Losing Love … Finding Hope

By | 01:57 14 comments

It’s very difficult for me to convey my emotions … but I’m going to try as it’s been eating me up inside ..

We met just over a year & a half ago and there was an electric flash that caused some sort of instant connection.  That’s the best way to describe the feeling that overpowered me.  There was not a day (or night) that went by when we didn’t meet each other.  Some of my friends thought it was obsessive almost – but I didn’t care – I was blindly happy.

I did a fair amount of traveling between 2009 & 2010 and we always travelled together – even when I was going for work related trips.  Nothing seemed to keep us apart.  My friends and family got used to you as a permanent additional attachment to me and everyone around me just came to accept that this was a package deal for them. 

It’s true, that not everyone can be genuinely happy for someone else .. and I started to believe that when things suddenly started to change.  Some say that perhaps I took it for granted that all would be hunky dory; others say that you got tired of being judged.

It would cut me up to see you get drained out halfway through the day / night.  There were times you would just switch off to the world; and I got tired of explaining ‘why’ you were behaving this way.  I was so relieved when you went away for the pampering sessions I got for you; it filled me with hope that you would come back as your old sharp shooting self … but there was still some sort of strain weighing you down.

I’d never seen this side of you.  My friends told me, in fact even warned me, that I should just let go before its too late; before I really get hurt .. but I couldn’t just give up on what we had … You were not as wild as when we first met, there was a sudden cautiousness about you .. I found myself looking out for you when you were in the company of strangers lest they saw your mood swings … Somewhere deep down in my heart – I knew that you were sick – that you were just trying to keep up a brave facade .. but you never told me yourself …

We tried to take a break … go our own separate ways for the night just to give each other some space … but as the old saying goes ‘out of sight out of mind’ … I found myself meeting other creative souls – each with a different insight; who I later discovered would watch my every move with the same intensity that you ‘used’ to watch me with ..

It came to a point that you were spending more time at your workshop and spa than you were with me … I found your insurance papers and realized that the ‘spa’ was providing you with healing sessions .. I would bring it up now and then, but you never wanted to discuss it … I could only hope that with each new session I saw you off at – you would come back as your formidable former-self …. after sharing so much together, how did things come to be this way ? 

And then I got the one phone call I never wanted to get … The ‘healing center’ told me that you were going in and out of shock; your condition wasn’t stabilizing; any more treatment wouldn’t necessarily help because your body wouldn’t be able to handle it; and they didn’t know how long you would last.

I didn’t know what to do – my world was being turned upside down and inside out .. other than wait for the inevitable - there was nothing else I could do.  I held on to you for weeks as I watched you slip away from me, until you were no more.

One minute you were with me, and the  next you were gone.  Then came the arduous task of going through the various paperwork that you left behind … just when I couldn’t take it any more – one of the administrators handed over a signed document and it had my signature on it … I didn’t even remember signing it !!

Despite your ailment and condition, reading this document made me realize just how much you thought ahead for me … you had planned it all along when we took out insurance together soon after we had first met … it means a lot to me that you did this .. it’s going to be hard to love again … nothing can replace you … but for now .. this will just have to do … It’s a sign ..

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olympus-mju-tough-3000

That’s right – my original Olympus µ1050 crashed and burned on me but thanks to the warranty and some smart thinking on the part of the repair center – I got a replacement digital camera !

Who or what did you think I was talking about =P ?? I wish I could have taken a picture of your expression as you finished off this post =P  Anyone who knows me would realize that my camera is one of my guilty pleasures !! Come on then – smile for the camera :P

14 comments:

Titaxy said...

LOL good one...enjoy the replacement camera :D

Sunil Ahuja said...

to be honest by the time i was through reading your post, i was half expecting it to be a blackberry eulogy.

yes, i'm biting my tongue. :P

Praba said...

haha i thought u found ur Mr.Right :P love the way u wrote! one of my fav posts by u! & glad u got back ur guilty pleasure! :)

Anonymous said...

I LOVED this one!! :D
heres to a lot more photo dates with your new (old?) olympus!! ;)

-Prutha

Dazediva said...

@ Titaxy .. hehe glad you enjoyed it :) am getting used to the new one ;)

@ Sunil .. LMAO ! BB Eulogy ! Now that's a thought :P

@ Praba .. I wish ! Mr Right where are you ? Since you enjoyed this, will send you a link to something else from last year :)

@ Prutha .. =D my new photo date hehe ;)

kavita said...

fish man!! I actually thought you were talking about a guy...... the expression on my face was priceless...... I absolutely loved it!!!!! keep writing divaaaa!!!!! =D =D u rock!!

Dazediva said...

@ Kavita .. so glad you enjoyed it :) I thought it would be an interesting twist to the post hehehe

WhiteSockGirl aka The Fabulous Bitch said...

Love it! What a twist...

Princess Smitten said...

Oh my God! XD
I've never lost a camera so I don't really know how to relate to you, but I guess you'll be fine!
And if you want a new camera someday, and don't know which one to buy, check out the technology section on my blog www.impulse.org.in

confusedyuppie said...

oh no!!!! come on! a camera? really?

subtlescribbler said...

haha..lolz! And i was preparing on my mind to provide u with a 'sound advice and words of wisdom and motivation' :P but btw, my olympus digital cam too is having some prob, can U now advice me on replacement thing..plzz? my id is sarah.malik@rediffmail.com ( this is one of the most evident example of how things change with seconds) ;)

sarah

Dazediva said...

@ WSG .. its all about the twists and turns in a relationship eh :P

@ Princess Smitten .. trust me you don't want to lose a camera or have it go faulty on you if you are a picture-holic like me ! will definitely check out your site

@ ConfusedYuppie .. hahah yup really :P a camera :) I wish I could have seen your expression when you saw the camera photo !

@ SubtleScribbler .. at least now I know where to go for my words of wisdom :) thanks for stopping by and showing your bloggy love.

As for your Olympus, there is the main Olympus repair center in Mumbai in Fort. If you its still under warranty just have it sent there to check if it can be fixed; if not they can repair it or help you get a replacement. Will send you info on email.

Nandhini said...

That was a good day fool's day post! And knowing its about the camera, I had to re-read the whole post, that made it all the more fun.

//an electric flash that caused some sort of instant connection//

How deceiving :lol:

Lovely brain!

Dazediva said...

@ Nandhini .. LOL it was a deceiving lil' post wasn't it :P you should check another link within the post and you might not know whether to laugh, cry or cringe !