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Showing posts with label dating in bombay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating in bombay. Show all posts

Here’s one for the Diva’s Dating Diary (I really should make a chart for 2012 but that’s another post altogether)

How It Began

About 3 weeks ago, I went out with a girlfriend for the launch of a new club in Bombay.  We were looking fab and dancing the night away.  This one guy caught my attention towards the end of the night – he was looking straight at me through 10 feet of writhing bodies and when I locked eyes with him – he looked away.  And I laughed which I assume embarrassed him just a bit – because every time he looked up and caught my eye – he couldn’t maintain eye contact. 

I found this pretty amusing and actually pointed at him and indicated that he should come over to where I was.  Typical Bombay boy, he didn’t and looked even more flustered (heaven forbid a woman is direct!).  At this point I just got bored and went back to dancing with my girlfriend.

Whilst waiting for my car – I saw the guy again and this time he did approach me and we struck up a conversation, exchanged phone numbers but not before he asked for my BBM pin.  Seriously what the hell happened to just taking a phone number down ?

The Problem

The next day, this lad drops me a half dozen text messages which included (and I quote) “C U Sometime at your comfort”,  until I tell him that it’s a lot easier to have a conversation on the phone (my pet peeve is constant texting / bbm’s instead of a quick phone call).  2 hours later he gets his ass in gear and calls me (but not before we play phone tag for another half hour or so). 

Plus points to him for actually trying to fix a date; more plus points when he did fix a day to meet to up.  I asked him what he fancied doing and he says …

“I thought you could come over to my place, watch a movie and you can cook me lunch”

Errrrrrrrrm NO.  Minus points all around.  Seriously – the logistics of this suggestion involve me traveling from one side of the city to the dating cookingback end of the suburbs to cook for him with absolutely zero effort on his part !  Why on earth would I want to cook lunch (or any meal) for a man I do not know and at his house the first time I ever meet him ??   Not a smart thing for any girl to do on a 1st date (unless you have some history with the man).  Cooking involves slaving over the heat in the kitchen (and with temperatures hitting 40 degrees Celsius in Bombay that is NOT something I want to be doing) AND end up smelling like food !! Appealing – No way !

I provided an alternative option of going out somewhere to eat but he wasn’t having it.  Cheap alert perhaps ? Or then again it could have to do with the fact that he’s a 24 year old model who thinks he’s being cute ! *yeah right*

Needless to say – that date never happened.  The party was on a Thursday, he rang me on Friday, we’d fixed up to meet the following Tuesday and like most of the Bombay boys – he never quite followed through to the end.  A request on his part to reschedule but that didn’t happen either.  Although I got a text message the weekend after asking what I was up to and when I would be cooking for him !! My response – I’ll send you some take-out / delivery options !

Diva’s Verdict

Guys – don’t ask a girl to cook for you on the first few dates.  You may not realize this but cooking for someone is quite an intimate affair – and if you haven’t got a history together, it could turn out to be a bit of a disastrous meal !!  Ask her out, take her out (this does not mean it has to be fancy), show her that you’re into her and if you play your cards right – she might show off her cooking skills or better yet, if you’re really lucky, she’ll serve you breakfast in bed !

Side Note : I don’t have a problem with cooking a meal for a guy – but that’s at a later stage of having been together i.e  few dates at least / a boyfriend .. definitely not the first time I am meeting him.  Now if HE offered to cook for me (or vice versa) that’s a different story … but this was just a bit lame (even though my mates reckon he wanted to actually indulge in Naked Master Chef)

Seeing that I have yet to finish writing about my dating experiences in this city – here’s a new one for the Diva’s Dating Diary.

A couple of weeks ago I met this guy.  He approached a girlfriend and me at a bar with a relatively cheesy line but just ‘cos he was funny (and was an NRI) – we all got chatting.  He asked me to stick around for a drink whilst my girlfriend went to join our friends and I did.  Hey, it’s the most direct a guy has been with me for a while now (in public) so why not right ?

Turned out that he was in fact quite a laugh to be around, extremely witty, well travelled and spoke French.  He asked for my BB pin – not my number – which led me on to a rant about why can’t people just pick up the phone instead of texting / sending BB messages (huge pet peeve of mine). 

