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Showing posts with label a to z challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label a to z challenge. Show all posts
We cry in our rooms, remembering a man who will never be here again.  The house creaks.  Maybe it feels the weight of our grief, maybe the floorboards are buckling because the burden is too heavy.  - Rochelle Maya Callen, Ashes & Ice

Grief is something everyone experiences at some stage or another during their lifetime.  The most painful loss we can experience is the death of a loved one (and of a loved pet)  We all know it will happen one day - but nothing can really prepare you for it when it does happen.  

There is no 'right' way to grieve and each of us have to find our own way through the healing process after a loss.  There will be good days, there will be bad days and then there will be days where you find yourself lost - but it will eventually pass.

I left my parents home last summer to head back to London and 3 weeks into my trip I was informed that my Dad was in hospital.  He was absolutely fine when I left and it didn't make any sense.  I wasn't able to fly back for a week - but that was the longest week I have been through.  I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think and I would spend my day just waiting to know 'what was going on'.  The minute I got a confirmed seat on a flight - I was out of there and by his bedside and that's when I knew my world as I knew would come crashing down.  I was in the hospital - just outside his room when he passed away.  They wouldn't let me go in until they pronounced him no more.  I had to make the call to my Mother and siblings; all the while signing paperwork at the hospital.  His funeral was a blur later that same afternoon.  My friends showed up.  I had a fever for days.  6 months later - the roller coaster of emotions is still full of highs and lows; some days are flat (i.e. blank) and others are worse than others.  I think it's worse at family events - anniversaries, birthdays and religious days (my Dad was quite religious).

Coping & Dealing with Grief 
Again there is no right way of doing this.  All I can say is that don't' shut people out. Talking to friends who have also dealt with a loss can help you assess your own emotions.  I know it helped me.  Don't fall down the path of isolation or resorting to excessive alcohol or substance abuse.  I say this because you may not even realize you are on that path until much later.  

Blogging has been one of my outlets (since I have never kept a diary or a journal) - but I couldn't bring myself to write or express myself.  When I attempted to break the silence on my blog after my Dads' passing - the first try left me with a feeling of being in limbo.  It was a bit too much for me - but I'm glad I'm finally writing again. My feelings were reflected in my writing and thoughts through the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. 

If you know someone who is grieving - the best thing you can do for them is to be there for them.  Be there as someone who will listen to them and who cares about their well being.  Ask them about their feelings and let them acknowledge the pain but also encourage them to remember the good times.  

The thought of losing my Mother makes my eyes sting and well up in tears and I feel as if I'm being thrown into a dark whirpool of nothingness.  And this is just a thought.  I can't even imagine what state I would be in if that were to actually happen.  This may sound dark - but it's a reality that will happen and perhaps I'm just preparing myself from now for whenever it may happen.  

 Have you found yourself grieving ? Or know someone who is grieving ? What did you do to cope with the grieving process ? 
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The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over - you cannot move forward.  - Steve Maraboli

Over the years, we've all been hurt by someone at some point or another; or had our hearts and trust broken.  The pain that you felt - perhaps lingered on too long - to a point that it's hard to let go ?  Think about it for a minute and ask yourself - have you really forgiven the person who made you feel that way ? 

That inability to let go is what causes us to be unhappy; can cause a strain on new relationships; and even make us reluctant to be open to new people because we're afraid of the 'hurt' that it might cause.  This is WHY we must learn to be able to truly forgive (from within) so that we can move on and let go.  


I've heard people say 'but if I forgive X it means that what they did was okay' .. that's not the case.  Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you forget what has happened - it just means that you are allowing yourself to let go of the anger and pain that is most likely holding you back from better things in life. 

The act of forgiveness is a process - it's not immediate.  Just because we've decided to forgive someone doesn't mean that the feelings of hurt, anger, or pain aren't there.  Those feelings don't go away overnight.  But they will - because you have to remind yourself that you have let that go and that person is no longer able to hurt you any more. 

Is there someone you need to forgive ? Why not write a blank cheque of forgiveness to this person and cancel their debt by listing the things they have done to hurt you and then scratching 'cancelled' across it.  You'll be doing yourself a big favour by releasing yourself of the grudge within yourself.  

Are you the type of person who forgives, forgets or says f*ck it ? One of my Guest Bloggers' wrote about The Importance of Forgiveness sometime ago which is a good read; and you should also read 'Letters to Self : Forgiveness' and 'Is It Time to Forgive' when you get a chance 
Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness. - Edward Stanley, Earl of Derby

Yes I said Exercise.  

Most of us have a pretty hectic lifestyle. A lot of us like the idea of being fit & healthy but don't seem to find the time to fit in any form of exercise into our schedules.  It could be because of the long hours at work; or because you're a working parent with boisterous kids; or the gym fees are too expensive - basically we make excuses to avoid getting fit.  

