Dating In A Foreign Land : Bombay

Over the last few weeks I’ve really been wanting to put some perspective on the dating scene in Bombay or Mumbai (whatever you want to call it). I initially brought it up in ‘Dating ? What’s That ?’ and then hashed it out in ‘Dating is Not Easy .. Especially in Bombay’ which is when I realized that I needed to put more depth to it .. Of course I could have been completely biased so I went and got a male perspective too ‘Exploring the Unknown World of Dating .. Still’ and sorta broke things down further …

A few weeks ago – as if by miracle – I found an article titled ‘Dating In A Foreign Land’ on the Hindustan Times Blog written by a social networking associate of mine – Naomi Canton. She heads an Expat Group in Bombay and is a pretty cool chick.

side note : I had already titled my blog post with the same name and then I found her post – so had to add the Bombay bit to it)

Every city / country has their own perception of what is and what does not constitute dating. The potpourri that I am – it’s no wonder that the dating dynamics of Bombay have me confused !!!

In the UK and Canada – dating or being in a relationship is defined by the physical side of the relationship. You can consider yourself dating / being in a relationship with someone if from the outset there is an emotional connection and physical attraction between two people. You meet a perfect stranger and realize there’s this ‘chemistry’ or ‘unknown connection’ that draws you to them and you go out on a ‘date’ and that results in a ‘more dates’ and within a few ‘dates’ the two of you are in a relationship.

I have never known any of my friends to get involved in relationships with each other – because if you are already ‘friends’ then its highly unlikely that two people from the same friends circle will ever get together. It’s a big fat ‘ewww’ if you ask me.

In India – at least in Bombay – it’s a bit different. The local born and brought up guys and girls; men and women of Bombay - don’t quite seem to catch the drift of the concept of dating. They all want to …

1. Be Friends …. yes .. Friends First

So … what’s wrong with that ? Nothing to some – and a bit weird for someone like me. I LIKE the idea of ‘not dating a friend’ because it allows me to get to know somebody outside my social circle. It’s a nice feeling to be with someone who accepts you for who you are ‘before you’ve become friends’ so that you can both grow together in a relationship as a couple.

I’ve met people – who have been friends for 5+ years and have started dating perhaps a few years into the friendship; which in turn has resulted some relationships to last a few years (literally) and eventually ends in ..

1. Marriage.
   • That’s wonderful – for them. For me – that’s like saying ‘oh marry your best mate’ AND that is a crazy idea !! I love my boys to bits but could never see myself marrying them. I’d hope that my potential partner has similar qualities to them but he’d never ‘be them’.
2. They break-up but stay good friends.
   • And I really mean ‘friends’. I know of one such ‘separated couple’ who are still in regular (almost weekly) contact and have even travelled together as a part of a larger group which I was a part of.
3. They break-up and cut each other out.
   • Yes it’s normal to cut off from your ex to avoid all the heart ache and drama. No more needs to be said.

2. Be Acquaintances with Benefits. Not even ‘friends’ with benefits.

There is no grey matter. It’s black or white. Of course that’s not true – there is a very small percentage (based on my network of friends, acquaintances & clients) of people who fall in the obvious grey matter. But you get my drift. (in my world – there are no ‘friends’ with benefits – that’s just a polite way to associate someone you are hooking up with)

The trend here (and I speak from personal experience) is that these guys and girls often end up in the following situations :