The lad didn’t disappoint – he made it a point to call me and only used BB messages as a way of informing me if he could / could not call.   I can’t begin to tell you how nice it was to ‘talk’ to a guy who gave off positive signs of being interested.  If I really think about it – this guy knew the rules (not that I go by them but it’s something to consider) – called when he said he would; call to ask me out a few days in advance (no sms for dates) and generally very charismatic. 

The first time he asked me out – it was just him and I – at a social event wherein he was aware that I would know people there.  He arrived early and waited for me, we spent the entire evening hanging out together after he found a cushy corner sofa for us to have our drinks at.  The second time – was at another party – where he spent the evening hanging out with my friends.  The third time – same sort of thing but I made it clear that I was out to hang out with him and not with other people.  The last time was a few days ago, a mid week social event to raise funds for an NGO and it was just him and I maybedice(again, he was the one who asked me to join him)

At some point in the evening I come to know that he is not only avoiding being in a relationship; but he has gone out on a few dates with another girl and wants my advice on how to break it to her that he’s not looking for anything serious.  Whilst on the surface, I gave him very good advice on how to deal with this girl – at the back of my mind I’m thinking ‘WTF – how on earth could I have been so ‘off’ on whatever signals he was giving off’.  Not once in the entire month that we have been talking to each other, did he bring up ‘dating’ another girl.

Even though I’ve not been dating much the past few years – I think I know when a guy is into me – and everyone around me who met this man thought the same thing … but this wasn’t actually the case (which is absolutely fine) … what I don’t get is – why spend so much time and energy on someone (i.e me) if he wasn’t even interested ?  I have guy friends – and they do not spend hours chatting to me in the middle of the day or the night … but this one did … the more I think about it – there were absolutely no signs that he may put me in the friend zone and his body language told a different story altogether .. it  was all about staying out of the friend zone.  Everyone who has seen the two of us together (including random strangers that he enjoys chatting to) has assumed, implied or stated that we were a couple.  So you can imagine the slight state of surprise I was in when he broke the news above.

Whilst driving home that night, I went through every conversation and interaction I have had with the man .. and for the life of me couldn’t figure out where or when I would have missed an indicator that said ‘maybe not interested’ … oh well at least the conversations were entertaining ! Next please !

Since I’m sharing my dating diary with all of you lovely readers – let’s go back to May when I met this guy who sounded pretty perfect on paper – with all the qualities / criteria that made up ‘my type’ of guy … 6’1”, broad shouldered, trim build, and a fab dancer to top it off ! The two of us come from the same professional background which meant that he also ‘got’ my job and ad-hoc hours involved.  We shared great chemistry; he was totally into me and he preferred to call rather and SMS ! (woohoo no SMS for dates unlike the doctor ! )

A short whirlwind fling is the best way I can describe it .. but every fling has to come to an end ..

How It Began

Let’s just say that him and I were the only ones on the dance floor after the entire wedding party had gone off to bed. We kept chatting in the balcony of my hotel room and he eventually leaned in to kiss me.

We were both in Goa for a few more days and he made it a point to call me every day (a few times even) to make plans to meet up; which we did and it was all good fun.

We hooked up – sooner than later Couple-in-Bed-Copy(don’t judge me now). What could have / should have been a long weekend fling actually evolved into something else. He introduced me to his friends and work colleagues within the 1st week of us hooking up once we were back in Bombay.

The guy was totally into me and honestly it was quite refreshing to be around someone who I was also attracted to and who wasn’t afraid to express himself (and by that I mean there was a lot of PDA) My girlfriends met him and they thought ‘great guy’ and I should definitely make things work … but ..

There was something ‘off’ and I couldn’t put my finger to it. My girls on the other hand, thought I was being very cynical – however I’ve learned how to ‘out’ a person quite quickly.

So What Was The Problem

The first time we hooked up, he asked me ‘where I saw things going’. Now this would have been fine if had been dating over a few weeks but this was the morning after the 1st hook up !! (see – it’s not just women who want to know where things lead to). I actually had to tell him if we could wait to put our clothes back on before such a heavy conversation ! (that should have been my 1st clue)

Fair enough he introduced me to his mates, but one of the nights we went out together – a very chauvinist side appeared which didn’t impress me very much.

About a week into the unnamed relationship status –datingnews05 he asked me again about what direction I thought things were moving in and wanted to know if we were exclusive or not. I told him I’d prefer to go with the flow and not give a name / status to whatever we were sharing however if we were to get our groove on – then it would be exclusive.