I've always been an athletic person through school, university and even the first few years of my career.  Then the working hours got longer; I started travelling more and I found (and still find) myself exercising less than I used to.  These days I joke with my gym trainers that I can work out for 6 months at a stretch but the minute the event season kicks in - I can't find the time for the gym.  


Exercise doesn't mean going to a gym.  It could be as simple as taking a 20-30 minute walk every day or incorporating a 20 minute yoga session at home.  What about joining a class like Kick boxing or Zumba ? I know of someone who does pull-ups on the train on the way to work.  I know a self-employed Mom with teenagers who kicks ass at Crossfit twice a week and plays soft ball once a week.  Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.  It's about believing in yourself and having the confidence to go out there and just do it ! 

I've found that home work-outs can be pretty effective if you are on a budget or you feel that you don't have the time to hit the gym or when you travel a lot for work.  There are tons of free workouts available online - my personal favourites' are HasFit and Melissa Benders Workouts - and I use them myself whenever I'm unable to get to a gym. If you enjoy yoga but can't find the time to go for a class - why not stream or download some great yoga classes from YogaDownload.com or YogaYak.com

If you don't like working out alone - get hold of a friend to join you for a walk or to take a class together.  Working out with someone else is extremely motivating and allows you to be accountable for something you have committed to. 

What kind of exercise do you incorporate into your daily life ? Are you getting enough exercise ? What kind of exercise do you enjoy or think you would like to try ? 

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.  - Jim Rohn 

The word 'detox' can be pretty scary and daunting.  When I talk about 'detox' - I'm not talking about any crazy or over-the-top detox involving calorie counting; or just drinking green juices or eating only specific foods or following any kind of diet trend (i.e. cabbage soup diet). I'm referring to a more gentle detox that you can incorporate into your life that will leave your body (and mind) feeling energized, clean and refreshed. 

 The way I see it is that we have one body to live with so it's about time we start taking care of it given the amount of abuse our bodies withstand on a day-to-day basis.  

Our skin and our livers take the brunt of the all the toxins that we create within ourselves and that we are exposed to.  Something as simple as 'dry brushing' your skin even once a week with a bristle brush will help improve the circulation and blood flow in your body and leave you with healthier looking skin ! 

I lost my Dad to liver cirrhosis a few months ago and it fully struck me that the liver has this formidable task of detoxifying everything that we put into our bodies.  Given the lifestyle most of us Gen Y & Z have - our livers are probably working in overdrive and there's a limit to how much toxin the liver can handle.  So over the last month, I've been on a personal 'detox' mission wherein I'm giving my liver a break from alcohol - it's been 37 days and counting !!   

So it's a good idea to try to indulge in any simple detox as often as you can.  With the Indian culture - there are various forms of fasting across castes and cultures which are considered to be a form of detox.  If that seems hard to understand - think about it like Lent where you give up something you really enjoy.  One of my friends has given up both alcohol and any form of dessert for 40 days !! 

 It's the little things that make a difference to our bodies : 

  • Starting your day with a glass of hot water with some lemon can help kick start your metabolism.  
  • Drink more water every day ! It's funny how we all forget to drink water.  It helps flush out toxins.
  • Eat more fruit and veggies.  
  • If you are a non-vegetarian; you may want to consider being vegetarian once a week just to give your body a breather.  
  • If you are a party person like me - you should give your liver a break and abstain from alcohol for some time.
  • If you are a smoker - and thinking about cutting back how much you smoke - a detox is a good way to kick-start that.  It doesn't mean you go cold turkey; but you can reduce the number of cigarettes you smoke per day or if you have the will-power; decide that you will only smoke on alternative days or not smoke at all for X days a week. 
For more ideas, hop on over to The Rising Spoon and read about 15 Ways to Detox Naturally - I'm sure you'll find something that suits you.

Have you ever tried to detox your body ? What kind of detox were you involved in ? Did you see any changes to your lifestyle ? Did the detox make a difference to you ? Or do you not believe in any form of detox ? Please feel free to share other detox tips in the comments. 
Confidence comes not from knowing you know everything, but from knowing you can handle what comes up. - Donn King

What comes to mind when you think of the word 'Confidence' ?  Who comes to mind when you think about 'Confident People' ? What is it about that person that makes you think they are confident ? 

 Confidence is knowing what you are good at; knowing the value that you can provide to a situation; and the ability to convey this to others by way of speech, mannerisms and body language.  Confidence also indicates that you are aware of your weaknesses and the ability to accept that your point of view may not be the only one around. [Let's not confuse confidence with arrogance]

Sometimes I think of life as one big obstacle course.  Once you have accepted that life is going to throw the good, the bad and the ugly at you; you need to start believing that you can get through it no matter what - and that is confidence.  

