Dating Is NOT Easy … Especially in Bombay

By | 23:59 27 comments

I’ve come to conclude that it’s actually damn near impossible for an expat or an NRI to ‘date’ in Bombay ! (in my personal opinion)

It just doesn’t happen. It’s as if the concept of dating does not exist or has not existed in this city. I look around me and see couples and I wonder – how did they start dating ? I’ve even asked a few of them and the response tends to be pretty generic ..

‘we went to school / college together and had the same friends and one day we were a couple’

‘we met in college, became friends and now we’re a couple’

‘we lived in the same building / neighbourhood – saw each other a lot – and we’re now together’

Give me a break here – that’s not dating – that’s just settling with someone you are comfortable with i.e. your friend ! (and I say that without any disrespect). Maybe these people felt shy to tell me about the actual dating process – but the more I hear stories like this – the more I come to believe that dating does not exist at all in this city. It may sound cliché – but it’s true. All the ‘married couples’ I know have ‘dated this way’.

At the end of the day – it comes down to peoples’ perception of dating. In my last post Dating ? What’s That ? – I tried to look at various view points of dating – and the comments that the post received were honestly – just phenomenal !

Dating can be quite a simple thing – but after living here for 3 years – it seems to be the most complicated concept that anyone has come across ! It’s not like I don’t meet men – in fact I know way too many people – and despite that I’ve not met anyone I really want to ‘date’ nor have I been too impressed by the ‘supposed dates’ I have been on.

When I do meet guys with dating potential – it’s as if I’ve been thrown into the twilight zone and somehow have to decipher hidden messages and just ‘know’ what my next move ought to be. Seriously – you can’t get to know a person over ‘text messages’ or ‘BBM’ .. you have to meet someone and take the time to get to know them … but in Bombay even that concept is a myth ! (ironic considering majority of the locals are all in relationships with their friends)

Fair enough – we all have a busy life and schedule to follow – but would it kill a guy / girl to take a few minutes out of their day to pick up the phone and have a chat with someone they are interested in ?? Technology doesn’t make dating easier – it makes it harder (but that’s another post altogether)

I’m not a 5 year old – I don’t play mind games – it’s as simple as ‘hey I like you and want to get to know you’ … but alas this city doesn’t make it easy for me .. Every time I have expressed interest in a man who has clearly shown the initial interest in me – it’s like ‘poof’ – he suddenly becomes a chameleon and it’s as if we don’t know each other. I thought it was just me – but no – conversations with other friends (men and women) have proven thdih021at this ‘poof act’ is not restricted to any gender and applies across the board.

I’m confident enough in myself not to ‘need’ the label of ‘boyfriend / girlfriend’ – it would be nice to know though if one is ‘dating’ someone … Cos sure enough – I know people who think they are dating someone only to find that its been a ‘friend thing’ … Come on ! At least clarify whether or not one is in the friend zone or not ! My blogger buddy SingleCityGuy got it spot on when he said ‘be clear about what you are seeking

Just when I begin to get the faith back in men who might know what dating is – I end up thinking ‘WTF just happened !! From a female perspective – I’ve noticed that every time I have taken an initiative with a man (after his initial expression of interest) – it’s as if they become ‘weary’ and ‘unsure’ of what they want.

I get that we all enjoy the chase – men and women both – but seriously shouldn’t one gender stop to get caught ? At least it will help determine if the chase was worth it !!! (and save both parties time and energy)

What are your thoughts ? If you live in Bombay or surrounding areas – what do you think ? Are you an expat in Bombay and having trouble dating ? Or have you found yourself thinking you’re on a date but it’s really not a date ? Don’t worry – it’s called the ‘Non-Date Date’ … Nando has dissected this theory with his post The Non-Date Date Illusion and I’ve come to realize that’s what tends to happen when a girl and a guy get to together (at least here) – it’s a non-date date with the precautionary safety net of the friend-zone !

