changing forms of communication insights interpretations just for fun people's perceptions random thoughts sparks of chemistry state of mind the cheerleader effect type of man you are attracted to type of woman you are attracted to

I heard this phrase for the first time the other night whilst watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’ … and it made such an impact that I actually replayed the scene to jot down the definition onto my phone.

Basically the cheerleader effect occurs when you see a group of girls (or guys) and they look ‘hot’ … BUT when you see each person ‘individually’ they are NOT ! So really they only appear hot as a collective group and NOT as individuals.  The phrase ideally is used for women however can apply to groups of men too.

I found it quite funny the way it was described in the show and turns out that the Urban Dictionary does have a definition for the phrase as well ! The Cheerleader Effect is also known as the  Sorority Girls Syndrome or the Bridesmaid Parado; for a brief window in the mid 90s the Spice Girls Conspiracy...SCARY Spice, indeed :P Oh and according to TheHappyGoat the PussyCat Dolls are another group of hotties who actually cause us to fall victim of the Cheerleader Effect

Jillian Wertheim recently wrote about the The Cheerleader Effect and has gone on to suggest that it is closely related to the Distance Dispute a.k.a where an individual looks appealing from afar but becomes less so as you approach.  I’ve known of this particular theory but never quite knew its name. 

So for you to really catch my drift – check out the video from the TV Show

Have any of you experienced the Cheerleader Effect ?  I’ve always wondered why is it that some of friends (guys and girls alike) – have pointed out groups of men who are sitting at private booths at clubs looking like total stud muffins (I love this word) and groups of women at the bar / dance floor who ooze sex appeal – and whenever I’ve managed to have a look at them – have never felt the same way.  My mates put it down to me being very critical.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m ALL for appreciating a good looking man or woman but lately it just seems that there are none around these days. 

I suppose that just means I’m not privy to the cheerleader effect and the power on my lenses are correct – I’m not mistaking fake hotties for real hotties =P  So if you have ever fallen victim to the cheerleader effect – don’t let it get you down – and definitely don’t let let it prevent you from ever approaching a group of ‘supposed’ hotties ever again. 

Just follow Jillians’ advise and instead, keep in mind how easily our senses can be deceived, and your chances of becoming a victim of the Cheerleader Effect will go way down

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I’m not talking about Chemistry in the science lab – but more along of the lines of the chemistry between two people.  I got thinking about this the other day after reading another fab post on Simone’s blog.

Over the years and depending on your dating history – you would have come to realise that there is something about a prospective partner that just ‘clicks’ for you.  I’ve already talked about the ‘type of person’ we tend to be attracted to – and moving further into the subject – once we’ve covered the initial attraction stage  - we head over to stage 2 : is there any chemistry between the two individuals ?

For me, over the years – most of my relationships have been based on an initial combination of physical and mental chemistry.  Once I realise I am attracted to somebody – purely on a physical attributes, I have to figure out whether I ‘click’ with this person on a mental level as well.

I have gone into relationships where initially both parties felt the immediate physical chemistry – it was that rush of being with the ‘best looking’ guy.  Some of those relationships obviously didn’t pan out because the mental chemistry wasn’t there.  Then there were relationships where both physical and mental chemistry stood strong but circumstances resulted in an end to the relationship.

In my late teen years and at university – it was important for me to be physically attracted to somebody to  start dating them – I would let the mental chemistry develop.  These relationships would tend to last only a few months.  It also so happened that as people – the guy and myself – barely knew each other.  The physical attraction had to be there in the first 2-3 interactions – otherwise it wasn’t going to work out.

From about 6 years ago – my perspective on dating changed – I realised that I wanted more out of a relationship.  So, even though the initial attraction factor was the physical attribute and physical chemistry – if I didn’t find that in the first few meetings that there was ALSO a mental connection – I didn’t pursue the matter further.

Around 4 years ago – I met a man online through a social networking medium.  We were both attracted to each other’s photographs – and we got in touch via email.  This communication went on for about a month.  The mental connection was there and the fact that we both appealed to each other physically (from a photographic perspective) was also good.  From emails, we moved on to SMS and phone calls – and decided to meet up about 2 months later.  We ended up dating for 1.5 year.  Unfortunately things didn’t work out.  Not because we weren’t physically and mentally compatible but due to family interference.  That really sucked.

So now, I’m trying to figure out what combination or percentage of physical and mental compatibility and chemistry I need with a partner for it to actually ‘work out’.  Instead of just looking at a guy from a the initial physical attraction; I’ll be taking the mental connection first and then looking at the physical attraction. 

