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Showing posts with label dating is not easy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating is not easy. Show all posts

letter-heartDear Heart,

It’s time we had a chat. 

Lately you’ve not been yourself.  You seem to be consumed in thoughts of another.  First thing in the morning, last thing at night, even randomly during the day.

What’s going on here ?

Do you know what happens when you let yourself do that ?

You’ll make yourself go dizzy.  It’ll take your breath away.  You’ll feel the blood pounding against your chest.  It’ll make you question so many things.  Do you really want that ?

Do you want to be swept away the way you are ?

Don’t you want to know what all this really means ?

If you aren’t going to ask - how on earth are you going to know ?

And that’s what holding you back. 

You know I’m right.  You know you need to ask.  You don’t want to come across as pushy, and yet you shouldn’t participate in games.  

But this is you dear heart that we’re talking about.  Don’t you think you need to ‘know’ ? And I mean ‘really know’. 

How deep are you willing to go before you hurt yourself ? I know you don’t bruise easily, but scars often run deeper than you let on.  You’re a tough cookie like that. 

Time and space is of the essence but at some point you have to draw a line – even if it is an imaginary one just so that you know there’s a boundary somewhere.

So my suggestion is to pour it out, forget about the consequences because it’s better that you let it out than keep it all in and drive us both crazy.  I don’t know how you do it but it makes my head spin !And no matter what the result is – I’ll be there to talk you through it.

Understood ?

Love,

Your Mind

 

guest postI met a girl, a nice girl. There isn’t anything wrong with her, as such. However, I have an issue.

A few friends and I visited a regular spot of ours a just under a month ago. We’re all single apart from my brother who has now apparently found the love of his life etc. but he came with us anyway. Despite the consistent single status of the group none of us really chase women. In fact, we don’t get them. Not in terms of psyche and all that, but in terms of physically getting them. Actively ‘getting’ one. We don’t. You could say we get no chicks. It is a choice, not a restriction.

Right so we’re at this club, it is a favourite of ours. The music is always right and it always has a pretty nice atmosphere. None of us have ever taken a number in here though. We generally don’t go after numbers, but for whatever reason we NEVER have in this place. We’ve been inside for like an hour and I see this girl with her friends. She’s pretty and from what I can see has a pretty good figure too. I say that, but I don’t want you to get carried away thinking that I am REALLY attracted to her or anything. She’s hot, but not out of the ordinary. You get what I mean right? She did have something about her though, I could tell for some reason that she wasn’t British. This served as motivation. For the sake of clarity I will at times refer to this one as Chick A.

Getting Chicks

I get up from our table and go over to her and her friends. As I stated earlier I never really go after women, especially in bars or clubs so I didn’t really have anything in mind when I walked over. I look at her friends, smile and say, “excuse me” as I approach her. I say hello, she says hi or something like that. I can’t actually hear her, which of course pisses me off. Whatever motivated me to get up and approach the out of town-er has now faded. I realise I can’t actually be bothered so I just say, “I can’t really hear you, so I’m going to be quick and ask you two questions. Firstly are you having a good night?”

I asked the first question because she didn’t actually look like she was having a good night. The fact that she looked that way kind of annoyed me if I’m honest. I always feel that if people are not having a good time when they are in a bar/club they should just go home. I offered to pay a girl’s cab fare last week because she had a sour face. She said no though.

So my girl says “yes” and smiles at me. I’m thinking, ok that’s a lie but whatever, it is loud and this is just long – let me hurry up and ask my next question. I smile back, lean in again and say “ok second question, yes or no?”

Chick looks confused. I don’t understand why and as such I am growing more impatient. This isn’t a hard fucking question. “Yes or no, are we or aren’t we. If you want to continue this conversation in an environment more conducive to conversation say yes, if not no.” I think I may have come across a little angry and a little more verbose than advised in a club. Good. She says “yes” and gives me the same smile, but this time with what I could swear looked to be a tad of awe in her eyes.

What happened next did nothing to quell my anger. I remember asking for her number or something and then her telling me that she didn’t know it because she has a new phone and her phone is in her bag in the coatroom blah and that she was going to come and find me before she left when she had her stuff and we could talk some more. I just said, “Ok, cool”. I smiled, nodded at her friends and walked back to the table. I carried on my night, had fun and my anger ebbed away. Somewhere in all of this I forgot about the girl from earlier.

When the club was winding down I started talking with this other girl I have a weird sort of thing with. She wants me. She is too up her own arse to go about this like a normal woman though. I think she is hot and very interesting, but I need to humble her first. I actually have a bit of a thing for her. As such, we have this on going a battle of sorts. She also has a boyfriend. He’s irrelevant though. I am going to call her Chick B. So yeah, mid conversation with Chick B the foreigner Chick A came and stood in front of us. Couldn’t have been more perfect. She looked up at me and was like, “let’s talk after you’ve finished.”

Now if it were not for this unresolved conflict I have with Chick B I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at Chick A when she came around. However Chick B was acting up so I decided to be childish and utilise Chick A. I kissed Chick B on the cheek and walked off with A. I took her number.

I really shouldn’t have. Well that wasn’t the problem; the problem is she took mine. I don’t think I was going to call her. I had no intention to, not after she pissed me off with her earlier anyway. Yeah, so she called me a couple days after. I shouldn’t have answered or just killed it, but I played along. We hung out, then again and again etc.

