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Showing posts with label looking back. Show all posts
Showing posts with label looking back. Show all posts

My morning started off quite badly … My mood went from

‘Good Morning Peeps’

to

‘yeah remove the good from the morning’

and then to

‘feeling disillusioned by all around me’ …

Is it possible to have Thursday morning ‘blahs’ ?

grouchyIt didn’t look or even feel like my day would get remotely better … the air around me seems sort of heavy (or maybe it’s the quarter bottle of vodka I drank last night by myself – no not by ‘myself’ but I had vodka whilst AA, my friend / colleague had a quarter bottle of Teachers whiskey since it was his last day in the office) …

I’m not hung over – nowhere close to it.  The morning  started off with me wanting some bagels only to be told that the bagels I had bought yesterday had been eaten by others at home … No biggie – peanut butter and jam sandwich should work … My mother came in to meet me … that conversation took a random turn and got pretty heated … it was nothing serious but I think it affected me …

Of course it affected me – no wonder I’m feeling this way … the frustration that was within me seemed to keep building up … I could feel the tears of accumulate behind the whites of my eyes … wanting a release … I stood under the shower – washing my hair – and waited for some sort of epiphany but no such luck … (speaking of ‘release’ – AA would totally be shouting out Release Me’ right about now and making fun of me !)

Between wanting to shout out some profanities and just get the hell out of my house … I still felt trapped … I left home today and didn’t say bye to my mother … my father as usual didn’t exactly acknowledge my greeting or goodbye … No wonder I get worked up on family related debates !

I got lost in random thoughts – even more than I usually do on my way to work … It’s like I’ve reached the cross road of my life … which way do I turn ??  Lately I seem to be fighting this internal battle – and I’m probably not even all aware of it …

I miss my boys right now more than ever … especially since it was JA’s birthday yesterday … didn’t even get to speak to him as he was with family …

