dating dating in different cultures dating is not easy diva guest bloggers guest blogger guest blogging guest post relationships

If you’ve ever been on the wrong side of a breakup then you are probably familiar with the top three breakup excuses. Do any of these sound familiar?

“I need some time to think.”

“Things are moving too fast for me.”

“You deserve more.”

Obviously these excuses won’t help you much if you’re trying to figure out where things went wrong. Each one is purposely broad and could be interpreted in several different ways.

Sadly, this is precisely what your ex had in mind by using them. They didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth, so they decided to hide behind a lame excuse.

But the real question here is… what was your ex was so afraid to tell you? Why not just tell the truth and attempt to work on the problem together? Well, the short answer is because the truth isn’t always pretty. If your ex used a one-size-fits-all explanation for breaking up then perhaps your relationship was suffering from one of these embarrassing issues...

Pure Boredom
If you spent more Fridays on the couch watching Netflix than you did going out to new places there is a good chance your ex felt stuck on a treadmill going nowhere. Being young and in love is all about experiencing life together and breaking free from your comfort zone. Of course no one is going to tell you to your face that you bore them to death, so the easier option for your partner was to simply get out of the relationship.

Lack of Romance
The difference between being friends and being lovers is pretty obvious. You don’t kiss your friends, so a relationship without affection is anything but romantic. Physical attraction is big part of dating and sensual signals confirm a deeper connection with someone you love. If you and your ex weren’t connecting on this level then you are better off as friends.

Too Much Negativity
We should all feel comfortable sharing our troubles with our partner, but a relationship without smiles and laughter quickly turns into a chore. Positivity and perseverance can carry love through even the hardest of times. Solving problems together builds trust and brings you closer together. Negativity on the other hand literally sucks the life out of a relationship. Don’t blame your ex for leaving if you spent the majority of your time together complaining.

I’m always surprised to hear people say they don’t know why they got dumped. Really? I’d say in most cases the writing was clearly written on the wall. Whether or not you are honest enough to admit your faults will determine how successful you next relationship will be.

Elliot Beers has been serving up uncensoreded relationship advice across the web since 2006. He writes about breakups and how to fix them at GetBackMyEx.com. Follow him on Twitter and don’t forget to check out his Facebook page.

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Here’s one for the Diva’s Dating Diary (I really should make a chart for 2012 but that’s another post altogether)

How It Began

About 3 weeks ago, I went out with a girlfriend for the launch of a new club in Bombay.  We were looking fab and dancing the night away.  This one guy caught my attention towards the end of the night – he was looking straight at me through 10 feet of writhing bodies and when I locked eyes with him – he looked away.  And I laughed which I assume embarrassed him just a bit – because every time he looked up and caught my eye – he couldn’t maintain eye contact. 

I found this pretty amusing and actually pointed at him and indicated that he should come over to where I was.  Typical Bombay boy, he didn’t and looked even more flustered (heaven forbid a woman is direct!).  At this point I just got bored and went back to dancing with my girlfriend.

Whilst waiting for my car – I saw the guy again and this time he did approach me and we struck up a conversation, exchanged phone numbers but not before he asked for my BBM pin.  Seriously what the hell happened to just taking a phone number down ?

The Problem

The next day, this lad drops me a half dozen text messages which included (and I quote) “C U Sometime at your comfort”,  until I tell him that it’s a lot easier to have a conversation on the phone (my pet peeve is constant texting / bbm’s instead of a quick phone call).  2 hours later he gets his ass in gear and calls me (but not before we play phone tag for another half hour or so). 

Plus points to him for actually trying to fix a date; more plus points when he did fix a day to meet to up.  I asked him what he fancied doing and he says …

“I thought you could come over to my place, watch a movie and you can cook me lunch”

Errrrrrrrrm NO.  Minus points all around.  Seriously – the logistics of this suggestion involve me traveling from one side of the city to the back end of the suburbs to cook for him with absolutely zero effort on his part !  Why on earth would I want to cook lunch (or any meal) for a man I do not know and at his house the first time I ever meet him ??   Not a smart thing for any girl to do on a 1st date (unless you have some history with the man).  Cooking involves slaving over the heat in the kitchen (and with temperatures hitting 40 degrees Celsius in Bombay that is NOT something I want to be doing) AND end up smelling like food !! Appealing – No way !

I provided an alternative option of going out somewhere to eat but he wasn’t having it.  Cheap alert perhaps ? Or then again it could have to do with the fact that he’s a 24 year old model who thinks he’s being cute ! *yeah right*

Needless to say – that date never happened.  The party was on a Thursday, he rang me on Friday, we’d fixed up to meet the following Tuesday and like most of the Bombay boys – he never quite followed through to the end.  A request on his part to reschedule but that didn’t happen either.  Although I got a text message the weekend after asking what I was up to and when I would be cooking for him !! My response – I’ll send you some take-out / delivery options !

Diva’s Verdict

Guys – don’t ask a girl to cook for you on the first few dates.  You may not realize this but cooking for someone is quite an intimate affair – and if you haven’t got a history together, it could turn out to be a bit of a disastrous meal !!  Ask her out, take her out (this does not mean it has to be fancy), show her that you’re into her and if you play your cards right – she might show off her cooking skills or better yet, if you’re really lucky, she’ll serve you breakfast in bed !

Side Note : I don’t have a problem with cooking a meal for a guy – but that’s at a later stage of having been together i.e  few dates at least / a boyfriend .. definitely not the first time I am meeting him.  Now if HE offered to cook for me (or vice versa) that’s a different story … but this was just a bit lame (even though my mates reckon he wanted to actually indulge in Naked Master Chef)

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Time For A Reality Check

Did you know that Not Everyone Is Going To Like You ? Seriously.  I read this fab post written by @SingleGirlie for SinglesWarehouse and related to it (so much so that I couldn’t help pen my own thoughts on the topic- yay for inspiration – and you must read the original post like right now!)

