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Showing posts with label dating types. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating types. Show all posts

We all have a ‘type of person we are attracted to’ right ? You’ve got a type, I’ve got a type, everyone around you has a type of person they are attracted to.  That ‘type’ could be right for you or could be utterly wrong for you; and some people fall into the trap of always dating the same type of person.

I touched on this a while ago – at a certain point in ones’ life – you reach a stage where you want ‘more’ than just a relationship.  You want something more meaningful and concrete, something which has substance, and most of all, you want someone you can share your life with.  Not just for now, or for a few months – but for the long haul !

Over the past few years, especially after moving to Bombay, I’ve realized that whilst my generic ‘type’ is what I look out for on the surface level – on a deeper level I’m looking for someone who has a personality that attracts and draws me to them.  It doesn’t matter how good looking, established, ‘great-on-paper’ a person is – but if there is no substance, what’s the point ?

I’ve met a few guys who leave my mouth hanging – but the minute they open their mouth – I come back to reality and think to myself ‘jeeeeeeeez shut your gob and just be eye candy’.  It’s been harder for me to connect with guys on a deeper level the past few years than ever before.  I feel like all the guys I meet, whilst they have may fit the ‘physical type’ criteria, they lack the ‘mental chemistry’ that any relationship needs to sustain itself it.

There are guys I have met who are ‘great-on-paper’ i.e. long term potential, but they lack that certain ‘je ne sais quois’ that I look for in a life partner.  I think that has to do with ‘actual conversation’, and honestly, I find that people no longer have time to have real conversations anymore.  Some of the guys I have gone out with just lack basic conversational skills ! They are fine over email / IM / SMS (which I hate) but put them in a real-time face-to-face or phone conversation and they bore the living daylights out of me !

As clichéd as it is – everything boils down to sex – and some people are willing to forgo things like personality and conversation if the sex is good.  I can’t bring myself to continue to fornicate with someone (don’t ask why I used that word but it came to mind) if I can’t even have a decent conversation with them !

levels of attractionI’ve had this graph with me for a while now and whilst skimming over ‘Naked With Socks On’ – it all began to make sense.   You need to balance out the mental and physical attractiveness of a person and figure out if you are in the dating zone or if the person has long term potential i.e. marriage.

If you share a great vibe, physical & mental chemistry with a man or a woman AND like their personality – it doesn’t matter whether or not he/she fits in to your ‘general type’ category.  You need to say something to express yourself because you can’t rely on the man/woman to pick up on non-verbal cues or be a damn mind reader !  What’s the point otherwise ? ? It’s not so hard to open your mouth and blurt out exactly what is going on in your mind.  And if that’s too hard – email your thoughts to the person.  That gives you time to assess and break down your thoughts; and allows the other person time to actually respond in a coherent manner.  What’s the worst thing that could happen ? The person will either not respond or tell you they don’t feel the same way. 

Instead of over analysing whether an ‘x’ at the end of a text means  something or nothing; just accept it for what it is and if it’s going to lead somewhere it will.  It could be a case of serendipity. If you have the intention to ‘date’ a man/woman – then make it clear.  Talk to them and ask them out on the phone, or face to face (and for Gods’ sake do not SMS someone for a date!) If you’re already in some sort of relationship with a man/woman – discuss whether its’ exclusive or not.

Do you feel that we as a society are forgoing on actual conversations ? Would you date outside of your ‘type’ to see if you could find what’s missing ? I know that I’ve made a conscious effort to date outside of my preferred type and the more I do, the more I learn about what I do want out of a partner.  How do you weigh out physical v/s mental attraction ? Do you relate with the chart that I’ve shared above ? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Further Reading

  1. Is your Dating ‘Type’ The Reason You Are Single ?
  2. ‘It’s Not A Date … It’s A Suggestion’ by The Hopeful Romantic
  3. What People Truly Seek While Dating ? by SingleCityGuy

Less than 1% of sperm is capable of fertilizing an egg. The rest is warrior sperm, there to block any rival’s sperm.

-Robin Baker. Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex. Fourth Estate. 1996.

I found myself on ‘MetAnotherFrog’ the other day and came across a guest post by Charlie titled ‘Full Frontal Nerdity - Vol 1’ … that’s right Nerdity and not Nudity !!! I had to check it twice as well.

So anyway, we all know what happens when a man ejaculates right ? He lets out his baby-making sperm.  BUT did you know that all men produce THREE types of sperm that each have a different role upon ejaculation ??? Yeah I’m blown away too – not one type – three types of sperm – who would have thought ?!!

Type 1 :  Blockers

Charlie refers to them as the sperm with funny shaped heads or squiffy tails who are a bit lame and that will never make it to the egg.  They will get as far as the cervix and then form a barrier by blocking the channels. This prevents another man’s sperm from a clear run into the womb.  And for those rival sperms that do manage to pass the blockers – they got to watch out for the Killers !

