Looking Beyond Your Dating Type

We all have a ‘type of person we are attracted to’ right ? You’ve got a type, I’ve got a type, everyone around you has a type of person they are attracted to.  That ‘type’ could be right for you or could be utterly wrong for you; and some people fall into the trap of always dating the same type of person.

I touched on this a while ago – at a certain point in ones’ life – you reach a stage where you want ‘more’ than just a relationship.  You want something more meaningful and concrete, something which has substance, and most of all, you want someone you can share your life with.  Not just for now, or for a few months – but for the long haul !

Over the past few years, especially after moving to Bombay, I’ve realized that whilst my generic ‘type’ is what I look out for on the surface level – on a deeper level I’m looking for someone who has a personality that attracts and draws me to them.  It doesn’t matter how good looking, established, ‘great-on-paper’ a person is – but if there is no substance, what’s the point ?

I’ve met a few guys who leave my mouth hanging – but the minute they open their mouth – I come back to reality and think to myself ‘jeeeeeeeez shut your gob and just be eye candy’.  It’s been harder for me to connect with guys on a deeper level the past few years than ever before.  I feel like all the guys I meet, whilst they have may fit the ‘physical type’ criteria, they lack the ‘mental chemistry’ that any relationship needs to sustain itself it.

There are guys I have met who are ‘great-on-paper’ i.e. long term potential, but they lack that certain ‘je ne sais quois’ that I look for in a life partner.  I think that has to do with ‘actual conversation’, and honestly, I find that people no longer have time to have real conversations anymore.  Some of the guys I have gone out with just lack basic conversational skills ! They are fine over email / IM / SMS (which I hate) but put them in a real-time face-to-face or phone conversation and they bore the living daylights out of me !

As clichéd as it is – everything boils down to sex – and some people are willing to forgo things like personality and conversation if the sex is good.  I can’t bring myself to continue to fornicate with someone (don’t ask why I used that word but it came to mind) if I can’t even have a decent conversation with them !

I’ve had this graph with me for a while now and whilst skimming over ‘Naked With Socks On’ – it all began to make sense.   You need to balance out the mental and physical attractiveness of a person and figure out if you are in the dating zone or if the person has long term potential i.e. marriage.

If you share a great vibe, physical & mental chemistry with a man or a woman AND like their personality – it doesn’t matter whether or not he/she fits in to your ‘general type’ category.  You need to say something to express yourself because you can’t rely on the man/woman to pick up on non-verbal cues or be a damn mind reader !  What’s the point otherwise ? ? It’s not so hard to open your mouth and blurt out exactly what is going on in your mind.  And if that’s too hard – email your thoughts to the person.  That gives you time to assess and break down your thoughts; and allows the other person time to actually respond in a coherent manner.  What’s the worst thing that could happen ? The person will either not respond or tell you they don’t feel the same way. 

Instead of over analysing whether an ‘x’ at the end of a text means  something or nothing; just accept it for what it is and if it’s going to lead somewhere it will.  It could be a case of serendipity. If you have the intention to ‘date’ a man/woman – then make it clear.  Talk to them and ask them out on the phone, or face to face (and for Gods’ sake do not SMS someone for a date!) If you’re already in some sort of relationship with a man/woman – discuss whether its’ exclusive or not.

Do you feel that we as a society are forgoing on actual conversations ? Would you date outside of your ‘type’ to see if you could find what’s missing ? I know that I’ve made a conscious effort to date outside of my preferred type and the more I do, the more I learn about what I do want out of a partner.  How do you weigh out physical v/s mental attraction ? Do you relate with the chart that I’ve shared above ? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Further Reading

1. Is your Dating ‘Type’ The Reason You Are Single ?
2. ‘It’s Not A Date … It’s A Suggestion’ by The Hopeful Romantic
3. What People Truly Seek While Dating ? by SingleCityGuy

WW #39 That's The Life

That’s the life !!I I would kill to be at this spot right now ! The last few weeks have taken their toll on and I feel absolutely shattered.  I just want unwind and take some time to myself.

The minute I saw this photo, I knew that’s where I wanted to be.  This idyllic location is at Indigo Bay Resort and Spa located on Bazaruto Island off the coast of Mozambique.  Maybe I should book a flight there !

MM #59 Wynter Gordan - Dirty Talk

Just heard this track last week via a mate of mine from London; and damn it’s a tune !

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Sexy Saturday : Pierce Brosnan

Pierce Brosnan a.k.a the most recent James Bond.  He’s got the suave and sophistication of a distinguished older gentleman.  I reckon its the Irishman in him that catches my fancy ! And he’s an active environmentalist !

He has my Sexy Saturday vote – what about yours ?

WW #38 Vampire Stake Anyone ?

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How Do You Enter The Shower ?

