Tuesday, August 21, 2012

My Sad Summer Story

guest postI met a girl, a nice girl. There isn’t anything wrong with her, as such. However, I have an issue.

A few friends and I visited a regular spot of ours a just under a month ago. We’re all single apart from my brother who has now apparently found the love of his life etc. but he came with us anyway. Despite the consistent single status of the group none of us really chase women. In fact, we don’t get them. Not in terms of psyche and all that, but in terms of physically getting them. Actively ‘getting’ one. We don’t. You could say we get no chicks. It is a choice, not a restriction.

Right so we’re at this club, it is a favourite of ours. The music is always right and it always has a pretty nice atmosphere. None of us have ever taken a number in here though. We generally don’t go after numbers, but for whatever reason we NEVER have in this place. We’ve been inside for like an hour and I see this girl with her friends. She’s pretty and from what I can see has a pretty good figure too. I say that, but I don’t want you to get carried away thinking that I am REALLY attracted to her or anything. She’s hot, but not out of the ordinary. You get what I mean right? She did have something about her though, I could tell for some reason that she wasn’t British. This served as motivation. For the sake of clarity I will at times refer to this one as Chick A.

Getting Chicks

I get up from our table and go over to her and her friends. As I stated earlier I never really go after women, especially in bars or clubs so I didn’t really have anything in mind when I walked over. I look at her friends, smile and say, “excuse me” as I approach her. I say hello, she says hi or something like that. I can’t actually hear her, which of course pisses me off. Whatever motivated me to get up and approach the out of town-er has now faded. I realise I can’t actually be bothered so I just say, “I can’t really hear you, so I’m going to be quick and ask you two questions. Firstly are you having a good night?”

I asked the first question because she didn’t actually look like she was having a good night. The fact that she looked that way kind of annoyed me if I’m honest. I always feel that if people are not having a good time when they are in a bar/club they should just go home. I offered to pay a girl’s cab fare last week because she had a sour face. She said no though.

So my girl says “yes” and smiles at me. I’m thinking, ok that’s a lie but whatever, it is loud and this is just long – let me hurry up and ask my next question. I smile back, lean in again and say “ok second question, yes or no?”

Chick looks confused. I don’t understand why and as such I am growing more impatient. This isn’t a hard fucking question. “Yes or no, are we or aren’t we. If you want to continue this conversation in an environment more conducive to conversation say yes, if not no.” I think I may have come across a little angry and a little more verbose than advised in a club. Good. She says “yes” and gives me the same smile, but this time with what I could swear looked to be a tad of awe in her eyes.

What happened next did nothing to quell my anger. I remember asking for her number or something and then her telling me that she didn’t know it because she has a new phone and her phone is in her bag in the coatroom blah and that she was going to come and find me before she left when she had her stuff and we could talk some more. I just said, “Ok, cool”. I smiled, nodded at her friends and walked back to the table. I carried on my night, had fun and my anger ebbed away. Somewhere in all of this I forgot about the girl from earlier.

When the club was winding down I started talking with this other girl I have a weird sort of thing with. She wants me. She is too up her own arse to go about this like a normal woman though. I think she is hot and very interesting, but I need to humble her first. I actually have a bit of a thing for her. As such, we have this on going a battle of sorts. She also has a boyfriend. He’s irrelevant though. I am going to call her Chick B. So yeah, mid conversation with Chick B the foreigner Chick A came and stood in front of us. Couldn’t have been more perfect. She looked up at me and was like, “let’s talk after you’ve finished.”

Now if it were not for this unresolved conflict I have with Chick B I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at Chick A when she came around. However Chick B was acting up so I decided to be childish and utilise Chick A. I kissed Chick B on the cheek and walked off with A. I took her number.

I really shouldn’t have. Well that wasn’t the problem; the problem is she took mine. I don’t think I was going to call her. I had no intention to, not after she pissed me off with her earlier anyway. Yeah, so she called me a couple days after. I shouldn’t have answered or just killed it, but I played along. We hung out, then again and again etc.

This is not good. I thought she was a tourist. She isn’t. She’s here to stay. She got a promotion with one of these stupid investment banks and is now based in London. I can’t seem to get rid of her. This explains the eyes, the smile and her eagerness to come find me. When I thought her saying she was coming to speak to me after was just a tactic to get rid of me, it was really her preparing to hunt me down. I wasn’t prepared for this. What I thought may have just been a summer fling thing, is turning into something much more sinister. Like I said the reason I spoke to her is because I knew she was new to town. I assumed tourist. A part of me went after her for the wrong reason in the first place. Tourist means casual ‘squeeze’. I don’t do the casual squeeze. I don’t know why the fuck I decided to try and change that.

I made a few mistakes. Firstly I shouldn’t have talked to the girl. Secondly I shouldn’t have use the poor girl to play a game with another girl. Which, by the way I am winning. Thirdly I should have never EVER let her have my number. Honestly, I don’t know why I let that happen.