Side Note : I haven’t gone into the various areas of dating here – but from the looks of it – I will have to do that. Just read a fabulous article and it’s perfect for what I have in mind !

Oh and if you aren’t from Bombay or even from India – please don’t let that stop you from leaving a comment. Dating is NOT easy anywhere in the world – I’m smart enough to realize that. Times have changed. People have changed. Perceptions have changed. I just believe it’s perhaps 10 times harder to date in Bombay or in India - especially for an expat or NRI.

Do make sure you mention where you are from (city/country) and what you feel about the dating culture over there. Is it easy ? Is it difficult ? How many dates before you meet Mr or Ms Right ? Or is dating just over-rated ?

27 comments:

Sunil Ahuja said...

Asking a girl out should be simple, right?

She may say 'yes' or 'no' depending on whether or not she's interested in you.

But noooo... that would be too easy.

You see there's also the possibility that she may suffer from what I like to refer to as the 'Middle Class Morality Syndrome' which causes the conviction/hallucination that 'dating is immoral and against our culture'.

I'll admit it's frustrating but it's also very amusing at times.

Javier said...

Completely agree with you girl. I am an expat living in Mumbai and I have tried to have some dates without any kind of success. I have just achieved 4 dates in 8 months and only one of them was good. The rest was just non dates! And the good one she went for an Asian trip of 7 months. She still calls me once or twice a month and that is sweet. But as you have said we are not just kids and that s not enough. Dating nowadays is extrenely difficult but dating in India and specially Mumbai is so much difficult. I am trying it with all my strenght and I have just achieved what? One call from month to month. It is seriously bad and non healthy. I could think it was me but seeing the difficulties of all the expat community I know definitely it s not my problem. But I don't give up. I have a lot of power inside me and I love to meet new people so for example I am knowing new people. I know the main purpose of a date, the theoreticall model, is not just to know new people but I have to be possitive and I don't want to consider my dates as a waste of time. I wanted to outline in a main idea that maybe world is crazy and go so fast. More in a city like Mumbai and dating just doesn't exist. It exists the traditional friends and the traditional fuck. I know some friends that they have achieved the second one. But I am not particularly interested in that option. Anyway is really sad than good guys with good brain and good physic as well finish to consider the direct sex as the only option to achieve in a night out. I love to party, I love to dance and I love girls but I am still finding an Indian girl who just want to hang out some time, take a coffee, going for a walk, dinner, to dance, going on trekking, traveling around Asia, having some laughs! I think I am just a normal guy with normal thinking but sometimes I trend to consider myself like a weird class of human being who is so romantic that had to live a lot of time ago.

Kaddu said...

1. This phenomenon is not restricted to just Mumbai alone. It's the same story in Delhi as well!

2. And the expats and NRIs aren't necessary the "victims" always... in fact, many of them come into the "confused" category - having no real clue about what they really want from a relationship.

@ Javier: (Sorry, I read your comment & couldn't help replying to it...)
"who just want to hang out some time, take a coffee, going for a walk, dinner, to dance, going on trekking, traveling around Asia, having some laughs!"
That's funny! Those have been my exact sentiments for the last 4 years now, and I'm on the verge of giving up on the idea of finding a guy like this in India!

Dazediva said...

@ Sunil .. Thanks for shedding the light on how it's difficult for guys to go on dates too .. and you're a local (so technically it should be easier but really its not). I like this MCMS concept .. I think it really does apply to a lot of people across the city / country .. You are either friends who know they are going to get married (and skip the entire dating process) or you are just out to have a shag.

@ Javier ... don't worry you are not alone !!! A lot of my expat guy mates are facing the same sort of issues ... they can't seem to go on 'dates' .. if they do, for the girl its a non-date date which is not really what the guy wants .. Dating as a whole is not something people in Bombay (or Delhi as Kaddu puts it or even in Pune as as Miss P will put it)actually do ...

I've met a lot of guys who either want to just fuck (not even have good sex) - its literally a 'bang' for them and the others don't know how to go beyond the friend zone. If it weren't for my expat / NRI lads who bestow a certain amount of flirting on me - I swear I would feel like a non-existent rotting potato sack left in the corner !!

