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Showing posts with label platonic friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label platonic friendships. Show all posts

To bring you up to date with this post – I must give you some background first for you to understand where I’m coming from on this.

Rewind to 12th – 15th Feb

Went over to a mates place for his birthday; the party was in full swing – everyone was having a great laugh and I was the only one not drinking as I was on antibiotics. During the course of the evening; I got chatting with this guy – who my cousin has labeled as ‘Smiley’ and we got along but weren’t getting along. Why ? Every time he spoke to me, our conversation would get cut short by someone else coming over to talk to me. It was only after the host actually told me what this man does (owns a leisure club) that I told the guy (yes yes I know – I actually said this to him) that now I can give him my full attention since we could both be useful to each other when it comes to work.

Moving along in the evening; the two of us stepped out in to the stairwell for a drink and to get away from the blaring Indian music. He’s having a smoke (the other kind) and the following conversation takes place at some point ....

Smiley - So what would you do if I leaned over and kissed you right now ?

Dazediva – Erm I’d slap you. I don’t know you. And besides, if you were going to do that – don’t you think you should just do that instead of telling me you’re going to kiss me. Either way – I’d have slapped you. We don’t even know each other.

Smiley – But you’re still sitting here and talking to me instead of walking away.

Dazediva – yeah I’m chilling; enjoying my drink and getting away from the music for a bit. If you like – I can go inside or go to my car for English music that they won’t let me put on inside.

We have sat there for a bit longer and the topic of exchanging numbers comes about. His phone is in the apartment – and he is under the impression I won’t give him my number. I tell him I will do. We do end up exchanging numbers. I save him as Smiley (as I honestly couldn’t remember his name at the time)

That same night he’s sent me a few messages which included ‘Good Night – we’ll meet again again – do you want to talk’. I must have said it was too late or was crashing. The next day I asked for his email address so I could send him the pics from the party or add him on FB so he can see the pics – to which he did reply and sent me his details.

About 2 days later he sends me a message telling me that he’s seen the pics and invites me to his club for dinner whenever I am free. I’ve replied along the lines that I’m traveling and if it works for him – then after a week once I’m back. It works for him – he asks where I’m going and says to let him know when I’m back so we can catch up then; even tells me that I sound excited about my holiday and to call when I get back.

Fast Forward to A Few Days Ago

Mind you – this boy and me have not been in touch the entire time I was out of town. I kept my word. I sent him a message to let him know that I was back. He replies telling me that it sounds like I had a blast and ‘so whenever you are free – lets catch up ..’

I asked him how he was placed for the weekend / or coming week as I was still figuring out my schedule after my break. A few hours later he’s replied saying he’s only just read my message and how does Saturday sound. I told him that it works (unless a disaster strikes lol) to which he reply came across as quite strong .. ‘Cool. Will call you. Keep yourself free’. This was all over text messages on 4th March.

On Saturday – he gives me a call to check if we’re still on for dinner. Asks me where I live. The common problem in Bombay is that everyone lives on opposite ends of the city. This instance is no different. On the phone he asks if its a problem for me to get to his side of the city for dinner; and then we’ll go hang out his friends place. I’ve already mentioned that I have to go to a party after dinner / drinks and he’s welcome to join if he wants and so can his friend.

So I trek over to the other side of the world – and it really feels like a different place with the roads getting narrower; and more and more trucks and rickshaws on the road ! His receptionist shows me the entire club (that I thought was a bit weird since he could have also done this); and leaves me at his office.

He’s gone on to show me the restaurant area which was gorgeous but since there were no free tables – he suggested we have drinks in his office. Not too much of an issue for me. However I did make fun of the fact that he sat behind this huge desk the entire time we were having drinks whilst I was sat on the couch bang opposite. Eventually I moved on to the bean bag next to the couch but still – it was kinda odd as I felt like I was ‘drinking at an interview’ hahah

P3060082P3060083

The two of us kept up a great conversation – listening to him was like hearing a male version of me as he’s also grown up in a relatively international environment. Eventually – he calls to order dinner – make it a take away and then head to his friends’ place in my car (at least he wasn’t irresponsible about drinking & driving – and I had a driver for the night) to chill out and have a few drinks there.

