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Showing posts with label mixed emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mixed emotions. Show all posts

6:30 a.m is kinda early for me these days …. ever since my annoying foot injury I haven’t been able to go to the gym and hence no longer getting up that early to be at the gym … I had to be ready at 7:30 this morning to leave for a meeting about 60-70 kms away from my house …

I’m in the middle of pitching for an Xmas Mall promotion that would last about 3 weeks – it’s business hence I’m here at 9:45 a.m… So here I am at the meeting spot and guess what … the meeting was shifted from 10 a.m to 10:30 a.m but NO ONE told ME ! I only found out about the change as my new reporting manager happened to mention it when I was by the office – so I even went in there and spent about 30 minutes figuring ways to pass my time …

At the entrance of the mall – the security guards refused to let me in unless I tummy rumblingwas going for the 10 a.m movie ! Guess what – the actual mall doesn’t even open till 11 a.m !

So here I am – after having managed to get myself into the mall and seated at the food court (which is also closed till 11 a.m !!!) surrounded by the smell of food and my tummy is rumbling reminding me that I haven’t had any breakfast as yet !

Not the best way to start the day =(  I’m hungry and kinda cranky as well right now =(

So it’s been a not so good morning’ for me … and it’s coming to lunch time … and I have found some Cardboard Love … If you haven’t heard about this site, then I urge you to go and visit it … I can guarantee that you will get a warm and fuzzy feeling from the time you enter the site …

hold you when you have a bad day

I saw this and I smiled … my first smile for today and it only took 7 hours from the time I woke up to find a reason to smile.

Everything will go away if I could be held right now … Yup .. that’s what I need …

So who’s going to hold me ?

My morning started off quite badly … My mood went from

‘Good Morning Peeps’

to

‘yeah remove the good from the morning’

and then to

‘feeling disillusioned by all around me’ …

Is it possible to have Thursday morning ‘blahs’ ?

grouchyIt didn’t look or even feel like my day would get remotely better … the air around me seems sort of heavy (or maybe it’s the quarter bottle of vodka I drank last night by myself – no not by ‘myself’ but I had vodka whilst AA, my friend / colleague had a quarter bottle of Teachers whiskey since it was his last day in the office) …

I’m not hung over – nowhere close to it.  The morning  started off with me wanting some bagels only to be told that the bagels I had bought yesterday had been eaten by others at home … No biggie – peanut butter and jam sandwich should work … My mother came in to meet me … that conversation took a random turn and got pretty heated … it was nothing serious but I think it affected me …

Of course it affected me – no wonder I’m feeling this way … the frustration that was within me seemed to keep building up … I could feel the tears of accumulate behind the whites of my eyes … wanting a release … I stood under the shower – washing my hair – and waited for some sort of epiphany but no such luck … (speaking of ‘release’ – AA would totally be shouting out Release Me’ right about now and making fun of me !)

Between wanting to shout out some profanities and just get the hell out of my house … I still felt trapped … I left home today and didn’t say bye to my mother … my father as usual didn’t exactly acknowledge my greeting or goodbye … No wonder I get worked up on family related debates !

I got lost in random thoughts – even more than I usually do on my way to work … It’s like I’ve reached the cross road of my life … which way do I turn ??  Lately I seem to be fighting this internal battle – and I’m probably not even all aware of it …

I miss my boys right now more than ever … especially since it was JA’s birthday yesterday … didn’t even get to speak to him as he was with family …

Now to find something else to distract me from this mood …

I’ve barely been gone a few days and have been overwhelmed with a few statistics that have hit me straight in the face !

Edit Made @ 23:38

Okay I stand corrected – and am embarrassed as well … My first award was in fact given to me on 25th August by the Mysterious Kaddu !!  Unfortunately I didn’t see this award and might have really upset Kaddu which obviously I do not want to do – so am trying to make amends here … please forgive me !

Kaddu has given me the Zombie Chicken Award !  Wherein the recipient believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse.

zombie chicken award

I am now fearful of the zombie chickens who might come after me in my sleep since I missed out on this but hopefully I have redeemed myself !

The Fabulous Bitch over at The Joys of My Splintered Life In Small Town has bestowed upon me …. my very first blog (actually my 2nd but I didn’t realize this) award on 27th August 2009 ! 

And this isn’t even the Bloggers Choice Awards that I am still in the running for – which I had done for a bit of a laugh !

The Fabulous one has decided that My Blog is So Swank !