In any relationship – whether it is with friends’, acquaintances or with a potential partner – you’ve got to realize that not everyone is going to like you the way you like them.  I’ve met more than my share of guys who indicate that they are interested but then never really follow through.  I put it down to the fact that they just don’t like me enough to come after me; AND I obviously don’t like them enough to go after them.  No one really comes out a loser in this.  I rather not waste my time or someone else's time if both are not on the same page.

If you are the outgoing type – it’s quite unlikely that you will find your soul mate in an introvert (although it could happen but the odds are low).  The same way if a guy has a preference for busty blondes, and you are a sporty brunette or a foxy red head – unless you are willing to dye your hair blonde and opt for bust implants – it’s quite unlikely the guy is going to ask you out if he has the option of dating a busty blonde.

Dealing with ‘I Don’t Like You … Like That’

As upsetting and disheartening it is to ‘accept’ that someone doesn’t fancy you enough to commit to date or want a long term relationship with you – it’s better to cut your losses short and deal with it then and there.  Why waste time and energy trying to make someone like you ? It should be easier than that right ?

A few years ago, I deciphered that my persona isn’t everyone's’ cup of tea – and I’m fine with that.  I don’t want to be everyone's’ type.  I have a select group of friends; and am even more selective about the guys I date and go out with.  I’ve tried to go out with the kinda of guy that looks good on paper and has the long term potential (read marriage) but I found myself bored shitless and wanting to shoot myself to put me out of my misery.

To be fair I’m pretty sure some of the guys I’ve gone out with wished I was more domesticated / homely and less of a social butterfly.  Yeah, I said good bye to those guys pretty quickly as well.  I can’t change who I am (sure I can tone it down a notch) but I am who I am the way you are who you are.

P.S Not All Your ‘Friends’ Like You Either

You didn’t see that one coming did you ?  I’m a social person – very out going; always know people at events, restaurants, parties – hell even on the street. All of these people come up to me / or I approach them, we say hi, we sometimes hug or give each other air kisses, have a quick chat or toast a shot across the bar, even pose for photos .. you get my drift. Does that mean they all ‘like me’ ? Maybe … maybe they just ‘like me on some level’ but not on a best mates / inner circle level. Someone asked me “doesn’t it bother you?” and honestly it doesn’t. If that person meant so much to me – wouldn’t they already be a part of my inner circle ? ‘Levels of Like’ vary from person to person and that’s just a part of life. Nothing you or I can do will change that.  I rather be friends with people who accept me just the way I am than having to change my entire personality to fit in with their perception of ‘cool’.

Moving Forward – There Are Others Out There

At the end of the day – if you can accept that you are not everyone's’ type – it’s going to make life a lot easier for you.  The next time a cute guy/girl doesn’t come back for a second date or seems to pull a fade on you – don’t beat yourself up about it.  You may be dogs bollocks to those around you – but just not to that person.  And that’s okay.  You don’t need to change anything about yourself to suit the criteria of that other person.  Just be who you are and you will meet Mr / Miss Right For YOU !

My BFF @madamnatalia wrote this on her FB today and I think it’s something we should all remember :

“Everybody is not going to like you. Everybody is not going to agree with you.  Everybody can never be you.”

No two people are alike.  We can seek similar qualities, personality traits, ambitions in a person.  Your friends and your potential partner are there to complement you, guide you, bring you down when your head swells up, and most of all to tell you things straight up that no one else (other than your mother) will tell you.

Another thing is that, all of us must also learn to like ourselves (flaws et al) because once we do; then we project that confidence to those around us and thus increase the chances of others liking us for who we are (although that doesn’t necessarily mean in a romantic way). This may sound obvious and unnecessary but you’ll be surprised how many guys & girls actually suffer from low self esteem.

What are your thoughts ?

dating across the globe dating in different cultures dating is not easy diva guest bloggers guest blogger guest blogging guest post lottery winners relationships

What happens when you win the lottery and you are in a relationship?

A lottery win could give people everything they had ever dreamed of if their numbers come in - but for many people this massive sum of cash can raise issues about a spouse or partner.

Seek Financial Advice

The first thing an individual or couple - whether married or not - should do when they realize they now have a million (or more) in the bank is seek the expertise of a financial adviser.

Such a professional can help them put together a plan of action for their money and may help those who disagree about such matters with their partner.

For instance, if a household is run by one individual who likes to shop and indulge in nice meals and day trips, while the other is a stickler for thrift and saving, a financial adviser can help them reach an agreement over how best to use the money, allowing both parties to put the money where they want it.

Furthermore, these professionals can help couples invest their winnings in such a way that it safeguards their future together.

Dating does not equal Dollars

Hopefully, the vast majority of lucky lotto fans will be able to share their money with a loving other half, allowing them to fulfil their ambitions and aspirations together - but what about when the garden is not so rosy?

According to a case in Florida, a judge ruled that a spurned lover was not entitled to any of his ex-girlfriend's $1 million Florida Lottery prize, even though they had lived together for a number of years.

Judge Alan Dickey stated that an agreement would have to be put in writing between both parties if they were to share the fortune in the event one of them struck lucky.

For richer, for poorer

And even wedlock cannot guarantee a jackpot is split between estranged spouses, because a case in Scotland - which has a different legal system to England and Wales - resulted in one man being told he was not entitled to half of his wife's £35 million after he moved out.

However, the individual was lucky, as his ex decided to share her money with him in spite of their split.

Author Bio:

Austin Weaver is a recreational poker player who loves cricket and rugby, but his real passion is EuroMillions Lottery.

He is a content and blog writer for theLotter, and online lottery website. He hasn’t won a big lottery jackpot yet, but loves his wife, so plans on closely following his own relationship advice if he ever does!