I couldn’t help sharing this with you all today.  I found a funny graphic on this Tumblr site ‘I Luv Charts’ and I’ve tweaked it a bit with some other graphics I came across (hey at least I’m trying to be creative – I might need years of training on Photoshop but at least I know how to crop, copy & paste on Paint haha)

So just to try something different, I’ve created a poll at the end of this post – and it’ll be interesting to see what you select.  (it’s all for fun so you might as well take part in the poll)

I’m between a B & C … some mornings, when I’m really tired or just haven’t slept well (or been too lazy to go turn on the hot water geyser), I’m all about chilling naked – arm stretched out to check the temperature and then let my body deal with the impact of being woken up.

The mornings when I’m done at the gym, it’s all about being hard core and jumping straight into the shower ! I’m too sweaty and feel way to icky to care about whether it is hot or cold water ! I just want to feel clean !

What about you ? Do you enter the shower in any of the above described manner ? Or do  you have a different routine altogether ? Since you’ve read this post all the way till here – please take an extra 20 seconds; participate in the poll below and feel free to expand your thoughts (and your shower regime) in the comments below.

How Do You Enter The Shower ?
	A) Cower Away
	B) Stand under it hard-core
	C) Chill Naked
	D) Don't Shower
	E) Dominate Body
	F) Dodge That Shit
	G) Light a Cigarette
	H) Smoke and Wash
pollcode.com free polls

I’m actually curious to see what the results are !

MM #58 London Beat - I've Been Thinking About You

I remember listening to this track on a mix cassette – not even a CD !!  The song never gets old – still sounds as fab as it did back in my school days. 

The opening of the track is so ‘summery’ – don’t you think ?  It’s funny that yesterday I actually managed to catch up with someone I’ve been thinking about for a bit and it was really quite nice.

Here’s wishing you all a very happy #MM and a fab week ahead !

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.   PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Sexy Saturday : Hugh Laurie

Most of you would know him as the sarcastically brilliant Dr House ! This British actors sex appeal sky-rocketed due to his impeccably crafted American twang in the TV show ‘House’.

There’s something very sexy about him .. The unkempt scruffy beard, the wit & sarcasm and the tumbled out of bed look in the show (jeans, shirt & blazer)

He’s got my Sexy Saturday vote ! What about yours ?

5 Reasons To Love Hotel Sex

This is one of those posts that I had drafted out God-only-knows-how long ago; I kinda forgot about it but then found it again sitting in the drafts and decided it was worth posting.  It was inspired by my blogger friend Simone Grant.

The funny thing here is that I was sooooo positive that her original post was about reasons to love hotel sex .. So wrong !! Her post is actually titled 5 Reasons Why I Hate Hotel Sex !

Now that I’ve had a chance to re-read her original post, I am still more inclined to love hotel sex than hate it – although I can get where she’s coming from.  My business partner carries her own towels (and pillows if she could). 

1/ It’s not at home ! which means you’re getting MORE of it ! No one knocking on your door (God bless the person who invented the DND sign); no phone calls to answer! Vacation = Great Sex. Anywhere and everywhere in the hotel room (and outside). Plus points if it’s a suite – even better !

2/ Breakfast in Bed (and Room Service too). There’s something super sexy about waking up to a ready breakfast in bed (and eating it off your partner!). 

3/ Naughty Weekend. Play out your naughtiest moments and no one will be the wiser. For all you screamers out there – this is your time ! Fantasies. Role Play. Need I say more ??? If I know I’m staying at a hotel with my significant other – that’s the time to pack all the toys (or go out and buy them if you don’t already have them) ‘cos it makes for a nice surprise !  I recommend this ‘Naughty Weekender Kit’ – compact and yet it’s got everything you need for a good time !

4/ The elevator gets you in the mood ;) All the necking, nuzzling, teasing can start right there.  Haven’t you noticed that you tend to lose your inhibitions once you enter a hotel (knowing you probably never have to come back there) I’ve done the deed in the elevator of my old apartment block – and it was hot !

5/ Someone is gonna clean up after you ! After a naughty romp all over the room, bed covers thrown around, towels on the floor – the last thing you want to do is clean up – and that is why I’m so grateful to those in house keeping ! (make sure you leave a generous tip if you are going to be super messy !)

These are just some of the reasons I love hotel sex … what about you ? Love it or Hate it ? Don’t forget to share your comments below ‘cos it’d be interesting to know what you think about it !

WW #37 Swing Over The Sea

I found this picture via weheartit.com and it’s just so pretty !! I would love to be able to sit and swing over the sea shore right about now !

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MM #57 Da Brat - Da B Side

Old skool tune !! It’s such a chilled out tune – just how I’m feeling this Monday morning ! I’m hoping the week will be a little calm considering the previous week that I’ve had !

I’ve never bothered to hear the lyrics on this track – but something about the beat and instruments used has always appealed to me – and hence sharing with you all today.

