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Showing posts with label reflections on morality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections on morality. Show all posts

For those of you that might have been asleep or missed out on this widely talked about event … S.L.U.T.W.A.L.K has been a trending topic on social networks since April; when the first Slutwalk took place in Toronto; and now it has found its way to Delhi.

It began on 24 January this year, when policeman Michael Sanguinetti walked into the Osgoode Hall Law School in Toronto, to tell women how to avoid sexual violence. "I've been told I'm not supposed to say this," Sanguinetti said. "However, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimised."

And this is why Slutwalk Delhi that is due to take place on 25th June is important !! Indian society tends to blame the woman for any assault or rape.  It’s always the woman who was ‘asking for it’ because she was out late, or she was alone, or she was dressed in a particular way.  Women are the one who are ostracized and out casted in society if they have been victims of sexual assault and rape.  WHY ??

Slut Does Not Mean Whore

First of all – what is a slut ?  We as a society have changed the meaning of the the word slut to suit ourselves.  A slut for some means women who get too much attention; one suggests that slut is a woman with the morals of a man; for others its a woman who sleeps around; but pray tell – why is the word being used just for women ??

In the olden days, it used to mean someone who was dirty, unkempt; and later the Oxford dictionary defined it as someone with more than one sexual partner.  So I suppose all of us – men & women – are sluts if we have had more than one sexual partner.  

Why is it okay for a man to sleep with multiple women and be called a stud; but if a woman decides to sleep with more than one man she’s a slut / whore / and considered ‘easy’ ??   It’s NOT okay and we need to just grow the hell up and accept that in today’s day and age, everyone has a past, everyone has multiple partners, and it’s not something you should judge a person by !

N0 = NO.  Any Time. Every Time.

Just because nowadays, we, particularly women,  are more in charge of our sexual lives does not mean that it’s a green light to sexual assault.  When a woman says NO – it means NO.  Doesn’t matter what your mind thinks – NO = NO ! realmentakeno

To put it bluntly – ANYONE can get rape or sexually abused and victimized.  Man, Woman, Boy, Girl, even babies !! Yes there are some sick people out there.  Yes there is ‘male rape’ too . Which child of 8 years or 10 years goes around ‘provoking’ someone to sexually abuse or assault them ? What defence does a 2 year old child have ? For that matter – what defence does a 80 year old grandma have ? There was a recent case in Delhi where a 70 year old woman was raped !! Was granny parading around in her skimpiest best ‘asking for it’ ?

When I first moved to India almost 4 years ago, I got warned by everyone I know that I should never go to Delhi alone; that it was the ‘rape capital’ of the country; that Delhi was considered to a dangerous city for women.  I never quite believed it – but the latest police figures indicate that a woman is raped every 18 hours in Delhi.  That’s insane !! No wonder my mother panics at the thought of me going off to spend a few days in Delhi.  She just doesn’t know ‘what could’ happen. 

Whilst I’m really excited that finally – the women of India – especially Delhi – will get a chance to stand up for their rights of being able to walk the streets without being victimized; it really irks me the way some people (including some women) – especially men – are reacting to it.

I wanted to take a club and smash a few heads on Twitter yesterday based on the tweets I was reading.  There were men who were just  trivializing the entire concept of Slutwalk; using it as a form of very bad puns and generally being quite disgusting about it.   Just the fact that men are making a joke about ‘how much would they have to pay for a slut’ makes me want to take a knife, slice their d*cks and chop their balls !! Yup I said that – and I’d do it too.

man slutGuys – don’t you have a mother, sister, wife or daughter ? How would you like it if another man tried to verbally or physically assault them ? Wouldn’t you want to tear that monster from limb to limb for touching your family ? Or would you blame your sister, wife, daughter for provoking a man into believing that they wanted to get harassed, leered and even raped ?

Instead of making lewd comments and jokes about such a strong subject, shouldn’t you be out there with your female friends, sisters, aunts, daughters and mothers supporting them ??  I’m proud of the fact that all my guy friends who were in Toronto and London were a part of SlutWalk.

