Smile for the Camera !

Photography, fortunately, to me has not only been a profession but also a contact between people - to understand human nature and record, if possible, the best in each individual. Nickolas Muray

I came across this quotation earlier today and really felt that I could relate to it. Anyone who has ever met me, no matter how briefly, will be able to identify me as 'the girl with the camera'

I always carry my camera with me - everywhere ! It's like a daily routine - wake up, shower, get ready for work, throw in last minute things into the handbag - and hey the camera gets thrown in there too !

Ever since I can remember, I have always enjoyed taking pictures .. back in the day, when the digital camera was still being developed, and the good ol' Kodak film rolls were in abundance, I would go through a roll of film each week .. and this was whilst I was still in school.

There came a time, when I thought, 'damn - 36 photos are just not enough' !! Photography was turning out to be an expensive pass-time for me but it never stopped me. I have albums, upon albums of memories all waiting to be explored and commented upon. Whilst at university, I managed to build a collection of almost 2000 printed photographs (yes those 4"x6" ones!!)

And then finally, a few years ago - I got my first digital camera ! This lil' invention is truly a blessing in disguise for people like myself ! I couldn't believe just how many pictures I could take on any given day and all I had to do was upload them to my computer / laptop :) Now I could click away all night long with no worries except for the battery dying out.

The store assistant assured me that it was not possible to run out a battery in one evening .. and believe me one day, I did go back to just to point out that IT IS in fact possible for this to happen ! Ask my cousin - she'll be able to tell you just how capable I am of leaving a party - just to go back home to charge my camera battery ... all because I don't want to miss a single moment of the night !!

Photographs are great ... they capture memories, special moments, and with the new digitals - you can even record videos onto them - so you have instant LIVE FEED from your day / night out with friends / family / colleagues etc.

Some of my friends and family - HATE my camera with a passion - they do everything to avoid getting their picture taken .. and I just have one thing to say to them ... GIVE IN .. they know I'm going to keep the camera with me ... so might as well just succumb to it and let me be in peace for having captured that moment. I'm not one of those evil people who will upload and post up nasty / unflattering pictures of my 'victims' .. I'm really good at censoring stuff like that .. Especially with the dawn of Facebook and other networking sites - where one can 'tag' pictures of people .. I do believe in censoring some images ..

The photographs I take are for me .. for my memories .. should you want to recall what went on at a party whilst you were completely sloshed - check out my pics and you could catch up with what actually went on that day ... I want to be able to look back at my life and really feel that I have 'been there, done that, experienced this, and yes really I did THAT' ...

Actions & Interpretations

I have always thought the actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.

However I have also found that actions do not necessarily equate or reflect one’s thoughts. It is human nature really to deny our thoughts and act on what we think society or our peers will accept.

The thought is there – and we would like to put it into action – but due to ingrained upbringing, we as people look out for what others in our peer group and society deem up to standard.

Don’t get me wrong – it is a commendable that we as individuals place others before ourselves … but when does one realise that we must put ourselves before others ? When do we stop trying to 'fit in' to our society and just 'be ourself' ?

It becomes habitual that one places someone before themselves … so when is it okay to break a habit ?

Have you ever noticed that the smallest actions can be interpreted in various ways by different people ? A small token of affection, the slightest touch – can be taken to mean so much more if the mindset of the person on the receiving end wants more than what it could mean to be.

George Michael - Amazing

I was driving down an empty stretch of road the other night - a rarity in the city - and was flipping tracks on the mp3 player - when George Michael's 'Amazing' came on.

Considering I was returning home from a night of dancing, this was the last song I expected to be turning up the volume to ! Don't get me wrong, I've always liked this track, otherwise it wouldn't be on that particular CD .. but something just sort of sparked in me ...

Have you actually 'heard' the lyrics ? I'm not much of a lyrics person - I love beats ... but after hearing this track that night in full volume, I 'needed' to get the lyrics and just read it, 'know it' .. it felt like I would be missing out if I didn't actually know what this sexy man was trying to let his audience feel ...

I found myself humming to the song - and actually singing at one point with a huge grin on my face ! and the best part of it all once I read the lyrics .. I am completely and utterly single ! And you know what .. It doesn't matter at all :)

I could put the words of this - to quite a few incidents in my life ... Every new relationship we enter - be it with a new friend, colleague, co-worker, boyfriend / girlfriend - are we actually entering them completely openly ?? Aren't we all a bit mixed up ourselves at some point or the other ?

