Z for Zzzz

The best Z word for the theme of my challenge is definitely some Zzzz’s !

 

After all, if you’re giving raunchy blowjobs, and having your man go down on you whilst you tell him how you want him to hit your G-spot and U-spot just so that you can have that first  knee buckling orgasm, before indulging in some seductive role-play and saucy sex games  involving x-rated Kamasutra style sex positions and tons of foreplay only to reach nirvana multiple times ….

 

…. Damn right you’re going to need some Zzz’s at the end of it all !

 

Diva’s Tip

• Don’t forget to cuddle up together when you’re done !

Y for Yes !

One of the best three letter words that forms our vocabulary.  In context and keeping with the A to Z challenge ; I’ve chosen this word to highlight a few things when it comes to consenting to being with someone and having sex with them.

 

We’ve said ‘yes’ to a first date and a drink; a ‘yes’ to that feather like kiss that makes us want more; there’s a yes when we agree to go back to their place.   From then on, whether we actually say it out loud or not when it comes to consenting to sex -  there is a ‘yes’ there.  With every touch that is welcomed – that’s a yes.  With every item of clothing that comes off – there’s a yes there.  When you are being kissed like you’ve never been kissed before – there’s a yes there.  And that oh-so-amazing YES when you start to feel your toes curl and every part of your body tighten up … and before you know it – you are silently (or very vocally) screaming Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! as a blissful orgasm takes over you. 

 

The sure-fire way of having an amazing time in bed is to let yourself go and to communicate with your partner.  Men and women get turned on knowing that their partner is turned on and enjoying themselves.  I’ve never known a partner to back down when I’ve consented with a breathless ‘yes’ .. in fact – the more you say yes (and tell them what you want them to do), the more eager your partner is to follow instructions which will eventually lead you to nirvana !  So don’t hold back on the moaning, biting, scratching and, asking for what you want … especially if you want to be screaming yes ! yes ! yes ! at the end of it all !

 

Diva’s Tips

• Pay attention to your partners body language and any verbal clues so as to ensure they are 100% satisfied
• Consensual sex is the best sex.  Yes means yes.  No means No.

X for X-Rated

I’m not talking about porn here ! I’m referring to the X-Rated sex position that you can use in bed with your partner.   [Ok fine, just to make you happy, you can throw in some x-rated porn in there for good measure]

 

Seriously though, the X-rated position is all about control – the woman’s control.  If you haven’t already tried this position, have your man lie face-up on the bed; turn around reverse cow-girl style and straddle him and then slowly lower yourself onto his penis.  Now here’s the tricky bit; you need to extend your legs back towards his shoulders and relax your body onto the bed between his feet.  With both your legs and your man’s forming an X-shape, start to slide up and down. Use his feet for added thrusting leverage.

Diva’s bonus move

Start this session off with a 69, neither of you is going to say no to a blowjob or some cunnilingus and he will won’t know what’s hit him when you switch over to this X-rated position.  Your man will love the fact that you’re being dominant and taking charge of your own orgasm (and he gets a birds-eye view of your ass) !!! More brownie points to this position because it not only hits your G-spot but also stimulates your U-spot as well !! 

 

Have you tried this position before ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

• Make sure you indulge in sufficient foreplay beforehand … think 69 baby !
• Don’t forget the lube !

W for Wet

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V for Vibrator

Whether it’s the Rampant Rabbit or The Bullet or a Dildo – there are plenty of words to describe these battery-powered pleasure pods that are tucked in bedside drawers everywhere.  You probably know it as a Vibrator.   And every woman should own a vibrator ! Seriously !  Guys, are you listening ? If your woman doesn’t have a vibrator, go out and be a star – go get her one as a surprise present !  Both of you will be thanking me for it at the end of the night.

 

There are some people who reckon that guys would be insecure if a woman pulled out a vibrator during sex (the whole ‘there’s another dick in the room’ theory).  But thankfully that’s just an old wives tale because all the guys I know are pretty open to using vibrators as part of foreplay.  The first vibrator I ever owned was given to me by my boyfriend of the time a few years ago. 

 

Getting Your First Vibrator

Before you get your first vibrator – you may want to think about how you want to use your new toy.  Will you insert it or use it mainly on your clitoris?  Do you intend it to be for some solo-action or do you want to use it with your partner ?  Do you need a lot of power, or a little buzz to get you over the edge?  There are vibrators that buzz, that rotate (highly recommended), that pulse and throb; some are discreet – some are larger than life.  Do you want something that plugs in or a battery operated one ?   If you can’t choose between internal and external stimulation, go for the combo vibrator and then you have your pick of endless choices. 

 

The important thing here is not to be shy !! You are a sexy person and you want to oomph your sex life (or fill in the gaps whilst your partner is away on business trips).  Ask your friends for their recommendations; or spend a Sunday browsing the sex-stores with your partner.  He’ll find it pretty hot and it will be quite an erotic experience for both of you.   And if going to a real store is too much for you to handle; cosy up with your partner in bed and check out some online stores.  Oh, and don’t forget to add some lube to your shopping cart !

 

Using a Vibrator On Her

The next time you are performing cunnilingus and pleasuring your partner; angle a vibrator inside her vagina aimed towards her belly button.  This will not only hit her G-spot but the combination of your tongue and lips and the vibrating sensations will make for an incredibly intense orgasm.