At least you've managed to go on 4 dates in 8 months; my record is just SAD .. less than 10 dates in 3 years =(

@ Kaddu ... I knew someone would bring up that point that its not just restricted to Bombay :P I didn't want to speak for Delhi or Pune in case I got ostracized however it's true .. 'dating is not easy' is valid across cities in India (and of course over seas too but like Javier said - it just seems to be more difficult over here)

Sure there are some expats / NRI's who may appear confused as to what they want in a relationship but that's only because the guy / girl they are dating probably wants a higher level of commitment than what the expat / NRI is willing to offer. I may not be saying this in the best manner - but all the local guys I meet - talk about marriage & how they want to meet someone to settle down with but when they describe who they want to be with - it's like they want a born-again virgin !

The local girls - OMG - most of them want to latch onto a guy who's got money (and really they don't care about the brains, looks or anything else less materialistic); they pretend to be nuns (but really are the reincarnation of the devil amongst other women). Of course there is that percentage of women who genuinely want to meet a nice guy who one can share their thoughts, feelings, likes & dislikes with - someone who can go out for a movie, or go trekking etc but those women are sometimes 'over seen' by the men as a bit more forward as they want the 'sati savitri' for a wife !!!

It's really a vicious circle out here .. *sigh*

Ve said...

In my opinion, 3 very important factors that differentiate our concept of dating as compared to western nations..

1) We dont leave home to go to college!! We live at home with our parents, under their supervision... and believe me, it makes a big f*ing difference to how we interact with the opposite sex.. cause we know that we're always being monitored! The living conditions dont leave you with too much freedom to choose to simply 'date'! (for the majority!)

2) We've been brought up with a healthy respect for the concept of family. While I personally approve of this trait..it plays a vital role in influencing our decisions regarding life and therefore dating.. specially post college! Once we graduate, we NEED to find a good job, good package, buy a house, a car.. cause we NEED to start a family soon!! Which is why you probably will never see a guy from India quitting his cushy job at E&Y cause he wants to take 2 years off to explore the wild, wild west!! So post college, most people date with the view that eventually they need to find the right 'life' partner... and not just 'date' for the fun of it!

3) This factor is common the world over.. there will always be some guys to whom dating is nothing more than an opportunity to just get 'some'! If a girl suggests that she wants to date no strings attached, he'l take it as an invite to be her fuck buddy till she gets bored and moves on.. and why would he say no?? LOL

@daze.. correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you're in a conundrum of sorts.. coz if the point of dating is to meet someone new who shares your interests, with whom you can hang out and be yourself with, before taking it to the next level of exclusivity and intimacy... then whats wrong in doing it in reverse?? quote " Give me a break here – that’s not dating – that’s just settling with someone you are comfortable with i.e. your friend !" So apart from you not being with someone new.. other that that, you've pretty much achieved what you had in mind when you wanted to date. I'm pretty sure every relationship guru (womankind!) will say that in order to make your relationship work, you need to be friends first with your partner!

Oh and there's also another sub-plot based on the 'reluctance to commit'... but I'll save that for your next post! :D

mbchronicles said...

Here's the thing about dating, anywhere, in general. And it goes to both the sexes. If you find someone intriguing in the first mode of contact (Online, club, gym, etc) you're gonna wanna know more.
Whats important is, are you intriguing enough for the person to meet you one on one to figure you out? As Humans, we tend to reveal our worsts before they find out for themselves for the fear of rejection. Its the non verbal cues mostly. And that causes most poeple to back off. I think, if two people share a positive vibe and flow in it, meeting up for a coffee, walk or hitch-hiking wont be a problem.
Sometimes even the expectation of "what's next" can kill the mojo. Enjoy whats in front of you and ironically, the more you dont show interest in someone the more they want to know you better. This again goes for guys and girls.
There is no standard mould for what a date should be. I like Javier's perception of a date. Its more real and uncomplicated.
I have been asked to meet up by a few guys and the reason I have been slow to decide is cuz there's nothing left to discover about the person. Yeah, I wont know until I find out...but if he hasn't intrigued me enough I probably won't bother.

mbchronicles said...