Follow him on Facebook or Twitter and check out the YouTube channel

Main Picture Source: Thinkstock via Adfero library

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“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.” Michel de Montaigne, French Philosopher and Writer. 1533-1592

I actually heard this quote at the end of the latest Criminal Minds episode and it really struck me.

When it comes to relationships be it with your friends, family or your partners – sometimes no matter how hard we try to forget something – a situation, an incident, a milestone, a breaking point – it seems to be as if completely instilled in the mind with no signs of letting go.

My interpretation of the quote is that instead of focusing on the memory that you want to forget, one must just let it go.  The only way to truly just let go is to accept that everything happens for a reason and accept the given conditions, circumstances, and go on with your life.  There’s no need to wreck your mind or heart over a situation that is beyond your control and is laden with emotional, mental and psychological tangents.  Take everything that comes your way as it comes and deal with it then.  It’s all part of the universal spectrum and perhaps the ultimate key to happiness ?

Decide how important that relationship is to you and how much you value it in your life – and then you’ll notice that your subsequent actions will naturally weave them in your life (or unweave them).

It’s unlikely that you may share that memory with someone else but unless you give yourself a chance to do that – you won’t know.  And by focusing on what you had – focus on the things that you could have.  Just because things change between people doesn’t mean that its impossible to achieve again. 

Your thoughts ?

dating in different cultures dating is not easy matters of the heart personal reflections random thoughts relationships

If you recall, I once said that running doesn’t always help.  Honestly, it doesn’t and hence I threw it out at the universe so that it was all out of my system.

This morning, I woke up like any other morning and saw a FB alert that a friend of mine had tagged me in some pics.  I knew these pics would be dated a few years ago as I haven’t seen this friend in almost 5 years now. 

I saw the first picture and I smiled.  It was a picture of me on my 25th b’day weekend.  The second picture was of one of my oldest girlfriends (we even lived together at one point) and me and I smiled more ‘cos she’s getting married this summer and I’m going to be at the wedding. 

I didn’t quite know how to react to the third picture.  I stared at it for what seemed like a while and then just closed the screen.  Later in the day, I told NC about it and she was quite surprised.  I saw it again now ‘cos another Twitter friend brought it up.  I’m proud of myself for not letting my heart cave in or have my stomach turn inside out.

And almost immediately after, I saw this sign and I felt this sort of relief … ‘cos it makes sense.  

I’ve learned to let go of people who don’t belong in my future.  But for the longest time, I have inadvertently let this person be around despite everything I’ve done to ‘delete’ him from my life. 

I’ve moved on with my life – so has he – and as much as FaceBook wants us to be friends – I think I’ll just ignore that part and deal with the other 1900+ friends I have.  My theory on this – Forgive, Forget & F*ck It ! (and I had to put it out there so the universe hears me on this)

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Take it from me, dating in Sydney is difficult.  Very difficult.  It's not just that the city has a much larger proportion of single women to single men - it just seems difficult getting started at all.    As an English girl who has been living in Sydney for over ten years, I have seriously had a dating drought.   If I am honest,  I can't remember the last time I was asked out on a date or even chatted up by a Sydney sider!

I must admit, this has been a topic which my single friends and I have drank many glasses of wine over, pondering over the topic  - is it Sydney men in general or is it us?  Why is there such a huge amount of fabulous single women in Sydney struggling to meet a nice guy?  Believe me, we have tried everything from speed dating, online dating and even a few singles cruises on the harbour.  But to no avail...we return home alone to our apartments comforting ourselves with ice cream and telling ourselves that it is not us - it is them ;0).    Over the years I think my confidence has started to take a hit - as the body gets older so does the will to keep trying.  Also, you begin to think that you have a fatal flaw which everybody ( apart from yourself) is aware about.

Now, listen in, as things are about to change and it seems to have taken a miracle to kick start my love life.  This miracle has come in the form of a 2 week road trip around Australia with 4 other single women.   Yes, we are looking for love and even more amazing, we are going to be filmed as part of a documentary called 'Going the Distance'

It seems I am not alone in struggling to find a decent bloke in Sydney so I will be taking part in this experiment to dig deeper into the dating drought which seems to be effecting most of Sydney women.  This search will also include travelling from Adelaide to Rockhampton, meeting fabulous single men while also raising money for the Cancer Council.    At last, I may get the opportunity to practice my flirting!   So, I would love you to join me on my journey - your support will be gratefully appreciated.  I will be blogging and doing a video diary most days from the Going the Distance website. So, the haircuts and pampering have been booked and I am on a mission to find love! ( and also find out if it really is them and not me!)

Lisa Phillips is a Life Coach and radio host who is fed up of being single in Sydney.  In her coaching, she has helped hundreds of clients meet their life partner but she has decided it is now her turn to find love!   '

To follow Lisa's journey to love; go to GoingTheDistance.com or log on to Facebook or sign up for the free newsletter.

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4 Signs That You Are In The Friend Zone

A few days ago I wrote about Staying Out of the Friend Zone; and really it’s quite easy to do this if you actually follow the steps.  Then I got thinking about how so many guys (and girls) don’t even realize they are already trapped in the friend zone (and that’s a hard one to get out of!)

I’ll speak for myself when I say this – once I place a man in the friend zone – he isn’t coming out of it.  It’s not like this man is now going to be my new BFF (hell! no one can replace my boys!) and he is most definitely NOT getting lucky with me either.

A woman can place a man in the friend zone for various reasons – the main one being that she’s really just not into you (physically/sexually) but you’re a great guy so she’s cool having you around.

The only reason a man puts a woman in the friend zone is because he has not physical desire for her; and doesn’t want to get into her pants. (or they are childhood buddies; she’s one of the lads to him; or she’s actually related to him in some way)

Here are a few red flags that should alert you to your entry and permanent place in the friend zone :

1/ Too Comfortable, Too Soon.  This can mean many things – but if you find yourself around someone who is able to divulge just about anything to you including (but not limited to) past dating history, current love/lust interests, family issues, etc. Another big red flag should be if the girl doesn’t quite care how she looks around you (think tracks, hasn’t waxed her arms/legs, no make-up) or if a guy can’t even be bothered to slap on some cologne.  These are sure signs that you are already in the Friend Zone ! 