This story has a few lessons in it. Primarily don’t try and be clever because shit will haunt you; like this chick. She is literally haunting me. Thank God she doesn’t know where I live. She wants something that I was never prepared to give to her. Knowing this I should not have initiated things with her. I know me. I should have been responsible. I wasn’t though. I haven’t been responsible, because I am letting this continue for God knows what reason. I am a traditionalist; this is why I tend not to get women. I like to keep these things simple and linear. When I find one I like to try and keep them. I was never going to keep this one though. I knew that.

I had no point in writing this other that getting it off my chest and identifying my mistakes. I need to take action and get rid of Chick A, focus on Chick B and stop being a kid about it.

Often in life we judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. This girl has done nothing wrong; there is nothing wrong with her. From her actions I have no reason to drop her out. I’m the problem; my intentions from the outset were not ok. Like I said, nice girl, nothing really wrong with her. There are several things wrong with me though. That’s what’s been bothering me.

Author Bio

AvatarHi, my name is Melvin and I like to write. I never liked to read though. If I'm honest it is because I never really respect my peers. Plus I hate everything I read. If I read something that is bad I hate it and the author because it is bad and was a waste of my time. If I read something that is good I hate it because I didn't write it and feel nothing but contempt and jealousy toward the author. I also like long walks at night, men and women. I detest queuing, and people that use the word eclectic.  Read on.  You can also find me on Twitter.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Singles Dating Tips

guest postHave you recently broken up with someone special and in need of some singles dating tips? Maybe you’ve been single for a while and need to start a new plan to find that elusive someone. Starting to date again no matter how you became single can be a little scary so here’s some top tips from one of the best online dating sites on the internet, Singles Warehouse.

Tip 1 : Sign up to a site that’s relevant to you. The internet really can help your love life. There are dating sites out there for many different things. You can find a site just for redhead dating all the way through to adult dating. If you are looking for a lasting relationship then we’d recommend that you sign up to a general site. Also sign up to one that is free to get started. You can pay later if you like what you are seeing on the site.

Tip 2:  Spend some time writing your online dating profile. This is going to play a big part in getting people to message you. If you have trouble writing about yourself consider paying for a service to help you. Without a strong profile your online dating will be short and not very sweet.

Tip 3:  Get the picture right. You need to have a strong online dating picture for sure. Most good sites allow you to upload multiple pictures to tell your story however the main picture should be you and you alone. Consider a shot of the waist up so that people can see what you look like. Attraction is also a key part to dating.

Tip 4:  Talk to everyone. Sure not everyone that messages you will be right for you however if you respond you never know where the conversation will lead…give things a chance.

If you follow those top 4 tips your be off to a flying online dating start.

warehouseSingles Warehouse is the UK and USA’s fastest growing online dating site. With over 13 million members on our network we’re bound to have the single your looking for.  Follow them on Twitter

Monday, August 13, 2012

MM #87 Sean Paul - She Doesn't Mind

Music-MondayThere’s something about this tune that’s always struck me … I hear this and I’m instantly taken to a time where I absolutely lost myself, dancing like no one was there, with someone (or the other) who got just as lost in those beats …

Sometimes I feel like I’m absolutely high on music .. especially on the dance floor … I need that this week – something has been missing .. the lack of dancing … So dance the week away folks !

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Summer Lovin In NYC

I had forgotten how much fun a summer fling (or romance if you want to be nicer) could be.  I’m the type of person who has almost always been in a relationship of some sorts (except after moving to India where I was deemed by the relationship Gods that singledom had more to offer)  The last time I just casually dated was back in university .. a decade ago !

My summer in the New York and Montreal somehow transported me into this other era.  Everywhere I went, people asked me which university I was at – and that was downright flattering.

A Sunday Shooter session (yes we’re talking Tequilas and Sambucas in the middle of the afternoon) resulted in me meeting a very charming young man (and by young I mean 23 years old!).  The day after we met, he dropped me a text and asked when he could call me.  He suggest meeting up and we finally worked out a date for the day before I was due to head out to Bermuda.

By far – that had to be one of the most fun dates I’ve been on in a long time.  We met up at Madison Square Garden and made our way to the Battery Park, took some pics with the Wall Street Bull (him being a New Yorker had never done this!) and some frozen yogurt; hailed a cab to South Street Sea Port for a few drinks, another cab to the East Village for shisha at this lil’ hideaway called Khyber Pass, then we walked around through the streets of Soho .. by now I’m famished and he has a surprise up his sleeve ..508 Gastro Brewery ! This was an absolute gem of a restaurant – cozy & intimate with a great menu and fab cocktail selection.  After dinner we walked around the pier at the river.  He came back to my apartment to help me move my suitcases to the Upper West Side and then made sure I got back home as well (seriously, who does that nowadays ?)  And that was just our first date. 

couple-holding-hands-jupiterimages-425kb072709

I left for Bermuda the following morning and much to my surprise (and delight) he was in touch with me; so much so that he had a date planned for when I got back.  Brownie points to him on that ! The second date was just as nice (he carried my shopping for me – how sweet is that?) and so was the third.  Unlike most dates these were ‘full day’ dates that lasted no less than 12 hours at a time !! I can’t remember the last time I wanted to spend that many hours with a guy.