 

Take control and dominate her in bed.  You can blind fold her and pin her down in bed and slowly trail the vibrator from her breasts down her sides, barely grazing over her vagina, towards her thighs and back up towards her U-spot.   The subtle vibrations will create anticipation and before you know it – she’ll be begging you to penetrate her.  Now it’s up to you if you want to tease her by alternating between the vibrator and your own cock.

 

Using a Vibrator on Him

First of all – don’t surprise him by randomly pulling out a vibrator during sex.  He may just freak out – especially if it’s your favourite 8 inch Rabbit !!  Talk to your partner about it and start off with something simple like a Trojan or Durex vibrating cock ring that you can slip around his penis.  Not only will the vibrations feel good at the base of his penis – but if he’s on top of you – it’ll also hit your clitoris as he thrusts which makes it a win-win for both of you !

Now that your man is no longer a sex-toy-virgin; I would recommend that you pick up a small bullet style vibrator or use a finger-vibe and the next time you’re riding him on top or giving him a blowjob; just reach behind and hold it against his perineum.  He’ll enjoy the vibrations against the super sensitive area. 

 

What words of wisdom can you share about vibrators ?  When did you get your first vibrator ?  Have you used a vibrator on your partner ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

• Indulge in a sexy game of ‘find my pleasure spot’ : explore, discover, and learn about each other’s pleasure points with your new toy

• When using a combo toy, be sure to take it slow and don’t over-stimulate yourself.  If you turn everything on too fast, you’ll have to stop, rest, and start over.

• And, as always, don’t forget the lube !

U for U-Spot

By now you would have all heard about the holy grail called the ‘G-Spot’.   BUT did you know that there also exists another super sensitive pleasure spot in a woman’s body called the U-Spot ?  (I swear I’m not making this up!)

 

The U-spot is basically a tiny patch of sensitive tissues located above and on either side of the urethral opening.  When the U-spot is gently stimulated by the tongue, the finger, or the tip of the penis it produces an unexpectedly powerful response.    I didn’t know this either – and it’s only recently been discovered by clinical research workers. 

 

Guys there are 3 ways of stimulating the U-Spot :  your fingers; your tongue and your penis.  Chances are that every time you have gone down on your woman, you would have inadvertently hit her U-spot.  Now that you know of it’s existence make it a point to find this spot during foreplay and see what kind of explosive results it gets you.   If you do this right lads, she’s in for a combined clitoral and vaginal orgasm !

 

Ladies, do you know where your U-spot is ?  We have all given ourselves a helping hand during sex; the next time why not discover your U-spot and show your partner exactly how you would like to be teased into a blissful orgasm !  I’m pretty sure your man will be an eager student !

 

So for all those reading, did you know about the existence of the U-spot ? Have you discovered it on yourself / on your partner ? If you haven’t already found the U-spot …. what are you waiting for … dare your partner to find it the next time you indulge in a sensual game of truth & dare.   Bliss for both of you !

 

Diva’s Tip

• Since the U-Spot is extremely sensitive, a little lube could make things even better.
• If you can’t find the U-spot; this diagram should help
• It’s always good to be clued up about ‘all the spots’

T for Tease

If you haven’t already mastered this - foreplay is about teasing and stretching out the experience of sex so as to make things more intense and satisfying—for both of you.  Men and women enjoy being sexually teased – the anticipation of what could be leads to explosive sex and a mind blowing orgasm.

 

Outside The Bedroom

Compliment your partner on their attire or their hair.  Lightly graze your fingers against their jaw, cheeks, or down their arm.  I like to slip my hand into my partners back pocket and give a light tap or a squeeze whilst looking them directly in the eye.  It’s subtle, cheeky and just a tad naughty. 

 

If you're out together at a party or bar, send him or her an explicit text message that hints at what you'd like to do to them later.  If you are out dancing, make it a point to grind up against your partner.  Guys let her feel you hard for her.  Girls, you know your man loves your ass so shake that booty against him.  Ladies, if you’re feeling a bit brazen, lose the panties on a night out and tell him you’re not wearing any.  Just knowing that, will have your partner aching to get you alone.

Inside the Bedroom

Focus on kissing your partner.  Kiss them on the neck, the ears, leave a trail of kisses down their back or sides.  Kiss them everywhere except their sweet spots.  Leave them wanting more.   Take the initiative and be a little dominant.  Lay your partner on the bed whilst you are kissing them, grab their hands and put them above their head.  If they struggle, pin them down by the arms.  Use the weight of one arm to keep them down, use the other hand to run your fingers over the rest of their body. 

 

Guys, even when your partner is spread-eagled to welcome your cock into her – take your time and make your woman beg for it.   Only allow the tip of your penis to rub against her vagina.  If she doesn’t start grinding herself against you – I will change my name !  When you reckon that she can’t take it anymore,  let only the tip of your penis enter her, and thrust in and out … SLOWLY.   By taking things slowly, you will heighten the anticipation and it will cause both of you to experience a range of new senses that will drive you both wild with desire.

 

Do you have any other foreplay (physical or psychological) tips you’d like to share ?  How do you enjoy being teased ? 

