’ to watch me with ..

It came to a point that you were spending more time at your workshop and spa than you were with me … I found your insurance papers and realized that the ‘spa’ was providing you with healing sessions .. I would bring it up now and then, but you never wanted to discuss it … I could only hope that with each new session I saw you off at – you would come back as your formidable former-self …. after sharing so much together, how did things come to be this way ? 

And then I got the one phone call I never wanted to get … The ‘healing center’ told me that you were going in and out of shock; your condition wasn’t stabilizing; any more treatment wouldn’t necessarily help because your body wouldn’t be able to handle it; and they didn’t know how long you would last.

I didn’t know what to do – my world was being turned upside down and inside out .. other than wait for the inevitable - there was nothing else I could do.  I held on to you for weeks as I watched you slip away from me, until you were no more.

One minute you were with me, and the  next you were gone.  Then came the arduous task of going through the various paperwork that you left behind … just when I couldn’t take it any more – one of the administrators handed over a signed document and it had my signature on it … I didn’t even remember signing it !!

Despite your ailment and condition, reading this document made me realize just how much you thought ahead for me … you had planned it all along when we took out insurance together soon after we had first met … it means a lot to me that you did this .. it’s going to be hard to love again … nothing can replace you … but for now .. this will just have to do … It’s a sign ..

……….

………….

………………

…………………………………..

olympus-mju-tough-3000

That’s right – my original Olympus µ1050 crashed and burned on me but thanks to the warranty and some smart thinking on the part of the repair center – I got a replacement digital camera !

Who or what did you think I was talking about =P ?? I wish I could have taken a picture of your expression as you finished off this post =P  Anyone who knows me would realize that my camera is one of my guilty pleasures !! Come on then – smile for the camera :P

Now WHY would you want to pick up anyone off the road ?   For fun … that’s why I did it :P  My girlfriends have always teased me for noticing men on the road – it’s not my fault that I’m attentive … I’ve been slightly deprived of eye-candy so it’s always nice to take a few seconds to check out what is out there on the streets :P

One fine evening during the last week of December – my girlfriends and I were on the phone on a conference call whilst I figured out my plans for the rest of the night.  They were in agreement that at the rate I was going – I’d end up picking up a man off the street if only for the ‘eye candy company’.

Whilst driving in the general direction of the suburbs; after the chat with the girls and a quick chat with a particularly charming young man –cash cash I decided that I could definitely ‘pick up’ a guy off the road … How hard could it be right ?  All one needs is :

  1. a nice set of wheels (check – black tinted Honda City),
  2. a bit of an edge (check – I can’t blow my own trumpet too much can I ?) and
  3. CASH (who can resist cash – and no I wasn’t seeking out a gigolo)

And then I saw him .. tall, well built (not buff but not lanky either), scruffy hair and a slight stubble .. wandering up & down the road looking slightly lost and very much in search of food … definitely time to make a move ;) 

I rolled down my window, and called out to him (can’t remember if I asked him if he needed a ride or if he was lost) … The lad has swaggered over to the car, told me that he needs food (it’s well past 11 p.m and food could prove difficult!) .. he got him into the car (quite easily might I add – especially after a quick flash of cash) .. took a short drive to park up .. and found a lil’ cafe that would serve him some kebab style rolls. 

The two of us ended up having a diverse and stimulating conversation (which lasted just over an hour and a bit) – something I haven’t had the pleasure of doing with someone new.  In the end – I didn’t have to fork out any cash for the great company – in fact I ended up driving him back towards his office.  Who can blame a girl for enjoying good company (not to mention eye candy in the form of a topless treat !!!)

After the year I had in 2010, the last few days of December proved to provide some sort of spice in my life ;) and the Roadside Romeo that I found loitering around one of the by-lanes of Bandra was just too cute to resist !

Disclaimer :  Obviously it’s NOT safe to go around picking up random men or women off the streets anywhere !! I would NOT recommend that you try this at all unless you KNOW the person ! I’m just a bit mental that way :P

One of my favourite tracks =)  A very special man in my life always tells me this song reminds him of me … and whenever I hear it – I get a big smile on my face …

I remember the two of us being so engrossed in a conversation with each other that we didn’t even realize that the rest of the group in my apartment had left until quite a few hours later !