Here’s A Thought For Men

How would you like to be violated and have an unwanted penis rip open your anus and treat you like a piece of meat ?  The thought makes you shudder doesn’t it ??  Now multiply that an infinite time and that’s what a woman goes through every time she is violated verbally or physically.  Sexual assault is NOT a joke .

Do you even realize what it feels like to be stared at like a piece of meat that could be pounced upon ? Do you ever walk out of the house thinking ‘oh shit, maybe I should have worn jeans instead of shorts’ ? Do you make sure to lock your car door the minute you get into it ? Do you check the back seat of your car before you lock yourself in the car ? Do you switch your car light on when passing a police check so that the male cops don’t stop you ? Do you grab your back pack and squeeze your body tight whilst you try to walk past the crowd hoping that no one tries to grab your ass or brush against your chest ?

NO – you probably don’t have to do that.  So WHY should a woman have to do that ? I’m a modern woman used to living across the globe and yet in what should be my ‘mother land’ – I walk around concerned about how people are leering at me; and how I have had to slap some guys for brushing up against me inappropriately on an empty road. 

Are You Walking With The Sluts ?

slutwalk_descriptionSlutWalk is a movement for freedom of expression; including freedom of sexual expression.  By using the word ‘slut’ – we are coming together to take back the social meaning that has been assigned to the word.  For all of those making lewd jokes about SlutWalk – the more you keep at it – the more people become aware about it.  It’s only been a few days – but women (and men) across India – especially in the metro cities – are waking up and expressing themselves. 

So what if the uncles, aunties, and the more prudish amongst society are trying to turn a blind eye to what is really going on – it’s up to US – Gen Y and Gen Z to make a difference.  It’s up to us to stand up for the right to be able to express ourselves.  It’s up to us to educate others around us that it’s NOT acceptable to play the blame game on assault victims. 

For all the women and men who will be participating in SlutWalk Delhi - ‘hats off to you all’ for being a part of this global movement.

Further Reading …

  1. Her Dress Is Not A Yes
  2. Of Sluts & Walks
  3. For The Love Of Sluts
  4. Slutwalk TO: It Rocked
  5. I Became A Slut At The Age of 10 
  6. Why Men Should Join SlutWalk

 

I read a really great post the other day by Joanna Penn over at The Creative Penn titled What Do You Want To Write In Your Lifetime ? Reflections on Morality. .. and it got my mind into a hasty overdrive mode !

It’s taken me a few days to figure out how to actually put my thoughts down and every action and incident that has taken place prior to reading her post has just somehow cleared my perspective.

We only live once.  Life is short.  Time seems to be going faster and faster.  Before you know it, it’ll be June and that’s 6 months into 2010.  Maybe the next time you look at the calendar it’s going to be December and we’re planning our entry into 2011.

Yesterday, my younger brother left home to start a new journey.  He’s in the process of setting up a business in California.  He mentioned it about 3 weeks ago .. and BOOM … this morning .. he’s gone.

The day before yesterday we spent a few hours talking about what we want to achieve in this lifetime and what is the best way forward for each of us in our respective career paths.  We also discussed the differences in the ways men and women look out to their future; the role of each gender when it comes down to relationships.  It was interesting.

It boiled down to 3 things :

  1. Time is of the essence.  For every minute that we waste, it is an opportunity gone by.
  2. If you really want to do something – and I mean – really want to achieve something .. then you have to FIND the time to do that. 
  3. Focus on the positive; on the NOW and put your energies into the goal you want to achieve and it shall fall into place. 

Between reading Joanna’s post, the conversation with my brother, and a rather random chat with Jack from Brooklyn (which I’m posting in pink below) … I have been reflecting on the things I want to achieve in my lifetime (well at least within the next 5 years)  … not in any particular order …

financial securityFinancial security.  That’s a huge subject on its own.  I’m not talking about making  millions on millions (although it would be nice).  I just mean being able to have a few things in place for myself which I’ve managed to do i.e Life Insurance and Mutual Fund investments.  I’d like to own a property somewhere – but at this point in time I can’t really afford it.  But maybe by the end of the year.  