The following week, he dropped the ‘L-Bomb’ on me ! That’s right folks, he tells me that he loves me !! And my reaction was to laugh ! (not a mean horrible laugh but more of a ‘you are joking right’)  Yeah I laughed, and told him with as straight a face as I could – that he did not love me, he may like me a lot, even lust after me but he definitely didn’t love me the way he claimed to.

The week after that – he bailed out – two nights in a row and then I never heard from him (for almost a month !).  No reason at all.  Maybe he thought I’d pursue him.  Maybe he just didn’t care (or maybe it was ‘cos I laughed at the L-bomb)

Diva’s Verdict

A case of ‘too much too soon’ and I reckon he didn’t quite know what he wanted. Must not have helped that I laughed at his declaration of love. It’s not that he’s a bad guy but since his disappearing act, he deleted me from his FB but kept me on his BB & Gtalk (where he proceeded to put up constant updates about the the love of his life).  A little childish don’t you think ?  (the deleting me part not his love updates)

On second thought, maybe he got back with his ex (he does have her name tattooed on his back)  Overall, I’m cool with the fact that he’s moved on – a heads up would have been ideal – but it looks like he pulled a fade on me.  Oh well … such is life ! I can live with that.

Side note : he has since sent me a few BBM messages in July and I bumped into him in August; said a courtesy hello after he came up to me and then zoomed off in my car like a good girl.  Oh and I’m off his BBM list now as well.

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while – but haven’t quite gotten around to it .. but now that I’ve done it, might as well share it.

Ever since I moved to Bombay, it just feels like my dating mojo has gone down the drain.  All the guys I meet have some sort of issues and I don’t think I have ever been single for so long in a city ! When I mention the word ‘dating’ – people look at me funny with an expression that says ‘dating ? what’s that ?’

The planner in me has put together a little table comprising of all the dates / non-date dates that I have been on over the past 4 years (and honestly this kind of depresses me because if I was anywhere else in the world, I’d probably be in some sort of relationship by now)

Diva Dating Diary

As you can see – I’ve had a few men come my way during my stint here in the city but seriously, dating is not easy especially in Bombay ! There are layers of complexity behind any ‘relationships’ but the concept behind dating here is harder than trying to learn an alien language !

Dating is hard enough as it is – but then to have people SMS / BBM you for a date ? Jeeeeeez grow up already ! Have we lost our nerves to technology ? (that’s a whole different post altogether).

The list about pretty much covers all sorts of guys that have approached me or attempted to pursue something but somewhere along the line their game was totally off !

Anyway, you can read more about my dating escapades over the coming weeks.  I’m pretty sure you will crack up over some of the stories and also might want to smack some of the guys .. Luckily these ‘dates’ haven’t really put me off dating (as yet), and as my girl TheSingleFilez says, ‘You Gotta Be In It To Win, Right ?’

By Rachel Khona For Men's Life Today

So you asked her out. What do you do now to totally impress her? Or it isn't your first date, but you want to try something different to keep the flames burning? With all the options out there, stand out from the masses. The best part? She'll feel special, and think you're cool and creative.

1. Take her out for a 'progressive dinner'
Instead of a regular old dinner, do a “progressive dinner.” New restaurants are popping up left and right. So why settle for one? Munch on starters at the bar of the first restaurant. Then move to a second establishment for the main course. Finish off with dessert at a café or another restaurant. If you’re on a budget, try what Grammy-recognized artist Anand Bhatt loves to do to woo the ladies; a dhaba crawl. “I map out some fun and non-upscale restaurants, ending with a nice place like the Oberoi or a walk on Juhu beach if I’m in Mumbai, and we go to each one and try something from their menu.”

Just be sure to save the fanciest place (anywhere you can sit down) for the main course since it's the most important!

2. Show her you're cultured -- check out a gallery
Checking out the different pieces on display is a great way to bond and will give you something to chat about. When choosing a gallery or museum, keep in mind your date’s interests. Is she into modern art? New art galleries are opening in all the major cities. The husband and wife team of Mortimer Chatterjee and Tara Lal have created a space in Mumbai, dedicated to the exhibition of cutting-edge Indian art. Delhi's Habitat Centre always has new art on display, with great restaurants nearby to boot.