This is not good. I thought she was a tourist. She isn’t. She’s here to stay. She got a promotion with one of these stupid investment banks and is now based in London. I can’t seem to get rid of her. This explains the eyes, the smile and her eagerness to come find me. When I thought her saying she was coming to speak to me after was just a tactic to get rid of me, it was really her preparing to hunt me down. I wasn’t prepared for this. What I thought may have just been a summer fling thing, is turning into something much more sinister. Like I said the reason I spoke to her is because I knew she was new to town. I assumed tourist. A part of me went after her for the wrong reason in the first place. Tourist means casual ‘squeeze’. I don’t do the casual squeeze. I don’t know why the fuck I decided to try and change that.

I made a few mistakes. Firstly I shouldn’t have talked to the girl. Secondly I shouldn’t have use the poor girl to play a game with another girl. Which, by the way I am winning. Thirdly I should have never EVER let her have my number. Honestly, I don’t know why I let that happen.

This story has a few lessons in it. Primarily don’t try and be clever because shit will haunt you; like this chick. She is literally haunting me. Thank God she doesn’t know where I live. She wants something that I was never prepared to give to her. Knowing this I should not have initiated things with her. I know me. I should have been responsible. I wasn’t though. I haven’t been responsible, because I am letting this continue for God knows what reason. I am a traditionalist; this is why I tend not to get women. I like to keep these things simple and linear. When I find one I like to try and keep them. I was never going to keep this one though. I knew that.

I had no point in writing this other that getting it off my chest and identifying my mistakes. I need to take action and get rid of Chick A, focus on Chick B and stop being a kid about it.

Often in life we judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. This girl has done nothing wrong; there is nothing wrong with her. From her actions I have no reason to drop her out. I’m the problem; my intentions from the outset were not ok. Like I said, nice girl, nothing really wrong with her. There are several things wrong with me though. That’s what’s been bothering me.

Author Bio

AvatarHi, my name is Melvin and I like to write. I never liked to read though. If I'm honest it is because I never really respect my peers. Plus I hate everything I read. If I read something that is bad I hate it and the author because it is bad and was a waste of my time. If I read something that is good I hate it because I didn't write it and feel nothing but contempt and jealousy toward the author. I also like long walks at night, men and women. I detest queuing, and people that use the word eclectic.  Read on.  You can also find me on Twitter.

guest postHave you recently broken up with someone special and in need of some singles dating tips? Maybe you’ve been single for a while and need to start a new plan to find that elusive someone. Starting to date again no matter how you became single can be a little scary so here’s some top tips from one of the best online dating sites on the internet, Singles Warehouse.

Tip 1 : Sign up to a site that’s relevant to you. The internet really can help your love life. There are dating sites out there for many different things. You can find a site just for redhead dating all the way through to adult dating. If you are looking for a lasting relationship then we’d recommend that you sign up to a general site. Also sign up to one that is free to get started. You can pay later if you like what you are seeing on the site.

Tip 2:  Spend some time writing your online dating profile. This is going to play a big part in getting people to message you. If you have trouble writing about yourself consider paying for a service to help you. Without a strong profile your online dating will be short and not very sweet.

Tip 3:  Get the picture right. You need to have a strong online dating picture for sure. Most good sites allow you to upload multiple pictures to tell your story however the main picture should be you and you alone. Consider a shot of the waist up so that people can see what you look like. Attraction is also a key part to dating.

Tip 4:  Talk to everyone. Sure not everyone that messages you will be right for you however if you respond you never know where the conversation will lead…give things a chance.

If you follow those top 4 tips your be off to a flying online dating start.

warehouseSingles Warehouse is the UK and USA’s fastest growing online dating site. With over 13 million members on our network we’re bound to have the single your looking for.  Follow them on Twitter

I like to think of myself as a pretty open gal. When I meet a new opportunity I typically find the time to embrace it with some optimism, “No, I don’t think I’ll like eating buffalo entrails, but I’ll give it a whirl …” The same goes for my dating life. I could easily find reasons to exclude men from my rolodex before they even enter. Too tall. Too Short. Too Blonde. Too Chubby. I’d be well within my rights to refuse, without much more thought some 30-40 million American men. But I don’t, I allow all to show me their worth, to try out a line, or take me on a date.

That all changes once me and the man begin to see each other with consistency. Like any self-respecting women I build in certain expectations to the relationships, which means that there becomes a list of no-no’s that accumulate. Here are five of my relationship deal breakers.

Being Latecartoon-late

I’d appreciate a phone call, and if somebody is going to run behind it’ll be me. Yes, work will hold you up from time-to-time but being late with consistency isn’t about the dinner getting cold, or missing the previews. It’s about respecting my time and the time of people other than yourself. When a man is consistently late it only shows that he’s self-centered, or worse, completely absent-minded

Laziness

I don’t think I’m the hardest worker in the world, but you should be working a full job or looking to find one. Financials aside, a man without a passion means someone who will either become too dedicated to me, or will want to find his happiness in nothing but the admiration of other women. Either way, a man without passion or motivation is a sure-miss.

Appearances

The shoes need to be polished, shirt tucked in and the beard shaved when you meet Mom and Dad. Again, I’m not a hard ass on many things, but I like to know that my man has the self-respect to wear clothes that fit and groom himself with consistency. Showing that you take pride in the way you dress, even if it’s in a style that I don’t LOVE, shows me that you will care about our appearance together. That is something that I care about.

Respect

We can argue. We will argue. But when the time comes for us to have it out, the relationship gets tossed if you can’t do it with respect and at least some capability of admitting you’re the one in the wrong. I can admit that I’m wrong, but if five months into our relationship my boyfriend is more disrespectful than he is attentive to the contents of the argument then it’s adios-time.

