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I had forgotten how much fun a summer fling (or romance if you want to be nicer) could be.  I’m the type of person who has almost always been in a relationship of some sorts (except after moving to India where I was deemed by the relationship Gods that singledom had more to offer)  The last time I just casually dated was back in university .. a decade ago !

My summer in the New York and Montreal somehow transported me into this other era.  Everywhere I went, people asked me which university I was at – and that was downright flattering.

A Sunday Shooter session (yes we’re talking Tequilas and Sambucas in the middle of the afternoon) resulted in me meeting a very charming young man (and by young I mean 23 years old!).  The day after we met, he dropped me a text and asked when he could call me.  He suggest meeting up and we finally worked out a date for the day before I was due to head out to Bermuda.

By far – that had to be one of the most fun dates I’ve been on in a long time.  We met up at Madison Square Garden and made our way to the Battery Park, took some pics with the Wall Street Bull (him being a New Yorker had never done this!) and some frozen yogurt; hailed a cab to South Street Sea Port for a few drinks, another cab to the East Village for shisha at this lil’ hideaway called Khyber Pass, then we walked around through the streets of Soho .. by now I’m famished and he has a surprise up his sleeve ..508 Gastro Brewery ! This was an absolute gem of a restaurant – cozy & intimate with a great menu and fab cocktail selection.  After dinner we walked around the pier at the river.  He came back to my apartment to help me move my suitcases to the Upper West Side and then made sure I got back home as well (seriously, who does that nowadays ?)  And that was just our first date. 

I left for Bermuda the following morning and much to my surprise (and delight) he was in touch with me; so much so that he had a date planned for when I got back.  Brownie points to him on that ! The second date was just as nice (he carried my shopping for me – how sweet is that?) and so was the third.  Unlike most dates these were ‘full day’ dates that lasted no less than 12 hours at a time !! I can’t remember the last time I wanted to spend that many hours with a guy.

In the short time that we spent together, he managed to show me the small joys that go hand in hand when it comes to dating someone new.  It was the small gestures such as opening the door for me, feeding me a spoonful of his own dessert (any man that shares dessert deserves major plus points), holding my hand whilst we walked or even just dropping a kiss on my cheek because he felt like it … Such a gem of a guy and a gentleman to boot (guess I got lucky here).  It really does come down to the little things doesn’t it ?

New York definitely showed me some lovin’ …

p.s. 6+ weeks later, he’s still in touch with me =)

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So you’ve got the first date done and out of the way. Everything must have gone well otherwise you wouldn’t be planning your next date, and it also means that you can let go of the stress you were feeling before and focus on having a fantastic second date.

While first dates can be lots of fun and very entertaining, they never feel as comfortable as the second date because you spend so much time getting to know the other person (which is what they’re meant for). Now that both of you know what each other like and dislike you can spend more time building on that foundation with fun activities.

Here are 5 ideas to help you start planning your next date:

1.  Dancing- Guys you may be hesitant on this one but I promise that if you suck it up and take one for the team your lady will appreciate it. Of course it’s always good to check with your date before you surprise them and show up at a dance club, but chances are the activity will be a hit! There are several different types of dancing that you can choose from as well. Some clubs play more salsa music, some hip hop, and others country, which means the choice is yours.

2.  Arts and Crafts- Having an arts and crafts night with your date is always a lot of fun. You can get several different supplies like clay, watercolour paints, coloured pencils, and crayons so that you can switch styles if you wish. You can make it your goal to either create a work of art together or make two separate projects and then exchange them as gifts at the end.

3.  Visit the Zoo- Take your date to the nearest zoo and spend some time learning about the wildlife there. Make sure that you check the schedule beforehand so that you are there to see the bigger events like when they bring out the tigers and show them off. You can visit the petting zoo and feed some of the animals. Remember that zoo’s aren’t for kids only. People of all ages can enjoy meeting and learning about all the different animals.

4.  Take a Bike Ride or Hike- If you both love the outdoors then going for a bike ride or going on a hike makes for a fabulous date. With your bike ride or hike it’s always fun to bring along some food and drinks so that you can have a picnic if you find a good spot. Be sure to keep the rigor of the hike and bike rides to a minimum so that neither of you reach the point of exhaustion.

5.  Do Some Service- A simple service project makes for a really great date activity. You get to walk away from your project knowing that you were able to help someone else and spend time with your date all at once. The project doesn’t have to be anything big… You could ask your grandparents or neighbours if they need help with anything around the house. They may have some simple electrical work like helping them plug in their new computer, or climbing the ladder to change the light bulb. Whatever it is they’ll be extremely grateful that you were willing to help.

