Looking Beyond Your Dating Type

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We all have a ‘type of person we are attracted to’ right ? You’ve got a type, I’ve got a type, everyone around you has a type of person they are attracted to.  That ‘type’ could be right for you or could be utterly wrong for you; and some people fall into the trap of always dating the same type of person.

I touched on this a while ago – at a certain point in ones’ life – you reach a stage where you want ‘more’ than just a relationship.  You want something more meaningful and concrete, something which has substance, and most of all, you want someone you can share your life with.  Not just for now, or for a few months – but for the long haul !

Over the past few years, especially after moving to Bombay, I’ve realized that whilst my generic ‘type’ is what I look out for on the surface level – on a deeper level I’m looking for someone who has a personality that attracts and draws me to them.  It doesn’t matter how good looking, established, ‘great-on-paper’ a person is – but if there is no substance, what’s the point ?

I’ve met a few guys who leave my mouth hanging – but the minute they open their mouth – I come back to reality and think to myself ‘jeeeeeeeez shut your gob and just be eye candy’.  It’s been harder for me to connect with guys on a deeper level the past few years than ever before.  I feel like all the guys I meet, whilst they have may fit the ‘physical type’ criteria, they lack the ‘mental chemistry’ that any relationship needs to sustain itself it.

There are guys I have met who are ‘great-on-paper’ i.e. long term potential, but they lack that certain ‘je ne sais quois’ that I look for in a life partner.  I think that has to do with ‘actual conversation’, and honestly, I find that people no longer have time to have real conversations anymore.  Some of the guys I have gone out with just lack basic conversational skills ! They are fine over email / IM / SMS (which I hate) but put them in a real-time face-to-face or phone conversation and they bore the living daylights out of me !

As clichéd as it is – everything boils down to sex – and some people are willing to forgo things like personality and conversation if the sex is good.  I can’t bring myself to continue to fornicate with someone (don’t ask why I used that word but it came to mind) if I can’t even have a decent conversation with them !

levels of attractionI’ve had this graph with me for a while now and whilst skimming over Naked With Socks On’ – it all began to make sense.   You need to balance out the mental and physical attractiveness of a person and figure out if you are in the dating zone or if the person has long term potential i.e. marriage.

If you share a great vibe, physical & mental chemistry with a man or a woman AND like their personality – it doesn’t matter whether or not he/she fits in to your ‘general type’ category.  You need to say something to express yourself because you can’t rely on the man/woman to pick up on non-verbal cues or be a damn mind reader !  What’s the point otherwise ? ? It’s not so hard to open your mouth and blurt out exactly what is going on in your mind.  And if that’s too hard – email your thoughts to the person.  That gives you time to assess and break down your thoughts; and allows the other person time to actually respond in a coherent manner.  What’s the worst thing that could happen ? The person will either not respond or tell you they don’t feel the same way. 

Instead of over analysing whether an ‘x’ at the end of a text means  something or nothing; just accept it for what it is and if it’s going to lead somewhere it will.  It could be a case of serendipity. If you have the intention to ‘date’ a man/woman – then make it clear.  Talk to them and ask them out on the phone, or face to face (and for Gods’ sake do not SMS someone for a date!) If you’re already in some sort of relationship with a man/woman – discuss whether its’ exclusive or not.

Do you feel that we as a society are forgoing on actual conversations ? Would you date outside of your ‘type’ to see if you could find what’s missing ? I know that I’ve made a conscious effort to date outside of my preferred type and the more I do, the more I learn about what I do want out of a partner.  How do you weigh out physical v/s mental attraction ? Do you relate with the chart that I’ve shared above ? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Further Reading

  1. Is your Dating ‘Type’ The Reason You Are Single ?
  2. It’s Not A Date … It’s A Suggestion’ by The Hopeful Romantic
  3. What People Truly Seek While Dating ? by SingleCityGuy