dating dating across the globe dating is not easy relationship problems relationships

I like to think of myself as a pretty open gal. When I meet a new opportunity I typically find the time to embrace it with some optimism, “No, I don’t think I’ll like eating buffalo entrails, but I’ll give it a whirl …” The same goes for my dating life. I could easily find reasons to exclude men from my rolodex before they even enter. Too tall. Too Short. Too Blonde. Too Chubby. I’d be well within my rights to refuse, without much more thought some 30-40 million American men. But I don’t, I allow all to show me their worth, to try out a line, or take me on a date.

That all changes once me and the man begin to see each other with consistency. Like any self-respecting women I build in certain expectations to the relationships, which means that there becomes a list of no-no’s that accumulate. Here are five of my relationship deal breakers.

Being Late

I’d appreciate a phone call, and if somebody is going to run behind it’ll be me. Yes, work will hold you up from time-to-time but being late with consistency isn’t about the dinner getting cold, or missing the previews. It’s about respecting my time and the time of people other than yourself. When a man is consistently late it only shows that he’s self-centered, or worse, completely absent-minded

Laziness

I don’t think I’m the hardest worker in the world, but you should be working a full job or looking to find one. Financials aside, a man without a passion means someone who will either become too dedicated to me, or will want to find his happiness in nothing but the admiration of other women. Either way, a man without passion or motivation is a sure-miss.

Appearances

The shoes need to be polished, shirt tucked in and the beard shaved when you meet Mom and Dad. Again, I’m not a hard ass on many things, but I like to know that my man has the self-respect to wear clothes that fit and groom himself with consistency. Showing that you take pride in the way you dress, even if it’s in a style that I don’t LOVE, shows me that you will care about our appearance together. That is something that I care about.

Respect

We can argue. We will argue. But when the time comes for us to have it out, the relationship gets tossed if you can’t do it with respect and at least some capability of admitting you’re the one in the wrong. I can admit that I’m wrong, but if five months into our relationship my boyfriend is more disrespectful than he is attentive to the contents of the argument then it’s adios-time.

Video Games

No boyfriend, fiancée or husband of mine will play video games unless it is ironic, or we are doing it as a couple.

Lilly Star is the lead female voice at DatingWebsites.com.  Lilly is a professional advice-giver with experiences in dating men of all types, including the good ones that got away.

Her passions include white wine, purple peonies and relaxing on the chaise lounge with her dachshund Samantha. Lily's work can be read on dating blogs for both men and women.

dating diva guest bloggers guest blogger guest blogging guest post relationship advice relationship problems relationships

It is impossible to have a successful long-term relationship without having the ability to forgive. Even the best relationships suffer from hurts on occasion, and it is necessary to learn to deal with these hurts and to truly forgive your partner before your relationship can continue to grow and thrive. The problem is that many people refuse to forgive because they feel that doing so justifies the wrongdoing. Others will use forgiveness as merely words without truly processing their feelings and letting them go.

In reality, forgiveness is more for you than for anyone else. It doesn’t mean you are justifying a wrong that was done to you. Instead, you are making the decision to understand your feelings and to stop holding it against the person you are with. Forgiveness isn’t a once and done thing. Instead, every time the feelings from the past hurt arise, you must forgive again and refuse to let it interfere with your relationship. After a while, you will achieve true forgiveness.

Forgiveness is more important the larger the hurt you experience. The more you care about someone, the more they can hurt you. It is also more important to forgive these same people because they are the ones you care for most. The reason forgiveness is so vital is that your partner cannot do anything to make up for what they have done to wrong you. Instead, you have to make the decision to let the hurt go and move forward.

How to Truly Forgive

The last thing you want is for all the old hurts to come up every time you look at your partner. My sister, who is a pediatric nurse, gave all of these tips to me, because they have helped their relationships. The only way to prevent this from happening, and from ruining your relationship is to get rid of all of your hurt and related negative feelings. That may seem like an impossible task, but it is possible. Here’s what you need to do:

• Journal your feelings. Take the time to journal everything you feel about the hurt and how it has affected you. This is a necessary step because it forces you to truly think about the process of forgiveness instead of simply forgiving because you think you must. Do not dwell on why the other person acted as they did. You are not a mind reader and dwelling on the reasoning can only cause you more hurt.
• Make a choice to forgive. Once you fully understand your feelings and what exactly you are forgiving the other person for, you have to decide in your mind that you want to forgive. Allow yourself time to make the choice. Your choice is in intellectual one, in that you must realize that you have needed forgiveness from others during your life and that you are willing to do away with the hurt in order to grow closer with your partner.
• Remind yourself that you forgave. Every time you remember the old hurt, remind yourself that you decided to not allow it to cause distance in your relationship. Deal with the decision and dismiss the old feelings of hurt until you have truly achieved lasting forgiveness or your partner.

Kara G. loves to write on all things relationships.