Now that you have 5 great ideas for your next date pick one or two of your favourites and then go for it. Don’t be afraid to put your own spin on things if you are feeling inspired.

Web Design Phoenix handles the internet marketing for Bid Boomerang. Bid Boomerang connects homeowners with a qualified electrician in Mesa AZ.

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Here’s an update on the Diva’s Dating Diary … So you might recall that a few weeks ago the Surgeon asked me out on a date via SMS – which he immediately followed up with a phone call and we wound up going on a dinner date the following week.

If you’ve just found your way here, lemme fill you in on what’s going on.

Who Is He

A man who befriended me on a popular social networking site.  It wasn’t until after a few BBM’s and phone convos did I discover that he was a cardiac surgeon in his mid 30’s.

The Date(s)

I have  gone out 3 times with the man.   His idea of a first date was ‘going to a nightclub’ and I promptly changed that to ‘dinner & drinks’.  I’ll be damned if I’m going to go to one of my fav clubs with a man I do not know.  Besides I don’t think shouting into each others ears makes for interesting conversation.

1st date involved dinner (he hadn’t made reservations – fail; luckily I know the management of the restaurant and tentatively made a reservation – that’s the planner in me what can I say!), a cocktail (he had to drive back & I didn’t see any reason for me to continue having a drink if he wasn’t going to) and fairly good conversation.  Date ended with a quick hug good night after he dropped me home.

2nd time we went out (it wasn’t a date as far as I am concerned) was a little impromptu for my liking – but he had hinted at meeting up during the week based on our respective schedules.  An early bite to eat (just starters, no main, and no dessert unfortunately) followed by a movie. 

3rd time we met was for another movie which he insisted I watch despite me constantly telling him that I’d already seen that movie just a few days earlier.  I had to ‘watch it for the experience’ at this other cinema ! I went along since no tickets had been purchased and other movies were also playing but as luck had it – no other shows were available (this irritated me)  Evening ended with a really awkward  (for me) extended hug from his end which I struggled to get out of ! (I need my personal space – and how he didn’t clock on to this I don’t know!)

Side Note : Never quite understood how going to a movie is a date (unless its with a long time partner when you don’t need to say anything to one another) I don’t think I’ve ever been on a movie date with someone before and hence refuse to call these two last meetings ‘dates’.

Positives

• Looks better than his profile picture ! Too skinny & lanky in there but he turned out to be a 6ft4' broad shouldered man.  Not hot & buff but not out of shape.  Proportionate would be the best way to describe him.
• Punctual & Chivalrous.  He picked me up every time.  Considering this is Bombay, we live on 2 different sides of the city and its the monsoon season – it was very nice of him to do so (even though I have offered to meet him halfway)
• He paid the bill every time.  There was none of the ‘reach’ or ‘who’s gonna pay’ or ‘shall we split the bill’ type of scenarios.  Before anyone gets started here – I am more than capable of paying my own way when I’m out, date or no-date.  It’s just refreshing to go out with someone who ‘wants to take you out’. 
• Solid stable guy with a real grown up job

Negatives

• There is no physical chemistry (which sorta takes me back to thinking is chemistry : physical or mental ? )
• He has a Moustache. Not a trim goatee or the bad boy stubble – but a moustache. (not a big fat bushy one but this very typical Indian man ‘tash that I’m just not cool with)
• He speaks kinda slowly (it might be articulate for some but doesn’t work for me; and its not because he is articulate – it’s because he speaks slowly)
• He ‘mmmm hmmms’ not only in texts but in person too .. and its not a ‘hmm’ (short quick type) but sort of an extended / exaggerated ‘oh really’ type of exclamation

Diva’s Verdict

A nice guy with a lot of good things going for him but as my London gal The Single Filez says in her post ‘nice, but nothing special’ … he doesn’t quite cut it for me. 

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This has been one of the topics coming up amongst my girlfriends and I; and when I read SingleCityGuy’s poll post ‘How Many Dates Does It Take To Become ‘Exclusive’ – it got me thinking about how dating is different across each country .. seriously, ‘Dating ? What’s That ?’

Dubai, UAE

There was a time back in the day – whenever I was asked out by a guy – I always ‘knew’ it was an ‘exclusive’ relationship.  Why ? ‘Cos he probably asked me to be his girlfriend.  Straight away.  This was in Dubai.  A boyfriend-girlfriend relationship could be something that lasted one week, one month, six months or even a few years.  But it was a straight forward ‘will you be my girlfriend / boyfriend’ sorta question.