1. Struck Out After A Date / 2nd Base.
   • You meet at a bar or party. Exchange Numbers. Strike a conversation via SMS (yes SMS is apparently the way to communicate with a member of the opposite sex); or even BBM (seriously how can a BBM exchange be considered a way to flirt?)
   • You meet up again on what appears to be a ‘date’. Spend a lot of time with each other. Nothing happens. Implication : He’s a gent. She’s comes from a respectable family.
   • You meet up again and the same thing happens. The chemistry is there – both of you can see it – but neither does anything about. Girl doesn’t make a move in case the Guy thinks she’s too forward or *gasp* ‘easy’. Boy doesn’t make a move ‘cos he’s trying to be a gent (erm really?); he’s not sure if she wants him to make a move on her; he wants to but doesn’t want a slap in the face !
   • Next scenario is that both of you do get to doing all that is pleasurable i.e. foreplay but never get any real ‘action’. That’s because the Girl wants to appear casual but really she isn’t going to sleep with the guy until she knows he’s going to establish a relationship. The Guy gets stuck in a catch 22 because he wants to do her – but out of respect (and not wanting to be thrown out with blue balls) – he obliges and doesn’t pursue the ‘action’ part of it hoping that the next time round – he will get some. This can keep going on until both parties admit they want to have sex !
2. The Hook Up aka The Booty Call.
   • The chemistry is there from the moment you both laid eyes on each other but alas you are acquaintances and there are social norms to be followed.
   • So weeks / months of seeing each other at parties / social gatherings – one of you makes the move; and behold – you have the hook up !
   • He / She could be your hook up / booty call as often or as little as you like. Neither has intentions of being serious – but damn it – at least there’s someone who wants YOU for the day / night.
3. Wham Bham Thank You Sir / Ma’am.
   • I’ve seen this happen – at clubs – not very often but enough to have caught my attention.
   • You can tell from the look on the person that all they want is a shag and that’s all its ever gonna be.
   • You will probably never see this person again – because he/she is not in your regular social circle.

3. Be Stuck In Limbo … Neither Here or There

This is the classic one that I’ve discovered. People are stuck in limbo. These tend to be guys & girls who would be considered a good catch to date – however they have a few unresolved issues within themselves.

1. Mixed Emotions / Signals.
   • The guy or girl appears interested and just when you are fed up of ‘not knowing’ whether or not there is any chemistry they drop a bomb on you.
   • The bomb tends to be ‘I’m not too sure what I want right now’ or ‘I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship’ … you get my drift.
2. Too Much Too Soon
   • We’ve all been eager at times; perhaps too eager … so much so that it drives other people away.
   • I’ve noticed this happen a lot in Bombay – guys / girls who are just too overtly keen on someone and end up becoming more of a nuisance than someone to consider for good company !
   • The intention is meant to be positive – but the result tends to fall as a negative … and so that leaves this guy / girl in a permanent state of limbo !
3. Marriage is the Goal
   • This guy or girls’ purpose in life is to get married. They have been raised with the thought ‘you must get married and settle down’ which is instilled into everything they do. They want a solid relationship. They also don’t know dating is about.
   • So a potentially great guy / girl who wants a commitment – but won’t commit to the basics of dating as the certainty of a long term established commitment is not there.
   • Isn’t that a catch 22 – how can you marry someone that you’ve not dated right ? (at least for me!)

After 3 years of living in Bombay, this is how I can summarize the dating scene (or lack of) in the city. I may be generalizing but based on comments on my previous posts – it’s not limited to Bombay – it appears to be a nationwide epidemic !

Somewhere in between all of the above – of course there are people who actually manage to date and develop relationships. I’m not saying its not possible – I’m just saying that it’s bloody hard to do it !! Like Naomi – I have found myself in a situation where the guy wasn’t quite sure what we had going on; to anyone else we would have been dating / seeing each other – to him – we were hanging out and being casual ! Some people are just confused – but that’s life eh =P

What are your thoughts on this ? I’d really like to hear different perspectives on this subject. Looking forward to your comments and feedback on this.

Wordless Wednesday #19 Smiling Sun

Hats off to whoever took this photograph !! I got it from my friend Sabu who had it as her profile pic on FaceBook.  However I did discover that this photograph has been floating on the internet from the first week of July.

Hope this brings a smile to your face :)

Music Monday #19 Leonard Cohen – In My Secret Life

I was going through my old music posts and had to re-post this for today’s Music Monday … The original post and comments can be found here

I heard this song for the first time in April 2009 after a weekend of R&R courtesy of my friend HS.  He got pretty fed up of my ‘house music’ and told me that he was switching the tone to some ‘real music’.  I couldn’t’  really blame him – we’d quite literally heard at least 2 albums of St Germain – and he told me to put on some Leonard Cohen. 

Until  that day, I had absolutely no clue who Leonard Cohen was – now of course I know better.  He’s a Canadian singer-songwriter, musician, poet, novelist, artist who has also been in the music industry for four decades !

The very start of the music makes you instantly relax …. and then … THAT VOICE … the deep husky baritone and bass voice … it can make you melt ! The simple drum beats soothe every muscle in your body.  Every time I hear this song – I simply have to close my eyes – and just let Leonards’ voice take over. 