Whilst in the elevator on the way up to her flat – this man has started saying something; stopped; and just moved towards me in what appears to be an attempt to kiss me. I’m already backed up against the damn elevator so can’t do much else but laugh, move my face and ask what he’s doing. He ended up kissing my chin. There’s no further mention of this – there is no awkwardness – it was taken and dealt with in stride if I say so myself.

P3070087 The friend was a super chilled out girl with a gorgeous apartment and a lovely hostess. We sat around the three of us – had a few drinks and made plans to head over to this other party; which turned out to be just as much fun and we all had a good evening. I didn’t spend much time individually with either of them – but we all were chatting and getting to know the other people at the party as well.

End of the night – we all say good night – I drop them to a cab. I was pretty done for the night (the two weeks of daily partying caught up to me) and I leaned out of my window to hug the guy good night. Get home; he’s sent me a message checking if I had a good time and vice versa and then asks if he can call me. I was shattered and passing out – so I said no and that we’ll chat the following day.

Sunday was super hectic for me with family commitments - and it was on Monday that I realized just what a RANDOM night I’d had. And after reading about the Non-Date Date (which totally reminded me of banker boy haha) – I’m wondering WTF just happened over the weekend ??? Was it a date ? A date with a friend / potential business contact ? Or a date according to him which I put a stop to with my movements in the elevator ? Or did I imagine it to be a date and it turned out not to be one ? That just goes to show how long its been since I’ve been on a date !

SingleCiyGuy has written about the Beauty of Non-Date Dates; and Nando has dissected this theory with his post The Non-Date Date Illusion .. Lost Plum has a fab outlook to it and compares this to Kool Aid ! and I’m pretty sure Simone Grant has something to say on this too but I can’t find the post on her blog (she’s still moving her things over from Sugar.com)

Would love to hear your thoughts on this one ! Regardless of whether or not it was a date or non-date date – it turned out to be a lot of fun; just more random than what I would have expected but hell that’s what life is about right ? Besides what the hell is dating ?

I came across a great post on Primer magazine titled The Politics of Texting : New Technology, New Drama by Adam Baxter and it instantly conjured up an image of a round table discussion I was having with a group of friends whilst filming for the documentary that I participated in.

The subject of conversation that day included the implications of putting an ‘x’ at the end of a text message and more so about how my friends and I (who are all technically NRI’s who have moved to India recently) found that some people really ‘read into’ the smallest details behind text messages.

texting-med I’ve actually had a conversation with a girlfriend who analysed the way a guy had sent me a text and what it meant … That’s right – she looked at whether or not he put a smiley or a winky or the cheeky tongue (=P) ..

My first hand look at the art of flirting by text ! Apparently all those mean that a guy / girl is showing signs of affection and being flirty … to me .. that’s just the way I normally text … with expression.

The person on the receiving end is unable to see my face nor can they hear my tone of voice – and depending on the way the message is written (all lower case; all caps which is the equivalent of ‘shouting’) it very well could come out the wrong way. I can be quite sarcastic when I joke around, so I tend to put =P or ;) or LOL (laughs out loud) thus allowing the recipient to know my mood and frame of mind when I send the message.

According to SG, one of my guy friends “a message with an ‘x’ is better than a message without an ‘x’ especially when it’s from a person whom you know as it brings a smile to my face and makes you feel that the person cares for you.” At the same time – he doesn’t think too much about whether he’s putting smiley faces or ‘x’s – because his friends will understand what he actually means.

Another friend AA, reckons that if the recipient is a chilled out / open minded individual – they wouldn’t really read into the ‘x’ at the end of a message … however a person who is a bit more conservative will look further into it and wonder ‘why’ would someone use such a ‘personal expression’ ….

Personally, I will only put ‘x’, ‘xxx’, ‘xoxo’ or ‘mwaah’ at the end of a text if I know the person very well – regardless if they are male or female – single or in a relationship. I don’t think too much about it. I will NOT however do that with just ‘anyone’ especially if I get the impression that the other party might even be remotely interested in me – I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

The problem with text messages as highlighted in the above article is that the ‘meaning behind’ the SMS is lost or often misunderstood. Why ? Because we all have a different perspective on how we look at and digest information given to us.