Montreal, Canada

Then I went to Montreal where I learned that you could ‘see someone’, ‘date someone’ or ‘be in a relationship’ with someone.  Yeah – I kinda got confused too. 

Seeing someone meant ‘casually’ going out with different men / women for simple things like coffee / a drink – there was no physical intimacy between the two people.  Sure they may have held hands, hugged, and flirted but kissing and beyond were off-limits.  This is the getting acquainted stage and you could be getting acquainted with a few different people.

‘Dating someone’ meant going out with men / women on breakfasts, lunches, dinners, cocktail parties, gallery openings etc. and having some sort of physical intimacy.  So kissing, fondling, maybe even some groping could be there but no sex. 

Being in a relationship was more exclusive because you were only having sex with that one person.  Exclusively.  No more dates on the side unless they were ‘casual friendly dates’.

London, UK

Here it was simpler I suppose – very similar to Montreal but just two levels : Seeing someone or Dating.  At least all the men I met and dated – were in exclusive relationships with me and those ranged from about 3 months to 1.5 year. 

So you could be casually seeing people (who have not been introduced to your group of friends as yet) or you were dating someone who is now a part of your social group.  When most people referred to dating someone, it usually meant that it was an exclusive relationship. which involved monogamy.

Bombay, India

This city confuses the hell out of me.  It’s like the guys & girls don’t know what’s going on – almost like dating in a foreign land !   I reckon most men think that if a woman wants to exclusively date them – it means that they want to get married (sooner than later).

The guys I have come across can make a simple thing as going out and getting to know one-another the most complicated chore ever !  It’s almost like playing a game. Dating is NOT  Easy especially in Bombay !  There’s this whole other level when it comes to breaking down the dating process and I’m still trying to grasp that concept.

After coming across the above differences in dating cultures across countries – I know where I stand on dating & when to get exclusive with someone but I’d hope that the person I’m with knows that too !

For me, personally, a label / tag to what I have with someone is not really important.  It is but it’s not gonna end my world if my partner doesn’t want to ‘label’ it.  I was in a relationship of 1.5 year (which I ran away from when it ended) but we never labelled it.  We knew we were together.  Some people are comforted and more secure in ‘knowing’ that they are dating someone or in a committed relationship.

So what are your thoughts on this ?  What is the difference between seeing someone, dating someone or being in a relationship ? And how do you determine when it’s okay to be exclusive or not ? Do you have ‘the chat’ or is it just ‘understood’ ?  Have you ever asked someone if they are exclusively in a relationship with you ?

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I found myself at the airport in Dubai almost panicking because I couldn’t see my scheduled flight. Not that I minded staying back but NC would have killed me if I didn’t get on this flight.

I had been bumped off my original flight; and then the seat I had the following day was changed to a later flight – first 3 p.m, then 11 p.m, and then 3 a.m.  At about 1 a.m I’m wandering around the airport trying to figure out when the hell my flight was. At about 2:30 a.m, I see the notice that the flight has been delayed further to about 5 a.m ! Not a good sign considering I’d been awake since 6 a.m that morning and getting fairly cranky and hungry too !

To make things worse – my Wifi wasn’t working. After checking with the information booth who claimed that it was definitely working – I walked back towards my gate and just to double check – asked the only non-creepy looking guy whether his Wifi was working. It was .. but no matter what I did – my laptop refused to connect.

I don’t know why – but I went back to the guy (lets refer to him as Airport Boy) to ask him if it was still working. Ended up sitting a seat away from him whilst he offered to figure out what seemed to be the problem with my laptop connection but to no avail.

We did end up chatting though – right until we boarded the flight. Funnily we were on the same row but on opposite sides; and he signals for me to come and join him. Which I do. We continue chatting away like old friends. And then, I realize that he’s oh-so-lightly stroking my hand – not quite sure how to react – I just went with the flow.

Before I know it – Airport Boy has leaned over, cupped the side of my face and kissed me. Now that’s one way of shutting me up !! (I’ve been told that I can talk … a lot) It wasn’t an aggressive kiss, far from that – borderline gentle but completely in control. He did mention that his plan was to get the two of us banned from the airline so we would never have to face such awful flight delays again !! (but seriously I don’t mind a flight delay if the benefits involve impromptu kisses from a cute stranger)

We continue chatting as if this is all quite the norm and are decidedly quite comfortable with one another. I like that in a man – confidence, sharp and a sense of humour. I also liked the fact that I didn’t have to do anything other than initiate the first bit of conversation. The feeling of knowing someone is showing an obvious interest and actually doing something about it … now that’s flattering. (compared to some of the crazy men I’ve met over the past 3 years – this was refreshing!)