Diva’s Tips

• Look but don’t touch.  Masturbating for your partner not only gets the blood flowing to all the right parts – but it drives them nuts that they aren’t able to touch you themselves !
• Gents – work on her G-spot and show her what an orgasm is all about
• Slow and steady makes you an ultimate lover !  Spend at least 30 minutes teasing your partner for best results
• Did you know that ‘Tantalolagnia’ is a term used to describe feeling sexually aroused when being teased

S for Sex-Games

There’s a point in any relationship where sex is a given; the foreplay is just a cursory formality before getting down to the deed.   It’s not always with the same zest and romance when you first started out BUT that’s okay and all you need is some sugar & spice (and some initiative) to keep the love and passion alive.

 

I’m the kind of person who gets bored quite easily so I tend to incorporate fun elements inside and outside the bedroom when in any relationship.  Sure, sex is meant to be hot and passionate … but what good is any of that if you can’t have fun at the same time ?  You need to be able to get some giggles in too !   If you haven’t tried any sex(y) games with your partner as yet – then you must give it a shot.   Tease your partner, have fun with them and you’ll see how easy it can be to turn a lazy afternoon into a day of fun, games and sex that both of you will love.

 

For me games just add to the spice of it all.  Some men (and women) may take offence to the fact that you’re suggesting ‘spicing’ up things so they may feel that they aren’t satisfying you but you need to assure your partner that it’s not the case and the games are to add some variety to your already fabulous sex life !  My personal favourite which doesn’t cause any offence whatsoever is ‘glow in the dark sex dice’.  They are fun, easy to store and seriously why would you not want to suck your partners nipples or nibble on their thighs !!  

 

I’ve also found that ‘sex coupons’ or ‘love coupons’ work like a charm.  Simple straight forward instructions which both of you can enjoy !  [and you can customize them and make them on your own].  I remember seeing Kamasutra cards for couples and those are perfect if you want to try out new positions with your partner. 

 

A friend recommends playing ‘strip poker’ with your partner.   The rule is that each of you only get to wear 6 pieces of clothing and with each hand; the loser removes a piece of clothing.  Once you’re both naked, you can play poker for sexual favours.  Guys – lose the socks when you lose a round – don’t leave it for later !    If you fancy yourself to be a bit more daring – why not suggest role-play to your partner ?  Something easy like being strangers at a hotel bar which ends up with the two of you making out in the elevators before calling for champagne in the hotel room. 

 

I believe that games always help to add a little extra oomph to a relationship - it's up to you to find out which game works best for both of you !   What about you ?  Have you tried any sex games with your partner ? Any personal favourites ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

• Use a satin scarf as a blind fold and trace words onto your partners back and ask them to guess the words or phrases.  Spell out what you want your partner to do to you.  If they guess right – they get to do that to you; if they guess wrong – you get to tell them to do whatever you want.  Win-Win both ways ! 
• Grab a bottle of wine and play ‘I Never’.   Both of you take turns in stating something you have never done before and then proceed to show the other how it’s done.  Hint:  Make it slightly provocative and sexual.   e.g I’ve never had sex in the kitchen  /  I’ve never been given a blowjob at work / I’ve never been spanked / I’ve never seduced a nurse … You get the drift !
• Get inspired with some sex coupons here

R for Role-Play

You gotta love role-play.   No matter how good the sex is with your partner – at some point you’re going to want something different and that’s when role-play comes in to play.

 

If you’ve never indulged in role playing sex or anything close to this before – then you may find yourself laughing or giggling way or just feeling a bit stupid and awkward.   BUT until you give it a shot, you won’t know what you’re missing out on.   You don’t need costumes galore (that’s for when you know exactly what your partners’ preferences are) – all you need is a bit of imagination and some initiative.

 

First of all let me stress that role play is not something you can just learn by reading articles (or this blog post for that matter).  It’s something you have to actually experience.  Not everyone is uber comfortable with their sexuality and the thing about role-play is that it allows you to express your desires, your fantasies, to your partner in a way that you wouldn’t normally do.  Maybe you hate the fact that your partner is turned on by the idea of the hottie at the bar – but guess what – that hottie could be you !!

 

Get Into Character

The thing about role play is that you want to set the mode and tone for the fantasy that you want to enact.  So why not choose a character that gives you a boost of sexual adrenalin.  Talk to your partner about their fantasy and you may be surprised by what they have supressed.   We have all heard or read about the Doctor and his naughty Nurse; the Stripper and her client; and the Photographer and his Models.   If you’re into a bit a domination, then you could always play the role of Master and Slave or the French Maid who seduces her Employer.

 

A few years ago, I was meeting my ex at the tube station.  He pulls the car over to me (after making me wait around for 10 mins) and asks if I need a ride anywhere.  I saw the glint in his eye and got the hint so I told him I was waiting for my boyfriend who was running late.  And he sweet talked me into getting into the car so he could drop me to my destination.  There was something about a ‘stranger’ hitting on me just slightly inappropriately that made it quite electric.  It was simple and the first time we ever toyed with the idea of role play.    We never looked back after that.

 

Once you are comfortable with role play – you can even indulge in costumes, toys, and any other kinks you wish to experience.  In it’s own way – it’s pretty damn hot to be having sex with a ‘different character’ (whilst being in a safe zone the entire time). 