What if she's a history buff? Delhi's National Museum has some great artefacts you probably haven't seen since your grade school visit. This time, both of you are sure to be blown away by the totally sexy Gupta period costumes. When you’re done perusing the displays, hit the museum restaurant or nearby café.

3. Take a ballroom dancing class
There’s nothing sexier (and more fun) than learning to shake it. Even if you're not the most co-ordinated person, just take it in Six Great Dates That Won't Break the Bankstride and have a good time. Says Kamal Khatri of Dance Classes in Mumbai, “we see many couples coming in on dates, and they learn to dance together.”

In addition to Dance Classes, Swingers Dance in Bangalore and Ballroom Dreams in Mumbai offer a variety of courses in everything from the waltz to the jitterbug. But if you really want to move to something sultry, try one of the Latin styles like salsa, tango, or Brazil's "forbidden" dance, the Lambada. “Dancing brings couples close and as they spend quality time together, they can get to know each other better,” says Khatri. Just don't get too frisky too soon!

4. Play a board gameboard games
Ask her out for a coffee, then snag your favourite game and bring it along to your cafe. Board games are fun and can encourage a little friendly and flirty competition. Is she a witty wordsmith? Try Scrabble. Is she a financial maven? Monopoly should get her juices flowing. Plus board games give you an insight into her that you may not otherwise see. Is she a cheater? Does she get angry easily? Or does she take it all in stride? There’s only one way to find out.

5. Attend a cooking class
Show your lady you're manly enough to cook! Even better, you'll learn how to make all those fancy meals you enjoy while eating out. Nothing says romance more than French food, or sweet cupcakes and chocolate. Le Cordon Bleu-trained chef Pooja Dhingra owns Le 15 Patisserie in Mumbai, where she conducts a variety of classes in the art of decadent desserts. Dhingra says a cooking class "takes the edge off and makes you comfortable while you're on a date."

cooking classCan't cook? Don't worry. "Most of the people who come for the basic classes can't even break an egg, so knowing how to cook is not compulsory,” she adds. “The idea of these classes is to come learn and have some fun at the same time."

There's something for every palate. Over in Bangalore, 85-year-old Hajra Mohammed teaches classes in Kutchi Memon cooking. Your date and you can master regional Indian cuisine, if you prefer the spice!

6. Take her on a two-for-one with a cinema restaurant
Still want to take her to dinner and a movie? Don't get stuck munching stale popcorn when you can dine on a gourmet meal. A trend started in New York and London has now moved to India as well. Cinemas with built-in restaurants offer the best of both worlds and are pretty upscale. At Cine Diner in Big Cinemas' 9-screen Megaplex in Mumbai, you get full meals with table service as the latest flicks play.

 

rachel khonaRachel Khona is a writer and performer who has written for Cosmopolitan, Ask Men, Creem, and is a contributing editor at Vaga. She can also be seen performing for Inner Monologues and Speakeasy Stories.

In her spare time, she likes sliding down rainbows and chasing imaginary squirrels.

Here’s an update on the Diva’s Dating Diary … So you might recall that a few weeks ago the Surgeon asked me out on a date via SMS – which he immediately followed up with a phone call and we wound up going on a dinner date the following week.

If you’ve just found your way here, lemme fill you in on what’s going on.

Who Is He

A man who befriended me on a popular social networking site.  It wasn’t until after a few BBM’s and phone convos did I discover that he was a cardiac surgeon in his mid 30’s.

The Date(s)

I have  gone out 3 times with the man.   His idea of a first date was ‘going to a nightclub’ and I promptly changed that to ‘dinner & drinks’.  I’ll be damned if I’m going to go to one of my fav clubs with a man I do not know.  Besides I don’t think shouting into each others ears makes for interesting conversation.

1st date involved dinner (he hadn’t made reservations – fail; luckily I know the management of the restaurant and tentatively made a reservation – that’s the planner in me what can I say!), a cocktail (he had to drive back & I didn’t see any reason for me to continue having a drink if he wasn’t going to) and fairly good conversation.  Date ended with a quick hug good night after he dropped me home.

2nd time we went out (it wasn’t a date as far as I am concerned) was a littlemovie date impromptu for my liking – but he had hinted at meeting up during the week based on our respective schedules.  An early bite to eat (just starters, no main, and no dessert unfortunately) followed by a movie. 