Of course the surreal flight has to come to an end – but luckily his charm didn’t flat line once we landed and got out towards immigration.  For the first time, I was grateful for luggage delays and between a few quick hugs and some playful cheek punches – the two of us managed to find our way to the taxi stand for the inevitable goodbye.

So there we were – two strangers who found some sort of a connection on a flight – trying to figure out a way to meet again.  He had 2 days in the city before flying back out – and I had work to do – yet the two of us seemed to ‘want’ to find a way to meet again.  Numbers were exchanged; tentative plans were made – a parting hug, a quick kiss and we were both on our separate paths.

On my ride home – I thought about what had happened over the past few hours and couldn’t quite believe it.  It made me smile and I liked that.  I knew I’d like to see him again – if anything for the great company (although there could be the chance that he might just blank me out) – but its just one date (kinda) – no harm in asking / following through right ?

Has that happened to you ? Ever meet someone in the most unexpected place and just ‘click’ at some level or the other ?  It still feels quite surreal when I think about it … I mean, really – that actually happened …

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I’ve come to conclude that it’s actually damn near impossible for an expat or an NRI to ‘date’ in Bombay ! (in my personal opinion)

It just doesn’t happen. It’s as if the concept of dating does not exist or has not existed in this city. I look around me and see couples and I wonder – how did they start dating ? I’ve even asked a few of them and the response tends to be pretty generic ..

‘we went to school / college together and had the same friends and one day we were a couple’

‘we met in college, became friends and now we’re a couple’

‘we lived in the same building / neighbourhood – saw each other a lot – and we’re now together’

Give me a break here – that’s not dating – that’s just settling with someone you are comfortable with i.e. your friend ! (and I say that without any disrespect). Maybe these people felt shy to tell me about the actual dating process – but the more I hear stories like this – the more I come to believe that dating does not exist at all in this city. It may sound cliché – but it’s true. All the ‘married couples’ I know have ‘dated this way’.

At the end of the day – it comes down to peoples’ perception of dating. In my last post ‘Dating ? What’s That ? – I tried to look at various view points of dating – and the comments that the post received were honestly – just phenomenal !

Dating can be quite a simple thing – but after living here for 3 years – it seems to be the most complicated concept that anyone has come across ! It’s not like I don’t meet men – in fact I know way too many people – and despite that I’ve not met anyone I really want to ‘date’ nor have I been too impressed by the ‘supposed dates’ I have been on.

When I do meet guys with dating potential – it’s as if I’ve been thrown into the twilight zone and somehow have to decipher hidden messages and just ‘know’ what my next move ought to be. Seriously – you can’t get to know a person over ‘text messages’ or ‘BBM’ .. you have to meet someone and take the time to get to know them … but in Bombay even that concept is a myth ! (ironic considering majority of the locals are all in relationships with their friends)

Fair enough – we all have a busy life and schedule to follow – but would it kill a guy / girl to take a few minutes out of their day to pick up the phone and have a chat with someone they are interested in ?? Technology doesn’t make dating easier – it makes it harder (but that’s another post altogether)

I’m not a 5 year old – I don’t play mind games – it’s as simple as ‘hey I like you and want to get to know you’ … but alas this city doesn’t make it easy for me .. Every time I have expressed interest in a man who has clearly shown the initial interest in me – it’s like ‘poof’ – he suddenly becomes a chameleon and it’s as if we don’t know each other. I thought it was just me – but no – conversations with other friends (men and women) have proven that this ‘poof act’ is not restricted to any gender and applies across the board.

I’m confident enough in myself not to ‘need’ the label of ‘boyfriend / girlfriend’ – it would be nice to know though if one is ‘dating’ someone … Cos sure enough – I know people who think they are dating someone only to find that its been a ‘friend thing’ … Come on ! At least clarify whether or not one is in the friend zone or not ! My blogger buddy SingleCityGuy got it spot on when he said ‘be clear about what you are seeking’

Just when I begin to get the faith back in men who might know what dating is – I end up thinking ‘WTF just happened’ !! From a female perspective – I’ve noticed that every time I have taken an initiative with a man (after his initial expression of interest) – it’s as if they become ‘weary’ and ‘unsure’ of what they want.