Video Games

No boyfriend, fiancée or husband of mine will play video games unless it is ironic, or we are doing it as a couple.

Lilly_StarLilly Star is the lead female voice atguest post DatingWebsites.com.  Lilly is a professional advice-giver with experiences in dating men of all types, including the good ones that got away.

Her passions include white wine, purple peonies and relaxing on the chaise lounge with her dachshund Samantha. Lily's work can be read on dating blogs for both men and women.

If you’ve ever been on the wrong side of a breakup then you are probably familiar with the top three breakup excuses. Do any of these sound familiar?

“I need some time to think.”

“Things are moving too fast for me.”

“You deserve more.”

Obviously these excuses won’t help you much if you’re trying to figure wait-for-exout where things went wrong. Each one is purposely broad and could be interpreted in several different ways.

Sadly, this is precisely what your ex had in mind by using them. They didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth, so they decided to hide behind a lame excuse.

But the real question here is… what was your ex was so afraid to tell you? Why not just tell the truth and attempt to work on the problem together? Well, the short answer is because the truth isn’t always pretty. If your ex used a one-size-fits-all explanation for breaking up then perhaps your relationship was suffering from one of these embarrassing issues...

Pure Boredom
If you spent more Fridays on the couch watching Netflix than you did going out to new places there is a good chance your ex felt stuck on a treadmill going nowhere. Being young and in love is all about experiencing life together and breaking free from your comfort zone. Of course no one is going to tell you to your face that you bore them to death, so the easier option for your partner was to simply get out of the relationship.

Lack of Romance
The difference between being friends and being lovers is pretty obvious. You don’t kiss your friends, so a relationship without affection is anything but romantic. Physical attraction is big part of dating and sensual signals confirm a deeper connection with someone you love. If you and your ex weren’t connecting on this level then you are better off as friends.

Too Much Negativity
We should all feel comfortable sharing our troubles with our partner, but a relationship without smiles and laughter quickly turns into a chore. Positivity and perseverance can carry love through even the hardest of times. Solving problems together builds trust and brings you closer together. Negativity on the other hand literally sucks the life out of a relationship. Don’t blame your ex for leaving if you spent the majority of your time together complaining.

I’m always surprised to hear people say they don’t know why they got dumped. Really? I’d say in most cases the writing was clearly written on the wall. Whether or not you are honest enough to admit your faults will determine how successful you next relationship will be.

eb-picElliot Beers has been serving up uncensoredguest posted relationship advice across the web since 2006. He writes about breakups and how to fix them at GetBackMyEx.com. Follow him on Twitter and don’t forget to check out his Facebook page.

Here’s one for the Diva’s Dating Diary (I really should make a chart for 2012 but that’s another post altogether)

How It Began

About 3 weeks ago, I went out with a girlfriend for the launch of a new club in Bombay.  We were looking fab and dancing the night away.  This one guy caught my attention towards the end of the night – he was looking straight at me through 10 feet of writhing bodies and when I locked eyes with him – he looked away.  And I laughed which I assume embarrassed him just a bit – because every time he looked up and caught my eye – he couldn’t maintain eye contact. 

I found this pretty amusing and actually pointed at him and indicated that he should come over to where I was.  Typical Bombay boy, he didn’t and looked even more flustered (heaven forbid a woman is direct!).  At this point I just got bored and went back to dancing with my girlfriend.

Whilst waiting for my car – I saw the guy again and this time he did approach me and we struck up a conversation, exchanged phone numbers but not before he asked for my BBM pin.  Seriously what the hell happened to just taking a phone number down ?

The Problem

The next day, this lad drops me a half dozen text messages which included (and I quote) “C U Sometime at your comfort”,  until I tell him that it’s a lot easier to have a conversation on the phone (my pet peeve is constant texting / bbm’s instead of a quick phone call).  2 hours later he gets his ass in gear and calls me (but not before we play phone tag for another half hour or so). 

Plus points to him for actually trying to fix a date; more plus points when he did fix a day to meet to up.  I asked him what he fancied doing and he says …

“I thought you could come over to my place, watch a movie and you can cook me lunch”

Errrrrrrrrm NO.  Minus points all around.  Seriously – the logistics of this suggestion involve me traveling from one side of the city to the dating cookingback end of the suburbs to cook for him with absolutely zero effort on his part !  Why on earth would I want to cook lunch (or any meal) for a man I do not know and at his house the first time I ever meet him ??   Not a smart thing for any girl to do on a 1st date (unless you have some history with the man).  Cooking involves slaving over the heat in the kitchen (and with temperatures hitting 40 degrees Celsius in Bombay that is NOT something I want to be doing) AND end up smelling like food !! Appealing – No way !

I provided an alternative option of going out somewhere to eat but he wasn’t having it.  Cheap alert perhaps ? Or then again it could have to do with the fact that he’s a 24 year old model who thinks he’s being cute ! *yeah right*

Needless to say – that date never happened.  The party was on a Thursday, he rang me on Friday, we’d fixed up to meet the following Tuesday and like most of the Bombay boys – he never quite followed through to the end.  A request on his part to reschedule but that didn’t happen either.  Although I got a text message the weekend after asking what I was up to and when I would be cooking for him !! My response – I’ll send you some take-out / delivery options !