Being an Indian female .. typically by my age - which is 28 - I should be married .. or at least engaged to get married .. and trust me I'm late in getting married ... however due to my upbringing .. I have these goals that I want to achieve .. including financial ones of some sort .. and I'm a workaholic ... so my brothers point (and he's 23) was that I don't 'have to' be doing all of this .. because at the end of the day whoever I am going to marry should be capable to taking care of both of us .. and yet liberal enough to let me do my own thing so that I can continue to have my own financial freedom and yet not be dependant on it

Career progression and growth.  I am an entrepreneur at heart.  I don’t like career ladder working for other people – particularly companies where there is no freedom to conduct business in a way that is suited to ones’ personality.  I recently resigned from an events management consultancy with one of the largest media companies – Times of India so that I could set up on my own again.  After working for myself for 6 years; I moved to India and ‘got a job’ … and now I’m back on my own feet again.  It’s slow at times, but it pushes me to get more and drive more opportunities my way.

I could continue working independently over here in Bombay which is proving to be a good market; but then there are opportunities over seas that I should and could cash in on.  So many options .. which one to choose !

So I ratted of the goals I want to achieve .. which is career, financial security, and settling down ... however due to the fact that I'm in India - I haven't found anyone in the last 2.5 years that I want to be in a relationship with .. which in essence means that I feels that I have wasted 2 years of what could have been a relationship that would have gotten me closer to settling down .. so my career and financials work but the relationship i.e personal life has suffered ...

Settling down in a relationship that will eventually result in marriage.  In the 2.5 years that I’ve been in India – I’ve not had a relationship.  I’m not dating - and the few so-called dates that I’ve been on havesettle down been enough to make me wonder WTF happened!  It’s not that I’m not dateable – I’m a brilliant catch according to my mates – I just haven’t found the right fisherman to catch me.  (Considering I am scared of fish – I don’t know why I used that metaphor!)

I’ve spent the last 6-8 months taking part in a documentary film that looks into the life of an expat Indian and their views & perspectives on dating, relationships,  love & arranged marriage.  One of the incidents resulted in an explosive reaction on my part which I titled Some Documented Truths.  I realize I have set myself up for this crazy rollercoaster ride … lately all I keep hearing is ‘when are you planning on getting married’ and the more I hear it – the more I keep thinking .. ‘why why why’ !   How am I supposed to meet someone in a city full of people who can barely understand me or my back ground ?

I’ve gone down the traditional Indian match maker route (yeah that exists peeps and trust me its no fun!); I am on a matrimonial site (yup got conned into that too – I had to make the profile or else let my mom & my aunt come up with their own thing) AND gone out with a few of the men from there (disaster stories honest); I am listening to my mother list out details of eligible bachelors.  Any joy so far ? Nope.  Anyone interesting ? Yes – he’s in NYC.  We’ve been talking for 9 months now and I feel that we’ve connected .. however we’ve never met (other than Skype chats).  The fact that we’re still in touch is a good sign.  But for anything to materialize means that we both need to meet and figure it out – whatever the end result is.  For that I need to get out of this city.

Leave this country for the sake of my sanity ASAP.  I’ve known this for a while now.  It hit me harder after my trip to Dubai.  Living here is a different life.  It’s not one that I’m used to.  I have In search of sanity imageadapted just fine into the day-to-day grind however if I look deep into myself, I know I’m not happy being where I am.  The thing is .. since I’ve just left my consultancy and I’m starting on my own again .. where do I want to be ?  Do I move to Dubai or do I go back to London ? Either way – I’m comfortable in both places – I have friends in both cities and I know the life that I will have.  Its more ME than the life I’m living in Bombay (and its not a bad life – its just stressful due to external factors)

So yeah .. my dilemma in life now is .. do I move somewhere with career focus and let the relationship just happen .. or do I go somewhere putting the relationship first and then work on the career ... and throw in the fact that I want to be back with my friends who are split between London & Dubai .. and a potential relationship that's in New York !  its like damn WTF do I do !

That’s all from me folks.  I think it’s been a slightly heavy post.  As you can tell, my mind has been in a bit of an over drive mode.  What about you ? What do you hope to achieve over the next few years ? Or in your lifetime ? And if you were to answer Joanna’s question – what do you want to write in your lifetime ?