I actually don’t even remember it being a part of the soundtrack of Bad Boys but it’s there !

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Mr 'Too Much Too Soon' Guy

Since I’m sharing my dating diary with all of you lovely readers – let’s go back to May when I met this guy who sounded pretty perfect on paper – with all the qualities / criteria that made up ‘my type’ of guy … 6’1”, broad shouldered, trim build, and a fab dancer to top it off ! The two of us come from the same professional background which meant that he also ‘got’ my job and ad-hoc hours involved.  We shared great chemistry; he was totally into me and he preferred to call rather and SMS ! (woohoo no SMS for dates unlike the doctor ! )

A short whirlwind fling is the best way I can describe it .. but every fling has to come to an end ..

How It Began

Let’s just say that him and I were the only ones on the dance floor after the entire wedding party had gone off to bed. We kept chatting in the balcony of my hotel room and he eventually leaned in to kiss me.

We were both in Goa for a few more days and he made it a point to call me every day (a few times even) to make plans to meet up; which we did and it was all good fun.

We hooked up – sooner than later (don’t judge me now). What could have / should have been a long weekend fling actually evolved into something else. He introduced me to his friends and work colleagues within the 1st week of us hooking up once we were back in Bombay.

The guy was totally into me and honestly it was quite refreshing to be around someone who I was also attracted to and who wasn’t afraid to express himself (and by that I mean there was a lot of PDA) My girlfriends met him and they thought ‘great guy’ and I should definitely make things work … but ..

There was something ‘off’ and I couldn’t put my finger to it. My girls on the other hand, thought I was being very cynical – however I’ve learned how to ‘out’ a person quite quickly.

So What Was The Problem

The first time we hooked up, he asked me ‘where I saw things going’. Now this would have been fine if had been dating over a few weeks but this was the morning after the 1st hook up !! (see – it’s not just women who want to know where things lead to). I actually had to tell him if we could wait to put our clothes back on before such a heavy conversation ! (that should have been my 1st clue)

Fair enough he introduced me to his mates, but one of the nights we went out together – a very chauvinist side appeared which didn’t impress me very much.

About a week into the unnamed relationship status – he asked me again about what direction I thought things were moving in and wanted to know if we were exclusive or not. I told him I’d prefer to go with the flow and not give a name / status to whatever we were sharing however if we were to get our groove on – then it would be exclusive.

The following week, he dropped the ‘L-Bomb’ on me ! That’s right folks, he tells me that he loves me !! And my reaction was to laugh ! (not a mean horrible laugh but more of a ‘you are joking right’)  Yeah I laughed, and told him with as straight a face as I could – that he did not love me, he may like me a lot, even lust after me but he definitely didn’t love me the way he claimed to.

The week after that – he bailed out – two nights in a row and then I never heard from him (for almost a month !).  No reason at all.  Maybe he thought I’d pursue him.  Maybe he just didn’t care (or maybe it was ‘cos I laughed at the L-bomb)

Diva’s Verdict

A case of ‘too much too soon’ and I reckon he didn’t quite know what he wanted. Must not have helped that I laughed at his declaration of love. It’s not that he’s a bad guy but since his disappearing act, he deleted me from his FB but kept me on his BB & Gtalk (where he proceeded to put up constant updates about the the love of his life).  A little childish don’t you think ?  (the deleting me part not his love updates)

On second thought, maybe he got back with his ex (he does have her name tattooed on his back)  Overall, I’m cool with the fact that he’s moved on – a heads up would have been ideal – but it looks like he pulled a fade on me.  Oh well … such is life ! I can live with that.

Side note : he has since sent me a few BBM messages in July and I bumped into him in August; said a courtesy hello after he came up to me and then zoomed off in my car like a good girl.  Oh and I’m off his BBM list now as well.

WW #36 Potato Skull

I doubt I could ever do that to my potato … !

MM # 56 Ice Cube - You Can Do It

An all time favourite tune and I’m gonna dedicate it to my mate AS.  He said something to me on BB about working out and the line ‘you can do it – put your back into it’ came to me …

So it’s no surprise that I chose this track for my #MM tune.  Alright folks – you can pull through the Monday and get on with the coming week ! You can do it !

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.   PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Shopaholics: Let's Sing A Love Song

Imagine the collective surprise and relief of the mostly invisible North East community in Mumbai, when a young Assamese couple took the initiative to launch a store that makes available goods from ‘back home. Oineetom is a Miri love song (of the Mishing community in Assam), and also the name of the handloom and handicraft store by Neeyor and Rouhan Sharma, located in Navi Mumbai.

A few years ago, Rouhan’s mother, Era, taught a few young girls, who dropped out of school, how to weave and how to be creative with their designs, while managing her own role as a planter’s wife, in Central Assam. Later, she built a make-shift workshop on a plot of land near Numaligarh, Assam, and began to showcase the creations that came from there.