Honest truth - I’ve never met a man that I’m interested in without having gone waxing (even if the waxing lady yells at me and tells me there isn’t enough to wax my arms / legs / bikini – I make her do it).  I will always put on some gloss / flavoured lip balm.  If I’m not getting waxed – he’s a mate / buddy and has no chance in hell getting any from me.

2/ He or She is Only Available at Their Convenience. You want to hang out but he/she is busy or cancels plans; yet you are available whenever he/she calls to hang (doesn’t matter that you are changing your plans to fit them in). If this is something you’ve noticed – then you’re in the friend zone. If a guy / girl is interested in you – they will go out of their way to spend time with you; they will change / modify their plans to fit you in their schedule no matter how tight it is.

Your ‘friends’ understand when you have to bail on them to link up with that hottie you saw at the club.  Your friends don’t mind if you are busy whenever they have to meet up (ok fine they may give you a bit of slack but it’s not the end of the world).  But if it’s only happening in a one-sided manner – then you need to rethink how you have prioritized that man/woman in your life. 

3/ He or She Wishes Others Were Like You And Tells You This !  No brainer here.  “Oh I wish more guys were like you; you’re such a nice guy !”  “Damn girl, if only other women got me the way you do.”  Yes, it hurts to hear but this is the man/womans’ way of telling you in a really subtle manner that ‘mate you are in the friend zone – don’t try any moves on me’. 

He/She obviously likes you enough to hang around with you but there’s no sexual chemistry there.  There may be friendly chemistry which enables you to hang out together but honestly, they rather see your personality traits in someone that gives them butterflies in the tummy or a banging hard on ! 

4/ He or She Compares You to a Relative. “You’re like a brother/sister to me”. If your radar hasn’t started beeping as yet – you might want to wake up and smell the coffee around you ‘cos you are sooooooo deep in the Friend Zone even Indiana Jones can’t get you out of there !

Seriously think about it - who the hell goes out with their brother or sister or any relative for that matter? (unless they are incestual – and you don’t want to be getting into something like that !)  Just step away from the person concerned and try your luck elsewhere – ‘cos you are never gonna tap that !

So there you have it – the 4 signs that all lead straight to the Friend Zone.  If you have any more to add (from a male / female perspective) feel free to share your thoughts.

If you need more clues – then check out what these bloggers have to say :

1. Out of the Friend Zone : 4 Ways to Never be His “Home girl” Again ! by Samantha Menjor
2. Top 10 signs that you are in the Friend Zone by Ngure Kajumba
3. 6 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You by Mike Hammer

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A few days ago, a mate of mine SK put the following as his status update :

“I'm tired of girls complaining that there’s no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!”

There were lots of ways I could approach this; but for the sake of getting to the point I replied to my mate and simply said :

“You're in the friend zone 'cos your game just didn't hit the spot; you probably never caught on to the clues the girl left; the timing was just off or you just aren't her type :P”

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – men and women know when they are interested in someone.  Fair enough, that more men find themselves falling into the friend zone than women – but that’s ‘cos the majority of men would be happy to get down and dirty with their women friends ! 

I know, that for me, if I’m feeling the vibe with someone – there’s only an X amount of time frame wherein which that chemistry should click; otherwise it sort of passes over and that’s when a guy gets dropped into the friend zone.

There are plenty of men (and women) out there – who are absolutely clueless to the signals dropped at them; you might even need to really throw it out there or *gasp* spell it out !

For all of you guys and girls that have inadvertently found yourself in the friend-zone with someone you clearly have sexual desires for at some point in your life; follow these simple steps for staying out of the friend zone with the next person you want to get hooked up with !

The Diva’s Guide to Staying Out of The Friend Zone (applicable across genders)

1/ Don’t be their freaking friend.  If you are into a guy / girl; for the sake of everyone around you, don’t try to be their friend !  Both of you have enough friends – and right now, you definitely don’t want to be friends !  I’ve actually told a man I was into that I was NOT his friend (because clearly we never were mates nor had we hung out like mates) 

2/ Flirt ! Flirt ! and Flirt some more !  Let that guy / girl know you’ve got the hots for them.  It could be a cheeky text message; a tap on the ass; just telling him/her that you’re digging the cologne / perfume they are wearing … anything really but you have to say it out ! That guy / girl is NOT a mind reader !  He/She needs to know you are sexually interested in them (and that’s not what friends do .. unless they are FwB but that’s another post altogether)

3/ Let Your Body Do the Talking.  Body language says a lot without you having to blubber or get tongue tied (although if done right, it could lead to a lot of tongue action).  Make a move on the person – a casual touch here and there.  If you are sexually attracted to someone, your body language should definitely be suggesting it ! If he or she is not clocking on to this; it’s because (a) they aren’t feeling the same way and just ignoring it in the hopes that you will stop or (b) they are just really clueless.  

4.  Ask Him / Her Out on a Date.  And I mean, be really specific that whatever it is that you both are planning on doing – that it IS in fact a date.  It is NOT friends hanging out.   (just to be safe – make sure it’s a phone call – not an SMS for a date).  That sends a clear message that you are not just another buddy to chill with.

See it’s really not that difficult – and sometimes you just have to suck it up, be a bit ballsy and lay your cards on the table.  If your intentions are clear – then there is no room for misunderstanding, and hence no need for you to ever fall in the friend zone. 