 Personally - I'm a confident person.  I'm very comfortable with myself and my point of view on various topics; and I'm not afraid to ask questions or learn about the subject areas that are not my forte.  Over the years I've learned that unless one is willing to take a risk - you'll never know what the outcome was (and that may leave some feelings of regret at some point in time).  Just remember that nothing can substitute experience. 

 A simple example.  If you're the kind of person who loves the idea of exploring new countries but can't find a have a travel companion - why not go traveling on your own ? The idea can seem daunting but think about all the people you will meet and all the places that you will see.  Once you get the flight booking done - it's just about sorting out your accommodation; then heading over to TripAdvisor to check out places to visit; maybe join a social network where you plan to visit and meet a few people.  Once you start setting small goals for yourself - everything falls in place.  So just be confident.  Life is about doing things now and not letting opportunities pass you by.   

 What about you ? How confident are you as an individual ? Have you ever felt a lack of self-confidence ? What did you do to overcome that ? 
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.  - William James

How many times have you heard men & women say that "life is not fair" or "why does this happen to me" ?  Life isn't fair - it never is ! 


We have no 'real' control over what life has in store for us.  We don't know how our day will go or whether we will wake to see another sunrise.  Nothing is permanent; you could have all the riches in the world today but tomorrow it could be gone.  Things happen; all that you've ever known could change and everything you've ever experienced can transform or have an impact on your life.  It's our approach and outlook to life that can determine whether we are going to spend it happily or just be miserable about it.  Simply put - bitch less, enjoy more ! 

Over the years I've learned (and trust me when I say that I struggle with this) that one must learn to 'Accept' the way things are; one must stop complaining and that when thrown in a situation - one must embrace it and find a way to cope in order to thrive.  Basically one must learn to look at each situation / circumstance in a positive manner rather than in a negative manner.  When it comes to relationships - the only way one can move on with life is 'acceptance & moving forward' without looking back. 

Another thing I've learned is that in order to be truly accepting of all that is around you - one must look beyond their own point of view and open their mind to the perceptions of those around them.  This doesn't mean you blindly agree to everything that you see or hear but this will make you more accepting and tolerant to others around you.  

How accepting are you to those around you that share different perceptions to you ?  Have you found yourself saying 'life isn't fair' ? What are you going to do about that ?  Have you noticed any changes in your life since you started 'accepting' things around you ? Do you believe that everything happens for a reason ? 

zzzThe best Z word for the theme of my challenge is definitely some Zzzz’s !

 

After all, if you’re giving raunchy blowjobs, and having your man go down on you whilst you tell him how you want him to hit your G-spot and U-spot just so that you can have that first  knee buckling orgasm, before indulging in some seductive role-play and saucy sex games  involving x-rated Kamasutra style sex positions and tons of foreplay only to reach nirvana multiple times ….

 

…. Damn right you’re going to need some Zzz’s at the end of it all !

 

Diva’s Tip

  • Don’t forget to cuddle up together when you’re done !

yes-wass1One of the best three letter words that forms our vocabulary.  In context and keeping with the A to Z challenge ; I’ve chosen this word to highlight a few things when it comes to consenting to being with someone and having sex with them.

 

We’ve said ‘yes’ to a first date and a drink; a ‘yes’ to that feather like kiss that makes us want more; there’s a yes when we agree to go back to their place.   From then on, whether we actually say it out loud or not when it comes to consenting to sex -  there is a ‘yes’ there.  With every touch that is welcomed – that’s a yes.  With every item of clothing that comes off – there’s a yes there.  When you are being kissed like you’ve never been kissed before – there’s a yes there.  And that oh-so-amazing YES when you start to feel your toes curl and every part of your body tighten up … and before you know it – you are silently (or very vocally) screaming Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! as a blissful orgasm takes over you. 

 

The sure-fire way of having an amazing time in bed is to let yourself go and to communicate with your partner.  Men and women get turned on knowing that their partner is turned on and enjoying themselves.  I’ve never known a partner to back down when I’ve consented with a breathless ‘yes’ .. in fact – the more you say yes (and tell them what you want them to do), the more eager your partner is to follow instructions which will eventually lead you to nirvana !  So don’t hold back on the moaning, biting, scratching and, asking for what you want … especially if you want to be screaming yes ! yes ! yes ! at the end of it all !