Why Go There ?

Comprising a small area and a loft, Oineetom stocks products that are authentic to the North East communities of India. Popular items include the authentic silk (paat and muga) sarees and mekhela sadors from Assam, metal beads from Manipur, wooden miniatures of some famous landmarks of the region, and accessories from Nagaland. Cane, a North-East specialty, is always a best-seller - as furniture, ornamental trimmings and also as floor mats.

Rouhan believes that the USP of his store lies in the quality of products that he offers. “My mother uses natural and vegetable dyes, for example, and she offers to her customers a range of colours that you never knew existed,” he says. Versatility and convenience are also reasons for the interest that handicrafts have garnered, he adds, but “People are going back to an organic lifestyle, too, to decrease their carbon footprints, and endorsing Indian handicrafts are as non-synthetic as you can get.”

Pricing

Prices begin at Rs 5000 for a saree, and can go up to an average of Rs 8000-9000. Typically a furniture set would cost around Rs.22000; although they also have table stands made out of tea bushes and these are available for Rs. 800 and up. You can also find premium Assam tea which is priced Rs. 40-50 lesser than the usual market price.

How To Find them

• Store address: Shop No 17, Shreeji Heights, Sector 46A, Palm Beach Road, Next To State Bank Of Hyderabad, Seawood West, Nerul West, Navi Mumbai - 400706
• Contact: Neeyor Sharma +91 80808 09052 or Rouhan Sharma +91 9867490361
• Email at oineetom.h@gmail.com

 

Nupur Barua rather unwisely, gave up a career as a journalist to pursue another in the world of fiction television. After attempting to understand the industry for six years, she finally gave it up to return to her first love—writing! Currently based in Mumbai, Nupur provides content and edits on a freelance basis, and occasionally designs presentations for movie and television pitches. Follow Shopping India on Twitter for the insiders-guide to shopping in India.

Shopaholics : Changing Trends in Mumbai

Wow ! It’s been 4 years that I’ve lived in Bombay (yeah I still can’t call it Mumbai) and I must admit other than Colaba Causeway and a few high street stores – I don’t have a clue where to go when it comes to shopping. It doesn’t help that I’m possibly the worlds’ worst shopper and still get my Mum or sister or friends to go shopping on my behalf. I kid you not !

Every Sunday my mates go off to partake in some retail therapy whilst I try to take it easy. One such Sunday I came across a blogger, Nivedita of India Shopping Guide via IndiBlogger and I suggested that she and her fellow shopaholic bloggers be my guest here on my blog.

So without further adieu, for all you shopaholics out there – let’s look at the Changing Trends in Mumbai.

In Mumbai, the common man did not always have access to art and craft from Maharashtra or other states. One had to travel to Colaba, in South Mumbai, to pick up a genuine piece of art, and, more likely than not, pay too much for something that may be less than authentic. The discerning Mumbaikar waited for various trade fairs and exhibitions to pick up pottery from Jaipur or shawls from Kashmir.

High rent rates and space constraints were the least of an investor’s worries. To begin with, most artisans and craftsmen live in rural areas. The communication gap between them and the urban entrepreneur seemed too wide to bridge. Sourcing reliable and skilled labour was always a problem. Liberalisation did not help much either – it brought in shiny, new products that made terra cotta pots and cane furniture pale in comparison.

All that changed has changed over the past few years. . Numerous independent, privately-owned businesses that showcase Indian artisans and handicrafts have mushroomed across the city. Competition is fierce, and word-of-mouth is the best marketing tool.

Over the next few weeks, we will feature young entrepreneurs who have dared to be different; their ventures that are in some way a platform that encourages the love and appreciation for the skill and labour of the invisible craftsmen across various parts of India.

Nupur Barua rather unwisely, gave up a career as a journalist to pursue another in the world of fiction television. After attempting to understand the industry for six years, she finally gave it up to return to her first love—writing! Currently based in Mumbai, Nupur provides content and edits on a freelance basis, and occasionally designs presentations for movie and television pitches. Follow Shopping India on Twitter for the insiders-guide to shopping in India.

Sexy Saturday : Audrey Hepburn

 

 

Audrey Hepburn – do I really need to say anything more ? Hepburn remains one of the world's most famous actresses of all time, remembered as a film and fashion icon of the twentieth century. 

Audrey Hepburn was featured #8 in the 100 Sexiest Stars in film history in 1995 by Empire Magazine; and #50 in Empire (UK) magazine's "The Top 100 Movie Stars of All Time" list in 1997. 

Hepburn is also one of the only 12 entertainers who are an EGOT i.e has won at least one of all of the four major entertainment awards: Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony. 

She’s got my Sexy Saturday vote – what about yours ?