Diva’s Verdict

Guys – don’t ask a girl to cook for you on the first few dates.  You may not realize this but cooking for someone is quite an intimate affair – and if you haven’t got a history together, it could turn out to be a bit of a disastrous meal !!  Ask her out, take her out (this does not mean it has to be fancy), show her that you’re into her and if you play your cards right – she might show off her cooking skills or better yet, if you’re really lucky, she’ll serve you breakfast in bed !

Side Note : I don’t have a problem with cooking a meal for a guy – but that’s at a later stage of having been together i.e  few dates at least / a boyfriend .. definitely not the first time I am meeting him.  Now if HE offered to cook for me (or vice versa) that’s a different story … but this was just a bit lame (even though my mates reckon he wanted to actually indulge in Naked Master Chef)

There are many ways to meet singles … you can meet them online, you can meet them at parties, you can meet them at grocery stores or even meet them while out with your friends. But how do you know if you will enjoy each other’s company? How do you know if you have anything in common? You really don’t. You have to go through the “getting to know you” process and learn as you go along. What if I tell you that you can skip a step and meet singles that you actually have things in common with? It’s true. I’ll show you how.

There are countless ways of meeting new people, but to meet singles doing the things you love ensures you at least have some things that you share. You can either do this on your own, or there are agencies that have these events lined up that you can register for (such as Meet Market Adventures). You can meet singles while biking, hiking, taking flying lessons, going parasailing, going bowling, wine tasting or even challenging yourself to some trivia. There are countless possibilities. It gives you an alternative to the regular dating scene and you know there are like minded single people attending.

If you aren’t interested in those types of activities, you can also take a class in something you love. Not only will you learn something new and enrich yourself, you have the potential to meet singles who enjoy the same thing. Have you ever wanted to learn how to cook Indian food? Did you always wish you could speak Itsingles at gymalian? Perhaps you always wanted to become skilled at painting. Whatever it is, you will have fun and at the very least leave a bit more knowledgeable than you entered.

What other options? Well, you could join a gym or a sports team. I have met many men at the gym – it’s one of the best places to meet singles. It’s a great place to mingle with others and there’s ample opportunity to chat someone up over a barbell. Strike up a conversation with a hot guy/gal working out by asking how to use a certain machine or how best to lift certain weights. Co-ed sports are also great because you quickly develop a rapport with others in your league. At the very least you know these people care about their health and appearance which is a bonus if that’s important to you.

As you can see, there are so many fantastic ways to meet singles while doing the things you love. It’s a win-win really. The ideas above are fun, no pressure ways of keeping yourself out there and available while being true to yourself. So go out there, do what you enjoy doing … you never know, you might just meet the person of your dreams!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva for Singles Warehouse

suz appleSingle Dating Diva is a divorced 30-something from Canada who is exploring the adventures of being back in the dating world. She is discovering that it is a totally different world than she left in her 20’s. Not only is she older with a different life perspective, the men that are single are also different. They range from the spectrum of non-committal players to the desperate. She decided not to discriminate and to give everyone a chance. It has led to some interesting experiences which she shares on her blog.

Single Dating Diva is one of Singles Warehouse's original bloggers and has provided some great advice on how todivas guest blogger navigate the online dating world. Single Dating Diva has a background in Communications and Public Relations. In addition to writing her blog, she works in Health and Safety education. In her spare time she enjoys reading, trying out new restaurants, visiting museums and galleries, as well as spending time with friends and family. Follow Single Dating Diva on Twitter . And CLICK HERE to read more of her work on Singles Warehouse.

Time For A Reality Check

Did you know that Not Everyone Is Going To Like You ? Seriously.  I read this fab post written by @SingleGirlie for SinglesWarehouse and related to it (so much so that I couldn’t help pen my own thoughts on the topic- yay for inspiration – and you must read the original post like right now!)

In any relationship – whether it is with friends’, acquaintances or with a potential partner – you’ve got to realize that not everyone is going to like you the way you like them.  I’ve met more than my share of guys who indicate that they are interested but then never really follow through.  I put it down to the fact that they just don’t like me enough to come after me; AND I obviously don’t like them enough to go after them.  No one really comes out a loser in this.  I rather not waste my time or someone else's time if both are not on the same page.

If you are the outgoing type – it’s i don't like youquite unlikely that you will find your soul mate in an introvert (although it could happen but the odds are low).  The same way if a guy has a preference for busty blondes, and you are a sporty brunette or a foxy red head – unless you are willing to dye your hair blonde and opt for bust implants – it’s quite unlikely the guy is going to ask you out if he has the option of dating a busty blonde.

Dealing with ‘I Don’t Like You … Like That’

As upsetting and disheartening it is to ‘accept’ that someone doesn’t fancy you enough to commit to date or want a long term relationship with you – it’s better to cut your losses short and deal with it then and there.  Why waste time and energy trying to make someone like you ? It should be easier than that right ?

i don't like you like that_thumb[2]A few years ago, I deciphered that my persona isn’t everyone's’ cup of tea – and I’m fine with that.  I don’t want to be everyone's’ type.  I have a select group of friends; and am even more selective about the guys I date and go out with.  I’ve tried to go out with the kinda of guy that looks good on paper and has the long term potential (read marriage) but I found myself bored shitless and wanting to shoot myself to put me out of my misery.

To be fair I’m pretty sure some of the guys I’ve gone out with wished I was more domesticated / homely and less of a social butterfly.  Yeah, I said good bye to those guys pretty quickly as well.  I can’t change who I am (sure I can tone it down a notch) but I am who I am the way you are who you are.

