So Simple .. It’s Complicated

By | 20:30 11 comments

Normally I reserve that line for myself … I’m so simple – it’s apparently complicated (for others) !

But no – my experiences in Bombay have just made me realise how bloody complicated other people ! And really – compared to them – I am pretty simple and straight forward !

So here’s the general gist .. and please feel free to give me some feedback on this – because I don’t get it !  About 2 months ago – I met a guy – Banker Boy – at a mutual friends’ party – and turns out we worked in the same office building on different floors and we exchanged contact details (either on FB or at the party) .. although I think it was on FB after someone tagged his picture …

That same week, we exchanged a few text messages, agreed to meet for lunch and the same night – he invited me to join his friends for a party.  I did meet him but only as I was attending a party at a venue next door to where his group was.  After that – we’ve met up once a week either for lunch or in the evening for coffee and a drive (and mind you he’d moved offices as well so it was an actual effort on both our parts to meet up).  Then as you all know – I had my nasty flu – and he even came by my place to check on me when his crew went out to the bar below my building; and also drove 13 kms out of his way to come and take me for lunch whilst I was stuck at home for those 10 days. magnetic attraction

Now during this time – I’ve noticed a few things … He always initiated the day / time that we would meet up; he would make the effort to link up with me at a party that I would be at in the evenings – even for 15 minutes and then leave to go on to whatever other party he was attending with his friends; we would text / sms each other close to 15 times a day AND even talk for short bursts (5 min convos) during the course of the day …. however we have never even kissed … we’ve flirted and teased and flirted more .. and that’s about it … and being the kind of person I am – I would like to know what’s going on … ‘cos really it didn’t seem very ‘buddy buddy’ …

Last week we were supposed to meet up for Sunday lunch – and circumstances turned that he left his phone with a work colleague when they went out for the weekend, and totally ditched me for lunch and I obviously didn’t hear from him till Monday … And I was quite irritated.  No one likes to be stood up without explanation right ?

So on Thursday or Friday I sent him a text suggesting isn’t it about time that he makes up for ditching me for lunch … He replies and its positive – and he even mentioned how he thought I was pissed off and hence took a few days to reply to me.  Now check this - HE has initiated that we meet up on Sunday for lunch, dessert and a movie !  I haven’t even said anything about what we should do etc. It’s all HIM !

He picks me up on Sunday – we go for lunch to a nice restaurant – have a glass of wine – we’re flirting – we’ve held hands – gone for dessert – I’m feeding him brownies whilst he’s driving … we’ve even done the hand-on-hand whilst on gear as well … He drops me home – says goodbye to me in the car – 3 times with a hug … and sorta tweaking my nose … Mind you, throughout the afternoon, he has complimented me a few times, suggested plans to meet up over the next week which include going for a play and to teach me investments AND even to meet me the same night AFTER he was done with his family commitments  … so I took the bull by the horns and suggested that we meet that night and I’d give him a kiss good night too …

First step taken … sent him a text message later telling him that I really did have a good time and that I was being serious about meeting up that evening – after all I had fed him brownies and as a p.s. note I added that his boys would cuss him if he ditched on such an offer … I was making a joke and being playful about it …

His response – which came almost 2 hours later … see below and let me know if you can make head or tail sense of it …

“Hey had a great time too.  That’s a very sweet offer and although my boys would be pissed with me for saying no to an offer like that, they understand that I am more interested in being friends.”

Seriously …. that’s what he sent me … digest it …

It’s such a simple response – and very nicely done as well mind you – but seriously – what the fuck ??? Sure friends – do all the things – him and I have done … but not always one-on-one …. Him and I are not best buds nor are we friends from donkey years … we actually met up once at a party and after that it has been one-on-one interaction between the two of us …

So of course my response to him covered my ass and his ass too so as avoid any future embarrassment … I actually told him that we were friends and he ruined my moment of being able to hand him a Hersheys Kiss chocolate bar … and that I’d talk to him later as I was watching Scrubs …

That should have been the end of it … Had I not heard from him after that – it would be fine … but guess what …

scrubs 2“Ya know, I’m sure you’re gonna agree. I really relate to JD in Scrubs. I’m as goofy and stupid as him. Enjoy Scrubs”

Have you ever watched Scrubs ? Do you know JD’s character ?? That was the icing on the cake because ironically I had just finished Season 6 of Scrubs and had started season 7 where JD realises that he is a “self-sabotager” and how he freaks out when any relationship becomes serious !!!

Give me a break …. of all the characters on TV shows – he picks JD as his reference ??? It was such a simple response … he should have just left it … but no … lets make it complicated with that reference !