That doesn’t mean I would want to just settle with someone who I am mentally connected with and have no physical chemistry ….  However there will be a time frame – or a window period if you want to call it – that it should develop in (at least I’m being fair right)… If it doesn’t come about in a few weeks – then I wouldn’t be able to pursue the  relationship.

Damn it … can’t I have it all ??

What’s your take on chemistry between two people ? Is it important ? Does chemistry develop along the way ? Is it better to be compatible or to have chemistry ?

Here are some interesting articles to check out:

1. ‘How Much Does Chemistry Count ?’
2. How to Find Out if there is Chemistry Between The Two of You
3. The Chemistry of Love

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NOTE : This is a bit of a personal post so consider yourself warned !

I came across this fabulous post ‘Do You Have a Type ?’ on Simone’s Blog – if you haven’t already paid her a visit – then I strongly recommend it !

It’s topic I have been thinking about for a little while now as I have been self-assessing my own interest in men; the type of men that I have gone for in the past and the type of man I would want to be with for my future. (In fact I have already drafted posts prior to this on the Men in My LIfe !)

You see, I’m at a point where I am ready to settle down and am actually doing a few things I didn’t think I would be doing (such as being on an online matrimonial site AND having the family priest try to set me up!).  If you are Indian then you probably get where I am coming from – if you aren’t – don’t feel bad for me – I have willingly let myself be a guinea pig for this. 

I’m 27 years old and I’ve been dating for a while now.  I’ve had a few serious relationships and the odd few high school / university relationships which barely lasted a few months. 

When someone asks me what ‘type of guy’ I am looking for – I really don’t have an answer as such.  The words that come out of my mouth are quite generic – traits that everyone would want in a future partner.

When I look back on the guys I have dated – somewhere – there is a commonality amongst them – and yet there is something unique about each one.  I’ve been attracted to the bad boys; the hunks; the jock; the nice guys; and the players too !

I have noticed similarities in quite a few of the guys I have dated (seriously or casually).  From all the guys – physically – about 80% have been quite alike in terms of body type (I like a broad shouldered man); height (6 ft at least please); generally conventionally good looking – however they have all differed in their personality types.  Then there is the 20% of guys that I dated who are so UNLIKE my primary type – that it got my close friends confused about my preferences !

So I suppose I do have a type - but not a particular trait that I can pin point (other than the fact I like tall guys) but there are other traits which I wonder if you have fallen for initially ....

I go out a lot and so do my friends – most of my relationships have developed out of knowing the guy through a friend (but who is not a part of MY social circle).

My eyes tend to drift towards the guys who are 6ft tall or the best dancer on the floor; then I look at how they are dressed (now I like guys in formal wear as well as scruffy funky wear) so their clothes have to catch my eye; then I look at the face (it has to have something that stands out : could be the way they wear a goatee or stubble; or spiky hair; or a fab smile;) and if the guy catches my eye - I actually see how long he can look at me.

I know I like tall guys (I’ve said that a few times now haha but I’m 5’7 and wear 3 inch heels when I go out !); a strong jaw line; a stubble on a man is so sexy – gives that rough, rugged and carefree look; a semi-bad boy attitude also works for me because it’s a challenge especially if he isn’t verbally challenged – makes it all the more interesting !  A little bit of arrogance is always a good thing – and he ought to know how and when to use it. 

I cannot stand jealousy and insecurity in a person.  My job and lifestyle means that I tend to be out a lot and always socializing.  I know a lot of people and have a lot of guy friends.  My best friends’ are guys.  I also lose interest in people who throw out the bait but don’t know how to reel it in ! (men & women included)

In the last 2 years that I have been in Bombay – I have genuinely not dated a single person ! I have had guys who are attracted to me and vice versa but somehow nothing has materialised.  This comment is a bit Bombay-specific but really the guys here giving dating a bad name ! They just don’t know how to go about it !

It’s been my personal choice not to get involved with anyone.  There have been guys who meet all the above criteria but as soon as they have opened their mouth – I want to do a runner ! So the next thing I suppose I look out for is how well the man in question can hold a conversation.  If he’s got my attention – well & good – and if I’m already distracted then there’s no chance of anything taking place there.

What about you ? Do you tend to date the same person over and over again ?

Are you attracted to a certain type of man or woman ? What do you notice first in the opposite sex ?

I would love to know your thoughts about this topic; and I have found a way to put a poll onto my blog too :) so don’t forget to vote (pretty please!!)