P.S Not All Your ‘Friends’ Like You Either

You didn’t see that one coming did you ?  I’m a social person – very out going; always know people at events, restaurants, parties – hell even on the street. All of these people come up to me / or I approach them, we say hi, we sometimes hug or give each other air kisses, have a quick chat or toast a shot across the bar, even pose for photos .. you get my drift. Does that mean they all ‘like me’ ? Maybe … maybe they just ‘like me on some level’ but not on a best mates / inner circle level. Someone asked me “doesn’t it bother you?” and honestly it doesn’t. If that person meant so much to me – wouldn’t they already be a part of my inner circle ? ‘Levels of Like’ vary from person to person and that’s just a part of life. Nothing you or I can do will change that.  I rather be friends with people who accept me just the way I am than having to change my entire personality to fit in with their perception of ‘cool’.

Moving Forward – There Are Others Out There

At the end of the day – if you can accept that you are not everyone's’ type – it’s going to make life a lot easier for you.  The next time a cute guy/girl doesn’t come back for a second date or seems to pull a fade on you – don’t beat yourself up about it.  You may be dogs bollocks to those around you – but just not to that person.  And that’s okay.  You don’t need to change anything about yourself to suit the criteria of that other person.  Just be who you are and you will meet Mr / Miss Right For YOU !

My BFF @madamnatalia wrote this on her FB today and I think it’s something we should all remember :

“Everybody is not going to like you. Everybody is not going to agree with you.  Everybody can never be you.”

No two people are alike.  We can seek similar qualities, personality traits, ambitions in a person.  Your friends and your potential partner are there to complement you, guide you, bring you down when your head swells up, and most of all to tell you things straight up that no one else (other than your mother) will tell you.

Another thing is that, all of us must also learn to like ourselves (flaws et al) because once we do; then we project that confidence to those around us and thus increase the chances of others liking us for who we are (although that doesn’t necessarily mean in a romantic way). This may sound obvious and unnecessary but you’ll be surprised how many guys & girls actually suffer from low self esteem.

What are your thoughts ?

What happens when you win the lottery and you are in a relationship?

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A lottery win could give people everything they had ever dreamed of if their numbers come in - but for many people this massive sum of cash can raise issues about a spouse or partner.

Seek Financial Advice

The first thing an individual or couple - whether married or not - should do when they realize they now have a million (or more) in the bank is seek the expertise of a financial adviser.

Such a professional can help them put together a plan of action for their money and may help those who disagree about such matters with their partner.

For instance, if a household is run by one individual who likes to shop and indulge in nice meals and day trips, while the other is a stickler for thrift and saving, a financial adviser can help them reach an agreement over how best to use the money, allowing both parties to put the money where they want it.

Furthermore, these professionals can help couples invest their winnings in such a way that it safeguards their future together.

Dating does not equal Dollars

Hopefully, the vast majority of lucky lotto fans will be able to share their money with a loving other half, allowing them to fulfil their ambitions and aspirations together - but what about when the garden is not so rosy?

According to a case in Florida, a judge ruled that a spurned lover was not entitled to any of his ex-girlfriend's $1 million Florida Lottery prize, even though they had lived together for a number of years.

Judge Alan Dickey stated that an agreement would have to be put in writing between both parties if they were to share the fortune in the event one of them struck lucky.

For richer, for poorer

And even wedlock cannot guarantee a jackpot is split between estranged spouses, because a case in Scotland - which has a different legal system to England and Wales - resulted in one man being told he was not entitled to half of his wife's £35 million after he moved out.

However, the individual was lucky, as his ex decided to share her money with him in spite of their split.

Author Bio:

austinAustin Weaver is a recreational poker playeguest postr who loves cricket and rugby, but his real passion is EuroMillions Lottery.

He is a content and blog writer for theLotter, and online lottery website. He hasn’t won a big lottery jackpot yet, but loves his wife, so plans on closely following his own relationship advice if he ever does!

Follow him on Facebook or Twitter and check out the YouTube channel

Main Picture Source: Thinkstock via Adfero library

“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.” Michel de Montaigne, French Philosopher and Writer. 1533-1592

I actually heard this quote at the end of the latest Criminal Minds episode and it really struck me.

When it comes to relationships be it with your friends, family or your partners – sometimes no matter how hard we try to forget something – a situation, an incident, a milestone, a breaking point – it seems to be as if completely instilled in the mind with no signs of letting go.

My interpretation of the quote is that instead of focusing on the memory that you want to forget, one must just let it go.  The only way to truly just let go is to accept that everything happens for a reason and accept the given conditions, circumstances, and go on with your life.  There’s no need to wreck your mind or heart over a situation that is beyond your control and is laden with emotional, mental and psychological tangents.  Take everything that comes your way as it comes and deal with it then.  It’s all part of the universal spectrum and perhaps the ultimate key to happiness ?

Decide how important that relationship is to you and how much you value it in your life – and then you’ll notice that your subsequent actions will naturally weave them in your life (or unweave them).

It’s unlikely that you may share that memory with someone else but unless you give yourself a chance to do that – you won’t know.  And by focusing on what you had – focus on the things that you could have.  Just because things change between people doesn’t mean that its impossible to achieve again. 

Your thoughts ?

acceptance 2

Seeing that I have yet to finish writing about my dating experiences in this city – here’s a new one for the Diva’s Dating Diary.

