Reflections – It’s All About Time

By | 14:11 4 comments

I read a really great post the other day by Joanna Penn over at The Creative Penn titled What Do You Want To Write In Your Lifetime ? Reflections on Morality. .. and it got my mind into a hasty overdrive mode !

It’s taken me a few days to figure out how to actually put my thoughts down and every action and incident that has taken place prior to reading her post has just somehow cleared my perspective.

We only live once.  Life is short.  Time seems to be going faster and faster.  Before you know it, it’ll be June and that’s 6 months into 2010.  Maybe the next time you look at the calendar it’s going to be December and we’re planning our entry into 2011.

Yesterday, my younger brother left home to start a new journey.  He’s in the process of setting up a business in California.  He mentioned it about 3 weeks ago .. and BOOM … this morning .. he’s gone.

The day before yesterday we spent a few hours talking about what we want to achieve in this lifetime and what is the best way forward for each of us in our respective career paths.  We also discussed the differences in the ways men and women look out to their future; the role of each gender when it comes down to relationships.  It was interesting.

It boiled down to 3 things :

  1. Time is of the essence.  For every minute that we waste, it is an opportunity gone by.
  2. If you really want to do something – and I mean – really want to achieve something .. then you have to FIND the time to do that. 
  3. Focus on the positive; on the NOW and put your energies into the goal you want to achieve and it shall fall into place. 

Between reading Joanna’s post, the conversation with my brother, and a rather random chat with Jack from Brooklyn (which I’m posting in pink below) … I have been reflecting on the things I want to achieve in my lifetime (well at least within the next 5 years)  … not in any particular order …

financial securityFinancial security.  That’s a huge subject on its own.  I’m not talking about making  millions on millions (although it would be nice).  I just mean being able to have a few things in place for myself which I’ve managed to do i.e Life Insurance and Mutual Fund investments.  I’d like to own a property somewhere – but at this point in time I can’t really afford it.  But maybe by the end of the year.  

Being an Indian female .. typically by my age - which is 28 - I should be married .. or at least engaged to get married .. and trust me I'm late in getting married ... however due to my upbringing .. I have these goals that I want to achieve .. including financial ones of some sort .. and I'm a workaholic ... so my brothers point (and he's 23) was that I don't 'have to' be doing all of this .. because at the end of the day whoever I am going to marry should be capable to taking care of both of us .. and yet liberal enough to let me do my own thing so that I can continue to have my own financial freedom and yet not be dependant on it

Career progression and growth.  I am an entrepreneur at heart.  I don’t like career ladder working for other people – particularly companies where there is no freedom to conduct business in a way that is suited to ones’ personality.  I recently resigned from an events management consultancy with one of the largest media companies – Times of India so that I could set up on my own again.  After working for myself for 6 years; I moved to India and ‘got a job’ … and now I’m back on my own feet again.  It’s slow at times, but it pushes me to get more and drive more opportunities my way.

I could continue working independently over here in Bombay which is proving to be a good market; but then there are opportunities over seas that I should and could cash in on.  So many options .. which one to choose !

So I ratted of the goals I want to achieve .. which is career, financial security, and settling down ... however due to the fact that I'm in India - I haven't found anyone in the last 2.5 years that I want to be in a relationship with .. which in essence means that I feels that I have wasted 2 years of what could have been a relationship that would have gotten me closer to settling down .. so my career and financials work but the relationship i.e personal life has suffered ...

Settling down in a relationship that will eventually result in marriage.  In the 2.5 years that I’ve been in India – I’ve not had a relationship.  I’m not dating - and the few so-called dates that I’ve been on havesettle down been enough to make me wonder WTF happened!  It’s not that I’m not dateable – I’m a brilliant catch according to my mates – I just haven’t found the right fisherman to catch me.  (Considering I am scared of fish – I don’t know why I used that metaphor!)