It’s become one of my favourite songs simply because not only does it have a lounge feel with a soothing melody; there is also the enough time between each line of the song allowing the listener to fully grasp and acknowledge each instrument playing and at the same time being able to ‘hear’ the lyrics word-for-word. 

With most songs, even slow songs – there are some verses of the songs that one isn’t able to grasp all the words being sung.  With this track – it’s impossible not to hear all the words.  Cohen and collaborator Sharon Robinson's vocals are absolutely gorgeous throughout.  Not to mention the perfect harmony of the various instrument – take it up another notch !

The unusual combination of music and lyrics is perfect. The lyrics are sheer poetry !! and just transports you to another world … It really does feel like a secret life ….

Can you picture a memory to each word you hear … doesn’t it create a warm fuzzy feeling inside ?  Sometimes it also causes a pull in the pit of your stomach … .. slowly releasing itself into your insides … doesn’t it increase your heart beat .. just a little bit … do you feel the tightening of your heart ….  

Do you hear the hum of a wind instrument against the bass and drums  ? Can you picture the fingertips gracefully moving on the keyboard … or the ones strumming the guitar ?

Do you know which verse I’m referring to with all my thoughts above ?   I closed my eyes and wrote whatever I was feeling …. I think you should try it … You never know what you come out with hehe 

Do you have a secret life ? I think we all do … Do you find yourself drifting off … someplace … away from where you currently are … when you ‘finally’ find a few minutes to yourself .. away from your busy schedule ?

That zone .. that someplace … it’s ‘your’ time to reflect back for a little bit …on anything … and everything …  to shut out the noise and daily communication … I’ve been needing a getaway for a few months now – but work is keeping me grounded.

Now that I think about it – I wouldn’t mind finding a pool just so I could ‘float’ around without a care in the world (I love that feeling of losing myself in the water).  And ironically HS – gave me a call earlier this week to figure out if I wanted to ‘get away’ for a break … soon I shall take him up on his offer …

So on that note – I’m gonna leave you to enjoy your secret life =)

Side Note : I was contacted by the management of Leonard Cohen for my original post – unfortunately that email got deleted =( So if anyone out there is reading this – I need to give you my address for a signed CD

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the actual post link here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice. Powered by Linky Tools Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list... PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Sexy Saturday – Demi Moore

I can safely say that Demi Moore would top most of our ‘Sexy Ladies’ list and she’s got my vote for this Sexy Saturday ! Bill from Inside Hollywood has also featured this sexy siren a few weeks ago in case you want to check out some more pictures of her.

Moore became one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood with her successes in Ghost (1990), A Few Good Men (1992), Indecent Proposal (1993), and Disclosure (1994) which led her to become the first actress to reach the $10 million salary mark.

Her marriage to Aston Kutcher is her 3rd one; Moore is the surname of her first husband; and she maintains a great rapport with Bruce Willis (with whom she has 3 daughters).  In 2009 she legally took on Kutchers’ surname however uses ‘Moore’ in her professional life.

From what I recall there was a huge controversy that sparked off when Demi  Moore posed in the buff for the cover of Vanity Fair whilst she was heavily pregnant.  I found the cover of VF and all I have to say is that ‘daaaaaamn she’s so pregnant and still smoking hot’ …. It’s no wonder that her foray into music was aptly titled – Desire !

Branding : Nissan Juke Lights Up the Night

Coming from the events background – I’m always looking out for new ways to highlight a brand especially when it comes to the launch of a new product.  Some brands are more open to creative ideas whilst others are a bit more conservative in how they want their audiences to perceive them.

I came across a campaign by Nissan which used a 3D video projection mapping for the launch of their new Nissan Juke – and it really lights up the night !!

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the term projection mapping … traditional video projection is in 2D format; however 3D projection mapping allows for moving images to match the surfaces, contours and shapes of whatever they are projected on to i.e. the projections can even look as if the building is crumbling, changing it structure, being battered by heavy rains, and more !

Recently 3D projection mapping has emerged as one of the coolest forms of advertising.  The beauty about such campaigns is that it really catches the attention of anyone  passing by – and with the aid of mobile phone cameras and digital cameras – the campaign gets shown online on various social media networks; particularly on YouTube, Vimeo, Facebook etc thereby creating a massive viral marketing campaign !