I’ve noticed that since moving to Mumbai, India – almost EVERYONE I know seems to communicate using text messages, IM’s, Facebook or Twitter and no one seems to believe in picking up the phone and ‘talking’ to each other !

There have been occasions over the last 2 years where I’ve actually had to sit back and assess a few of the text messages I have received and tried to figure out exactly what they mean or imply. e.g. when I first got here, a guy I’d met who seemed quite into me – would call me quite a bit; and then as we both got busy with work – the ‘texting’ came about … and for the life of me I had no idea if this man was still flirting or if he was even interested. I’m just not ‘used to’ having conversations with people over ‘texts’ !

Texting Efficiently

Just yesterday whilst writing this post, it struck me that this guy KB that I’m getting to know – for the past month has always called me ‘diva’ in his messages … yeah that didn’t happen yesterday. Coincidentally – I barely heard from him all day except for a minutes in the morning (so at least he was taking my calls). Later in the day – I sent him a message (yeah I’m guilty for doing that) telling him to ‘cheer up – it was the end of the day – and as his messages came across as frustrated’ … No response ! (Don’t blame him either)

Basically I got ‘used to’ the fact that he addressed me in a certain way and it was out of my comfort zone when he didn’t .. it made me wonder - ‘is all ok’ …. I know I don’t need to think that way – however for the purpose of this post – I allowed my mind to wonder about it. I still sent him a ‘good morning’ message today … and I got a ‘diva’ this morning woohoo !

Oh and ironically – just the other day I told this same guy that ‘I felt that for some reason I couldn’t just pick up the phone and call him as I would with others as I feel I might be interrupting his work’ to which he told me not to worry and just call him at any time and if he couldn’t talk he would let me know …

texting-is-good-for-kidsIt’s an obvious – stares in your face – fact. From my social circle, I’d say that 6 out of 10 use short hand SMS or acronyms whilst chatting ‘online’ i.e text message, IM, and email.

I absolutely detest receiving messages in short hand. I really do. I find it annoying to read and decipher messages in a combination of upper and lower case characters and what looks and reads like atrocious grammatical errors ! But unfortunately for me – the rest of the population around me don’t care a damn because short hand SMS is now perfectly acceptable ! *sigh*

In essence, Social Networks are Changing Conversation. There is no shortage of communication between people - email, instant messaging, and text messages, but there is a definite shortage of clear and concise human communication – basically we now lack the art of conversation !

It just seems these days, that the only people I speak to are my ‘good friends’ whilst texting is when I can’t really be bothered to ‘speak’ to the other party. Intellectual conversation seems to be a dying art form according to me – at least around the people I am surrounded by because everyone is so damn busy with their own lives. During the day, whilst at work – when I feel like exercising my vocabulary skills, then I will either text / IM / FB message my friends (depending on how and where they came to mind) – however the majority of the time – we end up in a conversation over MSN or Gtalk so that we are able to at least multi-task and get work done at the same time. Personally I don’t indulge in too many personal ‘calls’ whilst at work.

To highlight my point, luckily I found some valid stats about this on an article in the Business Standard. Furthermore, VitalAnalytics states that India is currently the second largest mobile market in the world after China, and nearly 10-12 million mobile subscribers are added monthly in the country.

Do you realise the implication of just how many text messages are sent out on daily basis ? No wonder people are getting confused and mixed signals about text messages and their deep dark hidden mysteries !

For those that ‘read into’ the messages that you receive – my only advice to you is ‘Don’t Do It’ ! Especially if you live in a multi-cultural environment – there are people from all sorts of backgrounds and each culture has their own way of communicating – with or without the ‘x’s and ‘mwaahs’ and ‘hugs’ … So don’t dwell too much and just take the message for what it is … read it but don’t read into it !

What do you think ??