This was 8 years ago … and even today – if I call him – he knows exactly what I’m thinking or what it is that I am trying to say … it stumps us both every time … we’ve both moved on in our lives but it’s a nice fuzzy feeling to know that someone else other than (your significant other for those that have them) and you yourself - ‘gets you’ …

SN – you really do make my soul feel complete !!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the actual post link here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

I’ve been watching this TV show called ‘Flash Forward’ for a few weeks now. Have you ever seen it or heard of it ? I didn’t know about it until I ran out of things to watch on the HD – and saw that my bro had this particular series saved.

To summarize – the world is hit by a global blackout for just over 2 minutes; everyone passes out and gets a glimpse of their lives 6 months in to the future.

The night before last - it was as if I had a mini-epiphany or a ‘eureka moment’ ! (not that I’d know that but you get my drift) It may not be everything-happens-for-a-reason1for some but for me it sure as hell felt like it. I’ve had a crazy busy few weeks and have been exhausted. And just as I was dozing off – it all kinda made sense.

Whatever happens – happens for a reason and is a consequence of our actions. We have created the paths that we walk on; and as much as we can change our path; and try new ones – we will end up wherever we were meant to be. Wherever fate / destiny wants us to be.

And ironically enough – I got this quote come through my inbox which I think is perfect for this post :

"The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action."
-- John Dewey

I’m not someone who gets drawn by horoscopes, astrology etc – sure I check my star sign out every now and then when I scan the papers but it’s not like I go out of my way to see what ‘destiny’ or the the higher powers have in store for me for that day … Perhaps about a week or ten days ago – my sister (also same star sign) gave me something to read and she is firm believer in destiny and ‘angels’ amongst other things … slightly conflicted reading material but overall positive news for my star sign along with lots of specific dates provided.

So the point of this post … well there isn’t one really – it’s just that the other night – it all fell into place and I just ‘accepted’ that everything happens for a reason. In my mind – I got that little eureka moment just so I could write this post (haha conceited I know but what the hell).

Oh well – madam NC will be happy to know that I might just have to ‘accept’ the fact that I am in this particular city for reasons beyond my comprehension (and perhaps I will never know why); and that I will TRY not to send out the negative energies that she insists I send out all the time =P

Over the last few weeks I’ve really been wanting to put some perspective on the dating scene in Bombay or Mumbai (whatever you want to call it). I initially brought it up in ‘Dating ? What’s That ?’ and then hashed it out in Dating is Not Easy .. Especially in Bombay’ which is when I realized that I needed to put more depth to it .. Of course I could have been completely biased so I went and got a male perspective too ‘Exploring the Unknown World of Dating .. Still’ and sorta broke things down further …

A few weeks ago – as if by miracle – I found an article titled ‘Dating In A Foreign Land’ on the Hindustan Times Blog written by a social networking associate of mine – Naomi Canton. She heads an Expat Group in Bombay and is a pretty cool chick.

side note : I had already titled my blog post with the same name and then I found her post – so had to add the Bombay bit to it)

Every city / country has their own perception of what is and what does not constitute dating. The potpourri that I am – it’s no wonder that the dating dynamics of Bombay have me confused !!!

In the UK and Canada – dating or being in a relationship is defined by the physical side of the relationship. You can consider yourself dating / being in a relationship with someone if from the outset there is an emotional connection and physical attraction between two people. You meet a perfect stranger and realize there’s this ‘chemistry’ or ‘unknown connection’ that draws you to them and you go out on a ‘date’ and that results in a ‘more dates’ and within a few ‘dates’ the two of you are in a relationship.

I have never known any of my friends to get involved in relationships with each other – because if you are already ‘friends’ then its highly unlikely that two people from the same friends circle will ever get together. It’s a big fat ‘ewww’ if you ask me.

In India – at least in Bombay – it’s a bit different. The local born and brought up guys and girls; men and women of Bombay - don’t quite seem to catch the drift of the concept of dating. They all want to …

1. Be Friends …. yes .. Friends First

So … what’s wrong with that ? Nothing to some – and a bit weird for someone like me. I LIKE the idea of ‘not dating a friend’ because it allows me to get to know somebody outside my social circle. It’s a nice feeling to be with someone who accepts you for who you are ‘before you’ve become friends’ so that you can both grow together in a relationship as a couple.