SWANKAward

Before I could even prepare my thank you and acceptance speech, I got caught up with the documentary I mentioned earlier and some intense physiotherapy sessions … The point is as I sat down to write up my lovely speech … wait for it … hold your breath … the Fabulous One has moseyed over to my blog just yesterday with … I Give Good Blog Award !!!

igivegoodblogaward-1

I’m so damn gobsmacked I have no idea what to say or do and how to react ! I’m overwhelmed that I have received not one but three awards in a space of one week ! and that too, from two very amazing bloggers !

I’d like to take a minute to thank you all for dropping by my Sporadic Reflections – whether you meant to go through my blog; came across me via Twitter; perhaps I’m part of your drop list for Entre Card ; maybe you happened to come by as part of your 30 link visits on Link Referral … or if you were just coerced into reading it because I wanted your opinion … but really because you dropped by and took a few minutes to read what was going on in my mind at the time and perhaps even commented on my thoughts.

I started writing years ago – in school actually – it all started with some short stories and huge descriptive essays as part of my course work and then ironically because I didn’t enjoy the poetry as part of my literature course – I took to randomly writing some of my own poetry ! Which was a surprise to me and even bigger one for my professor of the time !

I kept up with the small pieces of poetry but never really collected it anywhere – they would be scribbled on pieces of paper – and one fine day – I picked all the scraps up and compiled them into a notebook …. I’ve since moved 3 countries and my notebook is sitting in a storage unit somewhere in London *sigh*

I made this blog account in 2007 but didn’t actually post anything until June / July of 2008 … those were my very old poetry pieces which also happened to be published on Poetry.com ! It’s been an evolving process since then … Being the planner that I am – I thought I would keep separate blogs about separate topics but then realised ‘yeah right !!!’

So it’s all out here at Dazed Reflection a.k.a Sporadic Reflections and I officially have 2 awards to my name … not bad I’d say =)

Now what do I do with these awards – the Swank Blog award has no rules except to pass it on and was developed by Atomic Lola  whilst the rules of the I Make Good Blog come about from Jenny Mac over at Let’s Have a Cocktail and are quite simple – make a cocktail, pick out 4 of your favourite bloggers and tell them why you think they give good blog. 

I reckon now would be a good time for the drum roll and trumpets whilst I hand out the THREE above awards to some very deserving blogs.  I will try to do this every month – because I can’t very well award ALL my favourite blogs !  So here goes …

The Joys of My Splintered Life in Small Town by the Fabulous Bitch :)  She is one of my favourite bloggers with a distinct style of writing that ranges from being sarcastically hilarious to down right bitchy ! And since I got my first award from her – I feel that I must share it back with her whether its part of the rules or not :)

Sex Lies & Dating In the City by Simone Grant … I have already mentioned Simone in a few of my earlier posts, and her blog is about as Honest as you can get ! It’s a fantastic insight into the mind of a single woman living in New York ! Her writing style is not only addictive but it’s practical too :)  It leaves you coming back for more !

Nigerian Interrupted by Jollof  … This is definitely the blog of one crazy Nigerian ! He’s witty, eloquent, well versed and down right funny ! I found his blog via Link Referral and am always back for some more – after all I have to make a trip to Nigeria sometime soon and what better way to enjoy a new place than with a local :)

Is This Really Happening ? by Chris Mollo … I only recently discovered this blog but feel it deserves the awards.  This is straight up – in your face – no holds barred type of blog.  The language can be a bit explicit and the content is not always for the faint hearted but all that stuff he’s writing about is really happening ! Someone has to voice an opinion and Chris is doing a wicked job of it !

Gay Arab Boy by Wilmaryad O’Scallas, love child of Oscar Wilde and Marie Callas … I came across this blog months ago, and got back to it a few weeks ago … I am awed by his writing style and the simplicity behind each sentence that leads to profound thoughts.  I’ve grown up in an Arab country, although more modern than others, but I can understand where he is coming from.  Check this Blog out – there are some fab posts in here.

I’m saving the best for last – who was in fact going to be my first nomination for next month but since I’m on a redemption trip …

Miss-teerious by Kaddu … there is lots to be said about this enigmatic personality that shows up all over her blog ! There is a free spirit behind the blog that delves into a range of thoughts from healing chakras to minute noodles; blogging tips & tricks to tagging conspiracies ! I’m quite glad to have come across her via the Indi Blogger site :)

And now my dear Kaddu – can you please tell me how I can put up my awards in my side bar ??

 

Tall

Lean

Chiselled face

With a few days worth of stubble

Cheeky

Witty

Impulsive in speech

Loving son

Protective brother

Doting father

A good friend

Today I see in you

Something I did not see before

The potential

To be a great life partner

 

…. Now what do I do ?

perfect-partner

Note:

I wrote this in April 2009