 

Diva’s Tips

  • Pay attention to your partners body language and any verbal clues so as to ensure they are 100% satisfied
  • Consensual sex is the best sex.  Yes means yes.  No means No.

x ratedI’m not talking about porn here ! I’m referring to the X-Rated sex position that you can use in bed with your partner.   [Ok fine, just to make you happy, you can throw in some x-rated porn in there for good measure]

 

Seriously though, the X-rated position is all about control – the woman’s control.  If you haven’t already tried this position, have your man lie face-up on the bed; turn around reverse cow-girl style and straddle him and then slowly lower yourself onto his penis.  Now here’s the tricky bit; you need to extend your legs back towards his shoulders and relax your body onto the bed between his feet.  With both your legs and your man’s forming an X-shape, start to slide up and down. Use his feet for added thrusting leverage.xrated

Diva’s bonus move

Start this session off with a 69, neither of you is going to say no to a blowjob or some cunnilingus and he will won’t know what’s hit him when you switch over to this X-rated position.  Your man will love the fact that you’re being dominant and taking charge of your own orgasm (and he gets a birds-eye view of your ass) !!! More brownie points to this position because it not only hits your G-spot but also stimulates your U-spot as well !! 

 

Have you tried this position before ? 

 

Diva’s Tips
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vibrator 3Whether it’s the Rampant Rabbit or The Bullet or a Dildo – there are plenty of words to describe these battery-powered pleasure pods that are tucked in bedside drawers everywhere.  You probably know it as a Vibrator.   And every woman should own a vibrator ! Seriously !  Guys, are you listening ? If your woman doesn’t have a vibrator, go out and be a star – go get her one as a surprise present !  Both of you will be thanking me for it at the end of the night.

 

There are some people who reckon that guys would be insecure if a woman pulled out a vibrator during sex (the whole ‘there’s another dick in the room’ theory).  But thankfully that’s just an old wives tale because all the guys I know are pretty open to using vibrators as part of foreplay.  The first vibrator I ever owned was given to me by my boyfriend of the time a few years ago. 

 

Getting Your First Vibrator

Before you get your first vibrator – you may want to think about how you want to use your new toy.  Will you insert it or use it mainly on your clitoris?  Do you intend it to be for some solo-action or do you want to use it with your partner ?  Do you need a lot of power, or a little buzz to get you over the edge?  There are vibrators that buzz, that rotate (highly recommended), that pulse and throb; some are discreet – some are larger than life.  Do you want something that plugs in or a battery operated one ?   If you can’t choose between internal and external stimulation, go for the combo vibrator and then you have your pick of endless choices. 

 

The important thing here is not to be shy !! You are a sexy person and you want to oomph your sex life (or fill in the gaps whilst your partner is away on business trips).  Ask your friends for their recommendations; or spend a Sunday browsing the sex-stores with your partner.  He’ll find it pretty hot and it will be quite an erotic experience for both of you.   And if going to a real store is too much for you to handle; cosy up with your partner in bed and check out some online stores.  Oh, and don’t forget to add some lube to your shopping cart !

 

Using a Vibrator On Her

The next time you are performing cunnilingus and pleasuring your partner; angle a vibrator inside her vagina aimed towards her belly button.  This will not only hit her G-spot but the combination of your tongue and lips and the vibrating sensations will make for an incredibly intense orgasm.

 

Take control and dominate her in bed.  You can blind fold her and pin her down in bed and slowly trail the vibrator from her breasts down her sides, barely grazing over her vagina, towards her thighs and back up towards her U-spot.   The subtle vibrations will create anticipation and before you know it – she’ll be begging you to penetrate her.  Now it’s up to you if you want to tease her by alternating between the vibrator and your own cock.

 

Using a Vibrator on Him

First of all – don’t surprise him by randomly pulling out a vibrator during sex.  He may just freak out – especially if it’s your favourite 8 inch Rabbit !!  Talk to your partner about it and start off with something simple like a Trojan or Durex vibrating cock ring that you can slip around his penis.  Not only will the vibrations feel good at the base of his penis – but if he’s on top of you – it’ll also hit your clitoris as he thrusts which makes it a win-win for both of you !

vibrator

Now that your man is no longer a sex-toy-virgin; I would recommend that you pick up a small bullet style vibrator or use a finger-vibe and the next time you’re riding him on top or giving him a blowjob; just reach behind and hold it against his perineum.  He’ll enjoy the vibrations against the super sensitive area. 

 

What words of wisdom can you share about vibrators ?  When did you get your first vibrator ?  Have you used a vibrator on your partner ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

  • Indulge in a sexy game of ‘find my pleasure spot’ : explore, discover, and learn about each other’s pleasure points with your new toy

  • When using a combo toy, be sure to take it slow and don’t over-stimulate yourself.  If you turn everything on too fast, you’ll have to stop, rest, and start over.

  • And, as always, don’t forget the lube !

u spotBy now you would have all heard about the holy grail called the ‘G-Spot’.   BUT did you know that there also exists another super sensitive pleasure spot in a woman’s body called the U-Spot ?  (I swear I’m not making this up!)

 

The U-spot is basically a tiny patch of sensitive tissues located above and on either side of the urethral opening.  When the U-spot is gently stimulated by the tongue, the finger, or the tip of the penis it produces an unexpectedly powerful response.    I didn’t know this either – and it’s only recently been discovered by clinical research workers. 