I’ve met people – who have been friends for 5+ years and have started dating perhaps a few years into the friendship; which in turn has resulted some relationships to last a few years (literally) and eventually ends in ..

  1. Marriage.
    • That’s wonderful – for them. For me – that’s like saying ‘oh marry your best mate’ AND that is a crazy idea !! I love my boys to bits but could never see myself marrying them. I’d hope that my potential partner has similar qualities to them but he’d never ‘be them’.
  2. They break-up but stay good friends.
    • And I really mean ‘friends’. I know of one such ‘separated couple’ who are still in regular (almost weekly) contact and have even travelled together as a part of a larger group which I was a part of.
  3. They break-up and cut each other out.
    • Yes it’s normal to cut off from your ex to avoid all the heart ache and drama. No more needs to be said.

2. Be Acquaintances with Benefits. Not even ‘friends’ with benefits.

There is no grey matter. It’s black or white. Of course that’s not true – there is a very small percentage (based on my network of friends, acquaintances & clients) of people who fall in the obvious grey matter. But you get my drift. (in my world – there are no ‘friends’ with benefits – that’s just a polite way to associate someone you are hooking up with)

The trend here (and I speak from personal experience) is that these guys and girls often end up in the following situations :

  1. Struck Out After A Date / 2nd Base.
    • You meet at a bar or party. Exchange Numbers. Strike a conversation via SMS (yes SMS is apparently the way to communicate with a member of the opposite sex); or even BBM (seriously how can a BBM exchange be considered a way to flirt?)
    • You meet up again on what appears to be a ‘date’. Spend a lot of time with each other. Nothing happens. Implication : He’s a gent. She’s comes from a respectable family.
    • You meet up again and the same thing happens. The chemistry is there – both of you can see it – but neither does anything about. Girl doesn’t make a move in case the Guy thinks she’s too forward or *gasp* ‘easy’. Boy doesn’t make a move ‘cos he’s trying to be a gent (erm really?); he’s not sure if she wants him to make a move on her; he wants to but doesn’t want a slap in the face !
    • Next scenario is that both of you do get to doing all that is pleasurable i.e. foreplay but never get any real ‘action’. That’s because the Girl wants to appear casual but really she isn’t going to sleep with the guy until she knows he’s going to establish a relationship. The Guy gets stuck in a catch 22 because he wants to do her – but out of respect (and not wanting to be thrown out with blue balls) – he obliges and doesn’t pursue the ‘action’ partbootycall1 of it hoping that the next time round – he will get some. This can keep going on until both parties admit they want to have sex !
  2. The Hook Up aka The Booty Call.
    • The chemistry is there from the moment you both laid eyes on each other but alas you are acquaintances and there are social norms to be followed.
    • So weeks / months of seeing each other at parties / social gatherings – one of you makes the move; and behold – you have the hook up !
    • He / She could be your hook up / booty call as often or as little as you like. Neither has intentions of being serious – but damn it – at least there’s someone who wants YOU for the day / night.
  3. Wham Bham Thank You Sir / Ma’am.
    • I’ve seen this happen – at clubs – not very often but enough to have caught my attention.
    • You can tell from the look on the person that all they want is a shag and that’s all its ever gonna be.
    • You will probably never see this person again – because he/she is not in your regular social circle.

3. Be Stuck In Limbo … Neither Here or There

This is the classic one that I’ve discovered. People are stuck in limbo. These tend to be guys & girls who would be considered a good catch to date – however they have a few unresolved issues within themselves.

  1. Mixed Emotions / Signals.
    • The guy or girl appears interested and just when you are fed up of ‘not knowing’ whether or not there is any chemistry they drop a bomb on you.
    • The bomb tends to be ‘I’m not too sure what I want right now’ or ‘I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship’ … you get my drift.
  2. Too Much Too Soon
    • We’ve all been eager at times; perhaps too eager … so much so that it drives other people away.
    • I’ve noticed this happen a lot in Bombay – guys / girls who are just too overtly keen on someone and end up becoming more of a nuisance than someone to consider for good company !
    • The intention is meant to be positive – but the result tends to fall as a negative … and so that leaves this guy / girl in a permanent state of limbo !
  3. Marriage is the Goal
    • This guy or girls’ purpose in life is to get married. They have been raised with the thought ‘you must get married and settle down’ which is instilled into everything they do. They want a solid relationship. They also don’t know dating is about.
    • So a potentially great guy / girl who wants a commitment – but won’t commit to the basics of dating as the certainty of a long term established commitment is not there.
    • Isn’t that a catch 22 – how can you marry someone that you’ve not dated right ? (at least for me!)