Now to find something else to distract me from this mood …

I’ve got a huge smile on my face whilst getting the title of this post down.  Once again I have been inspired by Simone to write about something close to my heart.
Having just read her post on Top 5 Reasons Why Every Single Girl Needs a Bunch of Guy Friends (the type who like boobs) – I couldn’t help but grin back to memories with my guy friends who I have spent years hanging out with !
I’m the first to admit that over the years, my closest friends have been my guy mates.  I have a better, more solid relationship with my guy mates than I do with my female friends.  This is not to say that I have trouble being friends with women – it’s just that I am more comfortable with my guy mates.
The kind of friendship that my guy mates have to offer me is very different to that my women friends and I share.  Sure – if I want to have a girls night out; or just whine away about something that is bothering me – the ladies will be there for me.  Luckily for me, I have the sort of women friends who are also able to whack me across the back of my head if I ever need a reality check too !
But my boys … they are just different … and special – and if it were not for them – I would probably be a bit lost.  My closest male friends ALL live in different countries … some of them I haven’t seen in a few years but we are in touch over email, SMS, MSN, Facebook etc.
These guys have been around me through my ups and downs of life – whether it be relationships; career options; personal decisions; and I’d like to believe I have been there for them as well during the times we have been together. 
It’s so clear in my head about how I met each and every one of my boys … I met KAF and JA around 1997, RR in 1999 completely by accident (we thought we were 2 different people on ICQ!) ; and SL during my last few semesters at university so that would be 2002
KAF a.k.a Kimo & JA a.k.a J
I can’t think of one without thinking of the other ! I met J when I must have been about 15 or 16 years old and I thought he was one of the best looking guys I had come across.  He was visiting Dubai – and we became fast friends who even exchanged ‘letters’ (yep – the paper, envelope & stamp kinds) for 2 years. 
Kimo – I met through J and another common friend.  I remember going to his school dance with him – and I still have the rose he got me that day (I’m a sucker for dried roses)
The Masked TrioI moved to Montreal for university because KAF and JA were there – we were all living on the same street a few blocks from each other and were always hanging out. 
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I must have gone over to Kimo’s apartment with pasta and sauces to make dinner for both of them in the middle of the night !  These guys were my wingmen !  Even in Dubai whilst growing up – they would point out men checking me out and then hiss at me for turning around too quickly ! I never saw the cute men – only the old fogies eyeing me up ! LOL  
Kimo, J and I have done a few road trips from Montreal up to Boston and they have resulted in the funniest moments of our lives  !  We once had a patrol car stop us in the dead of the night on a drive back from Boston and he was a bit scandalized that between 3 of us – we had passports & nationalities that didn’t seem to coincide with our skin colour ! Kimo – Egyptian with Canadian residence visa; J – Irish Libyan with Australian passport; and yours truly who is Indian with British passport ! We were then stopped at the border as well !
personal-shopper-image I know both their parents and once made the mistake of offering home remedies for a bad cough & cold to JA’s dad who just happened to be a reputed doctor ! Kimo’s mom would prepare vegetarian Arabic dishes and leave them in the freezer for me to eat at a later stage.   His younger brother took to calling me ‘Aunty D’ ‘cos ‘I took care of them’.
Some of my fondest memories include going shopping for men’s clothes for these two lads – and just a few months ago – Kimo sent me an SMS whilst in Lebanon asking my opinion on linen trousers ! No wonder I love them both to bits !  I’m telling you I could make a career out of being a personal shopper for men =)
RR a.k.a Rockstar
I smile every time I think of him – he’s been a pillar of support and strength through the years – and surprisingly enough we met completely by accident over ICQ ! Yup back in the day when that IM was popular – we both thought we were other people and got talking for a while before realising we were not who we thought we were.  This was June 1999 and we stayed in touch after that.
I met him for the first time in Oct / Nov whilst working at a car exhibition and a really cute guy came over to me and spoke to me by my name (no surprise since I had a name tag on !) but one look at him and I realised it had to be RR ! and it was !
Shooting_range_Glock The following year I met him soon after a break up with my first love … and to cheer me up, he offered to take me out … to a SHOOTING range ! Imagine that ! We drove out towards this range, only to realise it was closed on the day that we got there (Mon or Tues if I recall correctly) ! So as not to let the evening waste, we ended up driving up to the beach in his jeep Amber, and lay on top of the roof of the car just catching up with each other’s lives.  There was never any mention of my feelings and mixed emotions about the break-up – it was just about two people hanging out without any preset judgement against them.
Over the years we have shared many adventures – I spent a few days in Boston with him and my luggage never arrived ! We drove down to Cape Cod and rode a golf cart around for fun.  On another insane weekend, he drove from Boston to Montreal – we went clubbing till about 6 a.m, picked up another girlfriend of mine and drove up to Toronto (York University specifically) after a lunch & lake break in Ottawa followed by another night of clubbing; spent the night joining 2 single beds at my mate’s dorm room with 5 of us sleeping on it and then drove to Niagara Falls in the morning .. Instead of driving back like normal people, the four of us decided to go back to Montreal via New York and got dissed at the border for not paying $6 for an entry permit !
RR is truly my Rockstar – we’ve seen each other over the last few years between London (we rocked the Absolut Ice Bar!), Bombay (one year he flew out to my cousins’ wedding and took me by surprise) and Dubai – and despite the limited time we have to hang out – every minute we spend together is worth a lifetime of memories.
SL a.k.a Lucii
Luci is an Italian man with charm galore ! We were on a post it on face project for a course together and realised we got along all too well and ended up hanging out almost every other night.  We would watch movies at my apartment, until I would pass out on the sofa, and he would quietly leave my place but NOT before leaving a post-it note taped to my face or eyes and sometimes even on my dog which would tell me Good Night :)
He is also the reason why I simply cannot order food at a restaurant !  This man spoiled me so badly – he used to get appalled by my eating habits and made it his mission to ensure I got proper food for dinner at least instead of just dessert !  He’s also the ONLY guy I have known who has cooked a home-made meal for me and had me eat by a fire place ! 
We would spend hours driving around Montreal trying to find me food that baked-potato-cheeseI was craving – right from  Baked Potatoes from Wendy’s (this pic doesn’t look so appetizing) to Taco Bell which was only available outside Montreal and including one random night with a girlfriend MPK where we ended up at  a Greek restaurant and they made fun of me for eating my pita wrap with a fork ‘cos any other way would involve everything falling out !
I made two trips out to Italy to hang out with Luci and his family and friends – and he came down to London to surprise me for my company anniversary party that I was throwing (much to the dismay of my boyfriend of the time ! that’s another drama altogether).  We haven’t seen each other since 2004 but can pick up where we left off no matter how long since the last conversation !
Luci has always been protective of me – especially when it’s come to my relationships – he reckons I can do much better and I shouldn’t have to waste energy on people who can’t appreciate me the way I am.  I’m the same way for him – I can’t for the life of me gather how he lands up dating women with so much emotional baggage that it would take months if not years to actually unload !  So ladies – if you are void of any emotional baggage, enjoy dancing, long drives, beaches and bars, and are looking for the perfect someone – send me your details so I can do some screening for my Shining Star !
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There you have it … My boys – my best friends – my support system … Words aren’t enough to describe how I feel about them but perhaps you have gotten an insight into the web of friendship I share with these guys.
They have been there for me through some of the best and worst phases of my life – guided me when I felt lost in space; cajoled me in my stubborn phases; made me laugh when I wanted to cry; taken me out even though they were exhausted and had tons of work to do whilst I had a stop over flight; satisfied my cravings with endless supplies of chocolate, Al Reef bakery and sheesha ! And I must say, a Big Hats off to them for putting up with the flash of my camera even though they all probably want to rip it out of my hands and smash it on the floor – only because they know that ‘it’s me’.
There are no expectations – no judgements – no doubt  - just the comfort of accepting each other’s words and actions for what they were and are at face value.
I may not tell you guys enough – but I absolutely Love You from the bottom of my heart ! Thank you … for Everything …. and now I think I have given you all enough of an ego boost to deserve a phone call or SMS telling me that you love me too :P
(Now you have it in B&W that I 'can ‘occasionally’ be a mushball !)
xxx
Interesting Links
  1. Guy Friends Rule by Mary Elizabeth Williams which appeared in Salon Life (July 27, 2009)
  2. All Women Need Guy Friends says Salon Writer by Anna N which appeared on Jezebel (July 27, 2009)
  3. Guys Can Offer Great Friendships, Too by Carrie Wasterlain which appeared in The Frisky (July 28, 2009)