In the short time that we spent together, he managed to show me the small joys that go hand in hand when it comes to dating someone new.  It was the small gestures such as opening the door for me, feeding me a spoonful of his own dessert (any man that shares dessert deserves major plus points), holding my hand whilst we walked or even just dropping a kiss on my cheek because he felt like it … Such a gem of a guy and a gentleman to boot (guess I got lucky here).  It really does come down to the little things doesn’t it ?

New York definitely showed me some lovin’ …

p.s. 6+ weeks later, he’s still in touch with me =)

Monday, August 6, 2012

MM #86 Sunday Girl : Where Is My Mind

Music-MondayThis is something new for me.  Only just heard it over the weekend ‘cos my mate AM shared it on his Facebook page.

It sort of sums up how I’ve been feeling the past few weeks.  Even though I’ve been a bit of a bad blogger (yup I’ve neglected my blog for a few weeks) but my mind hasn’t quite been with me. 

The singer has a beautiful voice – it’s so mesmerising, almost haunting don’t you think ?

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.   PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Diva's Been A Bad Blogger

Bad-Blogger

This Diva has been a bad bad blogger.  I haven’t blogged properly since I hit my 600th Century; and I feel like the A to Z Challenge in April just drained me out of any creativity for new blog posts. 

I haven’t really blogged about all the amazing things I’ve been up to, which makes me sad for so many reasons. My head hangs in shame as I realize how much time has passed and how many awesome things have happened since the last time I’ve updated.

My absence hasn’t been for naught, though. I’ve been on this absolutely epic vacation which currently stands at Day 51.  That’s right, 51 days of vacation ! Okay fine I’ve been working as well but it’s been more of a holiday for me.  I’ve been to New York, Bermuda, Montreal and now I’m in London.  The last few weeks have been all about catching up with my friends (and some family) and just finding ‘myself’ all over again.  There hasn’t been a day where there are at least two or three things happening, and I don’t see that slowing down anytime soon!

Whilst I have missed blogging, these past few weeks have taken me on an emotional rollercoaster journey; literally dug up every memory and thrown it in front of me and it’s made me think … think very long and hard about the things I have done, experienced, the people I have encountered, the place they hold in my mind and heart and the majority of it all has been absolutely beautiful.  A few bittersweet memories are now just that – because the reality a decade later is that the mind tends to hold onto some more than others.

More on all that later.  I’m back now and it feels good to put my writing hat on and dive back into my blogging world.  Thanks for sticking around and not giving up on me.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Relationship Deal Breakers

I like to think of myself as a pretty open gal. When I meet a new opportunity I typically find the time to embrace it with some optimism, “No, I don’t think I’ll like eating buffalo entrails, but I’ll give it a whirl …” The same goes for my dating life. I could easily find reasons to exclude men from my rolodex before they even enter. Too tall. Too Short. Too Blonde. Too Chubby. I’d be well within my rights to refuse, without much more thought some 30-40 million American men. But I don’t, I allow all to show me their worth, to try out a line, or take me on a date.

That all changes once me and the man begin to see each other with consistency. Like any self-respecting women I build in certain expectations to the relationships, which means that there becomes a list of no-no’s that accumulate. Here are five of my relationship deal breakers.

Being Latecartoon-late

I’d appreciate a phone call, and if somebody is going to run behind it’ll be me. Yes, work will hold you up from time-to-time but being late with consistency isn’t about the dinner getting cold, or missing the previews. It’s about respecting my time and the time of people other than yourself. When a man is consistently late it only shows that he’s self-centered, or worse, completely absent-minded

Laziness

I don’t think I’m the hardest worker in the world, but you should be working a full job or looking to find one. Financials aside, a man without a passion means someone who will either become too dedicated to me, or will want to find his happiness in nothing but the admiration of other women. Either way, a man without passion or motivation is a sure-miss.

Appearances

The shoes need to be polished, shirt tucked in and the beard shaved when you meet Mom and Dad. Again, I’m not a hard ass on many things, but I like to know that my man has the self-respect to wear clothes that fit and groom himself with consistency. Showing that you take pride in the way you dress, even if it’s in a style that I don’t LOVE, shows me that you will care about our appearance together. That is something that I care about.

Respect

We can argue. We will argue. But when the time comes for us to have it out, the relationship gets tossed if you can’t do it with respect and at least some capability of admitting you’re the one in the wrong. I can admit that I’m wrong, but if five months into our relationship my boyfriend is more disrespectful than he is attentive to the contents of the argument then it’s adios-time.

Video Games

No boyfriend, fiancée or husband of mine will play video games unless it is ironic, or we are doing it as a couple.

Lilly_StarLilly Star is the lead female voice atguest post DatingWebsites.com.  Lilly is a professional advice-giver with experiences in dating men of all types, including the good ones that got away.

Her passions include white wine, purple peonies and relaxing on the chaise lounge with her dachshund Samantha. Lily's work can be read on dating blogs for both men and women.