I’ve spent the last 6-8 months taking part in a documentary film that looks into the life of an expat Indian and their views & perspectives on dating, relationships,  love & arranged marriage.  One of the incidents resulted in an explosive reaction on my part which I titled Some Documented Truths.  I realize I have set myself up for this crazy rollercoaster ride … lately all I keep hearing is ‘when are you planning on getting married’ and the more I hear it – the more I keep thinking .. ‘why why why’ !   How am I supposed to meet someone in a city full of people who can barely understand me or my back ground ?

I’ve gone down the traditional Indian match maker route (yeah that exists peeps and trust me its no fun!); I am on a matrimonial site (yup got conned into that too – I had to make the profile or else let my mom & my aunt come up with their own thing) AND gone out with a few of the men from there (disaster stories honest); I am listening to my mother list out details of eligible bachelors.  Any joy so far ? Nope.  Anyone interesting ? Yes – he’s in NYC.  We’ve been talking for 9 months now and I feel that we’ve connected .. however we’ve never met (other than Skype chats).  The fact that we’re still in touch is a good sign.  But for anything to materialize means that we both need to meet and figure it out – whatever the end result is.  For that I need to get out of this city.

Leave this country for the sake of my sanity ASAP.  I’ve known this for a while now.  It hit me harder after my trip to Dubai.  Living here is a different life.  It’s not one that I’m used to.  I have In search of sanity imageadapted just fine into the day-to-day grind however if I look deep into myself, I know I’m not happy being where I am.  The thing is .. since I’ve just left my consultancy and I’m starting on my own again .. where do I want to be ?  Do I move to Dubai or do I go back to London ? Either way – I’m comfortable in both places – I have friends in both cities and I know the life that I will have.  Its more ME than the life I’m living in Bombay (and its not a bad life – its just stressful due to external factors)

So yeah .. my dilemma in life now is .. do I move somewhere with career focus and let the relationship just happen .. or do I go somewhere putting the relationship first and then work on the career ... and throw in the fact that I want to be back with my friends who are split between London & Dubai .. and a potential relationship that's in New York !  its like damn WTF do I do !

That’s all from me folks.  I think it’s been a slightly heavy post.  As you can tell, my mind has been in a bit of an over drive mode.  What about you ? What do you hope to achieve over the next few years ? Or in your lifetime ? And if you were to answer Joanna’s question – what do you want to write in your lifetime ?


Joanna Penn said...

Thanks so much for posting this - I'm glad my article sparked thoughts of change. I know how you feel on many of these subjects.
I am also an entrepreneur - am actually unemployable as an employee now so make a living as a contractor and freelancer. Freedom is the key!
I am also an expat - Brit living in Oz, previously NZ. I haven't found a home yet though, already have itchy feet about moving on. I loved India actually - maybe will come over there!
anyway, thank you for the honour of featuring in such a heartfelt post!
All the best in your travels and adventures,

Jennifer Fitzgerald said...

Really felt for you as I read your post. I'm a Brit, now working for myself, who is fascinated with India and the cultural "divide" from the the other way round. I'd find it really difficult to depend upon someone else for my financial security. As someone once told me, when YOU are ready, HE will come along. (Unbelievably, he did for me). In the meantime, enjoy!

Dazediva said...

@ Joanna .. You are most welcome :) Your post had me thinking for a few days before I could even put together my own ! I have tried doing the employee role and its never quite worked out for me - so I know where you are coming from.

Itchy feet ... we are quite alike it seems hehe :) Do come visit and if I'm still here, will show you around :)

@ Jennifer .. welcome to my blog & thanks for your comment :) A tarot card reader told me quite recently that when I am ready, I will find someone but until I let myself be ready, I wouldn't.

Mansi said...

You have to think in terms of what you want. Not what your parents want of you. Not what society expects of you. At the end of the day you have to live with your decisions ... and as Joanna mentions over and over in her post, it is YOUR life. Try to think objectively about your aspirations, without limitations. If everything were ideal, where would you land? Who would you be with? What would you be doing? Once you have that sorted out, think about what's keeping you from achieving all that? External factors or your internal fears? You have only one life to live ... what have you got to lose following your heart's desires? Be honest with yourself and you'll find the answers to your questions. Just my two cents...