3rd time we met was for another movie which he insisted I watch despite me constantly telling him that I’d already seen that movie just a few days earlier.  I had to ‘watch it for the experience’ at this other cinema ! I went along since no tickets had been purchased and other movies were also playing but as luck had it – no other shows were available (this irritated me)  Evening ended with a really awkward  (for me) extended hug from his end which I struggled to get out of ! (I need my personal space – and how he didn’t clock on to this I don’t know!)

Side Note : Never quite understood how going to a movie is a date (unless its with a long time partner when you don’t need to say anything to one another) I don’t think I’ve ever been on a movie date with someone before and hence refuse to call these two last meetings ‘dates’.

Positives

  • Looks better than his profile picture ! Too skinny & lanky in there but he turned out to be a 6ft4' broad shouldered man.  Not hot & buff but not out of shape.  Proportionate would be the best way to describe him.
  • Punctual & Chivalrous.  He picked me up every time.  Considering this is Bombay, we live on 2 different sides of the city and its the monsoon season – it was very nice of him to do so (even though I have offered to meet him halfway)
  • He paid the bill every time.  There was none of the ‘reach’ or ‘who’s gonna pay’ or ‘shall we split the bill’ type of scenarios.  Before anyone gets started here – I am more than capable of paying my own way when I’m out, date or no-date.  It’s just refreshing to go out with someone who ‘wants to take you out’. 
  • Solid stable guy with a real grown up job

Negativeshmmm doc

  • There is no physical chemistry (which sorta takes me back to thinking is chemistry : physical or mental ? )
  • He has a Moustache. Not a trim goatee or the bad boy stubble – but a moustache. (not a big fat bushy one but this very typical Indian man ‘tash that I’m just not cool with)
  • He speaks kinda slowly (it might be articulate for some but doesn’t work for me; and its not because he is articulate – it’s because he speaks slowly)
  • He ‘mmmm hmmms’ not only in texts but in person too .. and its not a ‘hmm’ (short quick type) but sort of an extended / exaggerated ‘oh really’ type of exclamation

Diva’s Verdict

A nice guy with a lot of good things going for him but as my London gal The Single Filez says in her post ‘nice, but nothing special’ … he doesn’t quite cut it for me. 

This has been one of the topics coming up amongst my girlfriends and I; and when I read SingleCityGuy’s poll post ‘How Many Dates Does It Take To Become ‘Exclusive’ – it got me thinking about how dating is different across each country .. seriously, ‘Dating ? What’s That ?’

Dubai, UAE

There was a time back in the day – whenever I was asked out by a guy – I always ‘knew’ it was an ‘exclusive’ relationship.  Why ? ‘Cos he probably asked me to be his girlfriend.  Straight away.  This was in Dubai.  A boyfriend-girlfriend relationship could be something that lasted one week, one month, six months or even a few years.  But it was a straight forward ‘will you be my girlfriend / boyfriend’ sorta question.

Montreal, Canada

Then I went to Montreal where I learned that you could ‘see someone’, ‘date someone’ or ‘be in a relationship’ with someone.  Yeah – I kinda got confused too. 

Seeing someone meant ‘casually’ going out with different men / women for simple things like coffee / a drink – there was no physical intimacy between the two people.  Sure they may have held hands, hugged, and flirted but kissing and beyond were off-limits.  This is the gettingrelationship queue acquainted stage and you could be getting acquainted with a few different people.

‘Dating someone’ meant going out with men / women on breakfasts, lunches, dinners, cocktail parties, gallery openings etc. and having some sort of physical intimacy.  So kissing, fondling, maybe even some groping could be there but no sex. 

Being in a relationship was more exclusive because you were only having sex with that one person.  Exclusively.  No more dates on the side unless they were ‘casual friendly dates’.

London, UK

Here it was simpler I suppose – very similar to Montreal but just two levels : Seeing someone or Dating.  At least all the men I met and dated – were in exclusive relationships with me and those ranged from about 3 months to 1.5 year. 

So you could be casually seeing people (who have not been introduced to your group of friends as yet) or you were dating someone who is now a part of your social group.  When most people referred to dating someone, it usually meant that it was an exclusive relationship. which involved monogamy.