Some Interesting Articles

I’ve got a huge smile on my face whilst getting the title of this post down.  Once again I have been inspired by Simone to write about something close to my heart.
Having just read her post on Top 5 Reasons Why Every Single Girl Needs a Bunch of Guy Friends (the type who like boobs) – I couldn’t help but grin back to memories with my guy friends who I have spent years hanging out with !
I’m the first to admit that over the years, my closest friends have been my guy mates.  I have a better, more solid relationship with my guy mates than I do with my female friends.  This is not to say that I have trouble being friends with women – it’s just that I am more comfortable with my guy mates.
The kind of friendship that my guy mates have to offer me is very different to that my women friends and I share.  Sure – if I want to have a girls night out; or just whine away about something that is bothering me – the ladies will be there for me.  Luckily for me, I have the sort of women friends who are also able to whack me across the back of my head if I ever need a reality check too !
But my boys … they are just different … and special – and if it were not for them – I would probably be a bit lost.  My closest male friends ALL live in different countries … some of them I haven’t seen in a few years but we are in touch over email, SMS, MSN, Facebook etc.
These guys have been around me through my ups and downs of life – whether it be relationships; career options; personal decisions; and I’d like to believe I have been there for them as well during the times we have been together. 
It’s so clear in my head about how I met each and every one of my boys … I met KAF and JA around 1997, RR in 1999 completely by accident (we thought we were 2 different people on ICQ!) ; and SL during my last few semesters at university so that would be 2002
KAF a.k.a Kimo & JA a.k.a J
I can’t think of one without thinking of the other ! I met J when I must have been about 15 or 16 years old and I thought he was one of the best looking guys I had come across.  He was visiting Dubai – and we became fast friends who even exchanged ‘letters’ (yep – the paper, envelope & stamp kinds) for 2 years. 
Kimo – I met through J and another common friend.  I remember going to his school dance with him – and I still have the rose he got me that day (I’m a sucker for dried roses)
The Masked TrioI moved to Montreal for university because KAF and JA were there – we were all living on the same street a few blocks from each other and were always hanging out. 
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I must have gone over to Kimo’s apartment with pasta and sauces to make dinner for both of them in the middle of the night !  These guys were my wingmen !  Even in Dubai whilst growing up – they would point out men checking me out and then hiss at me for turning around too quickly ! I never saw the cute men – only the old fogies eyeing me up ! LOL  
Kimo, J and I have done a few road trips from Montreal up to Boston and they have resulted in the funniest moments of our lives  !  We once had a patrol car stop us in the dead of the night on a drive back from Boston and he was a bit scandalized that between 3 of us – we had passports & nationalities that didn’t seem to coincide with our skin colour ! Kimo – Egyptian with Canadian residence visa; J – Irish Libyan with Australian passport; and yours truly who is Indian with British passport ! We were then stopped at the border as well !
personal-shopper-image I know both their parents and once made the mistake of offering home remedies for a bad cough & cold to JA’s dad who just happened to be a reputed doctor ! Kimo’s mom would prepare vegetarian Arabic dishes and leave them in the freezer for me to eat at a later stage.   His younger brother took to calling me ‘Aunty D’ ‘cos ‘I took care of them’.
Some of my fondest memories include going shopping for men’s clothes for these two lads – and just a few months ago – Kimo sent me an SMS whilst in Lebanon asking my opinion on linen trousers ! No wonder I love them both to bits !  I’m telling you I could make a career out of being a personal shopper for men =)
RR a.k.a Rockstar
I smile every time I think of him – he’s been a pillar of support and strength through the years – and surprisingly enough we met completely by accident over ICQ ! Yup back in the day when that IM was popular – we both thought we were other people and got talking for a while before realising we were not who we thought we were.  This was June 1999 and we stayed in touch after that.
I met him for the first time in Oct / Nov whilst working at a car exhibition and a really cute guy came over to me and spoke to me by my name (no surprise since I had a name tag on !) but one look at him and I realised it had to be RR ! and it was !
Shooting_range_Glock The following year I met him soon after a break up with my first love … and to cheer me up, he offered to take me out … to a SHOOTING range ! Imagine that ! We drove out towards this range, only to realise it was closed on the day that we got there (Mon or Tues if I recall correctly) ! So as not to let the evening waste, we ended up driving up to the beach in his jeep Amber, and lay on top of the roof of the car just catching up with each other’s lives.  There was never any mention of my feelings and mixed emotions about the break-up – it was just about two people hanging out without any preset judgement against them.