At the end of the day – if a guy / girl is ‘aware’ that you are into them; they are going to respond by :

1. reciprocating the feeling (score for you !) 
2. telling you they aren’t into you (don’t lash out if they do this)
3. just ignoring your every move until you get the hint (at this point, accept that it’s not happening and move to greener pastures)

If you still need another point of view on staying out of the friend zone,  and how to do it, check out what these bloggers have to say :

1. Staying Out of the Friend Zone
2. Getting Out of the Friend Zone in 7 Easy Steps
3. Avoid The Friend Zone by Askmen.com

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Can I get your number baby, so I can show you what I’m all about ! That’s what comes to mind when I hear that line.  It’s off a Mariah Carey & Jermaine Dupri track. 

Lately – it seems that everyone wants to know the next persons’ ‘magic number’.  And by that – I’m talking about the number of people one has slept with.

In this day and age, where sex, virginity & chastity is no longer put on a pedestal; stereotypes apparently still exist.  A guy who sleeps with women in the double digits is considered a stud; ‘experienced’; hell he even knows what women want ! But heaven forbid a woman sleeps with more ‘3’ (her first, her past and her present lover) she is automatically labelled anything from ‘easy’, ‘loose’, ‘immoral’ (those are the nicer labels) right down to be being a whore and is totally slut shammed !!

WTF is up with that kinda attitude ? Does it really matter how many people you, me or your next door neighbour sleep with ? Who are we to judge someone on the basis of the number of sexual partners they have had ? For anyone that does frown upon it – who made you the moral police ??

I’m 29 going on 30 in a few months.  My first sexual encounter was at 17 – so assuming I’ve slept with one man a year for the last 12 years – that would bring my magic number to ‘12’.   Which I reckon is a fairly decent figure.  I’ve been in a few long term relationships; I’ve had ‘dry’ spells where there’s been no action in my life for months (even a year at a stretch); and the occasional hook up.  Does being with 12 guys (or more) make me ‘easy’ ? I f*cking hope not ‘cos that’s just bullshit !

Rather than asking my partners about their past sexual conquests – I would much prefer to know things like ‘have you been safe’ (read that as – you better be using condoms if you want to get into my  bed) ? Have they ever had any sort of STD’s ? Do they get checked regularly ? I think that’s a bit more important than how many people they have slept with (unless of course they are sleeping with people within my social circle – that I have a problem with)

One of my closest friends literally ooooooooooooooooozes sex appeal.  She can’t go anywhere without getting hit on.  She’s had her fair share of relationships, hook-ups, flings etc.  It’s not her fault that guys find her attractive or want to hook up with her; nor is it her fault that she enjoys sex.  Would anyone call her a slut ? F*ck NO ! (besides if anyone even tried they would get bitch slapped before they could even get the word out).

I also have guy friends who are quite happy to be with a woman who is *ahem* experienced.  It’s quite hot for them to discover the tricks that she might have up her sleeve.  I honestly believe that if a guy is a true to himself – he really doesn’t quite give a rats ass about how many men his girl has slept with as long as she’s not gonna sleep with someone else other than him whilst they are together. 

Are you the type of person who carves out notches on the bedpost to keep track of all those you have slept with ? Have you ever been asked about the number of men / women you’ve been with ? Have you ASKED your partner to reveal their number to you ?

Now that you’ve had a chance to answer these questions; did it make a difference to your relationship ? At what stage of your relationship did you ask these questions ? Do you think you could have missed out on a great relationship or romance ‘cos you judged someone by their number ?

My favourite blogger Simone Grant says that smart women agree that your number doesn’t matter.  And I applaud everyone who goes by that theory.  Insecurity can be a b*tch – so yeah people with insecurity or low self esteem may feel like they need to hide / falsify their number to their partner.  But seriously, think about it – why the hell would you want to even be with someone who is going to judge you by your past ? Shouldn’t they want to be with you because of everything that makes you the unique individual that you are!

Further Reading

1. Smart Women Agree That Your Number Doesn’t Matter by Simone Grant 
2. Should You Reveal The Number of People You Have Slept With by Simone Grant
3. What’s Your Number ? by Victoria Williams for TheFabV.com
4. Sexy Time : Why Numbers Don’t Matter by Ness Fraser for CollegeCandy.com
5. Why Does It Matter How Many Partners She has Had ? by Hugo Schywzer for TheGoodMenProject.com

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So you’ve got the first date done and out of the way. Everything must have gone well otherwise you wouldn’t be planning your next date, and it also means that you can let go of the stress you were feeling before and focus on having a fantastic second date.

While first dates can be lots of fun and very entertaining, they never feel as comfortable as the second date because you spend so much time getting to know the other person (which is what they’re meant for). Now that both of you know what each other like and dislike you can spend more time building on that foundation with fun activities.

Here are 5 ideas to help you start planning your next date:

1.  Dancing- Guys you may be hesitant on this one but I promise that if you suck it up and take one for the team your lady will appreciate it. Of course it’s always good to check with your date before you surprise them and show up at a dance club, but chances are the activity will be a hit! There are several different types of dancing that you can choose from as well. Some clubs play more salsa music, some hip hop, and others country, which means the choice is yours.

2.  Arts and Crafts- Having an arts and crafts night with your date is always a lot of fun. You can get several different supplies like clay, watercolour paints, coloured pencils, and crayons so that you can switch styles if you wish. You can make it your goal to either create a work of art together or make two separate projects and then exchange them as gifts at the end.

3.  Visit the Zoo- Take your date to the nearest zoo and spend some time learning about the wildlife there. Make sure that you check the schedule beforehand so that you are there to see the bigger events like when they bring out the tigers and show them off. You can visit the petting zoo and feed some of the animals. Remember that zoo’s aren’t for kids only. People of all ages can enjoy meeting and learning about all the different animals.

4.  Take a Bike Ride or Hike- If you both love the outdoors then going for a bike ride or going on a hike makes for a fabulous date. With your bike ride or hike it’s always fun to bring along some food and drinks so that you can have a picnic if you find a good spot. Be sure to keep the rigor of the hike and bike rides to a minimum so that neither of you reach the point of exhaustion.