Bombay, India

This city confuses the hell out of me.  It’s like the will-you-go-out-with-meguys & girls don’t know what’s going on – almost like dating in a foreign land !   I reckon most men think that if a woman wants to exclusively date them – it means that they want to get married (sooner than later).

The guys I have come across can make a simple thing as going out and getting to know one-another the most complicated chore ever !  It’s almost like playing a game. Dating is NOT  Easy especially in Bombay !  There’s this whole other level when it comes to breaking down the dating process and I’m still trying to grasp that concept.

After coming across the above differences in dating cultures across countries – I know where I stand on dating & when to get exclusive with someone but I’d hope that the person I’m with knows that too !

For me, personally, a label / tag to what I have with someone is not really important.  It is but it’s not gonna end my world if my partner doesn’t want to ‘label’ it.  I was in a relationship of 1.5 year (which I ran away from when it ended) but we never labelled it.  We knew we were together.  Some people are comforted and more secure in ‘knowing’ that they are dating someone or in a committed relationship.

So what are your thoughts on this ?  What is the difference between seeing someone, dating someone or being in a relationship ? And how do you determine when it’s okay to be exclusive or not ? Do you have ‘the chat’ or is it just ‘understood’ ?  Have you ever asked someone if they are exclusively in a relationship with you ?

Over the last few weeks I’ve really been wanting to put some perspective on the dating scene in Bombay or Mumbai (whatever you want to call it). I initially brought it up in ‘Dating ? What’s That ?’ and then hashed it out in ‘Dating is Not Easy .. Especially in Bombay’ which is when I realized that I needed to put more depth to it .. Of course I could have been completely biased so I went and got a male perspective too ‘Exploring the Unknown World of Dating .. Still’ and sorta broke things down further …

A few weeks ago – as if by miracle – I found an article titled ‘Dating In A Foreign Land’ on the Hindustan Times Blog written by a social networking associate of mine – Naomi Canton. She heads an Expat Group in Bombay and is a pretty cool chick.

side note : I had already titled my blog post with the same name and then I found her post – so had to add the Bombay bit to it)

Every city / country has their own perception of what is and what does not constitute dating. The potpourri that I am – it’s no wonder that the dating dynamics of Bombay have me confused !!!

In the UK and Canada – dating or being in a relationship is defined by the physical side of the relationship. You can consider yourself dating / being in a relationship with someone if from the outset there is an emotional connection and physical attraction between two people. You meet a perfect stranger and realize there’s this ‘chemistry’ or ‘unknown connection’ that draws you to them and you go out on a ‘date’ and that results in a ‘more dates’ and within a few ‘dates’ the two of you are in a relationship.

I have never known any of my friends to get involved in relationships with each other – because if you are already ‘friends’ then its highly unlikely that two people from the same friends circle will ever get together. It’s a big fat ‘ewww’ if you ask me.

In India – at least in Bombay – it’s a bit different. The local born and brought up guys and girls; men and women of Bombay - don’t quite seem to catch the drift of the concept of dating. They all want to …

1. Be Friends …. yes .. Friends First

So … what’s wrong with that ? Nothing to some – and a bit weird for someone like me. I LIKE the idea of ‘not dating a friend’ because it allows me to get to know somebody outside my social circle. It’s a nice feeling to be with someone who accepts you for who you are ‘before you’ve become friends’ so that you can both grow together in a relationship as a couple.

I’ve met people – who have been friends for 5+ years and have started dating perhaps a few years into the friendship; which in turn has resulted some relationships to last a few years (literally) and eventually ends in ..

  1. Marriage.
    • That’s wonderful – for them. For me – that’s like saying ‘oh marry your best mate’ AND that is a crazy idea !! I love my boys to bits but could never see myself marrying them. I’d hope that my potential partner has similar qualities to them but he’d never ‘be them’.
  2. They break-up but stay good friends.
    • And I really mean ‘friends’. I know of one such ‘separated couple’ who are still in regular (almost weekly) contact and have even travelled together as a part of a larger group which I was a part of.
  3. They break-up and cut each other out.
    • Yes it’s normal to cut off from your ex to avoid all the heart ache and drama. No more needs to be said.