Tall

Lean

Chiselled face

With a few days worth of stubble

Cheeky

Witty

Impulsive in speech

Loving son

Protective brother

Doting father

A good friend

Today I see in you

Something I did not see before

The potential

To be a great life partner

 

…. Now what do I do ?

perfect-partner

Note:

I wrote this in April 2009

I felt my heart sink into an oblivion.  My brain felt numb.  The tear ducts were definitely working.

The words aren’t sinking in.  I can read what the world has to say – but it is surreal.

I can’t even write his name without getting goose bumps all over. 

The greatest legend .. the King of Pop … The original bad man who thrilled us with his signature moonwalk … Michael Jackson … is no more …

It was around 3 a.m India time that I noticed live updates from my friends in the US referring to Michaels heart attack.  At 3:45 I got a call from a friend KS who told me that the Legend had passed.  I felt the breath being sucked out of me – a hard punch in the stomach.

No.  It’s not possible.  It’s just too surreal.  This is Michael Jackson we are talking about !!! A global iconic figure.  He has captured the hearts and souls of millions.  His music – an inspiration to all – creating aspiration amongst upcoming singers and new talent.

The 80’s and 90’s are incomplete without Michael.  From the youngest child to our grand parents – we have all at some point – been privy to Michael – his music and his roller coaster ride with the media.  

Michael_jackson_bad_cd_cover_1987_cddaI used to have a 6 foot tall poster – in his ‘Bad’ attire – put up on my cupboard back in Dubai – that faced my balcony.  There was a time when one of my fathers’ friends thought there was man in my room in the dead of the night.  There was – and it was the man himself – Michael – who watched me fall asleep to his albums – not on CD but on ‘cassettes’

Those are cassettes I could never let go off …. I have Thriller and Bad on cassettes !! Those are classics.   I remember queuing up outside HMV when Dangerous and Blood on the Dance Floor came out and feeling the exhilaration of all those around me … both times round !!

Every radio station, every party, every body I knew played Michael’s music – and it resulted in foot tapping beats without fail.   Which of you has not tried the famous Moonwalk ?? All of us have at one point or the other. 

I feel like as if a part of me has died along with the music industry.  Michael’s loss will be felt by all – especially by his family, friends and his fans.  Whether you are a fan or not – I doubt that a single person could deny his impact on the last three generations.  It is a very sad day for the music fraternity. 

As Michael leaves us behind – his music and influences will remain with us forever.  It’s just hard to imagine that the new generation – my future children – will never get to see him live in concert. 