5.  Do Some Service- A simple service project makes for a really great date activity. You get to walk away from your project knowing that you were able to help someone else and spend time with your date all at once. The project doesn’t have to be anything big… You could ask your grandparents or neighbours if they need help with anything around the house. They may have some simple electrical work like helping them plug in their new computer, or climbing the ladder to change the light bulb. Whatever it is they’ll be extremely grateful that you were willing to help.

Now that you have 5 great ideas for your next date pick one or two of your favourites and then go for it. Don’t be afraid to put your own spin on things if you are feeling inspired.

Web Design Phoenix handles the internet marketing for Bid Boomerang. Bid Boomerang connects homeowners with a qualified electrician in Mesa AZ.

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We all have a ‘type of person we are attracted to’ right ? You’ve got a type, I’ve got a type, everyone around you has a type of person they are attracted to.  That ‘type’ could be right for you or could be utterly wrong for you; and some people fall into the trap of always dating the same type of person.

I touched on this a while ago – at a certain point in ones’ life – you reach a stage where you want ‘more’ than just a relationship.  You want something more meaningful and concrete, something which has substance, and most of all, you want someone you can share your life with.  Not just for now, or for a few months – but for the long haul !

Over the past few years, especially after moving to Bombay, I’ve realized that whilst my generic ‘type’ is what I look out for on the surface level – on a deeper level I’m looking for someone who has a personality that attracts and draws me to them.  It doesn’t matter how good looking, established, ‘great-on-paper’ a person is – but if there is no substance, what’s the point ?

I’ve met a few guys who leave my mouth hanging – but the minute they open their mouth – I come back to reality and think to myself ‘jeeeeeeeez shut your gob and just be eye candy’.  It’s been harder for me to connect with guys on a deeper level the past few years than ever before.  I feel like all the guys I meet, whilst they have may fit the ‘physical type’ criteria, they lack the ‘mental chemistry’ that any relationship needs to sustain itself it.

There are guys I have met who are ‘great-on-paper’ i.e. long term potential, but they lack that certain ‘je ne sais quois’ that I look for in a life partner.  I think that has to do with ‘actual conversation’, and honestly, I find that people no longer have time to have real conversations anymore.  Some of the guys I have gone out with just lack basic conversational skills ! They are fine over email / IM / SMS (which I hate) but put them in a real-time face-to-face or phone conversation and they bore the living daylights out of me !

As clichéd as it is – everything boils down to sex – and some people are willing to forgo things like personality and conversation if the sex is good.  I can’t bring myself to continue to fornicate with someone (don’t ask why I used that word but it came to mind) if I can’t even have a decent conversation with them !

I’ve had this graph with me for a while now and whilst skimming over ‘Naked With Socks On’ – it all began to make sense.   You need to balance out the mental and physical attractiveness of a person and figure out if you are in the dating zone or if the person has long term potential i.e. marriage.

If you share a great vibe, physical & mental chemistry with a man or a woman AND like their personality – it doesn’t matter whether or not he/she fits in to your ‘general type’ category.  You need to say something to express yourself because you can’t rely on the man/woman to pick up on non-verbal cues or be a damn mind reader !  What’s the point otherwise ? ? It’s not so hard to open your mouth and blurt out exactly what is going on in your mind.  And if that’s too hard – email your thoughts to the person.  That gives you time to assess and break down your thoughts; and allows the other person time to actually respond in a coherent manner.  What’s the worst thing that could happen ? The person will either not respond or tell you they don’t feel the same way. 

Instead of over analysing whether an ‘x’ at the end of a text means  something or nothing; just accept it for what it is and if it’s going to lead somewhere it will.  It could be a case of serendipity. If you have the intention to ‘date’ a man/woman – then make it clear.  Talk to them and ask them out on the phone, or face to face (and for Gods’ sake do not SMS someone for a date!) If you’re already in some sort of relationship with a man/woman – discuss whether its’ exclusive or not.

Do you feel that we as a society are forgoing on actual conversations ? Would you date outside of your ‘type’ to see if you could find what’s missing ? I know that I’ve made a conscious effort to date outside of my preferred type and the more I do, the more I learn about what I do want out of a partner.  How do you weigh out physical v/s mental attraction ? Do you relate with the chart that I’ve shared above ? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Further Reading

1. Is your Dating ‘Type’ The Reason You Are Single ?
2. ‘It’s Not A Date … It’s A Suggestion’ by The Hopeful Romantic
3. What People Truly Seek While Dating ? by SingleCityGuy

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I’ve been meaning to do this for a while – but haven’t quite gotten around to it .. but now that I’ve done it, might as well share it.

Ever since I moved to Bombay, it just feels like my dating mojo has gone down the drain.  All the guys I meet have some sort of issues and I don’t think I have ever been single for so long in a city ! When I mention the word ‘dating’ – people look at me funny with an expression that says ‘dating ? what’s that ?’

The planner in me has put together a little table comprising of all the dates / non-date dates that I have been on over the past 4 years (and honestly this kind of depresses me because if I was anywhere else in the world, I’d probably be in some sort of relationship by now)

As you can see – I’ve had a few men come my way during my stint here in the city but seriously, dating is not easy especially in Bombay ! There are layers of complexity behind any ‘relationships’ but the concept behind dating here is harder than trying to learn an alien language !

Dating is hard enough as it is – but then to have people SMS / BBM you for a date ? Jeeeeeez grow up already ! Have we lost our nerves to technology ? (that’s a whole different post altogether).

The list about pretty much covers all sorts of guys that have approached me or attempted to pursue something but somewhere along the line their game was totally off !

Anyway, you can read more about my dating escapades over the coming weeks.  I’m pretty sure you will crack up over some of the stories and also might want to smack some of the guys .. Luckily these ‘dates’ haven’t really put me off dating (as yet), and as my girl TheSingleFilez says, ‘You Gotta Be In It To Win, Right ?’