Strangely, I found this blog I wrote a while back that might add a lil perspective to your blog Miss D

http://wp.me/pLJY0-a

Dazediva said...

@ Ve .. I agree with your 1st point that in India most don't leave home to go to college .. and I can only imagine how much harder that makes it ... I've come to live here now, and I'm living at home with my parents - so I know there's no way I'd be bringing a boyfriend back home unless I wanted Dad to break his neck hahaha ... and who wants to book a hotel room to hang out at - right ? the main thing is that there is no where for budding couples to really hang out at here .. its too public and then you have the moral police running after you depending on which area one is at ..

Whilst its important to think about family and being secure in oneself - its about time our guys & girls start thinking a bit for themselves - take a bit of a risk .. in India parents tend to fund their kids for as long as needed (or atleast willing to bail them out if ever in trouble) .. what I don't get is that even if a guy/girl is looking for the 'right life partner' when it comes to dating .. how would they even know what's right for them if they haven't really seen who & what is out there for them ?

At the end of the day - every guy and girl - wants to get some .. it could be short term 'some', a one night sorta 'some' or a casual f*k buddy cos they have tried & tested each other and it works for them .. The sad part of this story is that it appears I can't even find a guy to give me some on any of the above basis ... it's so ad hoc .. the ones who want to have a no strings attached fling - will approach me - but I'm not even remotely interested or attracted to them so its not like I would be able to just 'hook up' with them .. the attraction has to be there ..

Ok am gonna try to explain this .. I don't date my friends or hook up with my friends .. when I meet a guy - if I am attracted to him (i.e I want something physical out of him AND I want to know more about him) then he stays out of my friends zone and my intentions are clear .. I don't want to know him as a friend - I want to know him cos I am attracted to him, and then if all goes well (i.e the chemistry is there - including the mental chemistry) then I have no problem getting to know him ... I prefer to grow into being friends with my partner / boyfriend than being friends with them first ...

Hopefully I've been able to express what I wanted to say ... My wise friend Jack from Brooklyn says 'everyone is a journey of discovery' .. I want to discover the person along the way and not know all there is to know before deciding whether I want to be with them or not ..

@ MB .. its true .. we might be intrigued by someone, but he/she also must be intrigued enough to want to get to know you one-on-one .. when that's made clear, the attraction or lack of it becomes apparent .. then its up to the two people to take things forward as they deem fit ..

If the guy hasn't intrigued you enough in the first meeting - then there's no point really in meeting again (and yes - how does one know if there's more to a person without a 2nd meeting ... catch 22 .. such is a life!)

Ve said...

@daze..
I totally agree with whatever you've said.. and finally understand where you're coming from with regard to the 'not dating a friend' issue!! like you said in your latest post.. i.e. dating is different for different people!

I'd say you're the average Indian man's dream date and nightmare at the same time!! lemme elaborate..
You obviously dont beat around the bush nor are you hypocritical about your sexual preferences or desires.. which is fantastic!! why is it made out to be like testosterone is the only hormone at work in humans? Its refreshing to find a woman who doesnt pretend to be a 'sati-savitiri', devoid of sexual urges till it suits her!

On the flip side.. you represent the liberated woman.. one who speaks her mind and chooses to live on her own terms! (Need I mention complete lack of tolerance when it comes to taking a 'man's shit' like our mothers did?) While on an intellectual level, most men would applaud that characteristic... the male ego (for a large percentage) is still too fragile to handle complete equality in the relationship. Which is why in most arranged marriages, you find men looking for a 'homely' girl to be a 'homemaker'... or as you said.. the born-again virgin!

I'd say you got your work cut out for you when it comes to dating.. so brace yourself, and prepare for the long haul my friend! :-)

purplepatch said...

