Chemistry : Mental or physical ?

By | 19:28 9 comments

I’m not talking about Chemistry in the science lab – but more along of the lines of the chemistry between two people.  I got thinking about this the other day after reading another fab post on Simone’s blog.


Over the years and depending on your dating history – you would have come to realise that there is something about a prospective partner that just ‘clicks’ for you.  I’ve already talked about the ‘type of person’ we tend to be attracted to – and moving further into the subject – once we’ve covered the initial attraction stage  - we head over to stage 2 : is there any chemistry between the two individuals ?

For me, over the years – most of my relationships have been based on an initial combination of physical and mental chemistry.  Once I realise I am attracted to somebody – purely on a physical attributes, I have to figure out whether I ‘click’ with this person on a mental level as well.

I have gone into relationships where initially both parties felt the immediate physical chemistry – it was that rush of being with the ‘best looking’ guy.  Some of those relationships obviously didn’t pan out because the mental chemistry wasn’t there.  Then there were relationships where both physical and mental chemistry stood strong but circumstances resulted in an end to the relationship.

In my late teen years and at university – it was important for me to be physically attracted to somebody to  start dating them – I would let the mental chemistry develop.  These relationships would tend to last only a few months.  It also so happened that as people – the guy and myself – barely knew each other.  The physical attraction had to be there in the first 2-3 interactions – otherwise it wasn’t going to work out.

From about 6 years ago – my perspective on dating changed – I realised that I wanted more out of a relationship.  So, even though the initial attraction factor was the physical attribute and physical chemistry – if I didn’t find that in the first few meetings that there was ALSO a mental connection – I didn’t pursue the matter further.

Around 4 years ago – I met a man online through a social networking medium.  We were both attracted to each other’s photographs – and we got in touch via email.  This communication went on for about a month.  The mental connection was there and the fact that we both appealed to each other physically (from a photographic perspective) was also good.  From emails, we moved on to SMS and phone calls – and decided to meet up about 2 months later.  We ended up dating for 1.5 year.  Unfortunately things didn’t work out.  Not because we weren’t physically and mentally compatible but due to family interference.  That really sucked.

So now, I’m trying to figure out what combination or percentage of physical and mental compatibility and chemistry I need with a partner for it to actually ‘work out’.  Instead of just looking at a guy from a the initial physical attraction; I’ll be taking the mental chemistry cartoonconnection first and then looking at the physical attraction. 

That doesn’t mean I would want to just settle with someone who I am mentally connected with and have no physical chemistry ….  However there will be a time frame – or a window period if you want to call it – that it should develop in (at least I’m being fair right)… If it doesn’t come about in a few weeks – then I wouldn’t be able to pursue the  relationship.

Damn it … can’t I have it all ??

What’s your take on chemistry between two people ? Is it important ? Does chemistry develop along the way ? Is it better to be compatible or to have chemistry ?

Here are some interesting articles to check out:

  1. The Chemistry of Love


WhiteSockGirl aka The Fabulous Bitch said...

Fab article.

For me, physical attraction must be there. I am just absolutely shallow like that.

I go for a certain look. I just don't find myself attractive to any other look.

Then, I would look for the other import attributes, like confidence and intelligence. Unfortunately, wimpy does not do it for me.

Family interference,..well that is something else. My parents, especially my father, have never liked my choices in men. I made peace with it.

I love my parents, but unfortunately we do not share the same taste in men. And if we had, that would be damn creepy in my world. I don't do creepy.

Dazediva said...

@ WSG ... Totally agree that the physical attraction must be there. I think all of us are shallow that way :P

It was his family that interfered, which really got to me at that point.

Luckily my parents are not too fussed on the guy I bring home, as long as he's focused, got a career and can provide financial stability and is not a complete a-hole - then they'll accept him hehe

Did you check out Simone's blog ? YOU will love it !

akd said...

I search 4 certain traits in the other....which obviously lead to relationship between us, but everything starts 4m physical look.....

Poons said...

hmmm....let me share a thought or two here...
i find physical chemistry extremely important but have to definately mention that many of the hot guys that i have met in my past really had nothing 'up there'.

I enjoy a great looking guy with an opinion, a sense of humour and intelligence. This is where the mental chemistry comes in....

As you get older, you start to realize the importance of having a mental connection more than physical. If you are constantly dealing with a guy that just 'doesn't get it' can u be physically attracted to that?

I can't....

so to sum it up...i married a guy that is hot as shit, a super funny guy and with a head on his shoulder...

wow...i lucked out on that one :)

Dazediva said...

@ Poons ... Yeah you got lucky with DM ! how did you find him again ?

Most of the hot men & women tend not to have much 'up there' which is such a damn shame really I think ... however without generalizing, there are some out there with great looks and great minds too

The mental chemistry is definitely important - no point being with a hot man / woman and realise you have nothing to talk about

Unknown said...

Well, I ve been in many relationships and I finally found my soulmate 5 months ago. Of course its all about chemistry and caring. Without those things its just meaningless sex. Many times you say " I love you" and dont mean it but when you find "the one" you will mean it 100% of the times you say it. I feel lucky that I found my other half at the age of 20 and for those who haven't yet, just keep looking. :) By the way I ve wrote an article about the 4 secrets of a perfect relationship and you can find them here :). Nice post though.

Dazediva said...

@ Evan .. thanks for stopping by my blog unfortunately I couldn't access yours due to your settings .. I'm glad that you've been able to find your soul-mate .. Love is a natural high.

Pankaj Ahuja said...

I absolutely go for the physical attraction thing.
It is soooo damn important to be attracted physically to someone in the first look or meet.

That is why i say that love with lust if a totally fail!

Dazediva said...

@Pankaaz .. I completely agree that one must be physically attracted to a person before determining the 'mental connection' .. it's human nature to be attracted to the best looking girl / guy .. but sometimes they can be a total ditz and its up to you at the time to take the call on whether or not you want to spend your time with a ditz .. that's how I ended up changing my perspective on dating; I want to be with someone who I am physically and mentally attracted to :)

Physical attraction only lasts 'so long' - after that - its the wit that keeps you sticking around :)