A couple of weeks ago I met this guy.  He approached a girlfriend and me at a bar with a relatively cheesy line but just ‘cos he was funny (and was an NRI) – we all got chatting.  He asked me to stick around for a drink whilst my girlfriend went to join our friends and I did.  Hey, it’s the most direct a guy has been with me for a while now (in public) so why not right ?

Turned out that he was in fact quite a laugh to be around, extremely witty, well travelled and spoke French.  He asked for my BB pin – not my number – which led me on to a rant about why can’t people just pick up the phone instead of texting / sending BB messages (huge pet peeve of mine). 

The lad didn’t disappoint – he made it a point to call me and only used BB messages as a way of informing me if he could / could not call.   I can’t begin to tell you how nice it was to ‘talk’ to a guy who gave off positive signs of being interested.  If I really think about it – this guy knew the rules (not that I go by them but it’s something to consider) – called when he said he would; call to ask me out a few days in advance (no sms for dates) and generally very charismatic. 

The first time he asked me out – it was just him and I – at a social event wherein he was aware that I would know people there.  He arrived early and waited for me, we spent the entire evening hanging out together after he found a cushy corner sofa for us to have our drinks at.  The second time – was at another party – where he spent the evening hanging out with my friends.  The third time – same sort of thing but I made it clear that I was out to hang out with him and not with other people.  The last time was a few days ago, a mid week social event to raise funds for an NGO and it was just him and I maybedice(again, he was the one who asked me to join him)

At some point in the evening I come to know that he is not only avoiding being in a relationship; but he has gone out on a few dates with another girl and wants my advice on how to break it to her that he’s not looking for anything serious.  Whilst on the surface, I gave him very good advice on how to deal with this girl – at the back of my mind I’m thinking ‘WTF – how on earth could I have been so ‘off’ on whatever signals he was giving off’.  Not once in the entire month that we have been talking to each other, did he bring up ‘dating’ another girl.

Even though I’ve not been dating much the past few years – I think I know when a guy is into me – and everyone around me who met this man thought the same thing … but this wasn’t actually the case (which is absolutely fine) … what I don’t get is – why spend so much time and energy on someone (i.e me) if he wasn’t even interested ?  I have guy friends – and they do not spend hours chatting to me in the middle of the day or the night … but this one did … the more I think about it – there were absolutely no signs that he may put me in the friend zone and his body language told a different story altogether .. it  was all about staying out of the friend zone.  Everyone who has seen the two of us together (including random strangers that he enjoys chatting to) has assumed, implied or stated that we were a couple.  So you can imagine the slight state of surprise I was in when he broke the news above.

Whilst driving home that night, I went through every conversation and interaction I have had with the man .. and for the life of me couldn’t figure out where or when I would have missed an indicator that said ‘maybe not interested’ … oh well at least the conversations were entertaining ! Next please !

If you recall, I once said that running doesn’t always help.  Honestly, it doesn’t and hence I threw it out at the universe so that it was all out of my system.

This morning, I woke up like any other morning and saw a FB alert that a friend of mine had tagged me in some pics.  I knew these pics would be dated a few years ago as I haven’t seen this friend in almost 5 years now. 

I saw the first picture and I smiled.  It was a picture of me on my 25th b’day weekend.  The second picture was of one of my oldest girlfriends (we even lived together at one point) and me and I smiled more ‘cos she’s getting married this summer and I’m going to be at the wedding. 

I didn’t quite know how to react to the third picture.  I stared at it for what seemed like a while and then just closed the screen.  Later in the day, I told NC about it and she was quite surprised.  I saw it again now ‘cos another Twitter friend brought it up.  I’m proud of myself for not letting my heart cave in or have my stomach turn inside out.

And almost immediately after, I saw this sign and I felt this sort of relief … ‘cos it makes sense.  

sometimes forget the past

I’ve learned to let go of people who don’t belong in my future.  But for the longest time, I have inadvertently let this person be around despite everything I’ve done to ‘delete’ him from my life. 

I’ve moved on with my life – so has he – and as much as FaceBook wants us to be friends – I think I’ll just ignore that part and deal with the other 1900+ friends I have.  My theory on this – Forgive, Forget & F*ck It ! (and I had to put it out there so the universe hears me on this)

Seriously – what the hell is wrong with us these days ? Has technology taken over our lives to such an extent that we can’t make a simple phone call ? It’s not like cell or mobile phones are

I have a simple rule with my friends.  If you want to get in touch with me or make plans with me – CALL ME.  It’s much easier than trying to SMS / BBM / WhatsApp / Email me.

As far as I am concerned – emails are for work related purposes OR when communicating with a group about a certain subject when they are spread out in various parts of the country / world.  (or when my girls AM & NB are trying to call me but I’m on a never ending long distance phone call – then they email me).  My BBM/WhatsApp is primarily for friends & family who live in other parts of the world – we exchange a few messages and then fix a time to get on Skype for a face-to-face chat or set a phone call up.

I once had a client who would message (BBM/WhatsApp/SMS) me constantly – and it wasn’t a short message – they would be up to 6 messages. I had to tell them that I prefer to keep all communication that is work related over email so that at any point there are no discrepancies in what we are providing and being asked for as a business.

A BBM / SMS / WhatsApp is fine if it’s for very general communication i.e. hey how’s it going ? or even a ‘I’m running late – see you in 10’ type of message.  Or when you can’t answer the phone ‘cos you are driving.  It’s not meant to be used a form of freaking communication where you try to have a full blown conversation in short hand text !

