At Least I Tried …

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Note : This post was meant to go up on 20th June 2010

My family isn’t big on non-traditional holidays or celebrations .. the Indian celebrations are more than enough to keep one busy for the year …

It’s Fathers’ Day today and I’ve barely seen my Dad all day .. and when I did see him .. he was on the phone … I’ve contemplated wishing him today .. but I haven’t as yet .. I don’t know if I will either .. not because I don’t want to but more so because he’s not going to react to much to it.

Last year or the year before – I wished him – and he just looked at me in a weird sort of way .. something along the lines of the ‘oh really’ sort of look. I don’t particularly want to feel awkward especially when I know he’s not big on these random occasions.

Note : I made a second attempt to go and at least have a chat with him .. but he’s still on the phone ..

I don’t have the ‘best’ relationship with my father – in fact we have almost no relationship beyond the cursory hello / good morning / do you need anything sort of conversation. We both tried – and it did get better when I started investing in the stock market – but I gave up investing in the markets in the first half of last year – so even that relationship more or less discontinued.

There are times I wish my relationship with my father was better than what it is right now .. although I feel that ever since we were kids – he was never really one of those ‘hands-on’ type of dads. Although I do remember playing with him a lot as a child (badminton, scrabble, boggle) but that changed as I got older and more involved in school.

He didn’t quite make it to any of the parent-teacher meetings; nor to any of my athletic or swimming competitions – he did however attend the session for when I was entering my senior year in high school and suggested that Business & Economics would be a good subject choice for me. He was there for my high school graduation (and all the guys in my class were literally sh*tting themselves ‘cos they were so scared of him)

He wasn’t keen on me leaving home and going away to university (I am after all the first born and a girl – and none of the girls from my mom or dads’ side of the family had gone over seas to study back then) .. and yet – he let me go to university in Montreal and even rented me an apartment for the whole time I was there. For a man who didn’t like his kids having sleepovers – I was shocked that he let me go that far away from home (Dubai at the time).

When I graduated – I went back to London and never really got on to another flight to see my parents (they had moved from Dubai to Bombay). My mom would visit in London so I always saw her – but I didn’t see my Dad for about 4 years. We didn’t have much of a phone relationship either. I always thought my father would be the one to tell me to move back to the parental nest – but he didn’t.

I set up my business after leaving my banking job (much to the dismay of my father) and about 2 years into it – when I needed funding – my dad helped me out (and of course never lets me forget that till date). Before moving to India – I had to settle of quite a few things in London including some financials related to closing my business – for which my father did help me out.

We’ve now been living together for almost 3 years after NOT having lived together for 9 years … We have good days and we have bad days (so please don’t take this as a rant about my dad) … Both of us have hot tempers – and are pretty stubborn in our point of views .. I guess fathers will never stop treating their kids like kids – no matter how old they are .. I know our relationship will never be one of those ‘out of a movie’ perfect style father-daughter relationship … but doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like it to be that way … even if it is just once in a while.

For better or worse – at the end of the day – he’s my father – and I want to wish him a very Happy Father’s Day ! I may not be able to tell him myself – but at least I’ve put it out there to the world – and those energies will reach him =)

p.s I did go into the living room for the 3rd time thinking I would wish him myself – but I kinda chickened out .. he didn’t look like he was in the mood for any potential soppy sounding wishes !