Where do I even begin ? I haven't really touched this space - this little haven where my thoughts would pour out in the last 2 years. I tried - but the grief I was going through overwhelmed me. I wanted to write - to express what it was that I was going through and the words would cause my heart to close in on me. The ache was so terrible that my eyes would water until the screen was too blurry to even see. Then the pounding headaches that made me want to smash my head against a wall as that would distract from the pain I was going through. Who would want to deal with that right ?
Then yesterday, I found myself saying it out loud to someone that I barely knew. I admitted that I stopped doing something I really enjoyed because grief took over me in a way that I didn't know was possible. Could I have really been grieving that long ?
My Dad passed away in August 2013. I went from being on holiday to his hospital bedside. I had to make that terrible phone call to tell my Mum he was no more. I never thought I would end up planning a funeral. I didn't realize just how much my world would change. My tolerance for anything and everything was almost volcanic in nature. I attempted to break the silence - but just found myself in that limbo state of mind. Fellow bloggers reached out to me and I probably didn't say anything to them then but it meant so much knowing that you cared enough to just send hugs. Then I tried to get back into it all with the A to Z Challenge in April 2014- you know, instead of pouring my heart out - just follow instructions for a challenge ... that didn't work out as well as I wanted. I got to the letter G and my post was titled Grief & Grieving and my emotions went off on this roller coaster ride that I couldn't quite get out of !!
After this chat I had ... I woke up this morning and for the first time in a long time, I felt like opening my blog and brushing the dust off it. I'm still me - and I realize that keeping things bottled up is not good for me as a person. It's a bright sunny day here in London and perfect for penning down a blog or two. So, for the brethren of bloggers out there checking into this space - thanks for wandering by and for believing that I will rise from the ashes (eventually)