Type 2 :  Killers or Warriors

killer spermCharlie refers to them as the school yard bullies.  These sperm are the soldiers of the spermiverse and patrol the border of the uterus looking for rivals (i.e. sperm from another man that are identified by the different proteins on the head)

Now think of a bunch of a piranhas ripping and tearing apart their next meal – yup that’s what the killer sperm does when they find a rivals’ sperm left behind. 

Type 3 : The Quarterback or The Scorer

Finally, the most respected of all sperms – the ones that the Blockers and Killers are providing defense line for – the Scorer sperm or quarterback as Charlie calls them.  These are the goal getters who are on a sole mission – race to the finish line to score and fertilize thus making them a part of the 1% of successful sperms in spermiverse !!

Bet you didn’t know any of that huh ? I wonder what Biology class would have been like had we discussed the types of sperm a man can have !!

Also Check Out :

I dug this out of the archives and have kinda played around with it a little bit. You can check out the original post here - ‘What The Hell Is Dating’ .. which was written back in September 2008 and I had been in India for about a year. Apparently not much has changed since then !

I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot … dating … It’s practically become the center of conversation amongst my entire social circle. Aside from the dozen couples (married and steady relationships) – everyone else within the circle of friends is single including yours truly.

I thought about this – specifically for myself – and for someone who has dated men from different cultures and in different countries – I am shocked that in 3 years of living in Bombay – I have not managed to find someone who I can really date let alone a boyfriend.

Sometimes I feel as if the whole idea behind dating and what comprises of a date – is almost an alien thought to the people who are native to Bombay. I reckon it has to be a culture thing – dating can mean something different in every culture. I’ve found that the so-called ‘modern’ guys and girls here more often than not have extremely ‘old fashion’ ideas when it comes to dating and sex. (and don’t get me started on sex !)

it’s not as if we’ve not been on a first date … or a second date or even a third in some cases but that’s just it .. it tends to not go beyond that. And that my friends – SUCKS. A few of us were chatting the other night and it seemed that it was damn near impossible to meet someone that you can actually ‘date’ and eventually be in a relationship with.

Don't get me wrong - I've met some very nice guys over the past 3 years – and I’ve gone out on dates with them; but it just seems that I’ve encountered the crème-de-la-crème of confused BOYS not even men !! Pathetic isn’t it ? They act and behave as if they ‘like you’ but when it comes down to admitting that – they just disappear !

Here’s a conversation on FaceBook that my mate MB aka MumbaiMinx of The Mango Tree had put up …

MB What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night
MA : The beauty is that its an interview for both the parties and anxiety/ surprise/ deciding factor lies on both sides of the table :)
MB : Which should not stop either from meeting again for the 2nd & 3 rd round! :)
MA : until you either come to a conclusion of selecting/ rejecting the candidate for the job of boy/girlfriend and decide on the norms and perks that come with the 'job' :s :P
MB : So simple, yet its made to be soo complicated!

I had a big smile on my face when I read this. It was so apt. If only more people got it !

The ‘concept’ of dating has changed drastically over the past few decades. In our grandparents time – dating didn’t exist (at least not for my grand parents) and it was about arranged marriages. In my mothers time – dating was by parental consent or ‘group dates’. The rest of the world enjoyed the free love of the 70’s. The 90’s led to the evolution of video and online dating; and online dating is now very common AND popular amongst a lot of cultures and countries.

So what is YOUR idea about dating ? What does dating or going on a date mean to you ? For some people and cultures – dating can also be considered ‘non-exclusive’ … I recall that in Montreal this was also referred to as ‘seeing someone’.

For me – dating is ‘seeing someone you are interested in more than a friend capacity which can eventually lead to becoming a couple i.e. boyfriend & girlfriend’. Dating can involve kissing, or further romantic involvement.

What are your thoughts on this ? How do you define ‘seeing someone’, ‘dating’ and ‘being in a relationship’ ? For me, if you are dating ‘non-exclusively’ then the physical side of the relationship i.e. sex – should be left out. If you’re dating exclusively – do what you want and what you are comfortable with. One can ‘see’ a few different people over a period of time before deciding to ‘date’ someone and again – the physical should be left out. But that’s a personal opinion and each to their own.

I’d really like to hear different perspectives on this subject. Looking forward to your comments and feedback on this.

p.s coming soon …. a few more follow up post on this !!

To bring you up to date with this post – I must give you some background first for you to understand where I’m coming from on this.

