Chemistry : Mental or physical ?

I’m not talking about Chemistry in the science lab – but more along of the lines of the chemistry between two people.  I got thinking about this the other day after reading another fab post on Simone’s blog.

Over the years and depending on your dating history – you would have come to realise that there is something about a prospective partner that just ‘clicks’ for you.  I’ve already talked about the ‘type of person’ we tend to be attracted to – and moving further into the subject – once we’ve covered the initial attraction stage  - we head over to stage 2 : is there any chemistry between the two individuals ?

For me, over the years – most of my relationships have been based on an initial combination of physical and mental chemistry.  Once I realise I am attracted to somebody – purely on a physical attributes, I have to figure out whether I ‘click’ with this person on a mental level as well.

I have gone into relationships where initially both parties felt the immediate physical chemistry – it was that rush of being with the ‘best looking’ guy.  Some of those relationships obviously didn’t pan out because the mental chemistry wasn’t there.  Then there were relationships where both physical and mental chemistry stood strong but circumstances resulted in an end to the relationship.

In my late teen years and at university – it was important for me to be physically attracted to somebody to  start dating them – I would let the mental chemistry develop.  These relationships would tend to last only a few months.  It also so happened that as people – the guy and myself – barely knew each other.  The physical attraction had to be there in the first 2-3 interactions – otherwise it wasn’t going to work out.

From about 6 years ago – my perspective on dating changed – I realised that I wanted more out of a relationship.  So, even though the initial attraction factor was the physical attribute and physical chemistry – if I didn’t find that in the first few meetings that there was ALSO a mental connection – I didn’t pursue the matter further.

Around 4 years ago – I met a man online through a social networking medium.  We were both attracted to each other’s photographs – and we got in touch via email.  This communication went on for about a month.  The mental connection was there and the fact that we both appealed to each other physically (from a photographic perspective) was also good.  From emails, we moved on to SMS and phone calls – and decided to meet up about 2 months later.  We ended up dating for 1.5 year.  Unfortunately things didn’t work out.  Not because we weren’t physically and mentally compatible but due to family interference.  That really sucked.

So now, I’m trying to figure out what combination or percentage of physical and mental compatibility and chemistry I need with a partner for it to actually ‘work out’.  Instead of just looking at a guy from a the initial physical attraction; I’ll be taking the mental connection first and then looking at the physical attraction. 

That doesn’t mean I would want to just settle with someone who I am mentally connected with and have no physical chemistry ….  However there will be a time frame – or a window period if you want to call it – that it should develop in (at least I’m being fair right)… If it doesn’t come about in a few weeks – then I wouldn’t be able to pursue the  relationship.

Damn it … can’t I have it all ??

What’s your take on chemistry between two people ? Is it important ? Does chemistry develop along the way ? Is it better to be compatible or to have chemistry ?

Here are some interesting articles to check out:

1. ‘How Much Does Chemistry Count ?’
2. How to Find Out if there is Chemistry Between The Two of You
3. The Chemistry of Love

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