 

Guys there are 3 ways of stimulating the U-Spot :  your fingers; your tongue and your penis.  Chances are that every time you have gone down on your woman, you would have inadvertently hit her U-spot.  Now that you know of it’s existence make it a point to find this spot during foreplay and see what kind of explosive results it gets you.   If you do this right lads, she’s in for a combined clitoral and vaginal orgasm !

 

Ladies, do you know where your U-spot is ?  We have all given ourselves a helping hand during sex; the next time why not discover your U-spot and show your partner exactly how you would like to be teased into a blissful orgasm !  I’m pretty sure your man will be an eager student ! uspot

 

So for all those reading, did you know about the existence of the U-spot ? Have you discovered it on yourself / on your partner ? If you haven’t already found the U-spot …. what are you waiting for … dare your partner to find it the next time you indulge in a sensual game of truth & dare.   Bliss for both of you !

 

Diva’s Tip

tease pleaseIf you haven’t already mastered this - foreplay is about teasing and stretching out the experience of sex so as to make things more intense and satisfying—for both of you.  Men and women enjoy being sexually teased – the anticipation of what could be leads to explosive sex and a mind blowing orgasm.

 

Outside The Bedroom

Compliment your partner on their attire or their hair.  Lightly graze your fingers against their jaw, cheeks, or down their arm.  I like to slip my hand into my partners back pocket and give a light tap or a squeeze whilst looking them directly in the eye.  It’s subtle, cheeky and just a tad naughty. 

 

If you're out together at a party or bar, send him or her an explicit text message that hints at what you'd like to do to them later.  If you are out dancing, make it a point to grind up against your partner.  Guys let her feel you hard for her.  Girls, you know your man loves your ass so shake that booty against him.  Ladies, if you’re feeling a bit brazen, lose the panties on a night out and tell him you’re not wearing any.  Just knowing that, will have your partner aching to get you alone.

Inside the Bedroom

Focus on kissing your partner.  Kiss them on the neck, the ears, leave a trail of kisses down their back or sides.  Kiss them everywhere except their sweet spots.  Leave them wanting more.   Take the initiative and be a little dominant.  Lay your partner on the bed whilst you are kissing them, grab their hands and put them above their head.  If they struggle, pin them down by the arms.  Use the weight of one arm to keep them down, use the other hand to run your fingers over the rest of their body. 

 

Guys, even when your partner is spread-eagled to welcome your cock into her – take your time and make your woman beg for it.   Only allow the tip of your penis to rub against her vagina.  If she doesn’t start grinding herself against you – I will change my name !  When you reckon that she can’t take it anymore,  let only the tip of your penis enter her, and thrust in and out … SLOWLY.   By taking things slowly, you will heighten the anticipation and it will cause both of you to experience a range of new senses that will drive you both wild with desire. tease 1

 

Do you have any other foreplay (physical or psychological) tips you’d like to share ?  How do you enjoy being teased ? 

Diva’s Tips

  • Look but don’t touch.  Masturbating for your partner not only gets the blood flowing to all the right parts – but it drives them nuts that they aren’t able to touch you themselves !
  • Slow and steady makes you an ultimate lover !  Spend at least 30 minutes teasing your partner for best results
  • Did you know that ‘Tantalolagnia’ is a term used to describe feeling sexually aroused when being teased

sex_games_bookThere’s a point in any relationship where sex is a given; the foreplay is just a cursory formality before getting down to the deed.   It’s not always with the same zest and romance when you first started out BUT that’s okay and all you need is some sugar & spice (and some initiative) to keep the love and passion alive.

 

I’m the kind of person who gets bored quite easily so I tend to incorporate fun elements inside and outside the bedroom when in any relationship.  Sure, sex is meant to be hot and passionate … but what good is any of that if you can’t have fun at the same time ?  You need to be able to get some giggles in too !   If you haven’t tried any sex(y) games with your partner as yet – then you must give it a shot.   Tease your partner, have fun with them and you’ll see how easy it can be to turn a lazy afternoon into a day of fun, games and sex that both of you will love.

 

For me games just add to the spice of it all.  Some men (and women) may take offence to the fact that you’re suggesting ‘spicing’ up things so they may feel that they aren’t satisfying you but you need to assure your partner that it’s not the case and the games are to add some variety to your already fabulous sex life !  My personal favourite which doesn’t cause any offence whatsoever is ‘glow in the dark sex dice’.  They are fun, easy to store and seriously why would you not want to suck your partners nipples or nibble on their thighs !!  

 

I’ve also found that ‘sex coupons’ or ‘love coupons’ work like a charm.  Simple straight forward instructions which both of you can enjoy !  [and you can customize them and make them on your own].  I remember seeing Kamasutra cards for couples and those are perfect if you want to try out new positions with your partner. 