 

Use a Safe Word

Banana ! Porridge ! Stinky Socks !  Don’t laugh – I’m being serious !  And it can’t be a ‘No’ or ‘Stop’  (because if you’re really enjoying it – you’re going to end up using those words at some point).  A safe word has to be discussed so that you can identify when your partner is no longer comfortable with the role-play scenario.  Don’t freak out if your partner uses it.   It’s not because they may not enjoy the role play – it could be they are feeling a bit vulnerable or awkward or embarrassed (especially if it’s their first time).  It’s normal and you have to be understanding about it.  Get into it a few times and once you both are comfortable expressing yourself – you are guaranteed a wild night of role playing sex.

 

What are your thoughts on Role Play ?  Hit or Miss ? Have you used this to spice up your sex life ?  What’s your favourite fantasy ?  Have you purchased any interesting costumes ? What’s your safe word ?

 

Diva’s Tips

• Role play takes time and practice – so go with the flow and just enjoy yourself
• Give your partner an erotic lap-dance when they least expect it (it’s every guys’ fantasy!)
• Basic investments :  furry hand cuffs; sexy lingerie with slits at the crotch and nipples; a blind fold; and some flavoured lube

Q for Quickie

The best thing about a quickie is that it can happen anytime, anywhere and it’s always pretty hot !!   Impromptu sex in a discreet yet public place such as an empty office conference room; the back of your car in a parking lot; the bathroom of a friends house during a dinner party; at a club – all of these add an element of danger to the entire experience.  The thought of getting caught adds to the thrill of the naughtiness of it all.  [and guys, a quickie is the ONLY time when you don’t need to focus on foreplay !]

 

Back in university, I was dating this guy who lived in the same building as me.  One night he came over to drop off a few things and I was waiting at the elevator with him – when the next thing I know – he’s pulled me into the elevator, back me up against a corner, started kissing me and unzipping himself all at the same time.   He was just so damn dominating that it was HOT ! Good thing I lived in a high rise ‘cos he hit the 26th floor (I lived on the 18th) and then hit the ground floor .. luckily we were pretty much done because we did get caught on the 5th floor ! Slightly mortifying (so glad he was tall ‘cos I couldn’t be seen) but he had his jeans dropped down to the floor and flashed his boxers to those who happened to be waiting for the elevator !

 

A few years later, an ex and I had planned a big night out which involved a lot of dancing.  On the way back to the hotel – all the kissing and teasing just got a bit too much.  We ended up doing it in walk-in self service room.  We walked out of there just before one of the other guests made his way to get ice from there.  

 

What about morning quickies ?  Those can be so much fun !  A quick romp in the sack before work is definitely going to add a bounce to your day !  Men and women tend to be at their horniest early in the morning (think well before work hours) and you can use that to your advantage !  Would you wake your lover up for a quickie?

 

For those of you that are married with kids; or with new-borns – a quickie is just the thing you need to keep the temperature rising between the two of you !

 

When’s the last time you had a quickie ?  Have you ever been caught ?  The most daring quickie ?  Let me in on your secrets on how to make every second of a quickie count!

 

Diva’s Tips :

• Ladies, take some initiative and show up at your mans’ office wearing a short skirt and ask him to meet you in a conference room / stairwell. 
• Guys, get her hot and horny by talking dirty to her the whole time. 
• Don’t worry about undressing ! Just focus on ‘I need you right here, right now’ !
• It’s all about the ‘position’ .. so go for the moves that will drive your partner over the edge ! It could be doggy style; or standing up with the woman’s back against the wall and wrapped around his legs
• Guys, most importantly, don’t make it a habit !! Unadulterated sex is fun but if you keep going for the quickie – your woman is going to get bored and just not reciprocate !

P for Positions

Position.  Position.  Position.   The acrobatics involved with the Kamasutra can sometimes distract you from experiencing the sensations building up to an amazing orgasm by making you focus on how to contort yourself into a not-so-comfy position !  If only it were that easy to re-enact all the Kamasutra positions !  Whilst I’m all game for the twisting and bending that goes with sex (it can be a better workout than at the gym) – sometimes you just need to know what moves will give you the best orgasm.  The key to mind-blowing, knee bucking orgasms is to keep it simple and focus on a position that works for you !  

 

Girl-On-Top

Based on past experience – and from what seems to work for the majority of women I know – the girl-on-top tends to be sure way of achieving an orgasm.  Ladies, you get to control the pace and depth of thrusting; and both you and your partner have easy access to your clitoris !  If you’re feeling brazen, do a 180 and pull a reverse-cowgirl on him (especially if he is an ass man)  Bonus Move :  instead of straddling him, put your feet flat between his legs – the tighter fit will make the sensations more intense !

 

Legs On Shoulders

Not as hard as it sounds and it works wonders for me so I have to share this.   The woman lies on her back, with the man kneeling towards her.  While he’s gliding in to you, hook your legs onto his shoulders.  Bonus move – tilt your body upwards if you really want to hit your G-spot deeper !  Be warned, stretch your legs out before this ‘cos you will be left sore otherwise.    Master the moves here.

 

For Those That Want MORE

GoodToKnow.co.uk has got a fab list of Top 40 Sex Positions with some great pictures, so you can get an idea of what you're supposed to be doing and a full explanation of how to tackle each sex position with a difficulty rating and fun rating so you know exactly what you're getting into - just click through to a more in depth article if you want more info on any position.