What perfect timing of this post. I have been so lost that this is god-sent, phew! I happen to randomly come across this. Oh-so- thank-you DazeDiva and apologies if I rant away.

I just finished another round of butterflies, yayy cant believe he called when he said he will, super date, long phone calls/BBM, couple more super dates (and not just in my head), uh what happened, where are we headed, what’s going on, where are u??? oh we are only friends now? maybe not?, but if not then etc etc… back to where are u?? And so where are "we"?. Not to mention the multiple times of friending/defriending on FB, I like you 'but', warnings of non-exclusivity etc. …. If this was one-off I would have ignored the immature ass but alas!

So I am very much a smart, educated BBY native, who has travelled a lot and lived away from home – yet never dated coz having been raised in Bombay/India I had successfully befriended, rejected, put off, ignored or then was ‘seeing someone’ from my existing college/work/neighborhood network – but they wouldn’t qualify as dating, as they ended up being minimum 1-year saga that pretty much headed the same way i.e. downhill….Until recently I was pushed into the dating game by my well-intentioned friends as the only way to do it these days and it has been a confusing ride.

So it is boy likes girl and vice versa, they hang out as adults while simultaneously testing waters BUT at some point (depending on their age, situation, chemistry, mutual understanding – usually after 5 odd dates) they decide to be together exclusively or part ways. You may chose to continue the coffees, dinners non-exclusively if both parties agree and are not emotionally vested – rare for a girl in the equation. What ends up happening - we keep dating more people simultaneously i.e. testing waters; that one is unable to commit/admit feelings to one. And the party that does communicate or admit to some feelings, drives the other away - not necessarily always the girl

Being in the early 30s, my idea of mindless hangouts without any exclusivity or being a f***buddy or lets go with the flow beyond dating for 3-6mths etc seems like a waste time of time AND this has nothing to do with the M word but just a need for something stable and genuine.

Eventually there is no thumb rule and the rules of the game will always vary depending on the person on the other side of the table. But I agree that the physical aspect of the equation is a personal choice and I would keep it out if both/either parties are non-exclusive. But do most guys think on the same lines? My experiences have been different – I have met a "few" guys recently who thought I was being a prude if its not a wham-bam event atleast after the second date – this after I am told that they are seeing other women. And mind you these are the NRIs, expats, men from multi-cultural backgrounds, who are definitely more experienced at dating- not just the homegrown desi boys

Someone please correct me if I am inexperienced, regressive or prudish

And I agree – where are the quality men to date?! Can someone please open some dating group with quality check and a Mexican restaurant while you are at it – both lacking in this lovely vibrant city.

MZ

Ve said...

@purplepatch...
Im totally with you on the 'mindless hangouts without any exclusivity beyond 3 -6 months being a waste of time', even without considering the big M.

No.. you're not a prude or regressive. The thing with us men is.. and this applies the world over.. is that we like to have our cake and eat it too!! So basically we end up pushing the boundaries on whatever you girls have to offer.. be it on an emotional or physical level!!

In our defence however, its not like your gender makes it easy for us either. We can never tell what you're thinking, whether you're having a good time or not ( and Im not even talking about faking an O) you'll play mind games galore, we're expected to read between the lines, we're supposed to feel the way YOU think we should feel, if we take it too slow, we cant make up our minds or we're not interesting enuff,.. if we take it too fast, we're just horny bastards like all the other men out there.. its no walk in the park, believe me!!

And its not like all of us are like the stereotypical man who apparently has nothing more to his personality than his need to drink, watch sports and scratch himself (an image perpetuated by a disgruntled wife/gf no doubt)!!

At the end of the day.. the reason dating is such a chore is coz its just another battle of the sexes!! lol.. will be a lot easier to find yourself a good Mexican restaurant, me thinks! ;-) (you could try Casa Mexicana at the Oberoi Trident btw)

Dazediva said...