And don’t even get me started on people who send an SMS for a date ! What the hell is that all about ? I get it if you are following up once the date is confirmed. If a guy can’t call me to ask mpick up the phone and make something happen-resized-600e out – I’m not particularly keen to go out with him.  Grow a pair already and just say it ! If I can call you – so can you !

I genuinely lose interest in a person if their preferred method of communicating with me is ‘non-verbal’.  I prefer to ‘talk’ on the phone or have a face-to-face chat which involves actually meeting up.  I have had a few guys just constantly message me and when I do call them and express this – it’s as if they have gone back to kindergarten ! They don’t think of it as a big deal … My main problem is that the message or the intent behind the message tends to get lost.  How do you know if it’s really a date ? People can over read / under read into messages and that’s how life gets all complicated !

What about you – do you tend to use the phone for actual conversations ? Or do you prefer to just send SMS / BBM / WhatsApp messages – be it for work or for pleasure ? Or would you rather meet someone face to face if you had something to say ?

p.s that was my rant on Day 8 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge; if you are taking part don’t forget to share your link below :

Further Reading :

  1. Five Bullets That Will Make You Want to Call Instead of Sending an Email

guest postTake it from me, dating in Sydney is difficult.  Very difficult.  It's not just that the city has a much larger proportion of single women to single men - it just seems difficult getting started at all.    As an English girl who has been living in Sydney for over ten years, I have seriously had a dating drought.   If I am honest,  I can't remember the last time I was asked out on a date or even chatted up by a Sydney sider!

I must admit, this has been a topic which my single friends and I have drank many glasses of wine over, pondering over the topic  - is it Sydney men in general or is it us?  Why is there such a huge amount of fabulous single women in Sydney struggling to meet a nice guy?  Believe me, we have tried everything from speed dating, online dating and even a few singles cruises on the harbour.  But to no avail...we return home alone to our apartments comforting ourselves with ice cream and telling ourselves that it is not us - it is them ;0).    Over the years I think my confidence has started to take a hit - as the body gets older so does the will to keep trying.  Also, you begin to think that you have a fatal flaw which everybody ( apart from yourself) is aware about.

GTDNow, listen in, as things are about to change and it seems to have taken a miracle to kick start my love life.  This miracle has come in the form of a 2 week road trip around Australia with 4 other single women.   Yes, we are looking for love and even more amazing, we are going to be filmed as part of a documentary called 'Going the Distance'

It seems I am not alone in struggling to find a decent bloke in Sydney so I will be taking part in this experiment to dig deeper into the dating drought which seems to be effecting most of Sydney women.  This search will also include travelling from Adelaide to Rockhampton, meeting fabulous single men while also raising money for the Cancer Council.    At last, I may get the opportunity to practice my flirting!   So, I would love you to join me on my journey - your support will be gratefully appreciated.  I will be blogging and doing a video diary most days from the Going the Distance website. So, the haircuts and pampering have been booked and I am on a mission to find love! ( and also find out if it really is them and not me!)

Lisa PhillipsLisa Phillips is a Life Coach and radio host who is fed up of being single in Sydney.  In her coaching, she has helped hundreds of clients meet their life partner but she has decided it is now her turn to find love!   '

To follow Lisa's journey to love; go to GoingTheDistance.com or log on to Facebook or sign up for the free newsletter.

4 Signs That You Are In The Friend Zone

A few days ago I wrote about Staying Out of the Friend Zone; and really it’s quite easy to do this if you actually follow the steps.  Then I got thinking about how so many guys (and girls) don’t even realize they are already trapped in the friend zone (and that’s a hard one to get out of!)

I’ll speak for myself when I say this – once I place a man in the friend zone – he isn’t coming out of it.  It’s not like this man is now going to be my new BFF (hell! no one can replace my boys!) and he is most definitely NOT getting lucky with me either.

A woman can place a man in the friend zone for various reasons – the main one being that she’s really just not into you (physically/sexually) but you’re a great guy so she’s cool having you around.

The only reason a man puts a woman in the friend zone is because he has not physical desire for her; and doesn’t want to get into her pants. (or they are childhood buddies; she’s one of the lads to him; or she’s actually related to him in some way)

FRIEND-ZONEHere are a few red flags that should alert you to your entry and permanent place in the friend zone :

1/ Too Comfortable, Too Soon.  This can mean many things – but if you find yourself around someone who is able to divulge just about anything to you including (but not limited to) past dating history, current love/lust interests, family issues, etc. Another big red flag should be if the girl doesn’t quite care how she looks around you (think tracks, hasn’t waxed her arms/legs, no make-up) or if a guy can’t even be bothered to slap on some cologne.  These are sure signs that you are already in the Friend Zone ! 

Honest truth - I’ve never met a man that I’m interested in without having gone waxing (even if the waxing lady yells at me and tells me there isn’t enough to wax my arms / legs / bikini – I make her do it).  I will always put on some gloss / flavoured lip balm.  If I’m not getting waxed – he’s a mate / buddy and has no chance in hell getting any from me.

2/ He or She is Only Available at Their Convenience. You want to hang out but he/she is busy or cancels plans; yet you are available whenever he/she calls to hang (doesn’t matter that you are changing your plans to fit them in). If this is something you’ve noticed – then you’re in the friend zone. If a guy / girl is interested in you – they will gocancel  plans out of their way to spend time with you; they will change / modify their plans to fit you in their schedule no matter how tight it is.

Your ‘friends’ understand when you have to bail on them to link up with that hottie you saw at the club.  Your friends don’t mind if you are busy whenever they have to meet up (ok fine they may give you a bit of slack but it’s not the end of the world).  But if it’s only happening in a one-sided manner – then you need to rethink how you have prioritized that man/woman in your life. 