I get that we all enjoy the chase – men and women both – but seriously shouldn’t one gender stop to get caught ? At least it will help determine if the chase was worth it !!! (and save both parties time and energy)

What are your thoughts ? If you live in Bombay or surrounding areas – what do you think ? Are you an expat in Bombay and having trouble dating ? Or have you found yourself thinking you’re on a date but it’s really not a date ? Don’t worry – it’s called the ‘Non-Date Date’ … Nando has dissected this theory with his post The Non-Date Date Illusion and I’ve come to realize that’s what tends to happen when a girl and a guy get to together (at least here) – it’s a non-date date with the precautionary safety net of the friend-zone !

Side Note : I haven’t gone into the various areas of dating here – but from the looks of it – I will have to do that. Just read a fabulous article and it’s perfect for what I have in mind !

Oh and if you aren’t from Bombay or even from India – please don’t let that stop you from leaving a comment. Dating is NOT easy anywhere in the world – I’m smart enough to realize that. Times have changed. People have changed. Perceptions have changed. I just believe it’s perhaps 10 times harder to date in Bombay or in India - especially for an expat or NRI.

Do make sure you mention where you are from (city/country) and what you feel about the dating culture over there. Is it easy ? Is it difficult ? How many dates before you meet Mr or Ms Right ? Or is dating just over-rated ?

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I dug this out of the archives and have kinda played around with it a little bit. You can check out the original post here - ‘What The Hell Is Dating’ .. which was written back in September 2008 and I had been in India for about a year. Apparently not much has changed since then !

I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot … dating … It’s practically become the center of conversation amongst my entire social circle. Aside from the dozen couples (married and steady relationships) – everyone else within the circle of friends is single including yours truly.

I thought about this – specifically for myself – and for someone who has dated men from different cultures and in different countries – I am shocked that in 3 years of living in Bombay – I have not managed to find someone who I can really date let alone a boyfriend.

Sometimes I feel as if the whole idea behind dating and what comprises of a date – is almost an alien thought to the people who are native to Bombay. I reckon it has to be a culture thing – dating can mean something different in every culture. I’ve found that the so-called ‘modern’ guys and girls here more often than not have extremely ‘old fashion’ ideas when it comes to dating and sex. (and don’t get me started on sex !)

it’s not as if we’ve not been on a first date … or a second date or even a third in some cases but that’s just it .. it tends to not go beyond that. And that my friends – SUCKS. A few of us were chatting the other night and it seemed that it was damn near impossible to meet someone that you can actually ‘date’ and eventually be in a relationship with.

Don't get me wrong - I've met some very nice guys over the past 3 years – and I’ve gone out on dates with them; but it just seems that I’ve encountered the crème-de-la-crème of confused BOYS not even men !! Pathetic isn’t it ? They act and behave as if they ‘like you’ but when it comes down to admitting that – they just disappear !

Here’s a conversation on FaceBook that my mate MB aka MumbaiMinx of The Mango Tree had put up …

MB What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night

MA : The beauty is that its an interview for both the parties and anxiety/ surprise/ deciding factor lies on both sides of the table :)

MB : Which should not stop either from meeting again for the 2nd & 3 rd round! :)

MA : until you either come to a conclusion of selecting/ rejecting the candidate for the job of boy/girlfriend and decide on the norms and perks that come with the 'job' :s :P

MB : So simple, yet its made to be soo complicated!

I had a big smile on my face when I read this. It was so apt. If only more people got it !

The ‘concept’ of dating has changed drastically over the past few decades. In our grandparents time – dating didn’t exist (at least not for my grand parents) and it was about arranged marriages. In my mothers time – dating was by parental consent or ‘group dates’. The rest of the world enjoyed the free love of the 70’s. The 90’s led to the evolution of video and online dating; and online dating is now very common AND popular amongst a lot of cultures and countries.

So what is YOUR idea about dating ? What does dating or going on a date mean to you ? For some people and cultures – dating can also be considered ‘non-exclusive’ … I recall that in Montreal this was also referred to as ‘seeing someone’.

For me – dating is ‘seeing someone you are interested in more than a friend capacity which can eventually lead to becoming a couple i.e. boyfriend & girlfriend’. Dating can involve kissing, or further romantic involvement.

What are your thoughts on this ? How do you define ‘seeing someone’, ‘dating’ and ‘being in a relationship’ ? For me, if you are dating ‘non-exclusively’ then the physical side of the relationship i.e. sex – should be left out. If you’re dating exclusively – do what you want and what you are comfortable with. One can ‘see’ a few different people over a period of time before deciding to ‘date’ someone and again – the physical should be left out. But that’s a personal opinion and each to their own.

I’d really like to hear different perspectives on this subject. Looking forward to your comments and feedback on this.

p.s coming soon …. a few more follow up post on this !!