@ Purple Patch aka MZ … welcome to my blog and thanks for sharing your comment =) And I’m glad this post and its subsequent comments were able to shed some light for you.
Ahhh the butterflies … I can’t recall the last time I had butterflies … oh wait – I think I can .. and it was very short lived – 2 ‘meetings’ and I made the mistake of initializing another meet-up and he flaaaaaaaaked !!

I’ve noticed that any ‘local’ (and I don’t mean this in a bad way) attempt at dating / relationships does tend to be a long drawn out process … like you said – ‘are we on / are we off / are we a we or an us’ just drags out over a few months and by that point – you yourself don’t know what you want anymore !! and the process tends to go downhill =(
The underlying problem lies in the fact that one or both parties are unable to fully express or admit their feelings to one another – and as you rightly put it – if one does express their feelings or intentions – the other one is ready to run for the hills !!
You’re not inexperienced or being prudish. I will say one thing for the NRI / Expats – typically – dating is based on physical attraction to a person. Most people who ‘date’ overseas have ‘hooked up’ first before they ‘officially date’ … to some it may seem ‘too fast’ .. but it happens … Boy meets Girl, Girl meets Boy – both have great physical chemistry – both go out – fireworks (can involve making out to a full hook up) – and continue going out / dating until its either fizzles or goes to the Long Term Relationship stage …

Complicated ? Yes perhaps. Possible ? Yes it can happen. Does it work ? Most places – yes; India not really. Perhaps I should find an investor for a Mexican restaurant – that might happen a lot quicker than being able to go on a ‘real date’.

Ve said...

tsk tsk.. how cynical we've all become... I thot atleast daze wud keep the faith! ;-)

Dazediva said...

@ Ve ... aaah my blogger in the making :P

I'm glad you got where I'm coming from in the whole 'don't date my friends' scenario .. and thanks for the compliment too :P but of course you threw me off my cloud when you called me a nightmare too hahaha

I'm not cynical ... I'm realistic .. I've come to realize and accept that its gonna be harder for me to date in this city .. so instead I focus my energies on work .. a lot of it !! If I happen to meet someone - well and good - if I don't - oh boo hoo so what right ?

Ironically - the whole 'marriage' pressure is now upon me .. being the eldest, and a girl, and 2 younger siblings below me .. oh and the fact that I'm a wedding planner ! Every relative is wondering 'what my plans are' .. and I tell them if they can find me a man - go for it - if they can't - back off !

If you count my 'marriage' dates - I've been on 4 .. of which 2 were great guys but one wasn't sure what he wanted and the other one got upset that I didn't want to marry him straight after the first meeting LOL but we'll leave those stories for another post :P

Are you on twitter ? at least I can follow you :P

Dazediva said...

@ Ve .. oh and you should check out the Guest Post on Sunday 'Exploring the Unknown World of Dating' .. written by a guy .. I wanna know your thoughts on that !

purplepatch said...

@ DD - Thanks :). .Oh I do have some experience on the 'marriage dates', and its a source of entertainment for my not-so-single friends :p ....So will look forward to that post.

Dating seems like a better, more fun option - if only there were that many options to date. But I aint sure how many potential dates would be encouraged if I tell them (not on the first date) that I am looking to marry 'eventually'.

The expat-style dating - Ahh i wish i was 21 again to try that. But maybe its time to step out of my comfort box and give that a go too - selectively ofcourse. Will have to gear up for emotional trauma and lots of drama - but then wouldnt be too different from my current status.

I would only say DONT GIVE UP! I keep saying it to myself. It seems to be a probability game that only practise & random chance can help master. If your being honest and upfront about your feelings/status in the dating cycle scares someone off - so be it. We do want a 'man' who can handle the truth and not someone we have to tolerate.