Why make that reference ?? Does that mean he is interested but not sure ‘how’ interested ? or does it just mean that he’s got issues with an ex flame that he’s not over ?

At least his initial message was ‘just want to be friends’ … it’s another perspective to look at and think that his actions didn’t exactly reflect those of a friend … Honestly – I have lots of friends – and even with my close guy friends here in Bombay – I don’t exactly spend the one-on-one weekly quality time with them … yeah sure we hang out – more like once a month properly or as a group – not always as individuals …and even more unlikely that I would make time & effort to meet a new person that often if I didn’t think that there was something ‘more’ to it … know what I mean ??

Conclusion : Indian Men have way too many complexities to even be considered simple !

11 comments:

Kokonad said...

I am sorry he was such a bum to you... :(

Deft Digits said...

That last statement only applies to Indian men, eh? :)

There are guys like that everywhere. They permeate the landscape of every continent. Except for maybe Antarctica. If they don't fit your description, then it's something else. He could have gone along with the advances, while at the same time doing the same thing with half of the other women in Bombay. There's always something.

However, if his intent all along was just to be friends, he certainly could've made that known the moment the flirting started. I hope the bastard's bank collapses. Uhhh, financially, not physically.

Dazediva said...

@ Kokonad .. that is bummish right ??

@ Deft Digits ... ok fine maybe not just to Indian men but it really feels like its these guys who have more issues than their other counterparts ... Been here 2 years in August and not ONE of the many men I have met have pulled through in terms of NOT BEING A FLAKE .. they have all been flakey !!! and I really believe that once a man comes into India from wherever in the world - his brain stops functioning !

So all you guys out there - please be straight about what your intention is ... Being friends is cool - but tell us !!

Kaddu said...

Just my 2 cents... don't keep any expectations from such a man. Or you'll be heading towards major heartaches & heartbreaks. On the contrary, if u get even the slightest intuitive feeling ever, that you might be better off putting an end to this incomplete relationship, FOLLOW it.

Btw, I completely agree with the last line... such complexities are prominent mostly in Indian men these days... especially the ones who have yet not been able to decide whether they are traditional & conservative or modern and open-minded! As such, they r totally confused and clueless abt wht kinda relationship they really want.

I seriously doubt whether this guy will be able to put up with this facade of friendship too for long! Eventually, he's going to realize he has feelings for u, and would hate the way he feels, and probably start taking it out on u... holding u responsible for it in some way! Sorry to sound so discouraging, but that's the kind of Indian men I've seen in my 31 years of life...

grishma said...

what a wanker.. leave well alone! and in case you ever get tempted to revisit mind games with this wuss, just remember you deserve a MAN, not some idiot boy who compares himself to a sitcom character as a way of excusing his actions.

hope you're well darling :)

grish xx

N.C said...

seems like banker boy needs to do the write up on "confessions of a confused mind" instead of us workin on it..hahaha...he'd probably do a better job than us!we are still gonna use that header!

N.C said...

also, im giving u real kisses...xxx's

ani_aset said...

Daah bad one..it happens when things start getting a bit serious..and i'm sure it happens to girls too ..and i'm not defending this banker..god bless

mbchronicles said...

I can't even begin to tell you what an ASS-Wipe this banker boy has been. The way I see it, its his pattern, or patent attempt.
Trust me when I say this, by backing off on such Wankers you have only spared yourself from a jerk. Good Luck to those who haven't been as smart!

Dazediva said...

@ Kaddu .. Just realized that a lot of my old comments have been deleted ! I agree with what you have to say .. in fact am in the process of creating a few posts related specifically to dating because in the last year - I've met even more flakey men ! hahah

@ Grishma .. we had this convo on MSN; it seems that its the wusses that attempt to single me out; and then really just wuss away !! I suppose it would look bad if the strong silent male approached me and ran away with his tail between his legs huh ?

@ NC .. you still owe me blog posts :P and no I will not ask Banker Boy to write anything for the Confused mind series hahah

@ Ani_Anset .. it happens to us all; guys and girls alike .. wouldn't it just be better if everyone was more clear cut about what they wanted out of a relationship ? And by that I mean even a friendship !

@ MB ... see what I mean ?? Since you know about the whole hersheys kiss incident; you can clearly tell that I have not exaggerated anything in my post .. The boy just went weird on me; which I have begun to accept as a general trend in Bombay and India ! Boys will be Boys here and the MEN are a rare breed !

I just find it hilarious that he had to bump into me at Sunnys' in Lonavala on the day he was asking the SG out ! hahaha that's just CLASSIC !!

jackie summers said...

You want I should kick the crap out of him?

oxo
JFB