Rewind to 12th – 15th Feb

Went over to a mates place for his birthday; the party was in full swing – everyone was having a great laugh and I was the only one not drinking as I was on antibiotics. During the course of the evening; I got chatting with this guy – who my cousin has labeled as ‘Smiley’ and we got along but weren’t getting along. Why ? Every time he spoke to me, our conversation would get cut short by someone else coming over to talk to me. It was only after the host actually told me what this man does (owns a leisure club) that I told the guy (yes yes I know – I actually said this to him) that now I can give him my full attention since we could both be useful to each other when it comes to work.

Moving along in the evening; the two of us stepped out in to the stairwell for a drink and to get away from the blaring Indian music. He’s having a smoke (the other kind) and the following conversation takes place at some point ....

Smiley - So what would you do if I leaned over and kissed you right now ?

Dazediva – Erm I’d slap you. I don’t know you. And besides, if you were going to do that – don’t you think you should just do that instead of telling me you’re going to kiss me. Either way – I’d have slapped you. We don’t even know each other.

Smiley – But you’re still sitting here and talking to me instead of walking away.

Dazediva – yeah I’m chilling; enjoying my drink and getting away from the music for a bit. If you like – I can go inside or go to my car for English music that they won’t let me put on inside.

We have sat there for a bit longer and the topic of exchanging numbers comes about. His phone is in the apartment – and he is under the impression I won’t give him my number. I tell him I will do. We do end up exchanging numbers. I save him as Smiley (as I honestly couldn’t remember his name at the time)

That same night he’s sent me a few messages which included ‘Good Night – we’ll meet again again – do you want to talk’. I must have said it was too late or was crashing. The next day I asked for his email address so I could send him the pics from the party or add him on FB so he can see the pics – to which he did reply and sent me his details.

About 2 days later he sends me a message telling me that he’s seen the pics and invites me to his club for dinner whenever I am free. I’ve replied along the lines that I’m traveling and if it works for him – then after a week once I’m back. It works for him – he asks where I’m going and says to let him know when I’m back so we can catch up then; even tells me that I sound excited about my holiday and to call when I get back.

Fast Forward to A Few Days Ago

Mind you – this boy and me have not been in touch the entire time I was out of town. I kept my word. I sent him a message to let him know that I was back. He replies telling me that it sounds like I had a blast and ‘so whenever you are free – lets catch up ..’

I asked him how he was placed for the weekend / or coming week as I was still figuring out my schedule after my break. A few hours later he’s replied saying he’s only just read my message and how does Saturday sound. I told him that it works (unless a disaster strikes lol) to which he reply came across as quite strong .. ‘Cool. Will call you. Keep yourself free’. This was all over text messages on 4th March.

On Saturday – he gives me a call to check if we’re still on for dinner. Asks me where I live. The common problem in Bombay is that everyone lives on opposite ends of the city. This instance is no different. On the phone he asks if its a problem for me to get to his side of the city for dinner; and then we’ll go hang out his friends place. I’ve already mentioned that I have to go to a party after dinner / drinks and he’s welcome to join if he wants and so can his friend.

So I trek over to the other side of the world – and it really feels like a different place with the roads getting narrower; and more and more trucks and rickshaws on the road ! His receptionist shows me the entire club (that I thought was a bit weird since he could have also done this); and leaves me at his office.

He’s gone on to show me the restaurant area which was gorgeous but since there were no free tables – he suggested we have drinks in his office. Not too much of an issue for me. However I did make fun of the fact that he sat behind this huge desk the entire time we were having drinks whilst I was sat on the couch bang opposite. Eventually I moved on to the bean bag next to the couch but still – it was kinda odd as I felt like I was ‘drinking at an interview’ hahah

P3060082P3060083

The two of us kept up a great conversation – listening to him was like hearing a male version of me as he’s also grown up in a relatively international environment. Eventually – he calls to order dinner – make it a take away and then head to his friends’ place in my car (at least he wasn’t irresponsible about drinking & driving – and I had a driver for the night) to chill out and have a few drinks there.

Whilst in the elevator on the way up to her flat – this man has started saying something; stopped; and just moved towards me in what appears to be an attempt to kiss me. I’m already backed up against the damn elevator so can’t do much else but laugh, move my face and ask what he’s doing. He ended up kissing my chin. There’s no further mention of this – there is no awkwardness – it was taken and dealt with in stride if I say so myself.

P3070087 The friend was a super chilled out girl with a gorgeous apartment and a lovely hostess. We sat around the three of us – had a few drinks and made plans to head over to this other party; which turned out to be just as much fun and we all had a good evening. I didn’t spend much time individually with either of them – but we all were chatting and getting to know the other people at the party as well.

End of the night – we all say good night – I drop them to a cab. I was pretty done for the night (the two weeks of daily partying caught up to me) and I leaned out of my window to hug the guy good night. Get home; he’s sent me a message checking if I had a good time and vice versa and then asks if he can call me. I was shattered and passing out – so I said no and that we’ll chat the following day.