 

A friend recommends playing ‘strip poker’ with your partner.   The rule is that each of you only get to wear 6 pieces of clothing and with each hand; the loser removes a piece of clothing.  Once you’re both naked, you can play poker for sexual favours.  Guys – lose the socks when you lose a round – don’t leave it for later !    If you fancy yourself to be a bit more daring – why not suggest role-play to your partner ?  Something easy like being strangers at a hotel bar which ends up with the two of you making out in the elevators before calling for champagne in the hotel room.  sex games 3

 

I believe that games always help to add a little extra oomph to a relationship - it's up to you to find out which game works best for both of you !   What about you ?  Have you tried any sex games with your partner ? Any personal favourites ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

  • Use a satin scarf as a blind fold and trace words onto your partners back and ask them to guess the words or phrases.  Spell out what you want your partner to do to you.  If they guess right – they get to do that to you; if they guess wrong – you get to tell them to do whatever you want.  Win-Win both ways ! 
  • Grab a bottle of wine and play ‘I Never’.   Both of you take turns in stating something you have never done before and then proceed to show the other how it’s done.  Hint:  Make it slightly provocative and sexual.   e.g I’ve never had sex in the kitchen  /  I’ve never been given a blowjob at work / I’ve never been spanked / I’ve never seduced a nurse … You get the drift !
  • Get inspired with some sex coupons here

role playYou gotta love role-play.   No matter how good the sex is with your partner – at some point you’re going to want something different and that’s when role-play comes in to play.

 

If you’ve never indulged in role playing sex or anything close to this before – then you may find yourself laughing or giggling way or just feeling a bit stupid and awkward.   BUT until you give it a shot, you won’t know what you’re missing out on.   You don’t need costumes galore (that’s for when you know exactly what your partners’ preferences are) – all you need is a bit of imagination and some initiative.

 

First of all let me stress that role play is not something you can just learn by reading articles (or this blog post for that matter).  It’s something you have to actually experience.  Not everyone is uber comfortable with their sexuality and the thing about role-play is that it allows you to express your desires, your fantasies, to your partner in a way that you wouldn’t normally do.  Maybe you hate the fact that your partner is turned on by the idea of the hottie at the bar – but guess what – that hottie could be you !!

 

Get Into Character

The thing about role play is that you want to set the mode and tone for the fantasy that you want to enact.  So why not choose a character that gives you a boost of sexual adrenalin.  Talk to your partner about their fantasy and you may be surprised by what they have supressed.   We have all heard or read about the Doctor and his naughty Nurse; the Stripper and her client; and the Photographer and his Models.   If you’re into a bit a domination, then you could always play the role of Master and Slave or the French Maid who seduces her Employer.

 

A few years ago, I was meeting my ex at the tube station.  He pulls the car over to me (after making me wait around for 10 mins) and asks if I need a ride anywhere.  I saw the glint in his eye and got the hint so I told him I was waiting for my boyfriend who was running late.  And he sweet talked me into getting into the car so he could drop me to my destination.  There was something about a ‘stranger’ hitting on me just slightly inappropriately that made it quite electric.  It was simple and the first time we ever toyed with the idea of role play.    We never looked back after that.

 

Once you are comfortable with role play – you can even indulge in costumes, toys, and any other kinks you wish to experience.  In it’s own way – it’s pretty damn hot to be having sex with a ‘different character’ (whilst being in a safe zone the entire time). 

 

Use a Safe Word

Banana ! Porridge ! Stinky Socks !  Don’t laugh – I’m being serious !  And it can’t be a ‘No’ or ‘Stop’  (because if you’re really enjoying it – you’re going to end up using those words at some point).  A safe word has to be discussed so that you can identify when your partner is no longer comfortable with the role-play scenario.  Don’t freak out if your partner uses it.   It’s not because they may not enjoy the role play – it could be they are feeling a bit vulnerable or awkward or embarrassed (especially if it’s their first time).  It’s normal and you have to be understanding about it.  Get into it a few times and once you both are comfortable expressing yourself – you are guaranteed a wild night of role playing sex. role play

 

What are your thoughts on Role Play ?  Hit or Miss ? Have you used this to spice up your sex life ?  What’s your favourite fantasy ?  Have you purchased any interesting costumes ? What’s your safe word ?

 

Diva’s Tips

  • Role play takes time and practice – so go with the flow and just enjoy yourself
  • Give your partner an erotic lap-dance when they least expect it (it’s every guys’ fantasy!)
  • Basic investments :  furry hand cuffs; sexy lingerie with slits at the crotch and nipples; a blind fold; and some flavoured lube

QuickieThe best thing about a quickie is that it can happen anytime, anywhere and it’s always pretty hot !!   Impromptu sex in a discreet yet public place such as an empty office conference room; the back of your car in a parking lot; the bathroom of a friends house during a dinner party; at a club – all of these add an element of danger to the entire experience.  The thought of getting caught adds to the thrill of the naughtiness of it all.  [and guys, a quickie is the ONLY time when you don’t need to focus on foreplay !]