Another question for you - Does your being successful scare the potential guys away? From your blog, I sense that you are independent & successful at what you do. I do ask from a dating point of view. I wonder, cause I find it hard to find someone as charged up or ambitious as I am/appear and nothing less seems attractive unfortunately

@ Ve - I am usually very honest and upfront during the course of dating (not rightaway) about the mindgames. However I do understand where you are coming from. But lets face it - men love the chase, drama and the excitement that the women with mindgames offer. It is indeed a task to keep you'll interested, especially if we are not of the tall, model-like, damsel in distress variety.

Thanks for Casa recommendation - am gonna have to find a date to take me there (see - not so cynical yet). But I wont wait too long on that to happen :)

purplepatch said...

Another question for both Mars and Venus representatives - Would you be "realllllly" ok if a girl asked you out? or Has your experience been positive if you have asked some guy out?

((remember no chase left as you already know she is interested))

Ve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ve said...

@daze.. my thoughts on Sundays guest post..

Not much to comment on.. the dude's given a very honest view on how he perceives dating. Personally I disagree with quite a few things he's said.. but like we all agree.. its different for him and different for me. So I wont say he's wrong in his perceptions.. they just dont apply to me, thats all. :-)

Ve said...

@daze.. you most definitely get full credit for all my blogging efforts!! I've followed blogs in the past, but never with this much enthusiasm! Its easy cause I can relate to pretty much everything you talk about so... guess you got me hooked on you :)

lol.. now talk about expanding your business!! Imagine a wedding planner who provides the GROOM as well?? You'd make a fortune.. apart from being able to pick from the cream of the crop!! ;-)

I vote that you blog about the 'wedding' dates asap!! and oh, I dont tweet.. somehow I've always preferred conversations via chat (gtalk, yahoo whatever)or even if its just via posts, as opposed to an impersonal status update.

@purplepatch.. to answer your question.. you kidding?? of course its realllly ok for a girl to ask a guy out! MAJOR ego boost!!! its different if you're in the 16-24 age bracket.. at our age, the guys who want to date dont care about the chase.. its about meeting someone nice!

Now I get that some guys enjoy the chase even now (to each their own)... but if you want my opinion, if dating is all about the chase, what happens when there's no chase left? all the excitement and interest goes out of the window? I mean.. when the dust begins to settle.. and you both finally settle down into an exclusive relatonship... for him, will being with the 'real' you match up to the excitement of winning you over? I wonder.....

Dazediva said...

@ Purple Patch … yes the M-Dates are quite entertaining – at least my cousin & business partner is highly amused by it all !!

Expat style dating – is worth a shot – honestly – because any other form of dating is not working ! Also all my mates tend to be expats (however I can’t really hit on them!) but at least I know they won’t be quick to judge anyone who would want to hook up. I can’t say that it won’t be an emotional ride for you (especially if it’s not something you would do) … but I believe that if you can just ‘enjoy’ the flow of it all – you might just end up coming out of it with a big grin saying ‘damn right I did that’

I’m definitely not giving up on the idea of going on a date in Bombay … I have been on a few (read less than 10 in 3 years) and all of them were great on the 1st date – and then I’d normally discover how one has a girlfriend who is too sweet to break up with; or how they don’t know what they want; or how they think my career is not an option if things were to get serious !!

According to my gay best friend and my straight male friends – apparently everything about me can intimidate men. Especially when it comes to dating. For starters – my male best friends are super hot; and they are my life line.
Secondly – I’m an out & out PR networker – so any place I go – I know someone and no man likes to be in the shadows … especially if a manager / steward comes directly to me first for orders etc (one guy got very pissed at a restaurant about this and told me that he felt like the ‘girl’)

As Ve put it earlier – most men would WANT to be with someone like you and me … however their ego doesn’t quite know how to handle it and hence they stay clear.
And speaking from experience – every time I have initiated asking a man out – I have never heard from him again (and when I do – it’s as if that chemistry never existed).

Dazediva said...