Sunday was super hectic for me with family commitments - and it was on Monday that I realized just what a RANDOM night I’d had. And after reading about the Non-Date Date (which totally reminded me of banker boy haha) – I’m wondering WTF just happened over the weekend ??? Was it a date ? A date with a friend / potential business contact ? Or a date according to him which I put a stop to with my movements in the elevator ? Or did I imagine it to be a date and it turned out not to be one ? That just goes to show how long its been since I’ve been on a date !

SingleCiyGuy has written about the Beauty of Non-Date Dates; and Nando has dissected this theory with his post The Non-Date Date Illusion .. Lost Plum has a fab outlook to it and compares this to Kool Aid ! and I’m pretty sure Simone Grant has something to say on this too but I can’t find the post on her blog (she’s still moving her things over from Sugar.com)

Would love to hear your thoughts on this one ! Regardless of whether or not it was a date or non-date date – it turned out to be a lot of fun; just more random than what I would have expected but hell that’s what life is about right ? Besides what the hell is dating ?

NOTE : This is a bit of a personal post so consider yourself warned !

I came across this fabulous post ‘Do You Have a Type ?’ on Simone’s Blog – if you haven’t already paid her a visit – then I strongly recommend it !

It’s topic I have been thinking about for a little while now as I have been self-assessing my own interest in men; the type of men that I have gone for in the past and the type of man I would want to be with for my future. (In fact I have already drafted posts prior to this on the Men in My LIfe !)

You see, I’m at a point where I am ready to settle down and am actually doing a few things I didn’t think I would be doing (such as being on an online matrimonial site AND having the family priest try to set me up!).  If you are Indian then you probably get where I am coming from – if you aren’t – don’t feel bad for me – I have willingly let myself be a guinea pig for this. 

I’m 27 years old and I’ve been dating for a while now.  I’ve had a few serious relationships and the odd few high school / university relationships which barely lasted a few months. 

When someone asks me what ‘type of guy’ I am looking for – I really don’t have an answer as such.  The words that come out of my mouth are quite generic – traits that everyone would want in a future partner.

When I look back on the guys I have dated – somewhere – there is a commonality amongst them – and yet there is something unique about each one.  I’ve been attracted to the bad boys; the hunks; the jock; the nice guys; and the players too !

I have noticed similarities in quite a few of the guys I have dated (seriously or casually).  From all the guys – physically – about 80% have been quite alike in terms of body type (I like a broad shouldered man); height (6 ft at least please); generally conventionally good looking – however they have all differed in their personality types.  Then there is the 20% of guys that I dated who are so UNLIKE my primary type – that it got my close friends confused about my preferences !

So I suppose I do have a type - but not a particular trait that I can pin point (other than the fact I like tall guys) but there are other traits which I wonder if you have fallen for initially ....

I go out a lot and so do my friends – most of my relationships have developed out of knowing the guy through a friend (but who is not a part of MY social circle).

My eyes tend to drift towards the guys who are 6ft tall or the best dancer on the floor; then I look at how they are dressed (now I like guys in formal wear as well as scruffy funky wear) so their clothes have to catch my eye; then I look at the face (it has to have something that stands out : could be the way they wear a goatee or stubble; or spiky hair; or a fab smile;) and if the guy catches my eye - I actually see how long he can look at me.

I know I like tall guys (I’ve said that a few times now haha but I’m 5’7 and wear 3 inch heels when I go out !); a strong jaw line; a stubble on a man is so sexy – gives that rough, rugged and carefree look; a semi-bad boy attitude also works for me because it’s a challenge especially if he isn’t verbally challenged – makes it all the more interesting !  A little bit of arrogance is always a good thing – and he ought to know how and when to use it. 

I cannot stand jealousy and insecurity in a person.  My job and lifestyle means that I tend to be out a lot and always socializing.  I know a lot of people and have a lot of guy friends.  My best friends’ are guys.  I also lose interest in people who throw out the bait but don’t know how to reel it in ! (men & women included)

In the last 2 years that I have been in Bombay – I have genuinely not dated a single person ! I have had guys who are attracted to me and vice versa but somehow nothing has materialised.  This comment is a bit Bombay-specific but really the guys here giving dating a bad name ! They just don’t know how to go about it !

It’s been my personal choice not to get involved with anyone.  There have been guys who meet all the above criteria but as soon as they have opened their mouth – I want to do a runner ! So the next thing I suppose I look out for is how well the man in question can hold a conversation.  If he’s got my attention – well & good – and if I’m already distracted then there’s no chance of anything taking place there.

What about you ? Do you tend to date the same person over and over again ?

Are you attracted to a certain type of man or woman ? What do you notice first in the opposite sex ?

I would love to know your thoughts about this topic; and I have found a way to put a poll onto my blog too :) so don’t forget to vote (pretty please!!)