After 3 years of living in Bombay, this is how I can summarize the dating scene (or lack of) in the city. I may be generalizing but based on comments on my previous posts – it’s not limited to Bombay – it appears to be a nationwide epidemic !

Somewhere in between all of the above – of course there are people who actually manage to date and develop relationships. I’m not saying its not possible – I’m just saying that it’s bloody hard to do it !! Like Naomi – I have found myself in a situation where the guy wasn’t quite sure what we had going on; to anyone else we would have been dating / seeing each other – to him – we were hanging out and being casual ! Some people are just confused – but that’s life eh =P

What are your thoughts on this ? I’d really like to hear different perspectives on this subject. Looking forward to your comments and feedback on this.

I read a really great post the other day by Joanna Penn over at The Creative Penn titled What Do You Want To Write In Your Lifetime ? Reflections on Morality. .. and it got my mind into a hasty overdrive mode !

It’s taken me a few days to figure out how to actually put my thoughts down and every action and incident that has taken place prior to reading her post has just somehow cleared my perspective.

We only live once.  Life is short.  Time seems to be going faster and faster.  Before you know it, it’ll be June and that’s 6 months into 2010.  Maybe the next time you look at the calendar it’s going to be December and we’re planning our entry into 2011.

Yesterday, my younger brother left home to start a new journey.  He’s in the process of setting up a business in California.  He mentioned it about 3 weeks ago .. and BOOM … this morning .. he’s gone.

The day before yesterday we spent a few hours talking about what we want to achieve in this lifetime and what is the best way forward for each of us in our respective career paths.  We also discussed the differences in the ways men and women look out to their future; the role of each gender when it comes down to relationships.  It was interesting.

It boiled down to 3 things :

  1. Time is of the essence.  For every minute that we waste, it is an opportunity gone by.
  2. If you really want to do something – and I mean – really want to achieve something .. then you have to FIND the time to do that. 
  3. Focus on the positive; on the NOW and put your energies into the goal you want to achieve and it shall fall into place. 

Between reading Joanna’s post, the conversation with my brother, and a rather random chat with Jack from Brooklyn (which I’m posting in pink below) … I have been reflecting on the things I want to achieve in my lifetime (well at least within the next 5 years)  … not in any particular order …

financial securityFinancial security.  That’s a huge subject on its own.  I’m not talking about making  millions on millions (although it would be nice).  I just mean being able to have a few things in place for myself which I’ve managed to do i.e Life Insurance and Mutual Fund investments.  I’d like to own a property somewhere – but at this point in time I can’t really afford it.  But maybe by the end of the year.  

Being an Indian female .. typically by my age - which is 28 - I should be married .. or at least engaged to get married .. and trust me I'm late in getting married ... however due to my upbringing .. I have these goals that I want to achieve .. including financial ones of some sort .. and I'm a workaholic ... so my brothers point (and he's 23) was that I don't 'have to' be doing all of this .. because at the end of the day whoever I am going to marry should be capable to taking care of both of us .. and yet liberal enough to let me do my own thing so that I can continue to have my own financial freedom and yet not be dependant on it

Career progression and growth.  I am an entrepreneur at heart.  I don’t like career ladder working for other people – particularly companies where there is no freedom to conduct business in a way that is suited to ones’ personality.  I recently resigned from an events management consultancy with one of the largest media companies – Times of India so that I could set up on my own again.  After working for myself for 6 years; I moved to India and ‘got a job’ … and now I’m back on my own feet again.  It’s slow at times, but it pushes me to get more and drive more opportunities my way.

I could continue working independently over here in Bombay which is proving to be a good market; but then there are opportunities over seas that I should and could cash in on.  So many options .. which one to choose !