@ Ve .. you’re much too kind !! I’m really chuffed that you’re enjoying my blog and your comments – really do add a nice spark to it all =) so I guess I finally found someone who is “hooked on me” :P if only it were so easy in real life huh :P

You won’t believe how many times I have considering providing the Bride and/or Groom for weddings LOL and ironically I am a fabulous matchmaker (at least the few couples I have hooked up have all gotten married hehe) … although somehow it’s never quite worked out in my favour … but that hasn't stopped me from screening all the lads that come my way :P

I’m drafting out the ‘wedding dates’ in my mind as I type this comment .. . in fact I still have to share my few ‘dates’ that I have managed to go on as well – purely for the entertainment value it will give (at least I think they will) and possibly open the eyes of others who have committed such heinous dating crimes !!

As for the Sunday post – it’s a guest blog – so your comments or thoughts – even if they are in disagreement should be there :P So if it means re-posting what you said on this post about that post – on that post comments – then do it :P I need my guest bloggers to feel loved and heard :P

Ve said...

@daze.. ahh Im sure Mr.Right will come along..its just a matter of time u know! As for me, Im good as long as I get my daily dose of diva! ;-)

For the rest of the single hopefuls out there, since DD is confident of her matchmaking skills.. and keeping in mind that she's in a poetic mood these days.. a few lyrics from the movie Fiddler on the Roof to inspire her...

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match!

PS. Me thinks MZ and Miss P would be quite ready to sign up for this new service!! :-)

purplepatch said...

@DD - We seem to have lots in common after I read your last comments here. I sense that this shall be a long lasting equation. I have never commented on any blogs that I follow, but am glad I did this once. I will be visiting here often. Keep writing chica!

And if your match making skills are anything like your writing ability - I am taken care of. Purplepatch is qualified, able, ready, willing and all that .. to mingle ;)

@ Ve - 3 hawwt potential dates including Miss D right here and you'd rather read about it ;). I hope you follow your own advice hah!

Thanks much for being honest and your words of caution - it should come in handy to sift the men from the boys.

Dazediva said...

@ Ve ... look at you ! I can just imagine that bass voice coming out to sing :P did you also do a lil' jig - cos I think that adds value and totally might encourage the Matchmaker to open his book !

Mate you've put the bar quite high up for me .. so I hope I don't disappoint ... I will warn you from now that with wedding season coming up - my posts might thin out :S

Also just realized that the comments are all mini-blog posts in themselves !!

p.s I'd like you to check out the #MM post 'Dream Of You' .. its different - kinda took it to another level, and your wise words would be appreciated :P

@ PurplePatch .. that's the beauty about blogging - you come across some very like-minded people who (at times) open your mind to a whole other realm of possibilities .. I know for me it did - and its been a great experience. I'm glad that you commented on my blog :) At least you also discovered a knight in shining blogosphere to give out advice in sifting the men & boys :P

Now I must get to work on the matchmaking site and see how many people I can sign up to it :P

Ve said...

@purple...
The potentially scorching hawwtness of you 3 lovely ladies definitely cannot be ignored!! So why wud I prefer to read? It pays to do your homework.. so they say! :-D

@daze...
not just the lil jig... infact I think we could go as far as to say that I did indeed 'drop it low'!! ;-)

see now thats just plain rude!! As soon as you get under my skin, you give me a heads-up bout not being around much in the near future? You've got yourself a growing fan-following over the past month, so I dont think Milady de Diva has too much of an option but to get that butt back here and post whatever... wedding season or not!!

PS. knight in shining blogosphere?? lol.. with bended knee, in the service of the fair damsels, no less!! ;)

Praba said...

I agree with you girl! Dating is such a complex thing everywhere and not everyone is open to that concept either. I have not dated nor am i interested in it, but that is just me, studious and ambitious leaving relationships and dating to a later part of life. But i got to agree that my friends have similar experiences to what you have stated. It is happening everywhere...and as far as i know, most of my friends are dating girls/guys who once used to be friends...

Would like to add another POV, apart from this topic... there are some guys who regard friendship as love blindy too & other guys who are just too possessive in a relationship..have come across such characters here in Singapore..Well, those who have a chance to love do not take it seriously and those who can leave it cowardly...