 

Back in university, I was dating this guy who lived in the same building as me.  One night he came over to drop off a few things and I was waiting at the elevator with him – when the next thing I know – he’s pulled me into the elevator, back me up against a corner, started kissing me and unzipping himself all at the same time.   He was just so damn dominating that it was HOT ! Good thing I lived in a high rise ‘cos he hit the 26th floor (I lived on the 18th) and then hit the ground floor .. luckily we were pretty much done because we did get caught on the 5th floor ! Slightly mortifying (so glad he was tall ‘cos I couldn’t be seen) but he had his jeans dropped down to the floor and flashed his boxers to those who happened to be waiting for the elevator !

 

A few years later, an ex and I had planned a big night out which involved a lot of dancing.  On the way back to the hotel – all the kissing and teasing just got a bit too much.  We ended up doing it in walk-in self service room.  We walked out of there just before one of the other guests made his way to get ice from there.  

 

What about morning quickies ?  Those can be so much fun !  A quick romp in the sack before work is definitely going to add a bounce to your day !  Men and women tend to be at their horniest early in the morning (think well before work hours) and you can use that to your advantage !  Would you wake your lover up for a quickie?

 

For those of you that are married with kids; or with new-borns – a quickie is just the thing you need to keep the temperature rising between the two of you !

quikie 2

 

When’s the last time you had a quickie ?  Have you ever been caught ?  The most daring quickie ?  Let me in on your secrets on how to make every second of a quickie count!

 

Diva’s Tips :

  • Ladies, take some initiative and show up at your mans’ office wearing a short skirt and ask him to meet you in a conference room / stairwell. 
  • Guys, get her hot and horny by talking dirty to her the whole time. 
  • Don’t worry about undressing ! Just focus on ‘I need you right here, right now’ !
  • It’s all about the ‘position’ .. so go for the moves that will drive your partner over the edge ! It could be doggy style; or standing up with the woman’s back against the wall and wrapped around his legs
  • Guys, most importantly, don’t make it a habit !! Unadulterated sex is fun but if you keep going for the quickie – your woman is going to get bored and just not reciprocate !

Sex-PositionsPosition.  Position.  Position.   The acrobatics involved with the Kamasutra can sometimes distract you from experiencing the sensations building up to an amazing orgasm by making you focus on how to contort yourself into a not-so-comfy position !  If only it were that easy to re-enact all the Kamasutra positions !  Whilst I’m all game for the twisting and bending that goes with sex (it can be a better workout than at the gym) – sometimes you just need to know what moves will give you the best orgasm.  The key to mind-blowing, knee bucking orgasms is to keep it simple and focus on a position that works for you !  

 

Girl-On-Top

Based on past experience – and from what seems to work for the majority of women I know – the girl-on-top tends to be sure way of achieving an orgasm.  Ladies, you get to control the pace and depth of thrusting; and both you and your partner have easy access to your clitoris !  If you’re feeling brazen, do a 180 and pull a reverse-cowgirl on him (especially if he is an ass man)  Bonus Move :  instead of straddling him, put your feet flat between his legs – the tighter fit will make the sensations more intense !

 

Legs On Shoulders

Not as hard as it sounds and it works wonders for me so I have to share this.   The woman lies on her back, with the man kneeling towards her.  While he’s gliding in to you, hook your legs onto his shoulders.  Bonus move – tilt your body upwards if you really want to hit your G-spot deeper !  Be warned, stretch your legs out before this ‘cos you will be left sore otherwise.    Master the moves here.

 

For Those That Want MORE

GoodToKnow.co.uk has got a fab list of Top 40 Sex Positions with some great pictures, so you can get an idea of what you're supposed to be doing and a full explanationposition of how to tackle each sex position with a difficulty rating and fun rating so you know exactly what you're getting into - just click through to a more in depth article if you want more info on any position.

 

What’s your favourite sex position ? What is the most difficult one that you have tried ?  How many have you tried ?  How many positions do you go through in one night of passion ?

Diva’s Tips

Orgasm-inc-006Orgasms.  *deep sigh*

 

In order to achieve a mind blowing orgasm, you have to train your body to be orgasmic; and for that you have to masturbate.  Seriously, if you don’t know what turns you on – how do you expect your partner to know what works for you ?  Instead of spending hours on trial and error (even though that can also be a lot of fun) – you can speed up the process by taking some initiative and letting your partner know that he / she is on the right track by ‘telling them’ what feels great (or for the shy ones, start with some pleasurable moaning)

 

Orgasms For Her

It’s harder for women to achieve an orgasm – so guys, please take your time with your partner.  Talk them through it – and for the love of God, if your partner is squirming, with shaky legs, and thrusting herself towards you – DO NOT STOP – STAY ON COURSE !   Women need A LOT of foreplay to get their minds and bodies relaxed.  And no, 10 minutes does not count as foreplay unless your face is buried in her vagina and you are lapping away at her clit and labia like a possessed demon who’s only goal is for her to cum all over your face.  Yes I’m talking about cunnilingus; going down on her; eating her out – you get the drift.