 

What’s your favourite sex position ? What is the most difficult one that you have tried ?  How many have you tried ?  How many positions do you go through in one night of passion ?

Diva’s Tips

• Don’t by shy – initiate a new position into your love life.  Your partner will appreciate it !
• Give yourself a hand and touch yourself during doggy-style or encourage your partner to do the same – you’ll be in ecstasy !
• Keep the lube handy !! Always a must when trying new positions.

O for Orgasm

Orgasms.  *deep sigh*

 

In order to achieve a mind blowing orgasm, you have to train your body to be orgasmic; and for that you have to masturbate.  Seriously, if you don’t know what turns you on – how do you expect your partner to know what works for you ?  Instead of spending hours on trial and error (even though that can also be a lot of fun) – you can speed up the process by taking some initiative and letting your partner know that he / she is on the right track by ‘telling them’ what feels great (or for the shy ones, start with some pleasurable moaning)

 

Orgasms For Her

It’s harder for women to achieve an orgasm – so guys, please take your time with your partner.  Talk them through it – and for the love of God, if your partner is squirming, with shaky legs, and thrusting herself towards you – DO NOT STOP – STAY ON COURSE !   Women need A LOT of foreplay to get their minds and bodies relaxed.  And no, 10 minutes does not count as foreplay unless your face is buried in her vagina and you are lapping away at her clit and labia like a possessed demon who’s only goal is for her to cum all over your face.  Yes I’m talking about cunnilingus; going down on her; eating her out – you get the drift.

 

I’ve mentioned this before and I stand my ground on t his :  a woman can have a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm.   By focusing on giving her BOTH a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm you will be sending her to nirvana ‘cos that my friends is a G-Spot Orgasm !

 

Orgasms For Him

Ladies – did you know that the Male G-spot is found in the anus.  Yes that’s right – the anus.  Men love anal sex with you – BUT giving him a bit of anal stimulation will result in him having an explosive orgasm.   Note : some men will not want you to touch their anus BUT don’t let that stop you.  The next time you’re giving him a blow job, massage his testicles with one hand and run your fingers around his anus and perineum.  Keep some lube handy and apply some light pressure on  the outside of his anus; and whilst he’s busy being blown away by your mouth on his cock; allow your finger to gently slide in to his anus and massage his prostate.  He will be clenching up at this stage but keep at it.  Alternate your movements from a gentle sliding motion to a similar come hither motion (the same a guy uses to hit a woman’s G-spot) and your man will be in 7th heaven !

Guys, stop cringing as you read this – trust me, you will thank me for this one day.

 

When was your last big orgasm ? What moves make you weak in the knees and is a sure shot way of getting you to orgasm ?  Do you enjoy orgasms more when you're alone or when you are with a partner ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

• Ladies and Gents – practice your Kegel exercises every day !  Yup that’s right lads, you need to do it too !
• Gents, encourage your partner to take the woman-on-top position – the friction of her clit against your pubic bone will drive her to a frenzy
• Go with the flow – ride out that orgasm

N for Naked

Admit it – you though I was going to go with Nymphomaniac right ??  Honestly, I almost did but after a bit of asking around – I got some help from a very hot man in London for this post.  As much we enjoy the (occasional) fully clothed quickie – there’s something much more erotic about getting naked with your partner.  A bit of a no-brainer here. 

 

Other than the obvious fact that one is practically guaranteed to have sex once your clothes are off – I thought of something else which I wanted to share and perhaps make you think a little bit more about.  There is a huge element of ‘Trust’ when you shed your clothes with someone (especially someone new).  You’re indirectly letting this person know that you trust them enough to get naked with them.   You trust them when you are at your most vulnerable state.  Seriously some of the sex positions are not exactly flattering for anyone – no matter how damn fit you are !!  [Side Note : it’s a bit different when you’re hooking up with a random person who’s made you hot and horny – but you do in a way also trust that random person to give you a fab night]

 

When was the last time you gave yourself a once-over in the mirror fully naked ?? If you haven’t done that recently – please go do that right now and GET USED TO IT !!  It’s your body and you should like the way you look when you’re naked – ‘cos eventually you’re gonna have to get naked to have sex.   When you know what you look like – the good and the few flaws we all have – you’re going to end up being more comfortable when you’re in bed (or in the living room or kitchen) with your partner.  I know women who are soooo paranoid about the way they look in bed – they always have the lights off with their partner. 

 

My assumption is that we all want to have mind-blowing sex that results in knee-buckling orgasms.  Right ?? So in order for that to happen you have to be super confident about yourself and your body.  You don’t want to be that person who always wants to ‘do it’ in the dark and never in the day (your partner might get a tad worried).  The moment you are comfortable with your naked body, you are accepting and liking yourself the way you are – flaws and all.  And THAT is confidence.

 

On a scale of 1 to 10 how comfortable are you being naked in front of your partner with the lights on ??  Do you let your partner check you out in the morning once the curtains are drawn or do you cover yourself up ??   So I dare you – strip yourself right now [okay not at work but at home]; go stand tall and proud and naked in front of a mirror for a while.   Do this once a week until you are comfortable walking around your room naked after a shower.  Once you can do that – having sex with the lights on will be a piece of cake.  And when you do go ahead and have sex with the lights on – reward yourself (and your partner) with a piece of cake !