Of course there is a large cost associated with putting together a 3D projection mapping campaign – however the viral effect after the campaign makes for money well spent in my humble opinion.

Have you seen any 3D projection installations before and where ?  What do you think about them and their place in the future of advertising for brands ?

Wordless Wednesday #18 We All Need Ice Cream

I had taken this picture on 16th May ‘10 near the Gateway of India after my girlfriend Sabu and I had returned from the Elephanta Caves.  It was sooo hot that even the doggy needed to cool off with some ice cream !!

Dazed Poet : Who Am I ?

As I mentioned in my last post ‘Dazed Poet : Actions’ – it’s been years since I have written any sort of poetry and I’ve recently come across my old writing (the original post was put up in July ‘08 when I first started this blog) … here’s a piece which is a favourite of mine …

Who Am I ?

Do you know me?
What is my identity?
Who am I to you
amongst all those
you've met?

Will you remember
my name long
after we've parted
ways?
Or will I remain
a hauntingly
familiar face?

How many of 'me'
have you come
across today?

Next time, perhaps,
you'll remember
me by name...
perhaps you'll know
me for me...

© DazeDiva

I’d like to know how you feel when you read this ? What image comes to mind ?  Do the words express what happened in that image ?  Have you experienced something similar ? Are you able to relate to this ?

I suppose it’s safe to make the assumption that all of us at some point have had a moment of self-doubt; where we have wondered or asked ourselves (or someone else) ‘who am I?’ … what are the characteristics that make one more unique than the other ? 

In today’s day and age – we as individuals have more of a social life and are constantly meeting people offline AND online.  Someone who might have had an impact or influence on you today – may not even be a part of your life 5 years down the line.   From all the people that we meet – how many of them truly ‘know who who are’ ?

We as individuals are an amalgamation of perspectives, ideas and personalities – and until we really know ourselves – it would be impossible for someone else to really know us right ? So do you know who ‘you’ are ?

When I think about it now … I’m pretty sure I will be remembered by name; or as the party girl who has a camera permanently attached to her hand or as my sister likes to put it – as ‘the paparazzo’! The people close to me would be able to say much more about me when the time comes ..

Whether you like it, love it, hate it or think it’s not real poetry – I’d really like to know .. so don’t be shy with your comments !

Music Monday #18 Adina Howard – Freak Like Me

I’ve had a super hectic weekend and just about finished work (its past midnight !!) … felt like listening to something chilled … so here’s an old skool tune =)

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the actual post link here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

Powered by Linky Tools

Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list...

PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Sexy Saturday – Julian McMahon

OMG I can’t begin to describe just how sexy this man is !!! Have you ever watched the TV series ‘Charmed’ ??  My flat mate and I had fallen – HARD – for this man ! He played the role of a conflicted half-demon/half-human … and let me tell you – no half anything has looked so hot !!

Julian McMahon has done a lot of television work from what I read up about him (thanks Wiki Gods) including the role of playboy plastic surgeon Christian Troy on Nip/Tuck; NBC drama Profiler.  More recently, he portrayed super villain Dr Doom in the Fantastic Four movies.

Seriously if I had a super power – I’d just orb my way into his arms right now !!

The Diva Guide : Selecting Your Wedding Venue

Almost every bride and groom has got an idea of their ‘dream wedding’ … Whether it be the location, the colours, the style of wedding and even the venue.

As a wedding planner, over the years I have found that despite the bride & groom knowing ‘what’ they want – they don’t really know how ‘feasible’ it is to plan a wedding at XYZ venue because they haven’t got the facts sorted out.

These guide lines can be used for any type of wedding however I will be making references to Indian weddings along the way.

Step 1 : What Kind of Wedding Do You Want ?

I’d suggest sitting down with your fiancé and short listing ideas on exactly what kind of wedding do you both want. 