So I ratted of the goals I want to achieve .. which is career, financial security, and settling down ... however due to the fact that I'm in India - I haven't found anyone in the last 2.5 years that I want to be in a relationship with .. which in essence means that I feels that I have wasted 2 years of what could have been a relationship that would have gotten me closer to settling down .. so my career and financials work but the relationship i.e personal life has suffered ...

Settling down in a relationship that will eventually result in marriage.  In the 2.5 years that I’ve been in India – I’ve not had a relationship.  I’m not dating - and the few so-called dates that I’ve been on havesettle down been enough to make me wonder WTF happened!  It’s not that I’m not dateable – I’m a brilliant catch according to my mates – I just haven’t found the right fisherman to catch me.  (Considering I am scared of fish – I don’t know why I used that metaphor!)

I’ve spent the last 6-8 months taking part in a documentary film that looks into the life of an expat Indian and their views & perspectives on dating, relationships,  love & arranged marriage.  One of the incidents resulted in an explosive reaction on my part which I titled Some Documented Truths.  I realize I have set myself up for this crazy rollercoaster ride … lately all I keep hearing is ‘when are you planning on getting married’ and the more I hear it – the more I keep thinking .. ‘why why why’ !   How am I supposed to meet someone in a city full of people who can barely understand me or my back ground ?

I’ve gone down the traditional Indian match maker route (yeah that exists peeps and trust me its no fun!); I am on a matrimonial site (yup got conned into that too – I had to make the profile or else let my mom & my aunt come up with their own thing) AND gone out with a few of the men from there (disaster stories honest); I am listening to my mother list out details of eligible bachelors.  Any joy so far ? Nope.  Anyone interesting ? Yes – he’s in NYC.  We’ve been talking for 9 months now and I feel that we’ve connected .. however we’ve never met (other than Skype chats).  The fact that we’re still in touch is a good sign.  But for anything to materialize means that we both need to meet and figure it out – whatever the end result is.  For that I need to get out of this city.

Leave this country for the sake of my sanity ASAP.  I’ve known this for a while now.  It hit me harder after my trip to Dubai.  Living here is a different life.  It’s not one that I’m used to.  I have In search of sanity imageadapted just fine into the day-to-day grind however if I look deep into myself, I know I’m not happy being where I am.  The thing is .. since I’ve just left my consultancy and I’m starting on my own again .. where do I want to be ?  Do I move to Dubai or do I go back to London ? Either way – I’m comfortable in both places – I have friends in both cities and I know the life that I will have.  Its more ME than the life I’m living in Bombay (and its not a bad life – its just stressful due to external factors)

So yeah .. my dilemma in life now is .. do I move somewhere with career focus and let the relationship just happen .. or do I go somewhere putting the relationship first and then work on the career ... and throw in the fact that I want to be back with my friends who are split between London & Dubai .. and a potential relationship that's in New York !  its like damn WTF do I do !

That’s all from me folks.  I think it’s been a slightly heavy post.  As you can tell, my mind has been in a bit of an over drive mode.  What about you ? What do you hope to achieve over the next few years ? Or in your lifetime ? And if you were to answer Joanna’s question – what do you want to write in your lifetime ?

I’ve been quite restless the past week or two.  I’m drowning myself in a sea of knowledge in an attempt to ‘learn more’ .. and every day the learning curve goes up a notch.  Being a perfectionist is proving to be my downfall right now.  I can’t keep up with all the learning !

I’ve been wanting to go out .. party – dance – socialize .. but at the same time I don’t want to do that.  I reckon its because I’m missing being in Dubai … or maybe it’s the empty vacuum of not being around my boys *sigh*

I didn’t go out the entire weekend.  I’ve been reading, researching, learning, creating … I’m trying to let it all sink in.  Went out on Sunday to a boat party – which was fun.  But it was so hot.  Its about 34 degrees out here.  And trust me – you don’t want to be outdoors in this heat.

I’m working on a series of posts on Social Media Marketing that I’d like to put up .. but I’m not sure whether they would be better in the form of a SlideShare presentation or just as text ? I’m quite comfortable with my Blogger Voice – I suppose I just want to let more be heard now.  I’m still figuring it all out – but at least I’ve got my thoughts out in the open now .. right ?

There’s so much going on in my life .. more than I even realized .. and to try to find the time to do it all is proving almost impossible.  For every hour that I spend on one project – it’s an hour less that I’m able to give to something else .. and that’s eating at me.

