I dug this out of the archives and have kinda played around with it a little bit. You can check out the original post here - ‘What The Hell Is Dating’ .. which was written back in September 2008 and I had been in India for about a year. Apparently not much has changed since then !
I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot … dating … It’s practically become the center of conversation amongst my entire social circle. Aside from the dozen couples (married and steady relationships) – everyone else within the circle of friends is single including yours truly.
I thought about this – specifically for myself – and for someone who has dated men from different cultures and in different countries – I am shocked that in 3 years of living in Bombay – I have not managed to find someone who I can really date let alone a boyfriend.
Sometimes I feel as if the whole idea behind dating and what comprises of a date – is almost an alien thought to the people who are native to Bombay. I reckon it has to be a culture thing – dating can mean something different in every culture. I’ve found that the so-called ‘modern’ guys and girls here more often than not have extremely ‘old fashion’ ideas when it comes to dating and sex. (and don’t get me started on sex !)
it’s not as if we’ve not been on a first date … or a second date or even a third in some cases but that’s just it .. it tends to not go beyond that. And that my friends – SUCKS. A few of us were chatting the other night and it seemed that it was damn near impossible to meet someone that you can actually ‘date’ and eventually be in a relationship with.
Don't get me wrong - I've met some very nice guys over the past 3 years – and I’ve gone out on dates with them; but it just seems that I’ve encountered the crème-de-la-crème of confused BOYS not even men !! Pathetic isn’t it ? They act and behave as if they ‘like you’ but when it comes down to admitting that – they just disappear !
MB What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night
MA : The beauty is that its an interview for both the parties and anxiety/ surprise/ deciding factor lies on both sides of the table :)
MB : Which should not stop either from meeting again for the 2nd & 3 rd round! :)
MA : until you either come to a conclusion of selecting/ rejecting the candidate for the job of boy/girlfriend and decide on the norms and perks that come with the 'job' :s :P
MB : So simple, yet its made to be soo complicated!
I had a big smile on my face when I read this. It was so apt. If only more people got it !
The ‘concept’ of dating has changed drastically over the past few decades. In our grandparents time – dating didn’t exist (at least not for my grand parents) and it was about arranged marriages. In my mothers time – dating was by parental consent or ‘group dates’. The rest of the world enjoyed the free love of the 70’s. The 90’s led to the evolution of video and online dating; and online dating is now very common AND popular amongst a lot of cultures and countries.
So what is YOUR idea about dating ? What does dating or going on a date mean to you ? For some people and cultures – dating can also be considered ‘non-exclusive’ … I recall that in Montreal this was also referred to as ‘seeing someone’.
For me – dating is ‘seeing someone you are interested in more than a friend capacity which can eventually lead to becoming a couple i.e. boyfriend & girlfriend’. Dating can involve kissing, or further romantic involvement.
What are your thoughts on this ? How do you define ‘seeing someone’, ‘dating’ and ‘being in a relationship’ ? For me, if you are dating ‘non-exclusively’ then the physical side of the relationship i.e. sex – should be left out. If you’re dating exclusively – do what you want and what you are comfortable with. One can ‘see’ a few different people over a period of time before deciding to ‘date’ someone and again – the physical should be left out. But that’s a personal opinion and each to their own.
I’d really like to hear different perspectives on this subject. Looking forward to your comments and feedback on this.
p.s coming soon …. a few more follow up post on this !!