 

Diva’s Tips

• Set the mood.  If you have a dimmer feature on your lights – use it the next time you’re with your partner instead of turning the lights of completely
• Guys – remember to compliment your partner so that she is more comfortable getting naked in the light with you (women are self-conscious creatures and we all have body parts that we hate)
• Ladies, notice how men are comfortable strutting their stuff in front of you ??  You can do it tooooo !!!
• Play a game of strip poker together with candles.  It’s fun, it’ll be sexy, and you’ll be naked with (some) lights !

M for Masturbation

“An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away” … The British National Health Service announced  in one of their brochures last year.  If you aren’t having sex every day to achieve the Big-O – the only other way is to masturbate.

 

Some people think of masturbation as taboo.   We’ve all done it at some point in time – during puberty, when we were horny teens, and as adults with (and without) our partners.  Men are very open about masturbating – and we all know they do it; women on the other hand are open and able to talk about sex more than men …. except when it comes to masturbation. 

 

Going Solo

Let me put it like this : every person is different, which means it takes a bit of trial and error with a new partner to figure out what works for both of you to achieve an orgasm.  And this is where masturbation comes in.  Your body is your temple and you are the master of your temple.  If you know what makes your body tick and what really stimulates you – you can in turn share that with your partner to ensure that you hit the Big O each and every time.

 

Ladies, if you haven’t masturbated as yet or are weary about admitting that you enjoy some solo action – stop thinking like that !!  If you don’t own a mini-vibrator (those things are smaller than a lipstick and super discreet) just go out there and get one !  Most of my girlfriends own a mini-vibrator or a ‘clit-kit’. I received one for Christmas a few years ago and trust me, no complains there ! Put aside some time for an evening of solo pleasure; dim the lights, get the scented candles out and just explore your own body.  Experiment and you'll be surprised by the sexy sensations you can provoke

Double The Pleasure

Now that you’ve mastered the art of giving yourself a solo orgasm why not involve your partner ?  Seriously which hot-blooded man will say ‘sorry hunny, I don’t want you to pleasure yourself’ ?  Exactly !  It’s no surprise that men find it extremely erotic to watch their partner masturbate – either during foreplay and / or during intercourse.  Think of masturbation as foreplay and you’re on to a winner here.

Guys, a bit of subtle domination may result in a visual feast for you ! Next time you’re with your partner – why not tell her that you want her to touch her ‘hot spots’ and you’ll return the favour with your lips and tongue.  If you think she won’t respond to a direct verbal communication - you can always guide her hand down to her clit and rest yours over hers whilst you are busy exploring the rest of her – and tell her you want her to show you how she wants to be touched.  Ladies take a bit of initiative and give yourself a bit of a helping hand while your man is going about his business of making you writhe away under him ! Seriously he’s going Love IT !

 

So what are your thoughts about masturbation ? Do you masturbate ? How often ? Ladies – do you consider it taboo ? Do you own a vibrator ? If you don’t – just go out there and get yourself one .. it’ll be fun !

 

Diva’s Tips

• Ladies if you are going solo – set the mood, turn your phone off, lie back and let your fingers explore !
• Guys – all I have to say to you is – always encourage your partner to show you exactly how she wants to be touched … you’ll be in for a treat !
• Don’t forget to use some lube to enhance the pleasure !

L for Lube

If you don’t already have a flavoured lube tucked away in your bedside drawer, GO OUT AND GET ONE NOW ! Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with adding a bit of lube to your romping sessions.  It can be a lot of fun and add some spice to foreplay and enhance your sex life.  If you have never lubed up, you should try it!

 

Face The Facts

No matter how horny and wet a woman gets; it’s never going to be ‘as wet as with lube’.   Marathon sex sessions can cause a woman to dry out and results in sex being very uncomfortable for both partners.  The friction from a mans’ cock against a not-so-lubricated vagina can cause some chaffing for the man and vaginal tears for the woman.  This is why lube was invented (ok so I don’t know the real reason but this has to be one of the reasons!)  The extra lubrication boosts the sensations down under for a woman and allows men to thrust away for a longer time without causing women any discomfort.  It also allows both partners to maintain a steady rhythm (which what most women need to climax) AND allows for some new positions thanks to the added lubrication.

 

Know Your Lubes

There are different types of lubes.  Water-based lubes feel more natural and are less gooey and sticky; whilst silicone ones are longer lasting and water resistance – which means they are great for sex in shower.  If you are ‘literally’ looking to heat things up – then I would recommend my personal favourite, the Durex Play Warming lubes which warms up the skin in addition to the sexy slippery sensations !   A friend recommend Durex Quiver which is essentially ‘freezable lube cubes’ – free the cubes, and then use as you wish !  I haven’t used this before but am adding it to my list of things to try ! 

 

Durex also has a fab collection of various flavoured lubricants (strawberry, pina colada, chocolate) which are great when paired with oral sex.  Fancy a yummy 69 ?  Add a few drop of favourite flavoured lube on each other beforehand and enjoy your dessert !!  Gentleman, repeat after me 'The use of lube is essential for anal sex’.  Regardless of what type of lube you pick, just be sure to keep it nearby so you don't have to stop and hunt for it.