I read a really great post the other day by Joanna Penn over at The Creative Penn titled What Do You Want To Write In Your Lifetime ? Reflections on Morality. .. and it got my mind into a hasty overdrive mode ! I’m working on that right now.

Until then …. thanks for swinging by =)

Talk about a wicked excuse ! Ladies and Gentlemen – watch and learn =P

I came across this video on FaceBook that a mate of mine had put up and I just had to share it with you all !

What do you think ? Could you ever come up with such a wild story ?

There is turbulence lurking under the calm surface exterior.

It turned out to be a late night on Saturday as I was finishing off the final master interviews for the documentary that I have been taking part in.

Just so that you don’t feel completely confused and in-over your head .. The documentary gives you an insight into the lives and perceptions of an NRI living in India (me); an Indian girl – NB - who is born and raised in India and an NRI guy – AC - living overseas.  The documentary goes on to look at each character’s perspectives on relationships and thoughts on arranged and love marriage.

rearranged marriagesIn some of my previous posts, I have discussed the type of person you are attracted to as well as the importance of mental and physical chemistry between people. 

As some of you know, I’ve also set myself up as a guinea pig whilst exploring the route to marriage by way of the typical Indian matchmaker / priest as well as a matrimonial website (and I’ve done this because in 2 years of being here – it just seems more complicated when it comes to meeting men who know what they want !) 

I came to realise a few things …

  1. No one is what they appear to be
  2. I cannot and will not compromise my personality and who I am for ANYONE
  3. I am not arranged marriage material

I already knew these things but now after taking part in the documentary – I just ‘know’ those things. 

I got to hear a few things said by the male protagonist and somehow I just wasn’t surprised that a good looking, smart, educated male would go on to ‘talk down’ on the modern woman and her ways of life .. specifically – he was talking about ME !

This man – who has known me for all of a week perhaps – has spoken out about how he felt I was ‘clingy’, ‘could not take a hint that he was not interested’, ‘overly flirtatious’ and apparently ‘disrespectful to my mother’

This description is in the context of me being someone who is considering ‘an arranged marriage’ (and by arranged I don’t mean that I would just jump at whoever my parents point me at but in the sense that I’m at least open to the idea of meeting men who are interested in a serious LTR via my family / relatives etc)

That’s just a load of f**king crock mate !  At some point whilst I was being interviewed I eventually lashed out and pretty much cussed this man out.

Why ?? Because in his entire description of me – he failed to mention that HE made a MOVE ON ME - we kissed and fooled around a bit (and really it was just a bit!) and of course he totally forgot about that ! So I told it like it was ! The irony behind all of this was that I dropped him to the airport a few days later and even hung out with him for an hour in the waiting lounge where he pecked me good bye … Some people are just twisted in their thoughts.  Maybe he should have thought about the fact that perhaps his actions led to me flirting more with him than I would normally do so.

This is why I’m not made for an arranged marriage scenario … there are too many ‘do’s & don’ts’ that one has to follow – especially the women … there’s way too much protocol on how one should behave, and what is considered acceptable in the company of a man who is looking to get married.  That’s just rubbish as far as I go … who is the man trying to marry – ME or the FAKE ME who has to pretend to be someone that the guy would ‘want to’ marry ?? datingcartoon158

In one of my previous posts I wrote “You can be assured  that the other person is never actually going to understand your view point because they are mentally just not ready to accept anything beyond their personal experiences and understanding”

In another post, I wrote about Actions & Interpretations – and I honestly believe it holds true especially with the newfound knowledge I have of this man – who I thought was a pretty cool guy.   His actions – intentional or not (and he’d have to be pretty thick not to realise that everything he says is going to be shown on TV and people will make assumptions and my family will also watch this!) – have condoned any future of even a friendship between us. 

I wrote a poem – Actions -  quite a few years ago which I reckon summarizes the situation. 

Apologies to all for the rant – but I was really annoyed about this !  I don’t judge you – you don’t judge me  - is it that hard a concept to grasp ??

Further to my last post about how Al Pitcher uses photography of day to day things found in whichever city he is in … I reckon that I too have quite a few ad hoc images that I feel can only be seen in Mumbai (and around India) …

Drum Rolls …. Raising Curtains ….