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By Rachel Khona For Men's Life Today

So you asked her out. What do you do now to totally impress her? Or it isn't your first date, but you want to try something different to keep the flames burning? With all the options out there, stand out from the masses. The best part? She'll feel special, and think you're cool and creative.

1. Take her out for a 'progressive dinner'
Instead of a regular old dinner, do a “progressive dinner.” New restaurants are popping up left and right. So why settle for one? Munch on starters at the bar of the first restaurant. Then move to a second establishment for the main course. Finish off with dessert at a café or another restaurant. If you’re on a budget, try what Grammy-recognized artist Anand Bhatt loves to do to woo the ladies; a dhaba crawl. “I map out some fun and non-upscale restaurants, ending with a nice place like the Oberoi or a walk on Juhu beach if I’m in Mumbai, and we go to each one and try something from their menu.”

Just be sure to save the fanciest place (anywhere you can sit down) for the main course since it's the most important!

2. Show her you're cultured -- check out a gallery
Checking out the different pieces on display is a great way to bond and will give you something to chat about. When choosing a gallery or museum, keep in mind your date’s interests. Is she into modern art? New art galleries are opening in all the major cities. The husband and wife team of Mortimer Chatterjee and Tara Lal have created a space in Mumbai, dedicated to the exhibition of cutting-edge Indian art. Delhi's Habitat Centre always has new art on display, with great restaurants nearby to boot.

What if she's a history buff? Delhi's National Museum has some great artefacts you probably haven't seen since your grade school visit. This time, both of you are sure to be blown away by the totally sexy Gupta period costumes. When you’re done perusing the displays, hit the museum restaurant or nearby café.

3. Take a ballroom dancing class
There’s nothing sexier (and more fun) than learning to shake it. Even if you're not the most co-ordinated person, just take it in stride and have a good time. Says Kamal Khatri of Dance Classes in Mumbai, “we see many couples coming in on dates, and they learn to dance together.”

In addition to Dance Classes, Swingers Dance in Bangalore and Ballroom Dreams in Mumbai offer a variety of courses in everything from the waltz to the jitterbug. But if you really want to move to something sultry, try one of the Latin styles like salsa, tango, or Brazil's "forbidden" dance, the Lambada. “Dancing brings couples close and as they spend quality time together, they can get to know each other better,” says Khatri. Just don't get too frisky too soon!

4. Play a board game
Ask her out for a coffee, then snag your favourite game and bring it along to your cafe. Board games are fun and can encourage a little friendly and flirty competition. Is she a witty wordsmith? Try Scrabble. Is she a financial maven? Monopoly should get her juices flowing. Plus board games give you an insight into her that you may not otherwise see. Is she a cheater? Does she get angry easily? Or does she take it all in stride? There’s only one way to find out.

5. Attend a cooking class
Show your lady you're manly enough to cook! Even better, you'll learn how to make all those fancy meals you enjoy while eating out. Nothing says romance more than French food, or sweet cupcakes and chocolate. Le Cordon Bleu-trained chef Pooja Dhingra owns Le 15 Patisserie in Mumbai, where she conducts a variety of classes in the art of decadent desserts. Dhingra says a cooking class "takes the edge off and makes you comfortable while you're on a date."

Can't cook? Don't worry. "Most of the people who come for the basic classes can't even break an egg, so knowing how to cook is not compulsory,” she adds. “The idea of these classes is to come learn and have some fun at the same time."

There's something for every palate. Over in Bangalore, 85-year-old Hajra Mohammed teaches classes in Kutchi Memon cooking. Your date and you can master regional Indian cuisine, if you prefer the spice!

6. Take her on a two-for-one with a cinema restaurant
Still want to take her to dinner and a movie? Don't get stuck munching stale popcorn when you can dine on a gourmet meal. A trend started in New York and London has now moved to India as well. Cinemas with built-in restaurants offer the best of both worlds and are pretty upscale. At Cine Diner in Big Cinemas' 9-screen Megaplex in Mumbai, you get full meals with table service as the latest flicks play.

 

Rachel Khona is a writer and performer who has written for Cosmopolitan, Ask Men, Creem, and is a contributing editor at Vaga. She can also be seen performing for Inner Monologues and Speakeasy Stories.

In her spare time, she likes sliding down rainbows and chasing imaginary squirrels.

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I read a great post last night ‘It’s Not A Date … It’s A Suggestion’ by The Hopeful Romantic (do follow her on twitter) and it got me thinking about a lot of things.

When is ‘a date’ really ‘a date’ ? Ever since I moved to India almost 4 years ago, my entire perception and notion of dating has had to change.  It’s as if I’ve been thrown into the dating game in a foreign land !  If that’s not bad enough – dating is different across cultures and countries; and then you have the added thought of whether it’s exclusive or not ?

So when is ‘a date’ really ‘a date’ ? and by that I mean a date which has romantic intentions.

Ask You Out With the Intention To Date

The person who asks you out explicitly articulates that they want to go on a date with you.  It could be lunch, dinner, brunch, coffee, dessert, a picnic in the park, a theatre or a play – hell it could even be a long drive for all you know but it has to have the word ‘date’ or phrase ‘will you go out with me’ mentioned so that both parties are clear that this is a date.

A ‘date’ is something you plan in advance with someone you are interested in getting to know better along with a specified day, time and place.  It’s not a last minute plan. 

None of that ‘let’s hang out’ or ‘lets catch up’ crap because let’s face it – this is something you do with your friends, colleagues and buddies.  And SMS / BB / WhatsApp messages do not qualify for dates.  You don’t do any of this with a potential partner until they ARE your exclusive long term partner. 

SingleCityGuy got it spot on when he said ‘be clear about what you are seeking’

Takes You Out i.e. Pays The Bill

The asker generally pays for the (bulk of) the date.  Plus it then feels like you are actually being taken out ! That’s just my opinion.

