Can I get your number baby, so I can show you what I’m all about ! That’s what comes to mind when I hear that line. It’s off a Mariah Carey & Jermaine Dupri track.
Lately – it seems that everyone wants to know the next persons’ ‘magic number’. And by that – I’m talking about the number of people one has slept with.
In this day and age, where sex, virginity & chastity is no longer put on a pedestal; stereotypes apparently still exist. A guy who sleeps with women in the double digits is considered a stud; ‘experienced’; hell he even knows what women want ! But heaven forbid a woman sleeps with more ‘3’ (her first, her past and her present lover) she is automatically labelled anything from ‘easy’, ‘loose’, ‘immoral’ (those are the nicer labels) right down to be being a whore and is totally slut shammed !!
WTF is up with that kinda attitude ? Does it really matter how many people you, me or your next door neighbour sleep with ? Who are we to judge someone on the basis of the number of sexual partners they have had ? For anyone that does frown upon it – who made you the moral police ??
I’m 29 going on 30 in a few months. My first sexual encounter was at 17 – so assuming I’ve slept with one man a year for the last 12 years – that would bring my magic number to ‘12’. Which I reckon is a fairly decent figure. I’ve been in a few long term relationships; I’ve had ‘dry’ spells where there’s been no action in my life for months (even a year at a stretch); and the occasional hook up. Does being with 12 guys (or more) make me ‘easy’ ? I f*cking hope not ‘cos that’s just bullshit !
Rather than asking my partners about their past sexual conquests – I would much prefer to know things like ‘have you been safe’ (read that as – you better be using condoms if you want to get into my bed) ? Have they ever had any sort of STD’s ? Do they get checked regularly ? I think that’s a bit more important than how many people they have slept with (unless of course they are sleeping with people within my social circle – that I have a problem with)
One of my closest friends literally ooooooooooooooooozes sex appeal. She can’t go anywhere without getting hit on. She’s had her fair share of relationships, hook-ups, flings etc. It’s not her fault that guys find her attractive or want to hook up with her; nor is it her fault that she enjoys sex. Would anyone call her a slut ? F*ck NO ! (besides if anyone even tried they would get bitch slapped before they could even get the word out).
I also have guy friends who are quite happy to be with a woman who is *ahem* experienced. It’s quite hot for them to discover the tricks that she might have up her sleeve. I honestly believe that if a guy is a true to himself – he really doesn’t quite give a rats ass about how many men his girl has slept with as long as she’s not gonna sleep with someone else other than him whilst they are together.
Are you the type of person who carves out notches on the bedpost to keep track of all those you have slept with ? Have you ever been asked about the number of men / women you’ve been with ? Have you ASKED your partner to reveal their number to you ?
Now that you’ve had a chance to answer these questions; did it make a difference to your relationship ? At what stage of your relationship did you ask these questions ? Do you think you could have missed out on a great relationship or romance ‘cos you judged someone by their number ?
My favourite blogger Simone Grant says that smart women agree that your number doesn’t matter. And I applaud everyone who goes by that theory. Insecurity can be a b*tch – so yeah people with insecurity or low self esteem may feel like they need to hide / falsify their number to their partner. But seriously, think about it – why the hell would you want to even be with someone who is going to judge you by your past ? Shouldn’t they want to be with you because of everything that makes you the unique individual that you are!
Further Reading
- Smart Women Agree That Your Number Doesn’t Matter by Simone Grant
- Should You Reveal The Number of People You Have Slept With by Simone Grant
- What’s Your Number ? by Victoria Williams for TheFabV.com
- Sexy Time : Why Numbers Don’t Matter by Ness Fraser for CollegeCandy.com
- Why Does It Matter How Many Partners She has Had ? by Hugo Schywzer for TheGoodMenProject.com
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