There is turbulence lurking under the calm surface exterior.
It turned out to be a late night on Saturday as I was finishing off the final master interviews for the documentary that I have been taking part in.
Just so that you don’t feel completely confused and in-over your head .. The documentary gives you an insight into the lives and perceptions of an NRI living in India (me); an Indian girl – NB - who is born and raised in India and an NRI guy – AC - living overseas. The documentary goes on to look at each character’s perspectives on relationships and thoughts on arranged and love marriage.
As some of you know, I’ve also set myself up as a guinea pig whilst exploring the route to marriage by way of the typical Indian matchmaker / priest as well as a matrimonial website (and I’ve done this because in 2 years of being here – it just seems more complicated when it comes to meeting men who know what they want !)
I came to realise a few things …
- No one is what they appear to be
- I cannot and will not compromise my personality and who I am for ANYONE
- I am not arranged marriage material
I already knew these things but now after taking part in the documentary – I just ‘know’ those things.
I got to hear a few things said by the male protagonist and somehow I just wasn’t surprised that a good looking, smart, educated male would go on to ‘talk down’ on the modern woman and her ways of life .. specifically – he was talking about ME !
This man – who has known me for all of a week perhaps – has spoken out about how he felt I was ‘clingy’, ‘could not take a hint that he was not interested’, ‘overly flirtatious’ and apparently ‘disrespectful to my mother’ !
This description is in the context of me being someone who is considering ‘an arranged marriage’ (and by arranged I don’t mean that I would just jump at whoever my parents point me at but in the sense that I’m at least open to the idea of meeting men who are interested in a serious LTR via my family / relatives etc)
That’s just a load of f**king crock mate ! At some point whilst I was being interviewed I eventually lashed out and pretty much cussed this man out.
Why ?? Because in his entire description of me – he failed to mention that HE made a MOVE ON ME - we kissed and fooled around a bit (and really it was just a bit!) and of course he totally forgot about that ! So I told it like it was ! The irony behind all of this was that I dropped him to the airport a few days later and even hung out with him for an hour in the waiting lounge where he pecked me good bye … Some people are just twisted in their thoughts. Maybe he should have thought about the fact that perhaps his actions led to me flirting more with him than I would normally do so.
This is why I’m not made for an arranged marriage scenario … there are too many ‘do’s & don’ts’ that one has to follow – especially the women … there’s way too much protocol on how one should behave, and what is considered acceptable in the company of a man who is looking to get married. That’s just rubbish as far as I go … who is the man trying to marry – ME or the FAKE ME who has to pretend to be someone that the guy would ‘want to’ marry ??
In one of my previous posts I wrote “You can be assured that the other person is never actually going to understand your view point because they are mentally just not ready to accept anything beyond their personal experiences and understanding”
In another post, I wrote about Actions & Interpretations – and I honestly believe it holds true especially with the newfound knowledge I have of this man – who I thought was a pretty cool guy. His actions – intentional or not (and he’d have to be pretty thick not to realise that everything he says is going to be shown on TV and people will make assumptions and my family will also watch this!) – have condoned any future of even a friendship between us.
I wrote a poem – Actions - quite a few years ago which I reckon summarizes the situation.
Apologies to all for the rant – but I was really annoyed about this ! I don’t judge you – you don’t judge me - is it that hard a concept to grasp ??