Having said that it’s common for people to split the bill on a date but it’s polite and chivalrous if a guy pays for the 1st date.  If you want to court a woman – be a gentleman about it.  Once you have established that you are dating someone – then it doesn’t matter if you split the bill or take turns paying when you are out together.

I might be spoiled that way but I’m used to guys (dates or non-dates) paying when they ask me out / take me out / we hang out.  This might have to do with the Middle Eastern culture – guys just don’t let a girl pay unless its a massive group outing. 

Note : just ‘cos a guy foots the bill doesn’t mean the girl is gonna get into bed with you nor does it mean that girls have to feel obligated to ‘put out’ for them

Body Language

This is a bit of a no brainer BUT there are some people who are excessive flirts so it can be a bit confusing for some.

If the guy / girl is leaning into you, constantly making some form of body contact i.e. touch hands, arm, shoulder (hell I’ve even scratched a guys stubble ‘cos it looked so damn good) then the person is interested in you and it’s a date (for them, for both of you or for one of you – depends on the situation but you get my drift)

Chemistry

Chemistry can be mental and physical.  Ideally you want a good combination of both.  If you meet someone online then typically it’s the physical chemistry that attracts you to a person (i.e. their photo) followed by their capability to keep you entertained on a mental level.

You and the other person ‘feel’ that attraction, that chemistry, that feeling of ‘wow I don’t want this night to end’ ! and when it does come to an end – you don’t want it to.   There’s a long hug / kiss good bye.  It was a date !  If you couldn’t wait to get rid of the person there was no chemistry and this is definitely not going to lead to a 2nd date for you at least.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder ‘dating ? what’s that ?’ For me, a date is meeting someone who may have the potential of becoming someone you are interested in; in more than a friend capacity which can eventually lead to becoming a couple i.e. boyfriend & girlfriend.

I read somewhere on Twitter that it takes the average person 100 dates before meeting ‘the one’ ! Jeeeeeeeeeez at the rate I’m going – I might have reached the ‘Indian expiry date’ (i,e. read single at 29 with no hope of getting married) and be totally off the market !

What do YOU think should define a date ?

Further Reading :

1. What Defines A Date ?
2. What is Dating Really ?
3. ‘It’s Not A Date … It’s A Suggestion’ by The Hopeful Romantic

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Here’s an update on the Diva’s Dating Diary … So you might recall that a few weeks ago the Surgeon asked me out on a date via SMS – which he immediately followed up with a phone call and we wound up going on a dinner date the following week.

If you’ve just found your way here, lemme fill you in on what’s going on.

Who Is He

A man who befriended me on a popular social networking site.  It wasn’t until after a few BBM’s and phone convos did I discover that he was a cardiac surgeon in his mid 30’s.

The Date(s)

I have  gone out 3 times with the man.   His idea of a first date was ‘going to a nightclub’ and I promptly changed that to ‘dinner & drinks’.  I’ll be damned if I’m going to go to one of my fav clubs with a man I do not know.  Besides I don’t think shouting into each others ears makes for interesting conversation.

1st date involved dinner (he hadn’t made reservations – fail; luckily I know the management of the restaurant and tentatively made a reservation – that’s the planner in me what can I say!), a cocktail (he had to drive back & I didn’t see any reason for me to continue having a drink if he wasn’t going to) and fairly good conversation.  Date ended with a quick hug good night after he dropped me home.

2nd time we went out (it wasn’t a date as far as I am concerned) was a little impromptu for my liking – but he had hinted at meeting up during the week based on our respective schedules.  An early bite to eat (just starters, no main, and no dessert unfortunately) followed by a movie. 

3rd time we met was for another movie which he insisted I watch despite me constantly telling him that I’d already seen that movie just a few days earlier.  I had to ‘watch it for the experience’ at this other cinema ! I went along since no tickets had been purchased and other movies were also playing but as luck had it – no other shows were available (this irritated me)  Evening ended with a really awkward  (for me) extended hug from his end which I struggled to get out of ! (I need my personal space – and how he didn’t clock on to this I don’t know!)

Side Note : Never quite understood how going to a movie is a date (unless its with a long time partner when you don’t need to say anything to one another) I don’t think I’ve ever been on a movie date with someone before and hence refuse to call these two last meetings ‘dates’.

Positives

• Looks better than his profile picture ! Too skinny & lanky in there but he turned out to be a 6ft4' broad shouldered man.  Not hot & buff but not out of shape.  Proportionate would be the best way to describe him.
• Punctual & Chivalrous.  He picked me up every time.  Considering this is Bombay, we live on 2 different sides of the city and its the monsoon season – it was very nice of him to do so (even though I have offered to meet him halfway)
• He paid the bill every time.  There was none of the ‘reach’ or ‘who’s gonna pay’ or ‘shall we split the bill’ type of scenarios.  Before anyone gets started here – I am more than capable of paying my own way when I’m out, date or no-date.  It’s just refreshing to go out with someone who ‘wants to take you out’. 
• Solid stable guy with a real grown up job

Negatives

• There is no physical chemistry (which sorta takes me back to thinking is chemistry : physical or mental ? )
• He has a Moustache. Not a trim goatee or the bad boy stubble – but a moustache. (not a big fat bushy one but this very typical Indian man ‘tash that I’m just not cool with)
• He speaks kinda slowly (it might be articulate for some but doesn’t work for me; and its not because he is articulate – it’s because he speaks slowly)
• He ‘mmmm hmmms’ not only in texts but in person too .. and its not a ‘hmm’ (short quick type) but sort of an extended / exaggerated ‘oh really’ type of exclamation

Diva’s Verdict

A nice guy with a lot of good things going for him but as my London gal The Single Filez says in her post ‘nice, but nothing special’ … he doesn’t quite cut it for me.