 

According to sex expert Dr Laura Berman, there are some rules that we should all remember.  “If you are using a sex toy made out of silicone, do not use a silicone-based lubricant. When using condoms, always use a water-based lubricant to prevent the condom from breaking. Avoid oil-based lubricants, as well as products like baby oil and Vaseline."

 

Have you lubed up as yet ? What lube would you recommend trying out ? Any tips that you care to share ?

 

Diva’s Tips:

• Spread a warming lube on your mans’ balls, lightly massage them while giving him a blow job. 
• Add a drop or two inside the condom – the added sensation will feel AMAZING for him !
• Ladies, leave a bottle of lube out for your man to find when he gets home with a note that says, "Find me ... and bring this"
• Don’t lube the shaft of the penis up before putting a condom on.  You don’t want to risk the condom slipping off !!

K for Kissing

Admit it – you thought I might go with Kamasutra or Kinky for this post didn’t you ?

 

Kisses.  Kissing.  I love to kiss.  A kiss can leave you weak in the knees.  A kiss can make you want to melt into your partners arms.  Kissing is the basic building block of intimacy.  Kissing is one of the first ways we connect to someone sexually (other than being physically attracted to them).  Kissing releases endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline and oxytocin; also known as the love (or bonding) hormone in our bodies.  No wonder kissing makes you feel so connected to the person.   There’s something about a passionate kiss that cannot be articulated by words or replicated by sex.  

 

Kissing is the kind of foreplay that one should never ever skip out on !  I’m a big fan of French Kissing – add a bit of nibbles on the lower lips; running my tongue across the roof of my partners mouth (trust me, this is a major turn on – try it on yourself, the roof of your mouth is packed with nerve endings that will feel like you are having mini explosions in your mouth); and then alternating between soft lip kiss and some tongue action.   Kissing shouldn’t be restricted to just on the mouth.  I love being kissed on my neck and anywhere on my back ! It gives me tingles and makes my toes curl up !  You know you’re doing a good job at kissing when you can feel your partners’ hard-on pressed up against you or when you feel the dampness on her panties !

 

Have you ever tried to give someone an Eskimo or Butterfly Kiss ?  An Eskimo kiss is when you rub your noses back and forth against each other.  Seriously, the real life Eskimos do this !  If you haven’t tried a Butterfly kiss, all you have to do is get close to them so the tips of your eyelashes are touching theirs (or touching their cheeks) and then then blink very fast so your eyelashes flutter together like butterfly wings.  What about an Australian kiss ?  Confused ? It’s a French Kiss but down-under i.e. cunnilingus ! (see you learn something new all the time)

What’s the best and / or worst kiss you have had ?  I met this amazing young man in London and  we spent almost 3 hours just kissing on a bench at 2 a.m. It was hot, erotic, sexy :  our eyes closed, heads tilted against each other, bodies pressed together, hands roving all over each other; and left us both craving for each others’ mouths. We couldn’t keep our lips off each other. We both ended up with aching, slightly swollen lips the next day. That’s my favourite type of kiss. Full of passion and desire.

 

When was the last time you kissed like it was your first time ? Do you remember your first kiss ?  Any tips on how to make your partner swoon from a kiss ?

 

Diva’s Tips :

• Kiss Slowly.  Kiss Deeply.  Kiss Passionately. 
• Don’t forget to kiss your partner whilst you’re having sex.  It’s down right intimate !!
• Take some initiative and kiss your partner when (and where) they least expect it ! It’ll keep the sparks going
• Do NOT slobber all over your partners face !! Too much salvia is NOT cool !

700 Posts And Counting

That’s right folks – this is my 700th blog post !!  I've been a bit laid back with my writing this year and really hope I find the time to just express all that is going on in my mind. 

Other than the A to Z Challenge April 2013 challenge - I was unable to complete the January Ultimate Blog Challenge that I had my heart set on which would have gotten my overall post count high.  Hopefully I will take part again in October this year and manage over 200 posts for 2013 (although it's currently looking a bit difficult)

A big shout out to all of you that take the time to swing by my haven that is my blog; for all your comments, feedback, support and motivation .. if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here.

J for Jealousy

I must admit – it was hard finding a sexy word with J.  I asked a few of my friends what word I could use with J for the A to Z Challenge and here’s what I got :  jacking off; juicy; just kidding and jealousy.   I’ve decided to go with the word ‘Jealousy’ for this post.

 

Men and women have this tendency to get jealous which actually stems from insecurity.  I want to smack the men and women who get jealous of attention that their partner receives and then turn the situation around to blame them for their own insecurities.  If you are confident about yourself and your sexuality – you are less likely to ever be jealous.  I’m not a jealous person in a relationship.  My partner can talk to whoever he wants, go out with the boys (and girls), go out on insane bachelor weekends – it doesn’t bother me.  An ex once asked me if it bothered me that women hit on him and my honest answer was ‘No – because you’re coming home with me’.  There’s this power in knowing that I’m with an attractive man that other women want to be with. 

 

I’ve come to realize that there are two parts to jealously.  There’s insecure jealousy which I’m not a fan off.  There’s also the kind of jealousy that is almost erotic and leaves you feeling hot and horny.  Sometimes a little bit of subtle ‘jealousy’ (for lack of a better word) works for both partners.  Let me explain.  I love to dance and an ex had two left feet.  He would watch me dance with different men at clubs and by the time we got home, I knew I was in for a fabulous night of sex !  It was almost as if the dancing was foreplay for him and whilst he admitted it bothered him slightly to watch me grind to hip-hop tunes – it also turned him on because it made him want me more (have never understood why men think like this but what the hell, as long as they don’t freak out right ?)