Over the years we have shared many adventures – I spent a few days in Boston with him and my luggage never arrived ! We drove down to Cape Cod and rode a golf cart around for fun.  On another insane weekend, he drove from Boston to Montreal – we went clubbing till about 6 a.m, picked up another girlfriend of mine and drove up to Toronto (York University specifically) after a lunch & lake break in Ottawa followed by another night of clubbing; spent the night joining 2 single beds at my mate’s dorm room with 5 of us sleeping on it and then drove to Niagara Falls in the morning .. Instead of driving back like normal people, the four of us decided to go back to Montreal via New York and got dissed at the border for not paying $6 for an entry permit !
RR is truly my Rockstar – we’ve seen each other over the last few years between London (we rocked the Absolut Ice Bar!), Bombay (one year he flew out to my cousins’ wedding and took me by surprise) and Dubai – and despite the limited time we have to hang out – every minute we spend together is worth a lifetime of memories.
SL a.k.a Lucii
Luci is an Italian man with charm galore ! We were on a post it on face project for a course together and realised we got along all too well and ended up hanging out almost every other night.  We would watch movies at my apartment, until I would pass out on the sofa, and he would quietly leave my place but NOT before leaving a post-it note taped to my face or eyes and sometimes even on my dog which would tell me Good Night :)
He is also the reason why I simply cannot order food at a restaurant !  This man spoiled me so badly – he used to get appalled by my eating habits and made it his mission to ensure I got proper food for dinner at least instead of just dessert !  He’s also the ONLY guy I have known who has cooked a home-made meal for me and had me eat by a fire place ! 
We would spend hours driving around Montreal trying to find me food that baked-potato-cheeseI was craving – right from  Baked Potatoes from Wendy’s (this pic doesn’t look so appetizing) to Taco Bell which was only available outside Montreal and including one random night with a girlfriend MPK where we ended up at  a Greek restaurant and they made fun of me for eating my pita wrap with a fork ‘cos any other way would involve everything falling out !
I made two trips out to Italy to hang out with Luci and his family and friends – and he came down to London to surprise me for my company anniversary party that I was throwing (much to the dismay of my boyfriend of the time ! that’s another drama altogether).  We haven’t seen each other since 2004 but can pick up where we left off no matter how long since the last conversation !
Luci has always been protective of me – especially when it’s come to my relationships – he reckons I can do much better and I shouldn’t have to waste energy on people who can’t appreciate me the way I am.  I’m the same way for him – I can’t for the life of me gather how he lands up dating women with so much emotional baggage that it would take months if not years to actually unload !  So ladies – if you are void of any emotional baggage, enjoy dancing, long drives, beaches and bars, and are looking for the perfect someone – send me your details so I can do some screening for my Shining Star !
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There you have it … My boys – my best friends – my support system … Words aren’t enough to describe how I feel about them but perhaps you have gotten an insight into the web of friendship I share with these guys.
They have been there for me through some of the best and worst phases of my life – guided me when I felt lost in space; cajoled me in my stubborn phases; made me laugh when I wanted to cry; taken me out even though they were exhausted and had tons of work to do whilst I had a stop over flight; satisfied my cravings with endless supplies of chocolate, Al Reef bakery and sheesha ! And I must say, a Big Hats off to them for putting up with the flash of my camera even though they all probably want to rip it out of my hands and smash it on the floor – only because they know that ‘it’s me’.
There are no expectations – no judgements – no doubt  - just the comfort of accepting each other’s words and actions for what they were and are at face value.
I may not tell you guys enough – but I absolutely Love You from the bottom of my heart ! Thank you … for Everything …. and now I think I have given you all enough of an ego boost to deserve a phone call or SMS telling me that you love me too :P
(Now you have it in B&W that I 'can ‘occasionally’ be a mushball !)
xxx
Interesting Links
  1. Guy Friends Rule by Mary Elizabeth Williams which appeared in Salon Life (July 27, 2009)
  2. All Women Need Guy Friends says Salon Writer by Anna N which appeared on Jezebel (July 27, 2009)
  3. Guys Can Offer Great Friendships, Too by Carrie Wasterlain which appeared in The Frisky (July 28, 2009)