3/ He or She Wishes Others Were Like You And Tells You This !  No brainer here.  “Oh I wish more guys were like you; you’re such a nice guy !”  “Damn girl, if only other women got me the way you do.”  Yes, it hurts to hear but this is the man/womans’ way of telling you in a really subtle manner that ‘mate you are in the friend zone – don’t try any moves on me’. 

He/She obviously likes you enough to hang around with you but there’s no sexual chemistry there.  There may be friendly chemistry which enables you to hang out together but honestly, they rather see your personality traits in someone that gives them butterflies in the tummy or a banging hard on ! 

4/ He or She Compares You to a Relative. “You’re like a brother/sister to me”. If your radar hasn’t started beeping as yet – youlike a brother might want to wake up and smell the coffee around you ‘cos you are sooooooo deep in the Friend Zone even Indiana Jones can’t get you out of there !

Seriously think about it - who the hell goes out with their brother or sister or any relative for that matter? (unless they are incestual – and you don’t want to be getting into something like that !)  Just step away from the person concerned and try your luck elsewhere – ‘cos you are never gonna tap that !

So there you have it – the 4 signs that all lead straight to the Friend Zone.  If you have any more to add (from a male / female perspective) feel free to share your thoughts.

If you need more clues – then check out what these bloggers have to say :

  1. Out of the Friend Zone : 4 Ways to Never be His “Home girl” Again ! by Samantha Menjor
  2. Top 10 signs that you are in the Friend Zone by Ngure Kajumba
  3. 6 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You by Mike Hammer

Can I get your number baby, so I can show you what I’m all about ! That’s what comes to mind when I hear that line.  It’s off a Mariah Carey & Jermaine Dupri track. 

Lately – it seems that everyone wants to know the next persons’ ‘magic number’.  And by that – I’m talking about the number of people one has slept with.

ActingLikeSlutIn this day and age, where sex, virginity & chastity is no longer put on a pedestal; stereotypes apparently still exist.  A guy who sleeps with women in the double digits is considered a stud; ‘experienced’; hell he even knows what women want ! But heaven forbid a woman sleeps with more ‘3’ (her first, her past and her present lover) she is automatically labelled anything from ‘easy’, ‘loose’, ‘immoral’ (those are the nicer labels) right down to be being a whore and is totally slut shammed !!

WTF is up with that kinda attitude ? Does it really matter how many people you, me or your next door neighbour sleep with ? Who are we to judge someone on the basis of the number of sexual partners they have had ? For anyone that does frown upon it – who made you the moral police ??

I’m 29 going on 30 in a few months.  My first sexual encounter was at 17 – so assuming I’ve slept with one man a year for the last 12 years – that would bring my magic number to ‘12’.   Which I reckon is a fairly decent figure.  I’ve been in a few long term relationships; I’ve had ‘dry’ spells where there’s been no action in my life for months (even a year at a stretch); and the occasional hook up.  Does being with 12 guys (or more) make me ‘easy’ ? I f*cking hope not ‘cos that’s just bullshit !

stdsRather than asking my partners about their past sexual conquests – I would much prefer to know things like ‘have you been safe’ (read that as – you better be using condoms if you want to get into my  bed) ? Have they ever had any sort of STD’s ? Do they get checked regularly ? I think that’s a bit more important than how many people they have slept with (unless of course they are sleeping with people within my social circle – that I have a problem with)

One of my closest friends literally ooooooooooooooooozes sex appeal.  She can’t go anywhere without getting hit on.  She’s had her fair share of relationships, hook-ups, flings etc.  It’s not her fault that guys find her attractive or want to hook up with her; nor is it her fault that she enjoys sex.  Would anyone call her a slut ? F*ck NO ! (besides if anyone even tried they would get bitch slapped before they could even get the word out).

I also have guy friends who are quite happy to be with a woman who is *ahem* experienced.  It’s quite hot for them to discover the tricks that she might have up her sleeve.  I honestly believe that if a guy is a true to himself – he really doesn’t quite give a rats ass about how many men his girl has slept with as long as she’s not gonna sleep with someone else other than him whilst they are together. 

Are you the type of person who carves out notches on the bedpost to keep track of all those you have slept with ? Have you ever been asked about the number of men / women you’ve been with ? Have you ASKED your partner to reveal their number to you ?

Now that you’ve had a chance to answer these questions; did it make a difference to your relationship ? At what stage of your relationship did you ask these questions ? Do you think you could have missed out on a great relationship or romance ‘cos you judged someone by their number ?

My favourite blogger Simone Grant says that smart women agree that your number doesn’t matter.  And I applaud everyone who goes by that theory.  Insecurity can be a b*tch – so yeah people with insecurity or low self esteem may feel like they need to hide / falsify their number to their partner.  But seriously, think about it – why the hell would you want to even be with someone who is going to judge you by your past ? Shouldn’t they want to be with you because of everything that makes you the unique individual that you are!

Further Reading

  1. Smart Women Agree That Your Number Doesn’t Matter by Simone Grant 
  2. Should You Reveal The Number of People You Have Slept With by Simone Grant
  3. What’s Your Number ? by Victoria Williams for TheFabV.com
  4. Sexy Time : Why Numbers Don’t Matter by Ness Fraser for CollegeCandy.com
  5. Why Does It Matter How Many Partners She has Had ? by Hugo Schywzer for TheGoodMenProject.com