 

I’ve made it a point to inform men who are interested in me and whom I am interested in that jealousy doesn’t go down well with me.  I take it as a compliment when women find my partner to be attractive enough to want to flirt with.  I think a man should think the same way and appreciate that they are lucky to be that person.  A confident man or woman won’t get jealous.  If their partner was being overtly touchy-feely with someone else or ‘trying too hard’ to get other peoples attention  - then they would just walk away cos that’s what boys and girls do; not men and women. 

 

So what about you - what makes you jealous?  Are you a jealous person in a relationship ?  Have you ever tried to make your partner jealous ? 

 

Diva’s Tips

• Jealousy is a dangerous game – don’t play it if you aren’t ready for the repercussions !
• Subtle flirting when you are vying for a man or woman's attention is different to groping another man or woman in front of your partner !!
• DO NOT go out of your way to make your partner jealous.  That’s just asking for trouble !

I for Initiation

‘I want you. Now.’

‘How would you like to feel my lips on your cock?’

‘Wear your sexiest dress and skip the panties tonight’

 

These are some some of the phrases that convey the message ‘I want to have sex with you’ and are an instant turn-on for men and women. Especially when it’s thrown in there when the other person least expects it – it can turn out to be a bit of an erotic surprise for them ! The phrases are also quite blunt, which taps into racy fantasies that most men & women have about raw, spontaneous, animalistic sex.

 

There was a time when men almost always initiated sex. Today that’s not the case any more. Women are getting more comfortable with their sexuality and are taking the reins (literally).  For all the shy women out there, just remember that men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.  I’ve been known to initiate sex in my past relationships.  It’s not always as easy as I’d like it to be. Sometimes it’s a bit nerve wrecking but hell that’s what the fun is about right. Thankfully my advances have never been rejected because that would be a slight blow to my ego.   BUT having said that, there’s nothing wrong if your partner doesn’t want to have sex.  Don't take it personally.  There are many reasons your partner isn't in the mood that have absolutely nothing to do with you.  Maybe they’ve had a hard day at work; family pressure; she might be getting her period and feeling bloated.  See none of these have anything to do with you – so stop worrying.

 

Here’s the thing about initiation and taking the initiative – you have to try it to know what tickles your partners fancy and makes them horny.  Nothing screams ‘take me off’ like new lingerie. So ladies, why not wait for your man in a new teddy and watch his pupils dilate and cock salute you. Gents, have you got your partner any lingerie before ? What about sex toys ? I took an ex to a Sex-Expo in London and he encouraged me to buy a vibrator which soon became a favourite in the bedroom.

 

Are you an initiator ? Do you wish your partner would initiate more ? Have you ever been shot down for initiating sex ?

Diva’s Tips :

• If you’re too shy to vocalize your thoughts in front of your partner; just send them a slightly naughty text message
• If your partner tends to initiate sex; take the reigns and tell them what you want to have done to you ! Trust me, your partner will be glad to oblige
• Initiation could be as simple as leaving some cheeky love coupons for your partner to find (one of my personal favourites)

H for Horny

Seriously who came up with the word ‘horny’ ?  It’s a bit of a funny word to write down / look at don’t you think ?  (Now I’ve got a picture of the red devil BBM emoticon in my head!)  The word “horny” is a slang term for wanting to have sex or being sexually aroused or excited.  People have different levels of sex drives — some have higher drives and some have lower.

 

Men are often turned on by visual stimulations; whereas (some) women need a bit more than that.   I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be turned on at the sight of a topless Ian Somerhalder (especially if he happened to show up at my door step!)

 

The thing is we all get ‘horny’ or ‘randy’ or ‘just want some’ from time to time.  Some more than others – but we all go through it.  It’s a very normal part of life and being a sexually active person, and it also depends on various different factors such as your lifestyle, your psychology and (mostly) your hormones.   It’s the anticipation of what ‘could or could not be’ that can be quite a turn on right ? 

 

It’s almost a given that any man will wake up with ‘morning glory’ and want to get a bit frisky in bed.   For some people – it could be a particular fetish that leaves them feeling horny.  I know a few men who get hard and horny over women in high heels.   One of my girlfriends has a thing for musk based cologne / after spray on men.    Horniness doesn’t have to be triggered by actual sex or something sexual – it can be caused by encountering anything while out and about or whilst reading (think Erotica here).  

 

Does a saucy text turn you on ?  Does the sight of your partner getting dressed make you want to rip their clothes off ?  What about a little bit of dirty talk ?  How about the accidental graze of your partner against your chest or legs leave you aching for me ?  For me, it’s a combination of so many little things … but a major turn on is feeling the breath of a man against my skin (especially if it’s around my neck or back) – it leaves me with goose bumps and wondering what the hell is about to happen !!

 

So today I want to know, what makes you horny?

 

Diva’s Tips :

• Set the mood to turn your partner on
• Don’t rush it – anticipation is the key here – leave them wanting more before making the big move !

G for G-Spot

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