You rocked my world, you know you did

Whilst coming back home the other night I came across this billboard hoarding.

"The present is the past. The future is the present."

Does that not in essence imply that the future which is the present is actually already in the past since the present is the past ??

Simone Weil said "The future is made of the same stuff as the present" ... if I were to go by the billboard I saw - then really the future is pretty much everything from our past.

The author of Calvin & Hobbes, Bill Patterson once said “The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.” In today's day and age - with advancements in technology and research; before we can even begin to comprehend the latest developments or trends within an industry; or even try to share our understanding of a new theory; that 'trend' has already established itself into our daily lives and what we thought was a distance future, has in reality already become a part of our present.
As a pre-note, I must add that I had been meaning to post this prior to 31st Dec '08 - obviously that didn't happen …. Now we can continue …

Wow – 2008 is at an end .. only a few more hours to go and the world shall be welcoming in 2009. I had thought about what I wanted to write today – and in my head – I saw the many things I wanted to talk about … after dilly-dallying on that for about an hour – I realized there was just SO much to pen down and that I'd probably not have the time to finish it off.

It's been a really interesting year so far for me … I have now been in Mumbai for just over a year – but I like to look at my stint here from Jan '08 till Dec '08 and just recap my experiences. (As an added FYI – I moved here Sept '07 but was working on a client wedding till Dec '07 and really had no life what-so-ever). January was a great month for me – I finally got relax after the wedding season got over – and I was going to be travelling to South India (first time!) for my current boss' wedding. I managed to wear a typical South Indian Sari, took a coach ride across cities, spent a blissful 24 hours on a house boat (the irony here is that I'm a vegetarian who doesn't eat seafood, and my boat comprised of another colleague from work and me – who also happened to be a veggie – the poor chef on the houseboat didn't know what to do with all the lobsters & fish he had planned for our meals!) … Once we got off the houseboat it was followed by a getaway at the lovely Estuary Island. I never thought I would celebrate my 26th Birthday in an unknown city with people who I had just come to know and were within my work environment. It was actually a lot of fun ! I got thrown in the swimming pool as the clock struck 12 and my birthday began.

The rest of the year has seen me travel a lot .. something I didn't get to do and that I was missing when I was in London (there's another whole background on that) … 2008 saw me visit : Kerala, Delhi – work related events – and the highlight of that trip had to be the 'oily food'; Bangalore – to visit my maasi, my cousin & his wife & my niece – and surprisingly also got reunited with a university friend from Montreal who I hadn't seen in about 6 years either; Goa (6 times !! and really it's a bit over rated but the only place in India where you can go and chill out on a good beach – that I know off!), Israel – now that was a craaaaaaaaazy trip with a girlfriend of mine (Ghulan, Rishon, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Haifa, Caeseria, the Dead Sea) and then the to the island of Mauritius where I went twice – both times was work related. In one of my earlier blogs – you'll notice that I've written about a whale – yup that whale was spotted out in Mauritius. All of these travels in some way or form have seen me form relations with people and in some instances also come to value some of the relationships we take for granted.

Goa ..the first time I ever went there was earlier this year in February – with my younger sister – it was a time for both of us to do some sort of sibling bonding – how well that has worked out – you'd have to ask my sister – but it was a lot of fun – we actually didn't kill each other over 2 days ! The next few trips to Goa were a bit scattered – in May, I flew there for a day to meet a friend who I hadn't seen for 6 years which was really nice – however sadly this person has now been cut out from life.

In June – I was back – this time with my work colleagues for a bit of team brainstorming and a day full of presentations … Tongue of Fish is all I have to say to that trip !!!

I went back there towards the end of August for an events related conference – and my girlfriend had flown in from London and she joined me for it – it was one of the best conferences I have attended My last trip to Goa for 2008 was with an old high school friend of mine who I hadn't seen in 10 years but have been talking to over the past year online – and that was quite a lot of fun as well.

Israel … I get goose bumps thinking about that trip … One thing about me is that I normally NEVER travel with people – I always make my journeys on my own and meet with friends in different parts of the world (the benefit of having attended an international school whilst growing up) … however there is a one young lady that I have travelled with to Italy back in 2007 and we linked up again to meet in her home town. The city is simply quite stunning – there are some fantastic beaches out there and it was just such a pleasure to sit out on the hot sands, watch the waves and then take a dip in the water to cool off.