2. Be Acquaintances with Benefits. Not even ‘friends’ with benefits.

There is no grey matter. It’s black or white. Of course that’s not true – there is a very small percentage (based on my network of friends, acquaintances & clients) of people who fall in the obvious grey matter. But you get my drift. (in my world – there are no ‘friends’ with benefits – that’s just a polite way to associate someone you are hooking up with)

The trend here (and I speak from personal experience) is that these guys and girls often end up in the following situations :

  1. Struck Out After A Date / 2nd Base.
    • You meet at a bar or party. Exchange Numbers. Strike a conversation via SMS (yes SMS is apparently the way to communicate with a member of the opposite sex); or even BBM (seriously how can a BBM exchange be considered a way to flirt?)
    • You meet up again on what appears to be a ‘date’. Spend a lot of time with each other. Nothing happens. Implication : He’s a gent. She’s comes from a respectable family.
    • You meet up again and the same thing happens. The chemistry is there – both of you can see it – but neither does anything about. Girl doesn’t make a move in case the Guy thinks she’s too forward or *gasp* ‘easy’. Boy doesn’t make a move ‘cos he’s trying to be a gent (erm really?); he’s not sure if she wants him to make a move on her; he wants to but doesn’t want a slap in the face !
    • Next scenario is that both of you do get to doing all that is pleasurable i.e. foreplay but never get any real ‘action’. That’s because the Girl wants to appear casual but really she isn’t going to sleep with the guy until she knows he’s going to establish a relationship. The Guy gets stuck in a catch 22 because he wants to do her – but out of respect (and not wanting to be thrown out with blue balls) – he obliges and doesn’t pursue the ‘action’ partbootycall1 of it hoping that the next time round – he will get some. This can keep going on until both parties admit they want to have sex !
  2. The Hook Up aka The Booty Call.
    • The chemistry is there from the moment you both laid eyes on each other but alas you are acquaintances and there are social norms to be followed.
    • So weeks / months of seeing each other at parties / social gatherings – one of you makes the move; and behold – you have the hook up !
    • He / She could be your hook up / booty call as often or as little as you like. Neither has intentions of being serious – but damn it – at least there’s someone who wants YOU for the day / night.
  3. Wham Bham Thank You Sir / Ma’am.
    • I’ve seen this happen – at clubs – not very often but enough to have caught my attention.
    • You can tell from the look on the person that all they want is a shag and that’s all its ever gonna be.
    • You will probably never see this person again – because he/she is not in your regular social circle.

3. Be Stuck In Limbo … Neither Here or There

This is the classic one that I’ve discovered. People are stuck in limbo. These tend to be guys & girls who would be considered a good catch to date – however they have a few unresolved issues within themselves.

  1. Mixed Emotions / Signals.
    • The guy or girl appears interested and just when you are fed up of ‘not knowing’ whether or not there is any chemistry they drop a bomb on you.
    • The bomb tends to be ‘I’m not too sure what I want right now’ or ‘I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship’ … you get my drift.
  2. Too Much Too Soon
    • We’ve all been eager at times; perhaps too eager … so much so that it drives other people away.
    • I’ve noticed this happen a lot in Bombay – guys / girls who are just too overtly keen on someone and end up becoming more of a nuisance than someone to consider for good company !
    • The intention is meant to be positive – but the result tends to fall as a negative … and so that leaves this guy / girl in a permanent state of limbo !
  3. Marriage is the Goal
    • This guy or girls’ purpose in life is to get married. They have been raised with the thought ‘you must get married and settle down’ which is instilled into everything they do. They want a solid relationship. They also don’t know dating is about.
    • So a potentially great guy / girl who wants a commitment – but won’t commit to the basics of dating as the certainty of a long term established commitment is not there.
    • Isn’t that a catch 22 – how can you marry someone that you’ve not dated right ? (at least for me!)

After 3 years of living in Bombay, this is how I can summarize the dating scene (or lack of) in the city. I may be generalizing but based on comments on my previous posts – it’s not limited to Bombay – it appears to be a nationwide epidemic !

Somewhere in between all of the above – of course there are people who actually manage to date and develop relationships. I’m not saying its not possible – I’m just saying that it’s bloody hard to do it !! Like Naomi – I have found myself in a situation where the guy wasn’t quite sure what we had going on; to anyone else we would have been dating / seeing each other – to him – we were hanging out and being casual ! Some people are just confused – but that’s life eh =P

What are your thoughts on this ? I’d really like to hear different perspectives on this subject. Looking forward to your comments and feedback on this.