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4 Signs That You Are In The Friend Zone

A few days ago I wrote about Staying Out of the Friend Zone; and really it’s quite easy to do this if you actually follow the steps.  Then I got thinking about how so many guys (and girls) don’t even realize they are already trapped in the friend zone (and that’s a hard one to get out of!)

I’ll speak for myself when I say this – once I place a man in the friend zone – he isn’t coming out of it.  It’s not like this man is now going to be my new BFF (hell! no one can replace my boys!) and he is most definitely NOT getting lucky with me either.

A woman can place a man in the friend zone for various reasons – the main one being that she’s really just not into you (physically/sexually) but you’re a great guy so she’s cool having you around.

The only reason a man puts a woman in the friend zone is because he has not physical desire for her; and doesn’t want to get into her pants. (or they are childhood buddies; she’s one of the lads to him; or she’s actually related to him in some way)

Here are a few red flags that should alert you to your entry and permanent place in the friend zone :

1/ Too Comfortable, Too Soon.  This can mean many things – but if you find yourself around someone who is able to divulge just about anything to you including (but not limited to) past dating history, current love/lust interests, family issues, etc. Another big red flag should be if the girl doesn’t quite care how she looks around you (think tracks, hasn’t waxed her arms/legs, no make-up) or if a guy can’t even be bothered to slap on some cologne.  These are sure signs that you are already in the Friend Zone ! 

Honest truth - I’ve never met a man that I’m interested in without having gone waxing (even if the waxing lady yells at me and tells me there isn’t enough to wax my arms / legs / bikini – I make her do it).  I will always put on some gloss / flavoured lip balm.  If I’m not getting waxed – he’s a mate / buddy and has no chance in hell getting any from me.

2/ He or She is Only Available at Their Convenience. You want to hang out but he/she is busy or cancels plans; yet you are available whenever he/she calls to hang (doesn’t matter that you are changing your plans to fit them in). If this is something you’ve noticed – then you’re in the friend zone. If a guy / girl is interested in you – they will go out of their way to spend time with you; they will change / modify their plans to fit you in their schedule no matter how tight it is.

Your ‘friends’ understand when you have to bail on them to link up with that hottie you saw at the club.  Your friends don’t mind if you are busy whenever they have to meet up (ok fine they may give you a bit of slack but it’s not the end of the world).  But if it’s only happening in a one-sided manner – then you need to rethink how you have prioritized that man/woman in your life. 

3/ He or She Wishes Others Were Like You And Tells You This !  No brainer here.  “Oh I wish more guys were like you; you’re such a nice guy !”  “Damn girl, if only other women got me the way you do.”  Yes, it hurts to hear but this is the man/womans’ way of telling you in a really subtle manner that ‘mate you are in the friend zone – don’t try any moves on me’. 

He/She obviously likes you enough to hang around with you but there’s no sexual chemistry there.  There may be friendly chemistry which enables you to hang out together but honestly, they rather see your personality traits in someone that gives them butterflies in the tummy or a banging hard on ! 

4/ He or She Compares You to a Relative. “You’re like a brother/sister to me”. If your radar hasn’t started beeping as yet – you might want to wake up and smell the coffee around you ‘cos you are sooooooo deep in the Friend Zone even Indiana Jones can’t get you out of there !

Seriously think about it - who the hell goes out with their brother or sister or any relative for that matter? (unless they are incestual – and you don’t want to be getting into something like that !)  Just step away from the person concerned and try your luck elsewhere – ‘cos you are never gonna tap that !

So there you have it – the 4 signs that all lead straight to the Friend Zone.  If you have any more to add (from a male / female perspective) feel free to share your thoughts.

If you need more clues – then check out what these bloggers have to say :

1. Out of the Friend Zone : 4 Ways to Never be His “Home girl” Again ! by Samantha Menjor
2. Top 10 signs that you are in the Friend Zone by Ngure Kajumba
3. 6 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You by Mike Hammer

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A few days ago, a mate of mine SK put the following as his status update :

“I'm tired of girls complaining that there’s no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!”

There were lots of ways I could approach this; but for the sake of getting to the point I replied to my mate and simply said :

“You're in the friend zone 'cos your game just didn't hit the spot; you probably never caught on to the clues the girl left; the timing was just off or you just aren't her type :P”

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – men and women know when they are interested in someone.  Fair enough, that more men find themselves falling into the friend zone than women – but that’s ‘cos the majority of men would be happy to get down and dirty with their women friends ! 

I know, that for me, if I’m feeling the vibe with someone – there’s only an X amount of time frame wherein which that chemistry should click; otherwise it sort of passes over and that’s when a guy gets dropped into the friend zone.

There are plenty of men (and women) out there – who are absolutely clueless to the signals dropped at them; you might even need to really throw it out there or *gasp* spell it out !

For all of you guys and girls that have inadvertently found yourself in the friend-zone with someone you clearly have sexual desires for at some point in your life; follow these simple steps for staying out of the friend zone with the next person you want to get hooked up with !

The Diva’s Guide to Staying Out of The Friend Zone (applicable across genders)

1/ Don’t be their freaking friend.  If you are into a guy / girl; for the sake of everyone around you, don’t try to be their friend !  Both of you have enough friends – and right now, you definitely don’t want to be friends !  I’ve actually told a man I was into that I was NOT his friend (because clearly we never were mates nor had we hung out like mates) 

2/ Flirt ! Flirt ! and Flirt some more !  Let that guy / girl know you’ve got the hots for them.  It could be a cheeky text message; a tap on the ass; just telling him/her that you’re digging the cologne / perfume they are wearing … anything really but you have to say it out ! That guy / girl is NOT a mind reader !  He/She needs to know you are sexually interested in them (and that’s not what friends do .. unless they are FwB but that’s another post altogether)

3/ Let Your Body Do the Talking.  Body language says a lot without you having to blubber or get tongue tied (although if done right, it could lead to a lot of tongue action).  Make a move on the person – a casual touch here and there.  If you are sexually attracted to someone, your body language should definitely be suggesting it ! If he or she is not clocking on to this; it’s because (a) they aren’t feeling the same way and just ignoring it in the hopes that you will stop or (b) they are just really clueless.  

4.  Ask Him / Her Out on a Date.  And I mean, be really specific that whatever it is that you both are planning on doing – that it IS in fact a date.  It is NOT friends hanging out.   (just to be safe – make sure it’s a phone call – not an SMS for a date).  That sends a clear message that you are not just another buddy to chill with.

See it’s really not that difficult – and sometimes you just have to suck it up, be a bit ballsy and lay your cards on the table.  If your intentions are clear – then there is no room for misunderstanding, and hence no need for you to ever fall in the friend zone. 

At the end of the day – if a guy / girl is ‘aware’ that you are into them; they are going to respond by :

1. reciprocating the feeling (score for you !) 
2. telling you they aren’t into you (don’t lash out if they do this)
3. just ignoring your every move until you get the hint (at this point, accept that it’s not happening and move to greener pastures)

If you still need another point of view on staying out of the friend zone,  and how to do it, check out what these bloggers have to say :

1. Staying Out of the Friend Zone
2. Getting Out of the Friend Zone in 7 Easy Steps
3. Avoid The Friend Zone by Askmen.com