 

I’ve mentioned this before and I stand my ground on t his :  a woman can have a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm.   By focusing on giving her BOTH a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm you will be sending her to nirvana ‘cos that my friends is a G-Spot Orgasm !

 

Orgasms For Him

Ladies – did you know that the Male G-spot is found in the anus.  Yes that’s right – the anus.  Men love anal sex with you – BUT giving him a bit of anal stimulation will result in him having an explosive orgasm.   Note : some men will not want you to touch their anus BUT don’t let that stop you.  The next time you’re giving him a blow job, massage his testicles with one hand and run your fingers around his anus and perineum.  Keep some lube handy and apply some light pressure on  the outside of his anus; and whilst he’s busy being blown away by your mouth on his cock; allow your finger to gently slide in to his anus and massage his prostate.  He will be clenching up at this stage but keep at it.  Alternate your movements from a gentle sliding motion to a similar come hither motion (the same a guy uses to hit a woman’s G-spot) and your man will be in 7th heaven !

orgasm a day

Guys, stop cringing as you read this – trust me, you will thank me for this one day.

 

When was your last big orgasm ? What moves make you weak in the knees and is a sure shot way of getting you to orgasm ?  Do you enjoy orgasms more when you're alone or when you are with a partner ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

  • Ladies and Gents – practice your Kegel exercises every day !  Yup that’s right lads, you need to do it too !
  • Gents, encourage your partner to take the woman-on-top position – the friction of her clit against your pubic bone will drive her to a frenzy
  • Go with the flow – ride out that orgasm

nakedAdmit it – you though I was going to go with Nymphomaniac right ??  Honestly, I almost did but after a bit of asking around – I got some help from a very hot man in London for this post.  As much we enjoy the (occasional) fully clothed quickie – there’s something much more erotic about getting naked with your partner.  A bit of a no-brainer here. 

 

Other than the obvious fact that one is practically guaranteed to have sex once your clothes are off – I thought of something else which I wanted to share and perhaps make you think a little bit more about.  There is a huge element of ‘Trust’ when you shed your clothes with someone (especially someone new).  You’re indirectly letting this person know that you trust them enough to get naked with them.   You trust them when you are at your most vulnerable state.  Seriously some of the sex positions are not exactly flattering for anyone – no matter how damn fit you are !!  [Side Note : it’s a bit different when you’re hooking up with a random person who’s made you hot and horny – but you do in a way also trust that random person to give you a fab night]

 

When was the last time you gave yourself a once-over in the mirror fully naked ?? If you haven’t done that recently – please go do that right now and GET USED TO IT !!  It’s your body and you should like the way you look when you’re naked – ‘cos eventually you’re gonna have to get naked to have sex.   When you know what you look like – the good and the few flaws we all have – you’re going to end up being more comfortable when you’re in bed (or in the living room or kitchen) with your partner.  I know women who are soooo paranoid about the way they look in bed – they always have the lights off with their partner. 

 

My assumption is that we all want to have mind-blowing sex that results in knee-buckling orgasms.  Right ?? So in order for that to happen you have to be super confident about yourself and your body.  You don’t want to be that person who always wants to ‘do it’ in the dark and never in the day (your partner might get a tad worried).  The moment you are comfortable with your naked body, you are accepting and liking yourself the way you are – flaws and all.  And THAT is confidence.

 

On a scale of 1 to 10 how comfortable are you being naked in front of your partner with the lights on ??  Do you let your partner check you out in the morning once the curtains are drawn or do you cover yourself up ??   So I dare you – strip yourself right now [okay not at work but at home]; go stand tall and proud and naked in front of a mirror for a while.   Do this once a week until you naked 3are comfortable walking around your room naked after a shower.  Once you can do that – having sex with the lights on will be a piece of cake.  And when you do go ahead and have sex with the lights on – reward yourself (and your partner) with a piece of cake !

 

Diva’s Tips

  • Set the mood.  If you have a dimmer feature on your lights – use it the next time you’re with your partner instead of turning the lights of completely
  • Guys – remember to compliment your partner so that she is more comfortable getting naked in the light with you (women are self-conscious creatures and we all have body parts that we hate)
  • Ladies, notice how men are comfortable strutting their stuff in front of you ??  You can do it tooooo !!!
  • Play a game of strip poker together with candles.  It’s fun, it’ll be sexy, and you’ll be naked with (some) lights !