• Is the wedding going to take place in your home town or are you thinking about a destination wedding ?
  • City weddings tend to be restricted to hotels and banquet halls. 
  • Destination weddings can sometimes work out more cost effective.
• How many wedding functions are you going to have ?
  • The typical Indian wedding has no less than 3 main functions – so what locations / venues will you be having them in ?
• How many guests are you expecting at the wedding ?
  • Start preparing your guest list so that you have a tentative head count of the total number of guests
  • If the wedding is taking place in your home city, and if the majority of the guests are from the same city – you can expect 75% attendance (even if it is just for a meet & greet at the reception)
  • If you are paying for your guests at a destination wedding (i.e paying for their accommodation); you can expect 50% attendance (most people will pay for their flights – it’s like having a mini-holiday)
• And the most important factor to consider is what is the BUDGET you have for your wedding venue ?
  • Who is paying for the wedding ? Are you paying ? Are your parents paying for the wedding ?
  • Make sure you shop around and get an estimate of rates for venues before selecting a venue.

Step 2 : Site Inspection

It’s imperative that you visit the venues you are considering for your wedding.  Have you attended weddings there before ? The banquet managers or the wedding coordinators at the venue would be able to assist you with any of your queries.

• Take your camera along – and photograph the venue.  This will help you stay focused when comparing 10 or more locations.
• Are there any restrictions at the venue ?
  • Hotels tend not to allow outside catering (or alcohol) wherein some banquet halls allow you to bring in your own caterer and alcohol (there might be a corkage).
• Does the venue have their own panel of florists and decorators ? Are you able to use your own decorators ?
• What is the natural decor of the venue ? Does it suit your taste ?
• Make sure you ask for a floor plan so that you can cross check / sketch out areas that you’d like to use for the bar, stage, seating, buffet etc

Step 3 : Weighing Out the Options

Get your excel sheets ready (or if you prefer old skool methods – get your note pads out) and start weighing out the pro’s and cons of each of the venues available to you.

Some of the factors to consider include :

• Are the venues available on the ‘date’ that you want ?
• Cost per head for meals (including crockery, cutlery, minimum guarantees)
• Cost of alcohol for your desired brands that you will be serving
• What time do you have access to the venue from ?
• How long does your decorator require to do up the venue ?
• Any restrictions at the venue
• Venue accessibility – can your guests get there without too much difficulty (in a city like Mumbai – that’s the key factor to consider!)
• What kind of deposits are required ? What is the payment schedule like ?
• Are there any hidden costs within the contract ?

Step 4 : Block & Secure Your Space

Unless you begin venue finding at least 6 months prior to your wedding date – it’s unlikely your dream venue will be available.  If you do find a venue that suits your needs but still want to keep your options open – then make sure you pay a refundable deposit to secure the venue.

You don’t want to be left in a situation where you have NO venues that you desire … it’s always better to pay the deposit – keep your options open and then make a final decision.   This way there is always a back-up plan !

Most venues when giving out a proposal will hold the dates for you on their reservation system for 2-3 weeks.  During this time make sure you establish a rapport with the coordinator of the venue because this is one person who is going to be able to get things done for you !

So there you have it folks – a quick guide on how to select your wedding venue !

Just remember to make your wish list so that you can cross-check your desires with what is actually available in the city / destination of your choice.

I hope these tips come in handy for you – and if you feel like sharing any additional pointers, please feel free to do so.

Wordless Wednesday #17 The Eagle’s Flight

 

It’s been a super draining few weeks – and I’ve barely found time for myself.  If I could fly – that would be me up there in the sky heading straight towards the sun set =) 

Sexy Saturday – Michelle Rodriguez

Michelle Rodriguez is definitely the bad girl / action girl of Hollywood.  The first time I noticed her was in the 2000 film ‘Girlfight’ – and I absolutely loved the attitude she had in the film.  Since then she’s played the tough-girl in blockbusters such as The Fast and the Furious, Blue Crush, S.W.A.T, Resident Evil, the latest Fast & Furious (2009) as well as Avatar.

When she was asked why she always plays the "tough girl” her response was  “Well, could you really imagine me playing the girlfriend that needs rescuing? Or the girlfriend?”   Can’t see her playing a helpless role really !

But she’s not just a tough girl … Michelle was ranked #77 in Stuff magazine's "102 Sexiest Women In The World" (2002), ranked #34 in Maxim's "100 Sexiest Women" (2002),  People en Españols "50 Más Bellos", and was recently ranked #74 in FHM's "100 Sexiest Women in the World 2009".

She’s got my Sexy Saturday vote (and Bill’s from Inside Hollywood too) ‘cos I love the bad-ass attitude and when she pretties herself up – this woman looks stunning !!!  (not that she doesn’t as a tough girl – but you know what I mean!)