The Motorbiker Series

It’s quite rare to see ‘just’ two (yes the number 2) people on a motorbike in India … I’ve travelled to Bangalore, Delhi, Calcutta, Kerala, and Goa .. and everywhere – it’s the same ! You get more Bike for 5than 2 people on a motorbike !

Here’s a classic that I captured with not 1 or 2 or 3 but FIVE passengers – of which only ONE was wearing a helmet !

Talk about recklessness !  The traffic out here alone is enough to worry me from ‘inside’ a car !

I can’t even imagine how people on motorbikes feel !

If that’s not bad enough – traffic in Mumbai especially - is so haphazard – no one believes in indicating; the horns are used as naturally as we breathe – it’s deafening ! 

Whilst driving to Pune one weekend .. but before that I will digress as there’s a fab joke that Al Pitcher did on this .. Pune a city about 180 kms away from Bombay is pronounced Poo-neh, also be known as Puna.  Al was talking to one of the reporters and said how he was looking forward to coming and performing in ‘PUNE’ – pronounced ‘pyoon’ but meaning ‘peon’ as in attendant / messenger in India …

So anyway going back to my drive in Pune – I came across the rare sight of just two people on a motorbike … Woman Reading Book on Bike

Seems alright doesn’t it … two people, both WITH helmets as well … quite an smooth looking road and quite empty as well from this angle … Now take a closer look at them ….

Woman Holding Book closeup

yup … that’s right … She is READING a BOOK whilst sitting as a pillion passenger !!!  Damn and I had thought WOW – I have found the model motor biker couple who could inspire and influence others to wear helmets and ride around safely !  But seriously – hats off to this woman for being brave enough to read whilst on the back of a motorbike ! Don’t get me wrong, I love reading but not at the risk of my life !

And on that note – if you don’t find multiple riders on a motorbike … you will always find the solitary hero riding around like there’s no care in the world … Man Holding Helmet

… and it’s because he knows that he’s going to be safe on the roads leading to Chandigarh because he’s got his HELMET tucked into his ARM ! Man Holding Helmet closeup copy

That’s all from me on the Motorbiker Series … I do have many more funny moments captured and will share it with you all over the next few weeks … After all can’t give you all the photographic evidence I have managed to acquire in one shot now – I got to make sure you come back for more … =)

Al Pitcher

I mentioned that I went for a live stand-up comedy on Friday night and it was definitely one of the most unique acts that I have witnessed !  The show which is a part of the International Stand-Up Comedy Circuit,  has been promoted by Comedy Pimp – Quill Potter

The comedian was Al Pitcher and if you haven’t heard about him then I highly recommend that you catch him the next time he is visiting whichever part of the world you are in !

The show was held at the Sophia College Auditorium and I must mention that everyone in Bombay pronounces this as ‘Sapphire’s College’ … don’t ask why or how they could mispronounce this but they do … and no one has a logical reason for it … how hard is it to say So-FI-A !

The show in itself is a very unique show since it involves Al Pitcher going around each day in whichever city he is and taking pictures by the dozen of anything and everything that is eye catching and he uses that as part of his act.  Hence every show is different.

One of the main reasons I enjoyed his show so much is because the Al Pitcher’s Picture Show (yes it is really called that – and you can find out how this name stuck by checking out Miss Malini’s Blog post ) sort of suggests that we need to stop rushing through our lives … we need to live a little and take the time to stop and smell the coffee .. alert our senses… to take note of all the funny, weird, ad hoc moments that take place all around us !  If only we could really capture everything that makes this thing called life

Al Pitcher had some hilarious photos that he displayed on the night that I went for the show, and you can check out some of his top pics on Facebook.  If you want to get another perspective on his show, check out the pics by Miss Malini  – she’s taken quite a few pictures of his actual show and has put them up as well as a YouTube video … It was was taken at the end of the show when there were anonymous Q&A’s from the audience to Al Pitcher

He’s a man after my own heart as he’s about as camera obsessed as me … Now why didn’t I think of using all the ad hoc and inane pictures of what truly makes Mumbai unique in a quest for fame ?? Damn it …

So without further adieu, I present a few of my own personal unique Mumbai Moments … Would love to hear your thoughts on it =)

Note to Self : Start selling my photo collection to the media !  Smile for the Camera darling !