Another thing is that the people – the bulk of them – are just so damn good looking !!! The women have near perfect bodies – and the men – oh lord help me – but the men are just FIT ! Everyone indulges in beach activities and sports – everyone has a tan – and they are just drooooooooool-worthy !!! Ok I must stop now otherwise my laptop will cease to work !

Mauritius … An island of pure relaxation … the lifestyle of the people here is so different to that of anywhere else in the world that I've noticed. It's nice to see such laid-back Asians – the predominant population of the country is Indian. The most amazing thing about the island is that there are barrier reefs surrounding the whole island which allows one to enjoy the waters without getting caught out too deep. There are some exciting things to do that I found out about – zip lining being one of them – where one is strapped onto a harness and just hangs off these lines between mountains and valleys. How wicked is that !!! I went snorkeling there for the first time – and the waters are just CLEAR and Blue – with a huge variety of fishes ! (oh and I'm super paranoid about fishes coming next to me!) My boss – yes – I mentioned this was a work related trip – threw breadcrumbs all around me whilst snorkeling so I was practically assaulted by these tiny fish and was pretty much jumping out of the water out of fear !!!

Just had a quick read of what I've written and damn it sounds like I had a complete blast all year around …. Then again I've not once mentioned any of the work related things that I have to get up to – so I rather you know just how much fun I had instead

But seriously – it has been a bit of a roller coaster ride this past one year – new avenues at work have been explored; the people who I have interacted with – some more than others – and the impact they have had in my general outlook; gotten to spend more time at home (considering I didn't live at home for 8 years) and that has been a test in itself ! I got to spend a lot of time with various members of my family (believe you me when I say we are a BIG family !!! 25 odd cousins on both my paternal & maternal side !!). As I mentioned earlier – I went down to Bangalore to visit my eldest male cousin and got to hang out with his wife and daughter as well as his sister – that was a fun filled weekend.

As an FYI – the majority of my cousins are older than me and married with kids – and it's been a busy baby season for my family between 2007 and 2008 !! My cousin, PCH, in the States had a baby girl – and she's already 9 months old as of today. In September – my niece ZG turned a year old ! In October my two nieces in London turned 2 and 1 respectively! Then my other cousin RM and his wife BRM in Mumbai had a baby boy in November. For the duration of November – my cousin RC & wife SC from Spain were down with their three kids – and I just got to spend a fair amount of time with my nephews and baby niece. December was super exciting : my nieces AD and RC both turned 1 year old; my cousin MC & wife DC from New York had twin boys in December !





Not to mention that another cousin of mine got engaged in August – and another one got married in December ! In addition to all of this – I have gotten to hang out with another cousin NC for the past 1.5 months as she's recently started working with me. If it wasn't for her – I swear I would forget to eat every day ! And she also reminds me to constantly drink water as I barely get through a quarter bottle of water a day !! She's now helping me get back into yoga (I only got into because of this mad woman – she bugged me for 2 years to join a particular course and I finally did!) and hopefully get me back into shape in time for my birthday (ok so it's a bit farfetched since my b'day is in 3 weeks).

I've always believe that people are not what they seem to be – the way one might be within a work environment is completely different to the way they are in a social setting … so where's the brain wave in that thought you might ask …. Well over the year I have come to realize that the majority of people are just too damn scared to actually let others know who or what they really are and what makes them tick ! I've been a part of a predominantly expat society within the city – that doesn't go to say – I don't mingle with the locals either – in fact some of my best times have been with my more 'localized' friends – who just happen to be on the same sort of mind-set as me.

This city is a hub for millions – to come and make a name for themselves – from the local shop vendors, to aspiring models – people flock to Mumbai to explore opportunities. I'm fortunate enough to be here with my family – and have opportunities come to me on a plate as opposed to me hunting them down. As the opportunities grew – I saw the drawbacks to it all … the stress; the laid back work ethics; the inability to work to deadlines; the constant battle of egos within the same company; the 'motivational' talks that go nowhere; even those who aim for perfection start to show a 'whatever' attitude because the network of those around them can't understand perfection.

With all good things – the year 2008 also comes to an end – and as I wait for the clock to strike 12 and bring in the year 2009 – I can only look back at the past 365 days and smile - I've thoroughly enjoyed all that the year has brought me and can't wait to find out what 2009 has in store for me :)