And don't we all hit a point where we look back and just think .. 'DAMN .. that guy / girl / man / woman made me feel AMAZING' ? .. so then why are we not with that person ? There must be enough of reason for that - good, bad or ugly .. and yet, it's 'that' person we think of .. it's a person from your past ...

For me, it is almost a flash back of my past .. a sort of inner celebration that just cannot be explained in words (or perhaps just not at this moment in time) .. This is not to say that I'm not content with my present .. maybe I just feel that way with this song ... I'll explore this some more .. or maybe it's just a random mood phase !

So anyway - here are the lyrics ... I hope you take a few minutes to hear the song yourself, and hopefully let me know how you felt when you hear it ..

I was mixed up when you came to me
Too broke to fix
Said'daddy get you gone, I'm missing my baby'
Still missing my baby

I was stitched up by the hands of fate
Said how you gonna make it on your own
If luck is a lady?
Maybe luck is a lady

I was going down for the third time
My heart was broken, I was not open to your suggestions
I had so many questions
That you just kissed away

Tell me, I guess that cupid was in disguise
That day you walked in and changed my life
I think it's amazing
The way that love can set you free

So now I walk in the midday sun
I never thought that my savior would come
I think it's amazing
I think it's amazing

I think you're amazing

You tried to save me from myself
Said 'Darling, kiss as many as you want!
My love's still available
And I know you're insatiable'

We're like victims of the same disease
Look at your Big Bad Daddy, and your mom
And your mom...was always acting crazy

I was going down for the third time
My heart was broken, I thought that loving you was out of the question
Then I saw my reflection
Saying please don't let this go

Tell me, I guess that cupid was in disguise
That day you walked in and changed my life
I think it's amazing
The way that love can set you free

So now I walk in the midday sun
I never thought that my savior would come
I think it's amazing
I think you're amazing

Celebrate the love of the one you're with

Celebrate, this life with your baby
I think you should celebrate yeah
Don't put your love in chains baby
No no, walk in the midday sun
I thought I was dreaming
I think it's amazing
I think you're amazing

I said celebrate the love of the one you're with

As this life gets colder
And the devil inside
Tells you to give up

Who Am I ?

Do you know me?
What is my identity?
Who am I to you
amongst all those
you've met?

Will you remember
my name long
after we've parted
ways?
Or will I remain
a hauntingly
familiar face?

How many of 'me'
have you come
across today?

Next time, perhaps,
you'll remember
me by name...
perhaps you'll know
me for me...

Untitled

A single teardrop
rolled over her face
alone, by itself

Reflecting in
it's glistening
the rawness
that engulfed
those eyes ...

A shattering pain
sketched within
the deep turmoil
held by those eyes ...

If it were not
for that single tear
the raw pain
echoing through
an aching soul
would never
have been
discovered

Release Me ...

Release me...
release me from
this world of
hate and deceit

From the pain
and misery
brought to mankind -
by mankind

Release me
from the torture
inflicted upon our
generation

Release me
from the given
ideologies and
the quest for power

Release me
give me my freedom
free me from this world
Release me - for eternity....

Final Moments

Helplessly he shrugged
his shoulders as if to
lift a damned weight
that held him down...

The sudden turn of
his head gave an
indication to his
anxiety

The new lines on his face
were a sign of age
Something new a flash of
pain drawn across the
craggy features
of his jawline

And a small smile
with which he
said goodbye

On Edge

I stand restless,
ill-at-ease
waiting ...
for something
for someone ...
for an unkown
entity or object

I know not
why I feel so
eventually I will
find out ...

I will stay
this way,
restless,
frantic and
anxious ...
and see what,
it is that awaits me.

Adieu

The final goodby
is somewhat
similar to a
first hello

Uncertainty, anxiousness
a slight fear
overcomes you

The first hello
is rewarded with
a bright smile

The final goodbye
is said with
the moist glistening
in the eyes;
the hard lump
at the back of the throat

This goodbye is
forever in death
yet not so final
in memory....

Actions

What's said has
been said
What's done has
been done

The past is gone
Present almost over
Only the future awaits

I've let go of
the past . . .
I can't undo it
Alas you've condoned
The future

Self Control

Control thy mind
for 'tis that
is thy future

Control thy emotions
for 'tis that
can place
thee down
in the eyes
of the other

Take control
of thyself
for 'tis is
what makes
ye thyself